Very Worried Friend.

Would it help to tell her that my mother had my brother at forty one and he is just fine? How about that my husbands mother had him when she was 39 and he is fine too? :) Just weighing in...the stress will do her no good!!

She can ease her mind by going to her ob and getting checked out.

Tell her a hundred years ago women were having kids into their 50's. Tell her that most of those kids had nothing wrong with them. Tell her that 20 years ago it was common for women not taking birth control to have kids well into their 40's and most were fine.

It's just "modern medicine" that says it's a risk. Any pregnancy is a risk, for birth defects, for miscarriage, for disabilities, and more.

My hubby's grandmother had her last child in her late 50's. Any time we do genealogy we always have to override the date checker. That child was a prodigy and genius.

I was 32 when I had my first baby. I had the next three at 37, 39 and 41. My babies were all healthy and I had easy pregnancies. We did all the pre-natal testing my OB recommended including CVS testing, which is genetic testing done much earlier than an amnio. I suggest your friend discuss her concerns with her OB.

Best,
T. Y
SAHM of 5
(13, 12, 6, 4 & 2)

Shorty,

Welcome back!! You've been gone a while!

The only thing you can do for her is take her to her OB/GYN with a list of her worries and have the baby checked. Nothing anyone says here will ease her mind...it might just create more questions and worry.

I can tell you had my boys in my 30's...nothing wrong with them. But that's ME....I don't know her health condition...I don't know if there were previous problems...each woman is different...

You don't state how far along she is.
You don't state why she is having these fears.
You don't state if the other children have issues or were problem pregnancies...

I'm sorry. there's nothing YOU can do. You can tell her NOT to stress out -as that's worse for the baby...you can show her stories of people who had babies in their 40s and that's NOT going to ease her mind.

Tell her to make a list of her concerns and to go to her OB/GYN with her - hold her hand and be checked out.
Good luck!

I was told by a perinatalogist that the only reason the line in the sand was drawn at 35 was because that is about that age at which the statistical odds of having an issue that can be identified through amniocentisis are about even with the odds of an amniocentesis inducing a miscarriage. In other words, that is about the age where it may start to make sense to take the teensy tiny risk of amnio to rule out the teensy tiny risk of a chromosomal abnormality. In this case, around .5% or 1 in 200. One in 200 sounds pretty scary, but that also means that there is a 99.5% chance that everything is fine. If she is the type to obsess, she may benefit from some diagnostics that can set her mind at ease or, in the very, very small chance there is an issue, alow her to become educated and prepared. If she can, I would encourage her to focus on keeping herself happy and healthy, as that will be the very best thing for her baby, and there isn't a thing she can do to change him or her at this point anyway.

You can encourage her to think of any possible problems as being a POSSIBILITY, not as something LIKELY to happen. 'Advanced maternal age' (having Baby after 35) only increases the probability of Down's Syndrome or other genetic/developmental issues, and at her age, risks are only slightly higher anyway. In the current era, many women are bearing children later, and many many women have had healthy children at age forty and up. 36 should be no problem. If it helps, I can tell you that my children were born when I was 37 and 40, and neither had any health problems that might be related to my age. Now, I probably didn't have the energy level I would have at age 29, however that's a different matter...

If her concern is more that she feels there may be something wrong with the pregnancy (not just a worry about genetic problems due to her age), then she should talk to her doctor/midwife. Assuming that isn't the case, maybe spend time helping her shift focus to something besides worries.

Lots of women begin their families at 36 or older.
We had our son when I was 36 and he's fine!
If she's stressing, she needs to go for a walk and get away from the internet for awhile.

Have her post her concerns here. She will see that lots of Mamas have babies at her age without issues. If that does not put her mind to rest, I think she will worry the whole time. 33 to 36 is not a big jump. 46 maybe cause for a bit of concern but even then women have babies at that age without a problem.

If she's just worried on the basis of her age, then honestly, she doesn't have much to worry about at all, at 36. Statistically, the chances of problems in a pregnancy start to go up very, very slightly at age 35. But the chances of her baby being absolutely fine, with no problems at all, are still far, far greater than the chances of there being any issues at all. You know how statistics are mapped to look like a curve, or a hill, right? Well, your friend is standing at the bottom of the statistical hill. She can see it from where she stands, but she doesn't face the kinds of odds she'd face at 46, 48, 52, anything like that.

Of course, if she has reason to worry about a specific problem, then she needs to do what everyone in that situation needs to do. Be brave, get a second opinion, prepare. But just on the basis of age, statistically, the odds are still in her favor, by a clear margin.

She should be fine! Have her see her OB. If they are concerned they can run tests. I had my babies at 29, 31 and 33. Everyone's fine. MANY of my friends had their babies in their later 30's/early 40s. Everyone's fine!!!!
Only her OB will know if she has reason for concern.