Very Picky Eater Who Is Almost 3 Years Old.

There are so many different theories on what could be going on but it sounds like you are doing all the right things. You can't force a kid to eat. Be careful with how much of the carnation you are giving him. It would be a filler and he won't be hungry to eat. I use a nutritional drink with my boys but the one I use has all there nutrients they need in one serving. The one I use actually has more nutrtion then 4 cans of pediasure. I can give you more info if you want. Keep offering the foods. The one thing I do with my kids (one of which has sensory processing disorder and gags with a lot of foods)is at every meal I put out peanut butter and bread as an otion at least that way they are getting their protein and it helps them to feel in control. They only choose peanut butter occassional but it is the only option other then what I have prepared.
Good Luck!
~M.

I fall into the camp of people who has lived through this and knows that it gradually will improve. From age 2-5, children are genetically programmed to be cautious about what they eat. Add to that the common sensory issues many toddlers experience and you have a picky eater. I do not believe in creating power struggles over food.

Here are some of things we do in our house:

Experiment with lots of different foods but no pressure to try them. Snack times are actually a better time to introduce new foods because kids usually feel more relaxed during snack times.

Experiment with foods in different forms. Vegetables for example, try offering them cooked, raw, or still frozen. Turns out my son loves edamame and peas but only if I serve them still frozen. For fruit, offer canned, fresh, dried, or freeze dried (JUst Tomatoes has delicious freeze dried fruit with no sugar added...I order thru a buying cooperative to lower the cost).

After age 5, you can start encouraging him to take a taste of new foods, but before that age I think it just backfires to push the new foods. Especially when you have a strong willed kid. My twin nieces are not strong willed and they will just do whatever their parents ask in terms of food. But my son is not like that at all, he will dig in his heels and go to bed hungry. I feel nothing is accomplished with that kind of power struggle so I don't put myself in that position. I do not cook separate foods for my son but I will serve his in a different format. So if we have tacos, he gets a sample of all the ingredients in the tacos and then he can eat or combine as he wishes.

Now that he is 5.5 he is finally starting to try a few new foods and has made some discoveries. The new foods he likes are lettuce and raw cauliflower. And he is very proud of himself when he takes a taste of something new, even if it turns out he doesn't like it.

You could ask your dr. for an Occupational Therapy evaluation. There are many pediatric therapy clinics- I work for Courage Center. OT can address sensory issues that may be impacting why your child is so resistant to trying new foods and how to try new approaches to get past this. It sounds like he has eliminated most foods and meals have become a battle. You could also google: SOS Feeding Program- its a course that some OT's have gone to on training for feeding problems associated with sensory issues. Good luck.

Shelley

Hi T.,

I too have a picky eater. By the time he was 3, he was mostly existing on crackers & peanut butter (protein - yay!) & milk. A month or so before his 4th birthday, we started prepping him that at 4 he would have to have the same dinner as the rest of the family. He was not happy about it at all, and for about 3 weeks, he just didn't eat dinner. At the time he was an only child & was home with me during the day, so he got to choose what to have for breakfast & lunch, so I didn't worry too much about him wasting away! It was rough & involved a lot of tears & frustration, but today (3 years later) he is a MUCH better eater. Although I didn't really want to do this, we also require him to eat certain things (usually meat & veggies) in order to get a treat. While I don't think it's necessarily the best habit, it worked for us, especially when he wouldn't eat dinner for a few days. I would make a yummy dessert & my husband & I would eat it at the table right after dinner, all the while telling our son that he didn't have to eat anything if he didn't want to, but he couldn't have that delicious dessert if he didn't eat his dinner.

So in the end, we just white-knuckled it for a few tough weeks. I wish I could tell you there is an easier way! It helped a lot that my husband & I agreed on our approach beforehand so we could put up a united front & be pretty matter of fact about it.

Good luck!!

It sounds like a battle of wills and he is winning. Start by making supper and letting him know that this is what he is going to eat period. If he resists send him to bed without supper & let him know that he will be offered the same thing for breakfast. It shouldn't take long for him to get the idea that he needs to eat what is placed in front of him. Start small & work your way up. It will be hard but don't give in. He will not let himself starve.

Good luck.

Let him know that what you give him at meal times is what he's getting to eat- period- until the next meal. Then do the same at the next meal. Kids won't let themselves starve. He'll eat when he gets hungry enough. I know it's hard as a mom to watch your kids not eat, but you need to stick to your guns. So far.....he's winning, and he knows it.

We had (well still have) this problem with my 3 year old. We have done the you eat or get nothing else. If he gets hungry later we put him back at the table to eat the same food we just offered him about an hour ago and continue to do this until the next meal. We have also made him sit at the table (one night for 1 1/2 hours) until he ate some of his food. Since we did this he has gotten better at eating (somewhat). He has to try the food before he can say he doesn't like it or else he gets nothing else to eat. This seems to work best as I usually have to get up from the table when I am done eating to feed the baby and my husband will eventually 'bail' on him also. He then ends up eating so that he can get down and join the rest of us.

Whatver you try, just be consistent and don't give in (easier said than done beleive me). They won't starve and eventually hopefully they will eat with less hassle (at least that is what I am hoping).

My son is almost three also and we have been dealing with the same thing and it is so frustrating! He won't even try the dinners I make. He does eat a lot of fruit and likes quite a bit of vegetables and doesn't like sweets so we are lucky there but he just looks at the food and won't try it. The pediatrician has said they won't starve themselves but he has skipped meals and then gets sick or is up super early because he is hungry so I don't know what to do. I thought maybe he has a sensory disorder but it sounds like they only eat certain textures and gag which he eats a variety of textures and doesn't gag. I am going to make an appointment with the doctor to see what he thinks now because I just don't know what I am supposed to do. Our daughter is the total opposite, she eats pretty much anything so it is really frustrating. Good luck to you!

Hi T.,
I think we're in the same boat--I TOTALLY feel what you are going through! My 3 year old will eat next to nothing--no veggies, no meat, no noodles, no eggs, the list goes on (although he'll eat some random things like goat cheese, and likes havarti but not yellow cheeses...). We've tried the tactic of 'you eat what we eat' for 2 months, but it just caused a lot of dinner table stress that I wasn't willing to put the whole family through (and, he's very strong willed and seemed willing to be hungry until the next morning, and then would always eat a good breakfast). So, we're back to putting a combination of new foods and things that he'll likely eat on his plate, and we're all much happier for it. At least now, he doesn't cry and push the new food off his plate, he just eats around it.
It's been this way ever since he was on non-pureed solids.

For the last year we've added in Mona Vie, an organic acai superfruit juice blend (essentially, 19 fruits in a bottle), which has been an amazing supplement for his diet, which his pediatrician also approves of. While we keep putting new things on his plate, this has given him a great baseline of nutrition.

The acai berry is actually a "complete" food, so it gives him all the amino acids, proteins, etc that he needs while growing, while we work on his eating habits. He drinks just 2 oz per day, which gives him 7 servings worth of fruit nutrition. My husband and I drink it, too, with fantastic results.

If you're curious to learn more, please feel free to give me a call or email ###-###-####), and you can also check out my website www.mymonavie.com/jesnough. We've been beyond pleased at the positive impact it's made for us.

Kind Regards-
Jen

I have a grandson who is also very picky! I recently saw a show on picky eaters and tried their advice and it actually has helped. Here is the deal. Make dinner, everyone sits down to the table and doesn't offer the picky child any food. You all say how nice the food looks, smells, whatever, but you don't ask him if he wants anything! If he asks someone a question answer him and be polite but don't ask him a thing about what he wants or doesn't want to eat. If he doesn't ask for anything, let it go, ignore him in that respect. I did that with my grandson and the very first night he sat there for a few minutes and asked for 1 thing on the table. We gave it to him and continued eating ourselves. The second night he already said there were 3 things on the table he wanted, one of which was green olives. We have been doing this for over 2 months now and he is fine at our table. We recently went to some family members who lined up the food on an island and you helped yourself. He didn't eat a thing cuz he couldn't see for himself and we had to ask him what he wanted and didn't want. Some of the problem is a power struggle, part is they don't like some things. Try it and see for yourself. Just don't make a big deal out of it, let him ask for anything he may want and don't - do not - ask him if he wants this or that and don't put anything on his plate. I hope I've explained it to you. This came from the pediatrition Dr. Sears on the TV show The Doctors.

Although it is typical to develop some picky eating habits at his age this sounds a little extreme and I would consider having him evaluated to see if any sensory issues are affecting his diet. I have a 9 year old who is a picky eater and was recently diagnosed with sensory issues. I always thought he was just a little picky and would grow out of it, but it didn't happen. Here he is 9 and we are still dealing with his eating. I wish I had gotten a handle on it much sooner so it is great you are concerned about it now. My son is going to occupational therapy once a week. I too was told that he wouldn't starve himself, but he literally will not eat certain things and will go hungry and then have a meltdown first before he would eat something that didn't appeal to him. Sensory kids are more sensitive to taste and texture and many of them will just not eat certain things. My son also has a very sensitive gag reflex and forcing him to try things will often cause him to vomit. If your son does not have sensory issues he may just be a spirited child and I would recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book "How to Raise the Spirited Child." Good luck!

I know how frustrating it is having picky eaters. I have two myself. But you can't force a child to eat. You can decide the what is the meal and when the meal occurs, but you can't control the if the child will eat. And picky eating is completely normal and most kids will outgrow it, even without a food war.

You say your child has a tantrum. Would he be able to sit at the table with the family if you didn't place the offensive food in front of him? Is he able to tolerate having food by him if he isn't being told he has to eat it? How verbal is he? Is he able to tell you why he doesn't want to eat the food? If not, his tantrum is his way to communicate and not just an attempt to manipulate you.

You do not want to make food a battle. There are several books out there for dealing with picky eaters in a way that prevents battles. I really liked this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Lori-Ernsperger/dp/1...

I met the author and she was wonderful.

Finally, some children are hypersensitive to foods and textures. It can actually cause a child pain to eat some things if they are hypersensitive. I know your pediatrician said "try 10 times"... my children could be offered a food a 1000 times and will never eat it if they believe it is going to hurt their mouths.

If you are really worried about his eating, or he stops eating even cheerios, you could have him assessed by a speech pathologist. Even if he is talking fine, he may have issues with muscles and manipulation in his mouth which make eating difficult. There are so many reasons a child may not eat that have nothing to do with stubborn-ness and trying to manipulate junk food out of you.

Most likely, this is a phase he'll grow out of. So why not make it as calm and battle-free as possible? I'm not saying give in to the junk food, but as long as you are taking steps to be sure he doesn't end up malnourished, he's going to be fine. Just hang in there.

Good Luck.

I, too, am having these issues with my 2nd daughter. My first daughter was all about eating chicken patties and that was it for her meat serving. I even brought them with me for fear she wouldn't eat anything new and she never did. What's funny is she is 6 now and can't stand chicken patties (unless they are doused in mashed potatoes & gravy, which is something she never would have eaten when she was 3, so there is hope!). I started something new recently whereby I will give them a mid-day snack but only around 2:30 or 3:00 so that by the time dinner rolls around 5:30/6:00 they are hungry enough for it. Or if there are days when they seem to be playing right thru their usual snack time, I just skip it altogether and get dinner ready by 5. Then I usually bribe them that if they eat a "good meal" (which they usually do cuz they are so hungry by then) I will throw in a tiny snack of teddy grahams before bed. But this is also to help stave off any potential hunger since they would be eating much earlier. I also tried the "eat your new food, try a bite, don't leave the table til you've tried this" routes and it just doesn't pay since I am dealing with a very strong willed child and she could care less if she goes to bed hungry (has happened more than once). She turned 3 in Nov and has tried raw spinach from the urging of her doctor at her 3 year appt (her dr. said she needed to try 3 bites of a new food cuz she is 3 now) and that worked for the day! She would cry if I didn't put it on her plate (quite comical) for fear of having to try a new food! Lately however I put it on her plate and she won't even eat it, even though she claims to others that she tried it and liked it. She tried a spicy Cheetoh from Mexico today when she said "no" a bunch of times, so we left her alone and then she tried it and liked it! We gave her high fives and moved on. There is hope. Just try to sneak in other things in your child's diet throughout the day (yogurt, cheese sticks, pb & j, etc.) or offer those types of things along with the main meal in case he won't try the new food or anything related to the main portion, but will eat all the strawberries (only with sugar in my daughter's case!) and milk.
Good luck! Hang in there (especially during these frustrating times).

I am in the same boat as you. Our doctor said that we feed him during our meal times and he eats what we eat. If he doesn't eat during meal time, take the food away and he doesn't eat until the next meal. He won't starve and eventually he will try the foods. I have a hard time doing this, but when I do follow his advice.. my son eats!!

During snack times...I try to give him things that have protein in them, like yogurt and cheese.

T. -

you certainly have your hands full with this child!

You say that he is a
"very picky eater"
will "throw a tantrum"
"very strong willed"
and
"determined to get his way"

Obviously, he won't eat what you want him to because he knows what he needs to do to get his way. Is he this determined in other areas of his life? Or is he only controlling with food?

He does it because he gets to be in control. He gets to pick the foods that he eats (or doesn't eat.) He wins.

I agree with the other response that you need to stop giving in to this and be the one in charge.

What is for supper is what he eats. He will refuse and he will be hungry. But he won't starve. It won't be easy and most parents give in because they don't want to deal with the power struggle, but I say that if you can go one week without giving in - you will see some major changes.

Just do it when YOU are ready.

If you allow your son to rule and win this battle, then the struggles just get bigger. Nip this one in the bud.

Good Luck

D. in milwaukee

It sounds as though you and your husband are letting him win the food battles. You are his parents and need to put your foot down about what he eats. Whatever you make for meals, let him know that this is what there is or he can wait until the next meal to eat. Your son will not let himself starve and will start to eat what there is regardless of what it is. If he knows that he can get the Carnation Instant Breakfast or Cheerios, then he may hold out for that. Let him know that he needs to eat some of what you make whether it is 1 bite or 3. I understand that it is hard to see your son go without eating at a meal. Be strong and consistent and he will soon become a better eater. Both of my sons have refused to eat what I have made and they know that if they do not eat it, they do not get any snacks and have to wait until the next meal. There have been times where they went to bed without supper. Good luck.

SAHM of 3, Nick (5 1/2 yrs), Connor (will be 3 next Thurs) and Holly (will be 1 yr on 2/3)

I agree with Erikka B. my daughter was horrible about eating supper. I just told her this is what you are eating and thats it. If she didn't eat supper then she didn't get anything else and I would wrap it up and put it in the fridge. I told her that if she got hungry that is what she would have and that she would have it for breakfast. Then if she was "starving" later I would pull out her plate and warm it up for her. She didn't like that too much but it got her to eat her food and to try new things. I would always include stuff that I knew she liked, even though she said she didn't. Now my daughter is 11 and she hasn't complained about supper in along time. She just eats what we give her and she tries everything at least once without complaining. Now we are still working on our son though, he's the same way but getting better.
Good luck!

Give him the food that you are eating. If he doesn't want it then he doesn't eat. Sorry to take the "tough love" approach on this but there is no reason to give in to the tantrums. Of course the old "give them something to dip their food into" works too. Salad dressing with veggies, apple sauce with pork, fish, meat, etc. Try the deceptively delicious cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld. I have used it myself but it was given to me as a gift. Great way to "hide" certain ingredients. And above all, don't give hime junk food!!!! Good luck.