Visitation Late Pick Ups & Late Returns

A good rule of thumb is reasonable and not petty.

I get the feeling from your other questions that you are still on this kick to find reasons why she shouldn't get custody back, this isn't going to help your case. Stop looking for reasons why she cannot see her daughter. Eventually she is going to get custody back and all you will have done is damaged the child because of what you want.

Being late is a human condition not a bad parent condition. Everyone who goes through visitation is late or early for pick up/drop off.

Typically, the courts expect very strong documentation that a) this a pattern of poor planning or malice on the part of the visiting parent and b) it is detrimental to the child (not just an inconvenience to the custodial parent).
Keep a log (there are programs that you can purchase, but just start an excel spreadsheet) with the official pickup time, actual pickup time, official drop-off time, actual drop off time, any excuses offered, and how your daughter is impacted.

For example:
Official pickup time was 9 am. Actual pick up time was 10:37 am. "Janie" thought bio mom was not coming and cried for an hour.

Official drop-off time was 7 pm. Actual drop off time was 9:04 pm. "Janie" was exhausted the next morning because she didn't get to bed until 9:45 pm.

You should contact your lawyer about the legalities. What is your legal relationship to the child? Is there a plan for reunification with her mother at some point?

If you won't be held in contempt after 30 minutes, I think you need to inform her that you will wait 30 minutes and if she is not at the pickup point within that timeframe, you will assume she's not coming that day.

It's hard because very often my sks were returned hours late from when they were supposed to be here. School nights at 10PM were common. My DH didn't feel it was something he would take to court by itself, but he did document it.

I would not answer the phone when she calls - that takes care of her calling to say she's running late. I would wait the 30 minutes and then pack up your daughter and take her out for a while.

Of course, this all depends on how hurt the child would be. I am raising my GD and yes, mom has been late. But it's important to the child to spend time with mom, so I deal with the tardiness. I do not want to be any part of putting that forlorn look on her face when she finds out that she's not going to see mom.

As for the late returns, you could call the police and report that the child is overdue. If it's been a couple of hours, they MAY do something, but then after you tell them that this is normal, they aren't going to waste their time. If the late returns continue, I would not allow one of the visits as a consequence.

L. - I answered your other question with a bunch of information from my training as a foster parent.

"normal" rules about visitation don't apply here. Your state has GUIDELINES and laws on what to do if the bio parent doesn't show.... how long you wait... if it's rescheduled or cancelled, etc. I urge you to document the facts and call your daughter's caseworker for clarification on the rights of the bio parents and what will happen to you if you don't honor those rights. YOU can be in trouble. You don't have the same power as a mom with a divorced husband.... this is a completely different situation.

I know that it is frustrating. That's why there are so very few foster parents.
But you don't have to do this alone. You should be eligible for PRIDE training - which will help provide these guidelines and answer many of your questions about how and what will help your daughter adjust and how and what will help YOU and your husband navigate this frustrating time.

Instead of just a lawyer - you should have a TEAM of people to reach out to..... lawyer, guardian ad litem, social worker, case worker, etc. You should be having meetings with them every 6 months. Find out what all your resources are and USE THEM to help you support your daughter.

Good Luck.

Call the cops, but it will help ONLY if it specifies in the visitation a TIME to be picked up and returned. My husband went to get his daughter at 6pm on a Sunday and she wasn't at her moms, mom wasn't picking up the phone, he had court doc in his glove box showing he should have her at 6pm, cops came to her address, he showed them the docs, THEY called the mom, she showed up with the dtr. She NEVER did it again. There is a police record now that showed she was NOT following court orders. Now it's trickier for her being late for PICK UP. Because you could just say, screw it, I'm not waiting around and go home (I assume you are meeting at a neutral place). But then SHE could call the cops and say she is supposed to have her at whatever time and YOU are not giving her up. So I would call the cops when she's late bringing her back to hopefully scare her into following the court order as issued. Your attorney can't do anything so it doesn't matter if you talk to him or not. Good luck.

L.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

If your lawyer is not getting back with you? Dump him and get a new one who will respond. You aren't paying him to NOT get back with you.

Call your local court house - where the custody and visitation were set up. Ask them what the typical time frame is for tardy/late pick up and drop off.

You can also call your local police station NON-EMERGENCY number and ask them what THEY constitute as late and when to call?

I know for my boss - his ex-wife called the police once when he was 5 minutes late dropping the kids off - she wanted to have him arrested for kidnapping...he was FIVE MINUTES late and he had called her to let her know traffic was bad...she didn't care...

So what would I do? I would get a new lawyer - one that is more responsive and get everything in writing....time for drop off - pick up, where she can go, etc.

Good luck!

If you have a court order for this visitation then all you have to do is show her the paper and ask her to be more considerate and plan her times better because you'd hate to have to go back to court. Just telling her that she has to go by the rules and showing her the paper, then must mention going to court as something you'd rather NOT do should make her pay a little more attention to her legal obligations.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A COURT ORDER for this visitation then stop going. Tell her you're tired of waiting and if she wants to see this child she has to work harder to show you she wants to continue.

Just call the police on her when she's not there on time and show the officer the court order. They have to follow a court order. When she's late she is in effect messing up a parental right to their child....something like that? Parental interference? Kidnapping to some extent? I don't know the legal term but she's in violation of a court order if she's not going by it to the minute.