Weaning!!

i see no reason for you to feel that you need to slow down at 15 months. I breasfeed both of my girls, one until almost three and the other one earlier because of medical reasons. If you are able to handle it, continue.
Margaret

Hi S.,

I know you are going to get a on of advise on this subject. My greatest advice to you is "Follow your mommy heart." If you are not ready, and she is not ready, then there is absolutely NO reason to quit. The American Academy of Pediatrics used to say wean at age 2. Now they say "as long a breastfeeding is mutually desireable to the mother and the child."

Most kids that have been breastfed like yours will slowly wean on their own. At 15 months mine was still nursing about 4 times in 24 hours. By 18 months about 2-3 times and at 21 months she was nursing in the morning, and sometimes at night. By age 2 she was nursing once in the eve to go to sleep and it was for about 5 minutes. She is now 2 1/2 and will go 3-4 days without nursing.

They say most moms weaning toddlers don't even remember the last nursing. I expect that will be my situation. One day I'll realize we haven't nursed in a week... or more.

I'd recommend a great book, "How Weaning Happens." by Diane Bengson.

I disagree with anyone who tells you that your daughter will "never" wean unless you make her do it. She will. Psychologically they become ready sometime between age 2&3. If you are always there for her, no matter what, she'll learn to be confident and independant.

Last - CONGRATULATIONS for making through all of this. Sounds like you had to work really hard to get were you are! BRAVO!!

Hi Sheila,

It has been 17 years since my daughter and I did the dance of weaning yet if I learned anything each child and couple(mom and child) have their own style. Our style still shows itself as she is 19 and weaning through high school graduation, college courses and moving out. Maybe why I am pulled to your request at this time.
I am very proud of how you and your mother have so beautifully danced with your daughter. At 19 months with my daughter I began feeling the need to reclaim my own body more and saw that my daughter was developing some unseemily behaviors around claiming my breast. So I had to be more directive at that time. It was not easy since I was a stay at home mom and with her all the time.
I suggest when you feel ready to let go of the noon time feeding first, your daughter and with your dedicated own mother on board will follow your lead. Your daughter probably will fight and disagree with a few painful days asserting herself. I did have to encourage a transitional object for my daughter since nursing is more than nutrition. As you have experienced it is comfort and connection as well. I also had to give her new touching and comforting ways with my body.

Good Luck and Enjoy! M.

Of course every baby is different when it comes to weaning. A La Leche League meeting would be helpful and 15 months isn't that old to be worried about completely weaning. I would recommend just weaning the 3pm feeding and trying that for a week or so then move on with the 5pm feeding and so forth until she is weaned. The book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" is an excellent resource and calling LLL is another great support guide.

A Little About Me:
G. Witty CMD,CBE
I am a Monitrice Doula, Childbirth Educator, President and Founder of The Birth Connection. I have been a supporter of La Leche League since 1971. My web site is www.thebirthconnection.net. I have helped over a thousand women with breastfeeding and weaning so please feel free to ask any questions.

Hi, how great that you have been supporting your daughter in this way despite it being difficult and tiring. I hope you also tell your mom often how much you appreciate her help and support! I think you will need to take some small steps to help your daughter toward weaning. About my experience: I am on my third breastfed baby, but she just turned one, so I'm not really weaning yet (but thinking about how it might go). The more food and drink she gets from other sources, the less appetite she will have for breastmilk. Of course, with breastfeeding, it's not just about the nourishment, so the bedtime and naptime feedings are usually the last to go. Still, try to increase the amount of other foods and even drinks she is getting at other meals. She is over age one, so you can try whole milk (or soy if she has any intolerance) as an added beverage. Since whole milk has pretty dense nutrition, it can help fill her up. Many of the fruits, vegetables, and other baby puffed rice foods, although high in nutrition, are not very calorie dense. So we can understand that babies may still be pretty hungry without some additional calories and fat. My kids have all loved yogurt. Find a full-fat yogurt (not made with skim or 2% milk) for all kiddos under age 2. YoBaby is a good one (organic, too); my kids have also liked the Danon LaCreme. Keep encouraging her intake of regular foods and beverages at meals, and she should start to nurse a little less. I hope this helps. She may surprise you by starting to wean on her own, even though it seems to you she currently has no interest in doing so. They surprise you like that sometimes! Good luck!

Sheila,
First of all, hats off to you and your magnificent mom! If I read your posting 'right', you and your daughter still enjoy nursing, but you need to cut back a bit. If that's the case, I suggest you drop the noon nursing, and go on with the night and morning nursing. Depending on the hours you work, you may need to drop the morning nursing as well/next. As for the night nursing (or whichever is most 'convenient', I think you could continue until one of you is ready to stop. SHE might 'never' be.
Here's what worked for me and our third (and last!) child: a boy, almost 3. I had long ago gone to nap/sleep nursing only. But a couple of months ago I felt it was making me crazy. It took me a while to think it all the way through and find a 'method' I was comfortable with and knew I could stick to. Over time, I mentioned that soon the 'nurses' would stop making milk... be all done making milk. That they were tired. Finally, that time became 'tomorrow' (and it really was!). I was very matter-of-fact, told him how the 'nurses' had finished making milk for his sibs, that he had done a great job and drank all my milk... and that we have 'snuggles' still. He wasn't thrilled, but I talked him through it--responded when he'd ask, explain again and again, as if it were a story almost. The worst part was the 'cold turkey'--I was painfully engorged for 3 days!
Hope this helps. Best of luck to all of you.

My son was the same way, although he never took anything but the breast until 11 months. When I weaned, I dropped one feeding one day, I think lunch since it seemed to be the easiest. A few days later I dropped dinner. He caught on to what we were doing and never nursed again. It hurt, but I was suprised how easily he weaned since he was so set on nursing. My first son weaned the traditional way, a feeding every few days until we were done. I hope it works well however you do it. I do know I had a friend who didn't do it because it seemed too hard, and her daughter nursed until almost 3 years old, much to her chagrin, so you might have to tough it out for a while to make it work.

Something else that was recommended to us but we never had to do is going away for a few days. When you come back your milk it dried up and there is now option. I highly recommend cabbage leaves to put in your bra if you go that route. I did that with our second when he weaned so quickly and it worked even better than Advil for the pain. Good luck!

I weaned both of mine at 18 months - my schedule not theirs, although both were ready. I'd start w/ the noon feeding. If you think she's really going to resist, get a little routine going first - sippy cup, nursing, book - or something similar and then after a few days just drop the nursing. She may or may not protest the first couple of times but just say "time for our book." And, if she throws a temper tantrum, simply walk away until she's ready for the book. give it at least a week - more like two, then take away the morning feeding. Same thing - have a routine where nursing is in the beginning or middle and just leave the nursing out. For both of mine, I kept the night feeding for last. And I cried after the last feeding far more than either of them did in the next few nights! the biggest reason for 10 days to two weeks between eliminating feedings is to dry up your milk slowly - a lot more comfortable that way.

Bless your heart! I truly do knw your pain, and your joy. My question is this: Do you think there is a chance that your youngest needs YOU more than she actually needs the breasfeeding? Also, being a single mom makes you just as dependent on the children, as they are on you. That was my experience, anyway. I wanted so badly to do the right thing, because of everything that is going wrong, that I tended to really treat especially my youngest, well, like a baby. He's 6 now, but I do think I babied him more, and hampered his growing up. He was all for it too! He knew something was amiss in our family. The sad thing is, the older boys had to grow up quicker.
I nursed all 4 of my little boys til they were about 1 1/2. So I know the bond, and know the mixed feelings about weaning. But you are in a tough time in your life right now. Maybe it will be tough to wean, but it may prove to provide a different way for you and the children to spend time bonding. And the older children might actually get some time with you too!
Keep your chin up. You are a hero! I will pray for you, and I thank God for your Mom! I know you do too. Moms are special, especially in these times in our lives. It won't last forever.

I just weaned my baby, and can suggest a couple of ways to cut out a feeding or two if you want.

I used to nurse and then feed her. When I wanted to wean, I switched to feeding her first and then nursing. Eventually I started giving her a cup of cow's milk with her meal. This way, the food and cow's milk filled her up so she nursed less. Eventually I just didn't nurse her. She didn't seem to notice.

That was easiest after lunch and dinner. It was tough to get rid of the early morning nursing. I did it very gradually--cut out one nursing about every 2 weeks.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hi S.,
That is great that you are a breastfeeding mom!! Anyhow, I nursed all four of my babies and I always stopped at 12 months cold turkey, except for my last child. (this is because after about 10 months old they only were allowed to nurse at night) I kept their little belly's full as much as I could with food and sippy cup liquids. I stopped with my last child at 18 months only because I wanted to enjoy the breastfeeding experience one last time. All I can say is that YOU are in control and because your mom takes care of her, it makes the situation really hard. In my case, I just let them cry it out at night for 2-3 days. The older they get the harder it is to stop because their memory gets better. They will forget the routine eventually. Maybe your mom can find some really exciting things for her to do for several days to take off the pressure a little.

I nursed my son till his 2nd birthday, and then stopped it right afetr the birthday wihtout any single protest. I know every mom&child set is different but here is what worked very well for us. First we stopped nursing at the outings. he was ok with that. Then over 3-4 months-not weeks or days, i startted to wean one feeding at a time staring with the mid of the day up until we had 2 nursing seesions one in the morning and one right before the sleep. i took first the morning session, and then I started tellign him that once we celbrate him becoming a big boy-2nd birthday-we won't do any more nursings. i kept telling him for a month or so. Then when we stopped nursing the day after his birthday, he never fussed about it again.

Hi Sheila,

I am mothering 2 year old Scarlett who is an avid and extensive nurser. She loves to nurse more than anything and nothing i do seems to curb that appetite for breast milk. I have talked to many moms, and i have decided weaning her while she is in her glory of loving it isn't the right thing, but I have decided to place some limits on nursing, as she can't nurse when we are out and about, etc. Now, i know that your situation is different, however, if you tell her what is happening and place some limits and then stick with them, and also continue to nurse her at the appropriate times, I would imagine she will be ok.

I will say, the World Health Org. recommends nursing to 2 years old and beyond for maximum heath, so be reassured that nursing her is ok and healthy for her.

Good luck... nursing toddlers and breast milk lovers is challenging.

Nursing is hard, amazing, nurturing, satisfying and the idea of giving it up can be heart breaking. Thankfully my son took a bottle from about 2 weeks and then was open to formula at about 6 months (as a supplement). I nursed till he was just over 2 -- but by that time I was only nursing once a day but still in the beginning I didn't think I'd make 6 months. Back to your question -- It's hard to know if she'll ever want to stop.. she may or maybe not. I will say the longer I waited especially once my son could talk it was hard and he didn't want to stop. He wanted Mommy Milk. If it makes it easier for you then you may want to consider at least dropping one nursing (maybe mid-day). It really is up to you and what works best for you to be the best mom you can be and for you to feel right about your decision. There are certainly schools of thought that say nurse until they want to stop and that of course is always an option, if it works for you but it sounds like you have a fairly hectic schedule.

Honestly, my guess is that you have to be ready emotionally to cut that bond and if you aren't then you'll muddle through it, if you are then you will and you will forge new bonds but that breastfeeding bond is a hard one emotionally for mom's -- or it was for me.

Good luck, do what makes the most sense for you and your daughter
L.