Vivid Imagination vs "Crazy" in a 4 Yo Boy???

He may be just a quirky kid with older parents. He may be on the spectrum. I'm 46, my son is 7. Only child, much easier talking to adults. Has fun with kids, but more awkward with kids his own age. Smart has nothing to do with autism - it's a "wiring" difference re. thinking/processing/socializing/sensory input.

My guy also met all his milestones and didn't have the "typical" symptoms at home. But his daycare noticed the quirky and recommended having the school district assessment. We got it. He's getting help at school. He's top of his class academically, doing ok socially, but he's a little different. He could talk to adults all day long.

Feel free to contact me if you like (click my name and message me). Don't let the word "autism" freak you out. It's a huge spectrum, and the "press" it gets focuses on doom and gloom, the most impacted cases, and not the full range of info and facts.

Imaginary friends are normal. I had one, I remember her. My parents told me that she could be my friend so long as she behaved and followed the rules. If she didn't, she had to "go home", just like any other friend. She then had to apologize through me and behave, if she refused or continued to misbehave after an apologize then she was not allowed to come back.

One day she "told" me to do something I knew was naughty(I don't remember what) but I told her to go away and she wasn't allowed to come back until she could be good again. She never came back.

Maybe a similar rule can be applied to the piggies. They have to follow the rules or else.

Ummm... many children have imaginary friends made up from media characters. I'll give you the same advice I gave one grandparent, who was concerned about her grandchild's behavior.

"Suzy (not child's name) went into the bathroom, raised a ruckus and pulled down the towel bar. When we talked to her about it she said Rudolph did it." (Lo and behold, they had recently watched Rudolph)

"Well" I replied, "you know, even if Rudolph *did* do it, Suzy *let* Rudolph do a wrong thing, a mess was made and now Suzy has to help clean it up. Too bad that naughty Rudolph left her to deal with the mess alone, huh?" We laughed and Grandma understood that we didn't have to argue with the kids about their imaginary friend, but we COULD place the onus for the actions back squarely on their own little shoulders. Sure, make up any fantastic story on how the Angry Birds or Rudolph or Whoever came in and did the damage, but you still have to pay the piper because "you were there and you didn't stop them. That's too bad. You should have come to get us if you wanted to stop them."

So, that's my advice, put the responsibility back on the child in a way that doesn't argue the existence of the naughty friend, but makes it utterly irrelevant. Your in-laws were very smart, because they *believed* what he was giving the blame to (instead of arguing about it and causing a power struggle) and by doing so, eliminated that discussion entirely, just focusing on stopping the undesired behavior.

As for identifying more with adults, our little boy was like this. At four, his preschool teachers decided to get assertive with helping him; they had him start 'shadowing' another child for increasing amounts of time each day. They chose other, slightly older kids who were better at playing in groups and told our son "go do everything Archie does. If Archie goes to the block area, we want you to go to. If Archie puts on a cape, you put on a cape." Because he didn't have to think too much about what to do, he became a little less self-conscious-- he is now becoming a lot more confident at playing with peers at 6 and 7, so it's not uncommon. But this is something the teachers at school can definitely help with, pressing him outside his comfort zone for a short time at first (10 minutes) and increasing in time. After a month or so of this, Kiddo was more comfortable playing with other kids, but still took a while to make 'friends'. It's normal. Good luck!

It all sounds pretty normal except for the cutting threat.
Our son (also an only child) considered himself an adult and related to them better than other kids.
He still had plenty of friends but he sometimes got fed up with childish behavior from his peers.
It all changed in middle school as his friends caught up with him maturity wise and he's a really popular kid in high school now.
The green piggies come from Angry Birds - he's just latched onto them and built up a story around them.
(Mine made up stories about socks - the dark socks are ninjas).
If he's not talking about them now, then leave it alone.
If he continues to bring them up, get him to write/draw pictures/make stories about them in a journal.
The place for his stories is in his journal and you can get him to channel his creativity in that direction.
When he does eventually out grow them (within the next few years), you can save his stories in the journal in your memory box.

i strongly suggest you don't overthink this. unless he actually does something violent to you or himself, don't attribute a little boy's active imaginary life to mental illness.
and by violent, i don't mean even hitting you or himself, which is also common. if he injures himself badly or comes after you with a knife, THAT's a problem.
he sounds like a busy, smart little boy with a highly evolved imagination and a driving need to explore and understand his world. he navigates his days just fine, and if he's not particularly interested in playing with peers, he's certainly not sitting around moping.
you can't NOT worry, and it's never a bad idea to remain observant. but please please try not to keep him under a microscope and psychoanalyze his every utterance. this is a magical age- you should ALL be enjoying it.
i don't see any big red flags here. except maybe your husband using a beloved grandpa as a threat. by focusing so fiercely on the green piggies, you parents are the ones who are turning them from a normal childhood mini-obsession into a looming nighmarish Issue.
don't.
khairete
S.

He is an only child of older parents. Of course, he is much more comfortable interacting with adults. Very common. As far as the green piggies, I guess it's his imaginary friend. Don't threaten him with a call to grandparents. That's crazy, really!

He's fine. He's 4. Kids at this age love drama and need an outlet. They will push the limits and having something to blame it on is normal. He doesn't have a sibling, so he has piggies. The cutting thing is from cartoons or angry birds. At that age, my daughter told me I ruined her life.

Enjoy your quirky little guy. He will get to where he likes other kids soon enough. :)

What is wrong with some of the moms here. Your answers are mean. Your kids is fine. The cutting comment was once. I have heard kids say I am going to hit u, shoot u etc...they don't know it is offensive. they need u to teach them not to say it. They learn that stuff from school as much as tv. Get him evaluated to give yourself peace of mind. My take is he is a bright kid who need more time with other kids. Your doing great.

He could have autism. My son is the same way but has other stuff going on as well. The spectrum is so broad so its something to consider.

I agree your child probably is gifted. Doesn't sound like autism. Children have imaginations and imaginary friends. He's a child, let him be that. He's only 4, they are pretty awesome at that age.

Wow, some of the answers you received were so harsh. I would run your concerns past his pediatrician. My guess is he is quirky. Kids are quirky. People are quirky.

its very common for only children to prefer to play alone, i mean they do it all the time anyway, right? the fact that the child will play around them and with other kids for short periods, actually should tell you the child might be a little advanced for his age.. most kids who tire of playing with other kids will not leave the playgroup under their own power, they will pout and fuss but wont get up and go find something else to do...i think the "cutting remark" was harmless, honestly. now, if the child had picked up a knife and jabbed you with it, after being told to put it down, that would be different ..K. h.

I know people are going to say he's on the spectrum or could have autism. However, the first thing I thought was that he's probably gifted. Gifted kids tend to relate to adults better than kids and have a vivid imagination. They also feel from an early age they are not like other kids, which is why sometimes they don't interact with them as much as adults.
I don't know if this will add fuel to the fire, but perhaps you could get him a few plush Angry Birds piggies. My son would have the best time setting up the boards and knocking them down. You can get them pretty cheap nowadays.
Don't worry too much. Just keep him stimulated. If he is truly gifted, that will be the hardest challenge! Good luck!

My friend's son at that age talked about nothing -- nothing -- but cars for a long time. Crazy about his toy cars, knew all types of car makes and models, etc. Everything was car-centric. Another friend's son at five talked and thought about nothing but Star Wars and played nothing but light saber battles with imaginary opponents. For months, not weeks. I could list other examples but it seems very, very common that between about three and five or so, kids will fixate on one thing for a time and their whole being is absorbed in it. This is normal. All the kids I know who've done this are perfectly fine. This may be a case of kids finding something that's "theirs" and that for the time being engages them. They almost always move on to something else they like so much that it then becomes the new Thing for a time.

I think you're overthinking the green piggies. The grandparents have handled it their way, and though you don't agree, let this go. Don't bring them up to your son, or encourage him that "It's OK to talk about green piggies to mommy" -- just don't say anything. It will pass.

Depending on how they handled it (if they yelled or criticized, that's not right), I frankly think it was OK for the grandparents to tell him no piggy talk at their house. You seem worried that it's stifling his imagination to tell him that, but adults do have a right to tell a child of nearly five things along the lines of "We've heard enough about the piggies today and they need to go to bed/go outside/whatever at our house."

As long as he isn't punished for mentioning them, but just reminded immediately, "No piggies here at grandma's house" it's OK -- and grandma should instantly distract him with something else to do or see as soon as he brings up piggies. He needs redirection and reminding but not punishment. But that won't stop him from imagining; it just teaches him that there is a time and place for things, and that grandma's house is not a place for piggies to come out to play.

The cutting remark is troubling; however, if he has not and does not repeat it, I would just listen carefully to him and not dwell on it too hard. Did he actually attempt to cut you or wave around something as if he were acting it out?

If he does begin to tell you that characters - the pigs or any others - tell him to do things, or if he misbehaves and then says "But so and so told me to do it," that is a real issue. But he isn't doing that now. Just know that it's very common for kids to fixate on a character or show or book or whatever for what seems like a long time and it's pretty normal. If he starts to blame his own actions on them that's different.

Oh, yes. And you need to dump the Angry Birds game, period (I assume you already have?!) and I'd just not do any other computer games. They're animated and the kids feel a lot of power in making characters move and do things, and maybe that's not for him at this young an age. Push books instead, and if he can't read much yet, read to him tons and there are "read-along" devices that "read" the book with the child when he turns the page, etc. for when you can't read with him. Encourage a lot of imaginative play, keep a costume box, etc. and have plenty of play dates - you mention preschool but not whether he has play dates with other kids one on one often. And it's fine that he is good with adults and prefers their company -- that is also pretty normal for bright kids.

This is typical of kids with older parents. You treated him like a small adult and had conversations with him instead of mommy talk with him. He is just acting like this because he's used to adults. The interactions with kids is good for him. I think the more he goes to school and interacts with other kids the more he'll be comfortable with other kids.

This seems normal for his age.

sooo autistic, with genetic component.

but I will ask had you told him to be careful of knives lately, or chopped a salad in front of him and told him to watch out?

Disney channel can have stuff like that too not just HBO