Visitation - Denver,CO

Dear B.,
I can tell by your writing that you love your daughter and your grandson very much. The problem is you cannot help your daughter anymore, but there is so much you can do for your grandson. You need to stop letting your daughter take advantage of you and your kindness. She knows how to manipulate and use you. You need to remove yourself from her so she does not have you to lean on to bail her out or send her money. She needs to learn how to deal with her life on her own and hopefully realize that her path is not a good one. You cannot force her to open her eyes, she needs to do it on her own. It is very apparent she is an unfit parent. You need to get full and permanent custody of your grandson. Make sure you have written down everything you can remember about what has happened in the past three years. All of the things your daughter has failed to do or has done to show her lack of sensibility to raise a child. And all of the things you have done to step up and take care of your grandson. I think it would be a very bad idea to let your daughter take her son on an unsupervised visit to Costa Rica or anywhere else. She is too irresponsible and unpredictable. It is difficult to see your own child living a life that can become destructive. It is even more difficult when their is someone as young as your grandson stuck in the middle of it all. You've tried to help your daughter, now let her fall on her own. Hopefully she will eventually straighten her life out and you can be there to help lift her back up. In the meantime, your heart and focus is in the right place with your grandson. He is innocent and should not be subjected to the hardships his mother is creating. I wish you well and hope things work out for you and your family.

B.,

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like your daughter is unfit to be a mother at this time in her life. You should talk to her and try to get her to relinquish custody of her son and then you can adopt him. It all sounds very sad.

It is a wonderful thing you are trying to do for him (and her). If she relinquishes, it makes it much easier for you to handle medical issues and any other leagalities that may occur -with schooling, etc.

Good luck and God Bless you all -
C.

I was a foster/adopt parent and this is what I learned. You basically have two choices.

Choice 1):
Instead of spending your money on your daughter, use it to get a good attorney. The attorney can advise you about your choices and what are the next steps.

Choice 2):
Contact Department of Social Services for your county. Explain the situation and ask for help. More than likely, they'll open a case file and assign a caseworker. Then the Court will appoint a guardian ad litem ("GAL"). The GAL will represent the best interests of your grandson. This will save you the money it costs for your own attorney. In most cases, the GAL tends to side with keeping the child with a stable relative and the judge usually agrees. HOWEVER, you'll have to go through home visits and things like that -- which would be ordered even if you retained your own attorney.

The big thing the GAL, Social Services and the Courts are looking for is a stable, healthy home environment. Is your home safe? Have you child-proofed it? Is there someone watching your grandson at all times? Does he have his own bed/crib? Do you have a steady income? Do you have a permanent address? They'll let you know all the requirements and give you plenty of feedback on how to make everything right.

Hopefully, at some point in the future your daughter will make better choices and have a more productive and healthy life. Meanwhile, you are doing a really, really good thing by giving your grandson a happy, stable home.

Good luck to you!

I can't give any advice, but good luck! The story made me cry... You really need to have full custody because it sounds like you're the only responsible adult that has your grandson's best interest at heart!