Ways to Stay Connected to Adult Daughter Moving Out

Updated on January 02, 2013
A.L. asks from Bronx, NY
6 answers

not too far, moving in with bf about 1 1/2 hr away. We aren't thrilled, but we like him, we trust her to make her own decisions. they plan to marry in a few years we think, but not official.
So question is....any good tips on how we can stay close emotionally to her and to be able to see her once a week or so? I don't do the sunday dinner and she does't want something so formalized.

Any ideas? We have a terrific relationship.
answer to Angela, (and thank you)
I'm not worried at all. I just want to see her face once a week or so. She is my only child, I lost two others to stillbirth. I need ideas to let this happen without cramping her style...she texts, she hates chatting on the phone, or Skype...says no h ug at the end of this.

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So What Happened?

SH, your advice is the very best here. It's what I will try to work with.
Everyone else, why i appreciate all the input, you are only depressing me. I don't need homilies on "letting her fly" etc., I need help. Practical help

Update: thanks, one and all. I LOVE t he once a week diner idea. She loves diners. Not that far a drive for this to us! What I really need tho ladies, is specific how do I cope? I know she will do well, I know my hubby is hurting too. We need specific ideas as to help with our painful empty nest. Anyone? Don't need any more advice on letting her fly, etc. we've got that one down. Hubby is severe workaholic. Besides the obvious, get a job, hobbies, see my friends, what does anyone have on this one?? I cry the minute my eyes are open in the AM..

SH, thank you!!! I did exactly that. She was wonderful with it, and we have a plan in place. Now if I just knew how to cope with this stage I'd be in good shape.

More Answers

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

She does not seem to like any form... of communication.
What a hard one.

Why don't you just tell her that you are always there for her and she can contact you anytime.
Tell her you love her, and want her to be happy.
She is an adult... and as an adult who is also someone's child... THEY also have the "responsibility" to keep in touch with their parents.
It is a 2 way street.

But bear in mind, that she is moving out and in with boyfriend.
So as with any relationship, they will have their own lives and a "honeymoon" stage. Meaning, she may not even be around you or contact you for awhile. Its like when a person has a new relationship... in the beginning all the couple does is act like no one else exists. So that may happen, once she moves out.

Hopefully, you are also on good terms with the boyfriend and know him, well? Then if you are, you ALL will have, hopefully, a good rapport even if they are living somewhere else.

And once in awhile, invite them over... for dinner. It doesn't have to be SUNDAY dinner. It can be whenever, or for lunch or breakfast or dinner. Casually.

One thing that will push away an adult "child" is when the parents are pushy or critical of their lives.

And just be a good observer... of her even if she has moved out, so that you will know if she is happy or not, or if her boyfriend is treating her well or not.

And can't you just tell her, that you would like to still "see" her once a week???? For lunch or just a casual thing? Or if not once a week, see what frequency she WILL... be amendable with.

And sometimes, in the effort to attain independence, an adult "child" will seemingly push away their parents. So keep that in mind too.

Just let her know you are always there for her.

2 moms found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Wow, I don't think your expectation of a weekly face to face visit is realistic. She is moving out on her own and must do her own thing. Plus an hour and a half drive is not necessarily helpful for a weekly visit depending on what else she has going on in her life.

The harder you push her on this, the move she will move away from you. Try to talk or text at least once a week and see what happens with the visits...

1 mom found this helpful
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A.G.

answers from New York on

Start a new tradition and meet half way for coffee or lunch or something. It sounds like you have a good relationship already but even between mom and daughter it takes work to maintain it. Learn to email or text if you don't already (I still have no idea how to text) and you can keep in touch daily that way and then face time will take some planning. Invite her and BF over for dinner or family game/movie night or whatever ou all enjoy and then if your going shoppping or something you know she enjoys then invite her to go. BUT all that said do NOT take it as a personal put down or something if she says no not now. She is trying to establish herself as an adult and if you are confident in how you raised her (and it sounds like you are) then let her fly!!!

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L.H.

answers from New York on

What ever you do, do not suffocate her or that will push her away more. Couples need space,so they have time to do things they need to do and time to bond. You could ask her if she'd like to create a tradition like every Sun. or every 2 Sun. have breakfast together at a local dinner.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

How old is she? If you have a great relationship, you will probably stay "emotionally close." But you have to allow her this time to cut the apron strings a little. Don't be surprised or hurt or worried if she doesn't want to have a weekly commitment to see or talk to you. This is her time to explore, and it is normal to take mom a little for granted.

If she doesn't like to Skype or Facetime, I'm not sure how you see her face every week. Maybe every three weeks or so you can make the drive to visit.

I wouldn't push it beyond what she wants right now, 'cause you will just end up with hurt feelings.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.T.

answers from New York on

If you have a terrific relationship, why are you so worried? That terrific relationship is what will keep you connected. Extra touches on your part could be a card in the mail instead of a visit every week. Phone calls every Sunday or Saturday morning, just you and her to catch up. Give her the opportunity to fly, let her spread her wings and become the woman you taught her to be.

1 mom found this helpful
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