Wanting to Have Another

I was in your place. I wanted another child but my husband did not. It took me 12 yrs before he said yes. So my son & daughter are 12 yrs apart. But my son still makes time & plays with her. I wish they were closer in age but they still have a great bond. They love each other very much. So when the time is right it will happen.

Raina

I am having the same issue and cannot seem to come to terms with it. I will be 40 this year I had my first child at 37. In my first marriage I was told that I couldn't have childern - for other reason this marriage ended and I met my current fiance. 8monts after moving to Maryland to be with my fiance we found out we were pregnant -talk about a surprise. I was so happy to have one I really thought that would be it - well now I would love more than anything to have another... however my fiance has a daughter from a previous relationship and he doesn't want another -- my problem is one minute he says yes and then in the next breathe he says no - tells his daughter no we are not having another baby. He says it is because of where we live - but honestly I think it is because he is being shelfish -- meaning that we wants to go back to where we could do whatever when ever and not worry about children. Honestly it is really sad because he does get his daughter every other weekend but it is more like we are a babysitter those two weekend a month that cost us $600 a month. The reason I say this is because he really doesn't get involved with her life unless it is for her soccer games or getting her on his assigned weekends. I totally feel I am against a brick wall... so If you find ways to get where you need to be please share. I wish you the best ...but I know if you wait till you can afford it or have the room it may never happen - take care ang

I understand your desire to have another child. I am a mom of 5 & some of my friends think I am crazy. I tried to space mine 4 to 5 years apart & that was right for me. My only advice would be to really communicate with your husband your desire to have another child. I'm sure he is worried about providing for you & your family. Guys just seem to stress that. Whatever you do don't "accidently" get pregnant. I have seen marriage fall apart after that. Just keep the line of communication WIDE open & reassure your hubby you love him & have faith in him & it will all work out. My mom told me once "if you wait to have children till you can afford them, you'll never have them, you just make due" I am the youngest of 11 & we never went without!!! Good luck.

It is good that your husband wants you both to own your own home, I can't disagree with him there but believe me the age difference isn't that big of a deal. It isn't true that kids need to be close in age to have a close relationship. My brother and I are 7 and a half years apart, I am the oldest and we have always been very close. We have never fought very much because of the age and gender difference but now that we are adults he calls me for advice and is one of my best friends.

If you (he) waits until everything is "perfect," then you will never have another one. Make a list of pros and cons about having another baby now and then sit down with him without the little one interrupting and discuss it with him again. And pray about it.

my kids are 7 years apart and they are so close. plus, it was nice to have an older daughter to help out (which she gladly wanted to). She was so eager to help. I was worried too, but it all worked out. Give your husband time...he will probably come around.

There is never a 'RIGHT' time to have a child. Something will always come up. One of my close friends is having the same problem. Her first turned 8 in November and second turned 4 in January. She has been talking about having a third literally since her second was born and her husband ALWAYS has a reason not to. She has very hard pregnancies and is on bedrest with IV's for literally the first 20 weeks, she won't be able to work, she has a protruding uterus, etc., etc... He has finally agreed to start trying. You need to find out your husband's true reasons for not wanting another child. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. God has a plan for each of us and you need to trust that if you are meant to have another child you will. I will keep you in my prayers.

There's never 'the perfect time' to have a baby. If you look closely, you will always find an excuse. Don't get me wrong, planning to have a child is important, however; making excuses to not have one, is that, 'just an excuse'. It's possible that maybe your husband has some other underlying reason he's unable to discuss with you. I agree that your daughter would benefit by having a sibling. I was a single parent for nearly 7 years, and didn't have my 2nd child until my only child was 10. It was really tough on him being an only child, but he was a wonderful "big brother", and still is to my now 2 beautiful younger children from my second marriage. Having your children close together in age may be nice, but may not be as important as you may think.

I agree with Kelly C! I'd have him make a list of the pros and cons of having another, you do the same and really sit him down and talk about your feelings! Then PRAY!!! I know God is sooo for families and having more is a strong, righteous desire...however, it won't be worth having another if it tears apart your marriage...I hope the best for you!

My kids are exactly 2 years, 2 weeks apart. I wish they weren't so close. It has been chalenging having them this close. Maybe your husband would be a little more receptive to the idea of having a new baby if you could "borrow" a friend's baby for the weekend. It will remind him of the good things that come with having a baby and maybe start making him wanting another one. Our second child wasn't planned, he just happened, I remember laying in bed for the first 2 trimasters, every night wondering how we will manage the finances, time and space, and we have somehow managed to do it. The first year is always the hardest, especially if you don't or in my case can't breastfeed. Formula is so expensive and then there is the buying all new baby stuff, crib, carseats and all that. We were fortuante that my FIL had saved money for both my hubby and his sister so when we all decided to have kids, they bought us all the furniture, car seats and a lot of clothes.

Perhaps hubby is all wrapped up in the business and the dream of a home that he cannot clearly see your wants/needs. He may also be clouded by his goals and thinks that a baby would interfere w/ it all by needing him or his time and money. Perhaps you could ease his mind by telling him that there is no "right" time for a baby. And that if you were able to have one now that you would do your best to be mainly responsible for him/her so that he could concentrate on the business and dream of a home. Maybe that would ease his worries. Maybe then once you got pregnant and the baby was born he would see it wasnt all that big of a deal afterall and will be able to be a present and active daddy. And hopefully the business would be doing well enough to allow him that as well.
It does suck to have to wait that long between kids. Its selfish if you ask me. I also think that only having one child is so sad (if you are able to have more). HOpe this helps you some.

Yes, been there done that!!
We had already one and I was ready. We talked to a man at our school about it, and my hubby consent, and that guy is a very powerful wonderufl individual. Some do want to be more settled, we knew the money and resources God would supply, and it's been a wonderful journey after having 5 total.
Home was where we were even though it was an apt.
Just pray about it and ask that God would change hubbies heart if it's a good time! Sometimes it's just fear in the way!
My last was 6 when the baby was born.
They aren't close but they are boys too!!
My heart tells me that this desire was given by God!
I will pray!

My son and daughter are 6 years apart in age. The age difference has been a blessing so far. He is old enough to know she is not purposely trying to annoy him so he has a lot more patience than he would if he was younger. They have a great bond. She loves her older brother and he is a big help to me. It might be worth the wait.

hello there! i'm actually going through the same thing right now. I wanted there to be a 3 yr differnece between kids (cause my husband & his brother are so close, i wanted that for my 'kids', i never had that...i'm an only child) anyway my husband says the same thing "once we have a house of our own then we can have another one". My son is now 4 & i feel just like you do about the bond.....BUT my very close friend has 2 children 8 & 3 both girls, & they have a bond to, just a little different than what i had wanted but it is still there. the older one helps take care of the younger (real live baby doll) & both girls couldn't be happier. My son keeps asking for a baby sister...I tell him to talk to his father..lol. But no progress yet....

Life will never be what we are expecting it to be. And we will most often not have all the money we want to have, etc. We can make all the excuses in the world. Sounds as if your husband is focused on the business. You both need to have a true heart-to-heart, because your dreams should not be set aside for his dreams. Yes, we all must compromise. If we didn't, then relationships would not work well. But there comes a time when each side has to give in to the other side. If you are willing to help him achieve his dreams and support him, you may have to let him know in a loving way, that you need that from him too!
Best of luck.

I don't have the answer, but I literally just posted the same question! Good luck!

Hi Raina,

I know it is difficult to accept a "no" for more children.

There are many children in foster care that need homes. Another way to get your needs met to nurture is to become a mentor for a child with the BigBrothers/Big Sister programs with the Y.

The Juvenile Courts need mentors. Mentors are needed in residential care facilities.

There are so many children suffering for the lack of good parents like you. You could make a difference in their lives.

Good luck. D.

Hey Raina!! Thank you for sharing your story! Yes girl I know exactly how you feel! Okay, with my situation is , me and my husband have 4 children. After our 4th, we decided to get my tubes tide. BIG MISTAKE!! Along with that came lots of heath problems. That's what happens when you think you are in charge of your body and saying enough is enough. What gave us the right to decide when to shut off life. Not us, but God and Jesus alone. Now that God has forgiven us, me and my husband wants more children. My husband was the first to come to me and said that he wants another son. And Raina I was shocked girl. So I'm saying all this to say is HANG IN THERE OKAY GIRL!! You have already made it known to your husband that you would like to have more children. Whatever you do, try not to pressure him and bang him over the head with it. Making him seem like that's all you can focus on. God knows your heart and sees your desire for more children. Give it to God to work and handle for you. He can minister to his heart and He alone has the power to change his mind. And Raina, when God says it's time for another baby, he'll do it girl!! He is a wonder working God!! We don't know how He's going to do it or when, but God is faithful to His word!! It won't return back to us void!
So get in that secret place where you can talk to God and let Him know what you and your daughter are believing for. Matthew 6:6 says, But you, when you pray, enter into your closet, and when you have shut the door, pray to your Father which is in secret; and your Father which seeth in secret shall reward you openly. And Matthew 21:22 says, And all things, whatsoever you shall ask in prayer, BELIEVING, you shall receive.

We believed God for a brand new house. And we got it!! By us stepping out on faith and not looking at for what things was at the time. Because our credit was horrible!! So how in the world did we get a brand new house built???? JESUS!!!

Raina, I'm releasing my faith right now and believing in this prayer and confession to God to stregthen you as the wife and mother to bless you and your husband in every area of your lives. Prosperity in family growth, more children, finances, A new house, and more in the mighty name of Jesus!!! No more will the enemy try to come in and cause confusion!! So for now and always, just love on your husband right where he is and put your trust in Jesus for that new baby and not to man(your husband)to make it happen for you. Cause when we start to get frustrated and upset, that means we've taken our faith off of God to work it out and onto man to make it happen for us!!

Take care girl and be blessed okay!! Love ya!!
P. :)