My little one sleeps with me and I am still nursing at night mainly. Trying to wean him. I guess I have two things going on. One baby in my bed which I am not too worried about despite mixed thoughts from others on co-sleeping, but the weaning part is difficult. My baby falls asleep only by nursing and then he wakes up at night and uses my nipple to self-soothe himself back to sleep. I can't break this pattern. I've tried letting him cry it out, but I feel bad. Any advice would be greatly appreciate.
First of all thank you for all your responses. Some time has gone by and nothing has changed, BUT I will be utilizing some of your techniques. I think it is more me, but at the same time he wants what he wants. It's sooo hard to hear him crying. I am really tired in the a.m. though because he still doesn't sleep through the night. Not sure if it has to do with the nursing/soothing back to sleep. Anyhow, thank you all very much.
Changing the Sleep Pattern of the Family Bed
by Dr. Jay Gordon (Santa MOnica, CA)
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
That article may help. He is very pro-breastfeeding, attachment parenting, but that article outlines a way for you to change the dynamic.
Your baby is still a little young to understand that Mommy's breasts are closed at night... But if he has teeth (which I bet he has) it's a good time to stop the all night nursing. I'd try putting bandaides over my nipples as a reminder to me to not let him nurse and try shaking his toosh from side to side. Strange, I know, but my Brazilian mother-in-law taught me this and it works a lot of the time. Softly rocking his toosh back and forth rocks the entire body and can be quite soothing. Basically you'd be teaching him another way to sooth. Once he gets hooked on this and stops the middle of the night breastfeeding, you can shake it less and less until he doesn't need it anymore. It's a long process but it's easier than crying it out.
You don't have to stop weaning entirely. He can still breastfeed to sleep. Take the weaning slowly...
The key to weaning and any other major transition is to make sure it is consistent and calm.
I am a co-sleeper...and very dedicated to it and attachment parenting. So, hears what I think might be worth a shot...
It sounds like what my son did at night while he began to teeth, after self weaning himself from the nightfeedings. You may want to invest in Drops or Tablets for teething at night.
But, if he is rooting for the nipples for soothing back to sleep then I would make the nipples less avaiable. Wear a sports bra, or tank bra that covers them and denies him access.
Talk to him about what is happening, and make sure he understands that you are doing this for the both of you. I use the word 'team' a lot with my son, and now that he's older he'll even remind me that we're a 'team'.
You could introduce another form of comfort...a lovey or pacifier. My son had a his 'dino' that we picked out together, and my sister came with us and purchased it for him. We made it a big deal and he loved it. This way at night he would look for the lovey and not Mommy...it took a few weeks though.
There are NO fast cures for this kind of stuff, and using the CIO Method with co-sleepers is kind of counterproductive. Plus, lots of bad information keeps coming out about how it affects brain development and emotional development/attachment moving forward.
The link below is from Dr. Sears a big advocate of attachment parenting...and, great advice for co-sleepers.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp
Good Luck and keep up the good work!
D..
G., Congratulations on The Experience! Enjoy every minute of it...don't wean, wait till your boy weans himself... they do do this...they also decide they don't want to sleep with you anymore! Sometimes it happens suddenly, overnight, and there's no going back. Other times it happens gradually.
My second litter (I have two teen daughters 16 months apart- my first litter- and two preschoolers 13 months apart- my second litter) breastfed until they gradually wanted more of everything else than me...and they had their own toddler bed/crib since birth, but they co-sleep with us whenever they want...only a few hours a day, in the morning or right before they're ready to go to their own bed now that they're older, when infants they co-slept almost all night every night and we've had both of them together in bed at once too, we DO get sleep, it just takes getting used to snuggling a lot!
It is so nice to have that together time, specially if you have to work...why would you want to cut it short? If you had him next to you every night for the next year or two, you'd be sooo lucky! Enjoy!
had the same weaning situation with all my 3 kids. what worked for me each time was rubbing or putting drops of vinegar on the nipples (harmless to baby but makes nipples taste bad). will take a few nights depending on how persistent baby is, but eventually will find the breast not appealing anymore and stop asking. note that vinegar evaporates fast so you need to apply right before attempting to nurse and might have to reapply during (medicine dropper works).
Hi G.,
I'll throw my two cents in there, based on my own experience. We also co-slept w/ my daughter and she was a night-time power-nurser, as well. Probably 3 times in the middle of the night on average. It was easy for us to cut out the night nursings because I waited until my daughter was 18 months old so that she could understand. I just told her that mommy wasn't making milk at night any more. When she would wake up to nurse, I had a sippy cup right next to the bed to give her a sip or two. This worked like a charm and after a few nights, she no longer woke up. From that point on, I slowly would eliminate a feeding or two during the day until at 21 months, we stopped all together. It was a gradual process, made easier by the fact that I could communicate with my daughter about what was going on and she could understand.
Best of luck to you!!
This site has good suggestions, but my daughter is 14 months old and still prefers to take much of her nutrition at night. Brain development is still off the charts for the next year and I would hate to deprive her of critical calories at crucial moments.
First decide IF you do REALLY want to completely wean.
Never-mind about comments other people make to you about co-sleeping.. that is a private matter. In fact, many parents co-sleep, but they don't go around announcing it to every person they know or meet. And not all parents will "admit" to it, except on MamaSource! :)
He is only nursing at night.. so he IS weaning. This is the many forms that "weaning" takes. It's normal. Weaning is a process...not a slam-dunk one occasion thing.
You can either let him self-wean (which I did with both my kids)... or not. But if not, it will take patience and time. He's still young... so, verbal explanations will probably not take too well at this age.
Or, some parents introduce a bottle, or a pacifier, or my friends actually put band-aids on their nipples explaining "Mommy has a boo-boo..." or "Mommy's milk doesn't work now..." But, this was done when the child was older.
See what will work best for you and your baby...but I would not do it just because others are making comments to you... and besides, co-sleeping has been around for ages.. and in many cultures. It's nothing "new." Just misunderstood. MANY MANY families do this, and with older children too. No worries. And no, co-sleeping does NOT hinder a child or make them "dependent"... I know, because we co-sleep with my kids and they are certainly NOT hindered or dependent....and in fact are very confident, secure, and independent individuals.
All the best,
Susan
I was nursing my son untill he was 18 mon. The frist 10 months I swear I didnt sleep he woke up every 30-45 min and would only go back to sleep when I nursed. I always felt bad if he cryed but my mother in law told me to let him cry it out and it worked for me. Who cares if he sleeps with you are babies are only the age they are once in life and we will never get that back. As long as it dosnt bother you:) Have you tryed putting a pillow between the two of you and rubbing his back when he wakes up? The only way I could stop nursing was to completly stop. My husband had to rock him for a couple days but after that it was ok....
Hi, G.,
I am trying to wean my baby, too. I wish that I had advice for you, but I'm in the same boat as you.
By the way, how can you be a psycho-therapist without having a license? I'm asking because I'm a graduate psychology student and would like to more about the profession.
Thanks,
Lynne E
I found a good solution in the "No-cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" (or something like that title) by Pantley (she does a couple of No-cry Solution books).
It has a section for cosleepers (both who want to continue and who want to stop) as well as night weaning and/or training to fall asleep some other way (besides nursing to sleep). It was helpful.
Others have told you, and I completely agree, the one who should decide whether having your baby in your bed is a problem is YOU (and maybe your spouse, lol). Don't listen to others, listen to your heart. You're doing just fine.
Hello! You already have some good responses but I am going through this right now so thought I'd respond. This is my experience and may or may not be the same as yours. We also cosleep and my baby is 16 months. We started Friday night Jan. 2 and it is now Mon. Jan. 5. Up until Fri. night he was waking up 3-5 times per night to nurse and we loved it. We nurse during the day when we are together and not when we aren't. I am very happy about the choices we made to nurse, night nurse, cosleep and so on up to now, but things had gotten to a point with the sleep interruption that it felt necessary for our family. We bit the bullet and when he woke on Fri. night my husband took him, holding, rocking him as he cried, while I lay in my older son's bed. It was very difficult to hear him crying and not go to him. He cried a lot that first night but his father was always there holding him. The second night he cried a lot less, and the third just one time though it was several long minutes. Tonight he has so far woken only once and took less than 1 minute to settle back down with husband--I didn't go in and am online at this hour (1:45 am) which never was possible before. Not that I want to be doing this a lot. He slept tonight for 4.5 hours straight, a first for him. Not sure if when you said you tried crying it out that meant with his dad or without. With dad seems to have worked for us though it means we are both tired the next day. Luckily it will lead to better sleeping for all of us later. Good luck with your process!!
My little one still woke to nurse until she was 18 mo. We did a bit of the co-sleeping thing, but she wiggled too much to stay for too long. The thing that worked with me was having my husband go in with her when she would wake in the night. He would hold her while she cried and I would lay in bed feeling horrible and guilty, but it only lasted 2 nights. From then on she slept 10-12 hours a night, and continued to do so (She's 2 1/2 now). My friend who still co-sleeps with her 2 1/2 year old weaned by wearing "difficult to nurse in" pj's, and turning her back when he wanted to nurse. If he was too upset, the daddy would remove him from the bed, and walk him around a bit until he calmed down. It took a little longer for them, but he's not night-nursing anymore at 2 1/2.
Dear G.,
You are a in a common place that many working mothers find themselves in. I have been there too. You have done a commendable job breastfeeding so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself if you are ready to stop now. When you get to the time that you want your bed back, it's natural to feel guilty but they are going to cry a bit. No need to do it cold turkey. Start by staying by the crib In your baby's room or nurse the baby in a rocker after bath. Read a book and then rock baby. Put baby down and stay each night. Make this a routine. Gradually replace the bf stage with a non- leaking sippy cup with water. Rub baby's back. Baby may wake up in the night - this is normal. Just repeat the rocking and soothing.
And on the work front I am thinking of starting a website/support group for wprking mothers who feel conflicted. Let me know if you'd be interested! Hang in there! You'll get through it!
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