Very Sassy 5 Year Old Girl

Once she comes up with a plan of action, I would encourage her to be almost emotionless when disciplining, meaning not to get upset when she talks back. I know that is the hardest thing to do but it becomes almost a 'war' of talking back and forth and trying to reason. Sometimes you just have to discipline them whether they understand or not because it's letting them know they are not the boss. Of course, lots of hugs and kisses afterwards. Kids talk back to get a reaction and to see how much they can get away with. I agree with the other post; sometimes kids just need a good spanking, for certain things, so they won't get confused on who is really in charge.

Tell her to get a copy of "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.

Meanwhile, she can just give up the clothing battle. Tell the girl to get dressed and let her choose whatever she wants. The kicker here is that even in kindergarten kids will notice (and comment) if a classmate is dressed weird. She will listen to them before she listens to her mother, then the decision to make different dressing choices will be her own. Another common morning battle might be that she takes too long to get dressed, then they're late for school, etc. Mom should state what time the car will leave and stick to it. The girl can choose to leave the house with her clothes on her body or her clothes in a bag. The catch is that MOM has picked out the clothes that are in the bag (they could be her least favorite outfit). Put the little darling in the car in her undies (yes, this might be kicking and screaming). Chances are she'll be dressed before she's out of the driveway. I did this with my 3 yr old about 4 months ago and haven't had a problem getting dressed in the morning since.

As far as the disrespectful talk, Mom needs to be sure the child isn't getting what she wants. She may have a tendency to give in just to shut the kid up, but that's only reinforcing her language.

The old fashioned bar of soap would be a good initial consequence.

She'll likely still do it, that's when you can give her the choice of "Would you like your mouth washed out with soap or would you like to go to your room until you can think of nicer words?"

A friend has been put her 5-yr-old in "time out from talking to mommy." Mom just ignores her, and when she gets really loud and disruptive she sends her away with something like "my ears can't hear you" or "This is not the place for yelling. If you need to yell, you can go to your room, or go to the back yard." Yes, the child may be screaming "I hate you" and "you're mean" all the way to her room, but mom just answers, "I know," every time.

The point is that when a child is speaking disrespectfully, she needs to be sent away because no one wants to hear it.

Hi S.!
I have a child that is 3 1/2 who is much like little Miss Brynn. I agree with getting the book "Love & Logic". Wonderful help.
Also, choose, choose, choose your battles. Why can't Brynn pick out her own clothes-who cares what she wears. If she ends up wearing pajamas everyone will know that she picked it out not her mom and I can guarantee you that once she realizes that this is a situation that she is in charge of she will not care to fight about it anymore. You will also see that once she has "control" over some things, like the clothes, she begins to give in -in other areas. Also, call her bluff!!! If Mom makes a promise or says she is going to do something whether its discipline or otherwise-FOLLOW THROUGH! That is key.
I hope some of this helps and please convey to this parent that she is not alone-there are alot of us out here with strong willed independent little thinkers who have to be guided and taught with love.

Hi S....I can totally sympathize with your friend. My sister has an 8 year old. And that is they way she began, and it has gotten worse over the years. Your friend seriously has to intervene! The issue with my niece is horrible, but she is in denial about her daughters behavior. Her daughter controls her. Her daughter decides when she is going to bed what she will eat...every detail of the day. I have heard there are 2 reasons why a child acts this way, 1. attention, 2. control. My sister can't even hold my baby without making her mother put her down. My sister is a single mom and has been engaged twice and every time she declined to get married because of her daughter. Your friend is going to be totally unhappy if she continues to let it persist. I suggest supernanny....she is really good! she comes on mon. nite on abc. Well Good Luck!

Hi S.,
It may not be easy to hear or share with your friend but she and her husband have to realize what behaviors THEY have demonstrated which has contributed to the childs behavior. I love the show The Nanny, but I don't let my sons watch that show, ever! I don't want my kids to see other bad behavior from the kids or the parents. Solution: I TiVo the show and watch it when they are in bed. Where else is she seeing this behavior? My husband and I decided we can't let our boys watch any cartoons with fighting or monsters (Scooby Doo) b/c it affects their behavior.

A friend of ours started seeing bad behaviors when she (the Mom) was dieting. One thing her dr told her was to stop giving her daughter diet/ fat free foods. So that might be something too, her diet.

As hard as it is, we consistently respond to our son's talking back, etc. About 3 months ago, my -son (age 3 1/2) starting growling and balling his fist at us when got in trouble for something. We nipped that in the bud and called out what he was doing that he was being punished for...ie"stop growling, open you fist, etc." It has gotten better, though he will try it everyonce in a while. It's good your friend is reaching out. We are taking a 1 day class at our Church called Parenting: God's Point of View. It's a free class at Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church. I don't know what they are going to talk about but we are going bc we want to get new ideas and see if we are doing what we should be doing. Please share that with your friend. The church number is ###-###-####.

D.