Visiting Grandma & Grandpa...so Much Work!

I have been on several "vacations" to Arizona with my hubby and our 4 kids over the years. The in-laws have a child-proof home and it's still a LOT of work! I have an overactive 4 year old who still finds things to break and destroy in a child-proofed home. My hubby goes and spends time with his family and I get left to deal with the kids. My hubby and I fight constantly when we go and it is sheer torture for me. The last time "vacation" time came around, I found a perfect solution. He took all four kids with him and I stayed home!

Back to your problem... :) I do think it is inappropriate to expect another woman to adjust her house for 1 week of the year. In a perfect world, she would do it on her own (the grandmother), but if she doesn't, then I think you should just take lots of walks. Stay out of the house as much as possible. Go to a hotel if that is an option. They have extended stay places that are cheaper if you stay a week or more.

Best of luck, though. I know it is a hard situation to be in!

My first priority is the safety of my children. So when the in laws didn't baby proof the house , I baby proofed as much as I could while there and brought baby proofing supplies and installed them myself on the next visit (with consent). There are really neat latches for cabinets and drawers that snap down out of place while you don't need them...perfect for at grandparents house. If the in laws had said no to letting us baby proof the house then we would never stay the night or let them keep our kids overnight because you just can't watch them 24hr/day...at some point you have to go to the bathroom and shower, right? And you can’t leave your child in an environment that is hazardous to children.

I hope you work things out.

I second the hotel stay. You aren't going to change her mind about baby-proofing, so you might as well stay at a hotel and enjoy the accomidations instead of haveing to stress the entire time.

My inlaws live down the street and they only child proofed a week ago. Only b/c they are fostering their 4 year old grandson while his mom is on strict bedrest with her pregnancy.

We housesat for a week, and I childproofed her house for her. She had hot melting wax potpourri bowls on the carpet (the kind you plug into outlets), lighted candles close to the floor, plants everywhere, small tables with heavy glass tops (about 7 per room) and lamps and heavy statues on them...

My son has to be kept in the playpin the entire time over there and he's almost 2 b/c she just refused to childproof! I don't mean overboard childproofing, but at least making one area child friendly by removing dangerous and heavy objects. They also have a pool and keep the back door open a lot, so I'm always terrified my son will drown. (Of course, they just now put locks on the door).

I had to talk to her and tell her it is really difficult for us to have an enjoyable time when he is trying to run upstairs, eat her plants, choke on the bowls of marbles she keeps on the cofee table, and spill hot wax on himself, get into her trash and knives.

Before I talked to her though, everytime we went over there (several times a week), I would at least pile all the more dangerous things up on her countertop, so she kinda got an idea. Hey, if they aren't going to do it, then YOU have to, even if it pisses them off. It's your kid and their safety that you are concerned about, and if she's more concerned about her stuff than making a safe and enjoyable environment for your son, than she can just deal with you childproofing while you are there.

If she is hosting your family to stay there, as in preparing extra towels, and a guestbed and blankets to sleep in, then she should take into consideration your child's needs too. If I am having company over, I put my dog in a nother room so she won't jump on people, it's the same, as a host, they have the responsibility to be accomadating.

S.,
In my opinion it's her house and her rules; childproofing a house for a few visits a year might no be convenient for her. however it never hurts to bring your own baby proofing stuff(with her consent of course) for example outlet plugs, toilet locks and simple things.
If this turns out to be too much of a hassle I would prefer to stay at a hotel.
I hate to stay at my mother in law's house because she will not watch my daughter (who's 5 ) not even for half an hour. she will read her stories and play with her as long as I'm there, but hubby and I know that we can't go out to dinner or a movie and count on her.I know grandparents are not a free sitting service but sheeshh, ......sorry I changed the subject but the point is it's her house and you cannot put rules in her house.
Good luck and God bless with whatever you decide,

We make about once-monthly visits to grandma's house with my son - and she doesn't child-proof, but not in a mean or selfish way, she just has forgotten the destruction of little ones.

A combo of things worked for us. My solutions were (and still are)
1. Get a few boxes and at the beginning of each visit, we go around and put the really breakable stuff in them and then put them up high. At the end of the visit, before we left, it was the last thing we did, take down the boxes and put the stuff back.

2. Have grandma walk son around the house and show him different things and tell him if they were "yes touch" or "no touch". Must ensure there are an equal number of yes and no's.

3. Bring babygates and gate off whole areas of the house.

It's not easy, and there's no blame. It's just life with kids. Don't get mad at your mom. She's been a kid-free house for a long time now, so she's very removed from the concepts of childproofing. So the two of you have a lot of tension going on and you need to clear the air and just tell her hey - I need to do these things so the visit is more about enjoying each other instead of fretting about what my daughter is going to destroy.

Another tip - make sure you give your mom a break from your daughter. Take your daughter on an outing sans mom so she can catch her breath and relax for a few minutes and enjoy some quiet in her house.

I have 7 nieces and nephews. My son is the favorite and it's not because he's just awesome (which of course he is!), it's because I respect my mom and her house and I take measures to make it enjoyable for everyone. My mom comments about how my sisters treat her and her house when they're there, and although I don't think my sisters are doing anything other than just visiting with their kids, I do get that my mom is coming from a different place of logic and I need to respect it.

Also a good idea - send her a handwritten thank you note once you're home. It helps to grease the way a little.

Good luck!

S.

I hear ya! I have a mother that refuses to child proof too, sorry I don't agree with the her house her rules, my mom lives in Austin and she wants my daughter (who is 3.5) to come visit without me and then gets mad when she breaks something because dear grandma did put it up !
our solution, they come to our turf, we don't visit. She doesn't stay long either my home is too loud and my kids... they are 3.5 and one year you get the idea !
Good luck I know it is disheartening and makes you feel unwelcome. It does me at least
A.