We Need Advice-8 Year Old Girl (Weight/social Issues)

Looking at the social situation, maybe the sneaking food and weight issue is related to depression. If the situation with the girls is really bothering her she could be eating to deal with it. Having friends is very important, which I'm glad to hear she has one even if it is a boy. Some of my best friends have been male, as a child and as an adult. But as a girl of her age it is important to have girl friends and to not be excluded. If this is really bothering her, she could be compensating by eating. Talk to her about how she's feeling, concerning the girls. Talk to her about why she eats like she does. Is she hungry, does she crave something in particular or does she just eat to be eating?

I hope this can help you. I see little girls like this in our communty and it is sad to see them struggling. Do you have her on a low fat diet? If so take her off. Our bodies need fat more tan we know, especailly at puberty. She may be sneaking food because her body needs more good fats, or she is bored. This is how we eat-

~fruit after one bowl of cereal (not a high sugar cereal) for breakfast and another bowl after the fruit if needed.
~Veggies first at lunch, and dinner,
~We do water dense snacks, like fresh fruit, and veggies, or nuts nad dried fruit.
~Also, a dip made from 40/60 whole milk plain yogurt, and creamy PB is great for carrots and celery. Sometimes I add raisins to this.
~Hummus is great too, or a dip made from 50/50 whole milk yougurt and ranch dressing.
~Switch her to whole milk, try whole milk plain yogurt mixed with honey or maple syrup, and fresh fruit rather than premade high suger low fat ones. (these homemade ones pack nice in a lunch if you get reusable containers)
~Make her school lunch and use a fiber rich bread or wrap. Do not use mayo, use one of the recomended dips above or just yogurt w/ a bit of salt/pepper added. Also, pack a hearty amount of fruit, and if she likes them a hard cooked egg.

Careful not to shame her about sneaking foods. Address the sneaking in a non-confrontational way and have her eat a healthy snack (ie veggies, or a yogurt/fruit smothie) with you first, then allow the not so healthy treat. In fact a bit of chocolate every day is a nice reward.

I have 4 daughters who are now raised. My third daughter had issues with weight too. It was very confusing because she was more active than her sisters, yet continued to put the weight on. This obviously effected her emotional wellness as well as her physical.

We did not find out until she was 18 years old, that she actually had a condition called Polycystic Ovarian disease. In a nutshell, we found out that her body was insulin resistant and did not process food properly. Instead of converting it to energy, it would immediately store it as fat.

My suggestion. Don't stop with the thyroid test. Have her checked for insulin resistance and/or anything else the doctor's can think of. There is an excellent diabetes clinic in Idaho Falls. I believe it's Rocky Mountain Diabetes Clinic. Try to get her in there and at lease rule out the possiblity of a real medical issue, before she goes through years of torment.

Hi H.-
Get her involved in sports. She will meet girls there who have similar interests as her and be able to make that connection. This is also help the social issues.
As far as puberty, there is a great book out there called "Hair in Funny Places". I use to use this book for my 4th and 5th grade classes when I needed to talk about "the change".
As far as her sisters, talk to them about the fact that it too happen to them.
Good luck, let me know if you need anymore info on the books or such.

May I suggest a book published by american girl company called The care and keeping of you. Its a book for girls that explains about how their body is goin to change and how to go about taking care of it. It goes from head to toe including the face and other body parts. My sister let her 8 year old daughter read it cause she was having the issue with her daughter wanting to shave her legs cause of the hair growing because of the meds she takes for breathing. I let my 9 year old daughter read it and she had learned alot where she has changed her way of thinking on eating. Like eating healthy. I know my sister found it at meijers in their book section. Hope this helps and good luck

What did you find out about the thyroid test?? I have a friend whose daughter is in the same trouble with weight, but now she is on, I want to say, Metformin? Has she had her blood sugar levels tested? If you are sure she is getting healthy food, and her thyroid is normal (TSH of 5 or under, usually), then there may be emotional issues underlying things. Or it may not be that at all, but the amount and times eating. If she eats right before bed, for example, it compounds weight issues, as it doesn't metabolize like during the day. Is she getting lots of fluids? That too, could help to flush out her system, and such.
It's great that she likes sports, etc. She will be more willing to join in active things that also have exercise build right in.
Once puberty is here, she may surprise you in the turn of her thinking about food, and also, it may change her metabolism too. Since, I'm not her doctor, I can't know what is causing this. I'd have the doctor take another look at it to give you a better idea of what is going on.
I know this has got to be hard to watch happen, as the social aspect truely leaves a deep impression on a child. I hope that you are able to find some answers soon.
J.

H.,

Much of this post could have been about our 8 yo daughter. She's intelligent and loves being physically active, but has trouble knowing what a healthy portion of food is, and would snack even more often than she does if I allowed it. She is a big kid -- size 4 shoes and wearing a size 10/12 clothes. It's a balancing act between encouraging her to eat well, encouraging her love of reading and getting her outside to play (hard to do with the weather we've been having!). We don't watch TV much (and don't have cable), but if we did I could see that being a stumbling block.

She gets so sad when she goes to try on clothes and they don't fit her because of her weight. I want her to know she's beautiful, because she truly is. All I can do is try to point out in a kind way what is healthy and what isn't when it comes to eating. And encourage her to run around!

I began to think this past summer that she might be starting puberty -- her breasts seemed to be developing, she needed to wear deoderant. But since then there haven't been any other changes (no pubic hair, etc.), so I am thinking it may have been hormonal fluctuations. And I think the breast issue is a result of the extra weight she has on her body, not because it is actual breast tissue. We also made changes to our diet -- we greatly reduced the amount of soy we were eating (we like soy burgers and sausage) and it has seemed to help (soy can mimick estrogen production in the body).

Have you gone to the library to get some kid-specific books on puberty and reproduction? There are some great ones out there, if you think she could handle them. We especially liked "It's Perfectly Normal" and "What's the Big Secret?" They were a great springboard for starting conversations with our daughter. We covered as much as she was comfortable with, and let her go through the book with the understanding that we were available for any and all questions. And she did ask some.

Have you thought about having your daughter talk with a counselor about her lack of friends at school, and the overeating that is coming from the stress of the social situation she's in? I remember being the "heavy one" in elementary school and being teased incessantly by the kids in my class. I think if I would have had someone to talk to, who could have helped me have a better self-image, things would have been different.

K.

Reading this was a flashback to when I was that age, as I was always advanced, started puberty very early, and was over weight. I started my period when I was 10. My mom found books on the life cycle that explained everything to me. I don't know if they're still around as they were hers when she was younger so were published in the 70s. But they helped, explaining the menstrual cycle and also sex, child bearing, marital life, everything. There might still be books around that are similar.
Also with the weight issue. I dont know if she'll be the same, but once I started my period and fully went through puberty, I got more self conscious and started cutting back on my eating on my own and by the time I was 13 was to "normal" weight.
My sister did the same with the weight issue, was way over weight in her child years, then when she went through puberty grew out of it and now actually has a very nice shape (she's 17 now).
I dont know if your daughter will follow those, but that's just telling you what happened with me.

Hi H.,

I am a mom of 3 girls. A Ten year old and twin 4 year olds. I know what you are going through with the "how much to Tell" syndrome. I talked to her pediatrician when she was 8. From her professional standpoint, this is the magic age where questions come. She suggested the American Girl series on The Care of Keeping You, I also got some sex appropriate books. This was really a good way for us to look and read the book together and show her she could ask questions. There are great sections about everything including weight issues. Perhaps you have this book already.

It might do some good to talk to all your kids together about respecting each others feeling etc. I have some mom friends who have the same issue with the social issue. It brings tears to your eyes because you feel so bad for them. What one mom does is encourage play dates, perhaps if you are friends with any of the moms and trust them, you might ask them to call her over for a playdate.

One thing I myslef would try is over summer break, try having some small get togethers where the girls do activities together, beading, bakesale etc.

Good Luck
J.

H.-
I can talk from her point of view as I was always overwight for my age. The mistakes my parents made were singling me out & my dad teased me. Make sure you involve the whole family in a lifestyle change, get a membership to the YMCA etc. You are the one who buys the food, cooks it & determines what will be in the house. You have almost all the control over that right now. Do not tell her things about being overweight, this is what my mom did to me & I think that is what made my extra weight last into adulthood since I had a low self-esteem. She could naturally just be a larger person as well, just make sure she is getting the right foods & exercise. As for starting her period she has the right to know all the details, she needs to know them. Would you rather have her friends or boys tell her some myths about avoiding pregnancy? I would guess she would start her period around 10-11 that is about when I did. Hope this helps.
Brekka

My best friends were all boys until I was about 11. I just enjoyed them more! I was very tomboyish in my early years. I think about the time I started going through puberty, I found myself wanting to spend time with more girls, as my interest in boys as "boyfriends" started to emerge, and I was starting to want to do more girlie things. Now, at 35, I have a pretty good mix of friends from both sexes. It must be hard to watch your child feel like she isn't fitting in, but I bet she is just going through an awkward phase. Friendship shouldn't be about gender anyway, and besides, I think it is helpful for her future that she is able to understand the opposite sex! As far as the food goes, it might take clearing out the pantry and only having healthy stuff around, which could be boring for the rest of you all, but worth it for your daughter. I eat out of boredom, and if the junk isn't available, I can't eat it, but if it's here, watch out! I wonder if eating for her has become a habit?

Hi - my sister in law's daughter was the same way at that age and is now 16 and very slim. She did grow out of it but they did have to limit her food and sugar intake. Growing up my parents didn't have sugar in the house my mom baked with honey. Now that is hard these days you might try to not keep junk food or sweets on hand in the house so that when she tries to snack there will not be anything except healthy things. Also what I learned from my mother is that homemade sweets are better than store bought. Less perservatives, and non natural things. With homemade you know what is it in and you have control with the ingredients that you use. I to have trouble with snacking on unhealthy things and I just don't have it in the house which has taught my children as well to eat healthier. I think she will grow out of this stage and slim dow especially if she is active on a daily basis. And for the friends sometimes not having girls that age may be a blessing - they seem to grwo up too fast with having to wear make up and all of that - I think she will make the right girl friends when she is ready and the right ones come along. I wish you all the luck - my neise has lots of girl friends now and is very slender. Girls do start their periods earlier now days with all the homrmones they pump into foods. I would continue what you are doing with just talking about it but try not to make a too big of a deal so that when it does come it will just be a natural thing that happens. And then make sure she has her own products to use - I think they make some now just for teens or first timers - which helps out a lot. My 16 year old once bought an adult brand and was digusted on how big that pad was and had to go to another store to get her usual kind. Hope some of this helps you out.

First let me say your daughter sounds wonderful!

The first issue you bring up is the sneaking the food, try putting the food into a higher cupboard where it will be harder for her to get, leave only the healthiest choices on a lower level, you are right you don't want to completly remove all of the "fun" foods this will only lead to problems down the road when she is older and can fend for herself. Remember some kids are just created bigger, it is ok, teach her to love her body no matter the size, but that she still has to be healthy.

Your next concern is socially, is this her concern or yours? Some kids just aren't very social, my oldest daughter isn't never was and she is fine with that, and my other daughter who is a social butterfly.Is her one friend good to her? maybe that is all she needs....one good friend, instead of a lot of ok friends. She sounds like a tomboy at heart and in time as she gets more into sports you will find that she will have more friends but friends who like the same things she does and have the same interests.

Third Q....puberty won't really start for a couple more years, you might be noticing breastbuds right know but full puberty doesn't start until about 2 years after that, I have 7 kids and know this first hand and from thier DR's. Sex and our bodies is always an open subject, but a lot of what they learned did come from the schools health program during the fifth grade, they were a little more able to do it so that the kids had a true understanding of what was going on with thier bodies, better then I ever could.

Relax a little, let her find her way, but support her and listen to her fears, as parents we try to fix it for them when sometimes we just need to step back and let them do it on thier own. Good luck.

What is it that she is sneaking to eat? I would get rid of chips too. Make sure that she knows there is discipline if she sneaks. She needs to ask and obey. I used to have that problem with my 7yo. Now, I tell him that if he wants a snack between meals, he can have a veg to snack on. I homeschool him, so usually a few carrot spears while he is working works. don't go gunho on grains as grains means that your body has to work harder to turn it into sugar, which means storing it somewhere. Find veg or protein snacks. As far as the puberty, I wonder, was she on Soy formula, or drinks soy milk? Research has found that soy given to children speeds up the time of puberty for girls and slows it for boys. Offer her water to drink instead of milk, juice or soda. Get rid of "sugar water" aka koolaid. When she comes home from school, have a snack of yogurt or raw veggies. Tone down the rice, pasta and potatos at the evening meal, and emphasize the meat and veggies, and try to see if you can have that meal about 5ish if possible. Remember everone metabolizes differently. My dh has a belly that sticks out, and the rest of his family are skinny, but I finally am down in weight to match what I need to be at for my height. Getting rid of the grains, chips and drinking more water and eating more veg and meats has really helped. I was considered overweight.

I had weight issues as a child my mom thought she had done all the tests. I hardly ate anything and was active enough but still had problems. When I was 23 they diagnosed me with pcos a hormone condition and also the inability to metabolise carbohydrates (which is mostly what I ate) I love fruit and veggies the most that was what was so frusterating. Make sure she gets tested and keep giving her healthy choices for treats she may grow out of it. You do not want to give her a complex. If your overweight and secure in yourself, who cares if there is more of you to love as long as she is healthy. But if you make her aware of the problem too much it could go the other way. My mom was obsessed with being thin and Me my sisters neices etc. have also had the obsession to a not healthy point. I was anorexic, and bolemic, I have tried every diet out their then finally when I was diagnosed with the problems, my doc. said count your blessings most people with these problems are 350 plus and I was only around 200. So a read books on the disorders and lost about 90 pounds with out the help of my doctor. She basically said I could not lose weight. Watch your daughter for abnormal symtoms and behaviors and look it up yourself on the internet maybe there is an underlying problem, if not keep doing what your doing and insure her self confidence as much as possible...
hope this helps...