Very Large Group for Passover!! Help!!!

I am the Gentile at Passover (along with our four kids). Sometimes if it's a small year for our gathering we outnumber the Jews present LOL. My younger kids have grown up with this but the older kids were introduced to the seder when they were pre-schoolers and they did just fine. Keep it authentic - your Gentile guests are there to share the real experience with you, not some watered down version of what should be a sacred ritual. Of course it's nice to have the Hagaddah in English and explain it as you go but don't go overboard making it Gentile-friendly. It's still meaningful enough even if we don't understand every part of it.

I would say that for any gathering this large, you have to have people bring dishes. I used sign up genius for our 40+ person Thanksgiving dinner and it worked really, really well. I would break the list into two parts - items that require that someone know the rules, and be clear about how strict your rules ...my in-laws are pretty loose in that other than no grain, anything goes. They don't follow the parve rules, for example. However a cousin-in-law's mother hosted one year and she's much more strict. Then there are items that anyone can manage (roasted potatoes or other steamed or roasted vegetables, for example, or salad but specify no croutons or cheese, etc.).

What we didn't plan for well enough with the 40+ person Thanksgiving was clean up. Another relative and I spent the better part of 2 hours doing dishes at the end of the evening instead of being able to spend time visiting with relatives. You'd think people would have the manners to offer to help but no, they don't. So if you use sign up genius, add some slots in for set up and clean up. It's a way for people who don't cook or who aren't comfortable cooking for something as important as a seder to pitch in. Or, as someone else suggested, hire someone to help with serving and cleaning up.

Oh - make sure someone has enough yarmulkes for all of the males present.

I've done it. First of all please delegate. Pretty much assign everyone an item to bring so that you are mostly responsible for things that do not have to be cooked .... matzah, horse radish, seder plate, flowers, setting table, etc.... Then do yourself a favor and hire someone to wash dishes for you. Someone's housekeeper will be thrilled to make extra money on a Monday night just by keeping dishes washed in the kitchen.

There are lots of Haggadahs to choose from these days and if you are having a lot of kids there are some nice kid friendly ones, but any one will do. We always go thru the Haggadah and choose our favorite parts. We do not read the whole book. If there are a lot of kids then its a shorter service. My husband runs the show but everyone gets a chance to read.

Hide the Afikomen in the main room you are eating in and make sure the kids know not to go running all through the house.

Have fun!

When my son was younger (he is 7 now) the most important thing to us was to start on time (sunset). If we got started late, we simply had to leave when he got tired and cranky. Otherwise, there is no reason to modify your menu in any way. Passover foods are special and meaningful. My son tried everything and even if he hadn't - so what - he should. I have never had this large a group but have done seders with as many non Jews as Jews. It helps to use a mostly/completely English Haggadah (sp?). Have fun. My recommendations - make the matzoh balls well in advance and refrigerate, buy the gefilte fish and use a dessert recipe you have done before. Don't ask people to bring food unless they know the rules (someone brought noodle pudding last year and someone else brought a regular chocolate cake - sorry but these did not get served). Get regular wine unless you are truly observant. And get lots of it :)

ETA: If you would consider hiring help - I would hire someone for the clean up. Also renting plates is reasonable and a huge help.

One of my favorite Sedar quotes is from an older show (sports night, which was brilliant, and Im not a sports watcher. This comes from Season 2 Episode 19: April is the Cruelest Month).

JEREMY: Yeah. Passover's about the telling of a great story to those who've never heard it. Usually it's small children, but, you know, gentiles will do.

Which is funny in and of itself... But also really true. Telling a great story to those who have never heard it.

Seder dinners Ive been to with a lot of Gentiles, and also those with a lot of people. usually start earlier than usual.

- Lots of background talked about ahead of time (including general things like shabat, sundown to sundown, fasting, etc. that just arent widely known as well as Pessach specific events. Its a time to ne less reverent & put people at ease, so they know what to expect. One of my favorite real life quotes from a 10 or 12yo kid at Seder for the first time was that the blood was like a cloaking device! And then a debate started Up about cloaking device v. bullet proof vest. That's one of the great things about doing a cliff notes ahead of time. Gets people to where they can enjoy the story better when they know what to look for. Similarly, Ive been to a few where the H was totally in Hebrew. Ugh. I never went to Hebrew school (Im only part Jewish). The ones that are 1 page in Hebrew & one in English are a kindness.) tling funny stories from years past will also get people understanding better. One of my favs was at a friends very orthodox house, his brother came home from medschool with a skull & snuck it on the table after everyone sat. Their granmother, fast as a whip, snatches a doily off the table and puts it on the skull. "No head will be uncovered at this table!" Love. It. Get the stories out, and the questions will flow.

- Rules announced (kids allowed up from the table or not, adults up or not), tips given (like a reminder to use the bathroom before sitting!!!).

- Hands to help shred potatoes

- Time to sort all the potlucking

- Getting the tables set

... With a lot of people who know what's up the timeline isn't that concerning but getting everyone to action stations when a lot don't automatically check out the window (or the clock) can be difficult. 15 minutes! Use the bathroom if you're smart! 10 minutes! 5 minutes! Lets start moving in the right direction, people!

Oh. For 10,000 pounds of latkes... Deep frying outside. An electric wok works GREAT.

Hi J.,

My DH is a conservative Rabbi -- here's how we handle the night.

We start with the seder in the living room, sitting on the couch, throw cushions, etc. This allows the kids to get up and move around. Once you've recited the blessing for karpas, you can bring out as much vegetable nibbles as you like (I put out vege-based dips as well), which helps keep everyone going until you get to dinner. I noticed that Marcy suggested putting out Matzah crackers. Depending on your level of observation, technically you can't put out anything like this until after you've said Motzi, which comes immediately before you serve the meal.

I stock the room with symbols from the maggid (story) to encourage the kids and adults to ask lots of questions, and also offer candy rewards for good questions (you do have to be judicious with this, as some kids will catch on REALLY fast and ask tons of questions, just to get the candy. We keep the rewards small, like individual kosher for passover gummy bears). Some of the things I've put out in the past include a baby doll wrapped in a tallis and placed in a basket (Moses), covered the fish tank with red cellophane (Red Sea), sprinkled confetti stars around (G-d's promise to Abraham), placed a small box of sand on the table (crossing the Negev), toss out different things/small toys for the 10 plagues, etc. Sometimes I'll incorporate a game into the seder, like Charades, 20 questions or 10-plagues twister. This year we're going to make up "Jewpardy" (each category will pertain to a section of the seder). Basically, keep it informative, but fun and engaging. We prefer to ask questions and engage our guests in conversation and debate, rather than just go around the room and take turns reading the text. When my kids were really small, I made up felt boards that they could add pieces to, to help them follow along with the story. I also prepared them well ahead of time by reading them picture books about the holiday and singing seder songs with them (more on that later).

One thing that is important to remember is that you do not have to read every single word of the haggadah, although you do have to recite all of the blessings. Pick and choose what is meaningful to you and your guests. I often ask guests to prepare a little bit before hand -- either a question for discussion, a skit by the kids, make up a song, poem, or short essay, whatever.

Since the Torah teaches us that we all stood at Sinai, we weave in relevant current events to relate the story to modern times and issues. Many modern haggadot are very good at doing this. If you're still using the old Maxwell House haggadah, I suggest you invest in something more up-do-date (the MH haggadah is probably one of the worst ever written, IMHO). Two of my favorite haddagot are "A Family Seder" (comes in a version for younger kids and one for older tweens/teens) and "A Different Night." Also, the haggadah should be read in a language that everyone understands. It was originally written in Aramaic, since that was the common language at the time the service was ritualized, and some elements, such as the 4 questions, the halachma anya, and Chad Gadya are still written in Aramaic. So, it's OK to read even the blessings in English, if you like, or any other language for that matter -- as long as everyone will understand it. We often ask guests who speak another language to read some of the 4 questions in that language.

A big part of the seder is the music. I send out the seder music for people to learn the month before the seder, in case they're not familiar with it (I have it available for download from my sharesite. If you're interested, drop me a note and I'll make it accessible to you.)

Of course, the thing that all the kids look forward to is finding the affikomen. We break up the affikomen into as many pieces as there are children present, so that each can find a piece. Hunting is not allowed until we're almost finished with dinner, and everyone is allowed to find only one piece. A small prize is given to each child. When we have only teens at the seder, I make donations in their honor to organizations that support the ideals of the haggadah, such as a local food bank or Jewish World Watch, which supply solar cookers, healthcare, and education for refugees in Darfur. (I print out a tribute card for each teen). You can also involve the teens by having them hide the affikomen for the smaller children. We also ask one of the teens to sneak out the back after we've left out the cup of wine for Elijah, and dump the wine in the bushes. When the little ones go out to retrieve the cup, they get very excited to see that Elijah has actually "visited."

One of the trickiest things about any seder -- especially a large one -- is having the food hot and ready at the right time. I use my oven timers and chaffing dishes. With a huge crowd, I also highly recommend using disposable plates and cutlery. Depending on your level of kashrut, you can ask your guests to help out by bringing desserts, salads, etc.

For additional ideas, check out your local synagogues. Many of them will probably have some kind of seder preparation program. I noticed that Midbar Kodesh in Henderson is having a class on Sunday, March 10.

Most of all -- don't panic, enjoy! It's not a performance -- it's a service.

You have received great suggestions! I have hosted Passover for 15 years. To occupy the kids who might be fidgety... You can get Haggadah coloring books or Passover place mats for them to color. Also.. there is no rule against eating during the service. Put out little bowls of carrots, celery, or matzo crackers for little hands to nibble on. We decorate our table with all kinds of toy frogs ( one of the plagues). We also have purchased a "plague" kit. There are several available for purchase. Assign each plague to someone to hold up at the right time. Sometimes we have put them in a brown bag under random guests chairs and made it a surprise. You could assign them to some of the kids. Kids will be respectful if they feel they are part of what is going on. As far as the food... I usually do a buffet just because I don't like to clutter up the table with so many dishes. You have a lot of people though, so you might not want everyone up and down so much. Hiring someone to clean up is a great idea, but I have been known to announce that "I could use some help in the kitchen" after dinner. That usually gets my "lazy" bro-in-laws up from the table. LOL! Try to enjoy your evening. You are awesome for hosting!

I think if it's a large group, you have non-Jews and small children, go with an easy to read Haggadah. My mom bought us a Haggadah that is like a comic book. I enjoy it more than the old Haggadahs we had to read that were so confusing. The comic book feature makes the kids more interested and the seder goes much faster. We got this one on Amazon: Richard Codor's Joyous Haggadah:A Children and Family Cartoon Haggadah for Passover Seder [Paperback]. Hope this helps.