I need some advice. My son is 20 months old. I weaned him from nursing during the day very easily at about 12 months old. Soon thereafter, I weaned him from nursing before bed. He would nurse at midnight and then again at 4 or so in the am. So far so good. A few months later, I tried weaning him all the way. He cried and cried and after a few days of no sleep, we both got sick. So I let him nurse again. Then I had to go on an overnight trip for work. So a few weeks ahead of time, I totally weaned him. He would fuss for a few minutes and go to sleep. Success! But shortly after the trip, he got an ear infection and then his incisor teeth came in. He asked incessantly to nurse. I gave in. Now he nurses every hour during the night. And I know that not much milk is coming out. I don't ever leak anymore and I don't feel a letdown anymore. But he sucks and sucks. And he does not use good mouth positioning anymore either, so my nipples are raw and cracked. He sleeps with me in my bed, I should add this. Any ideas, advice? Should I just tell him we are done with nursing and wean him cold turkey? Or does his sudden obsession with sucking mean I tried to wean him too fast? I feel like my attempts totally backfired and he is deathly afraid of weaning. Or maybe his molars are coming in? He does not have a fever and does not seem ill, so I don't think he has any type of cold or infection. I am at the point where I just want to end it (I had it so good when he would nurse for 5 minutes twice a night and roll over back to sleep) but I don't want to harm his fragile psyche . . .
Well, I tried your collective recommendations over the weekend. Friday night was very hard. I let him nurse once Saturday morning, but that was it. He has now gone 48 hours without any nursing! Last night he slept until 4 am without crying at all! He awoke again at 6 and really wanted to nurse. So we just got up out of bed. That distracted him and he was fine. I think there is a lot to the idea that the child has to be ready to wean. It has definitely been easier this time than any of the other times I have tried to wean him over the last few months. So for those of you with my same problem, try, try again. One of those times, it will stick! Thanks to everyone for your support!
I have to agree with Annie.
You need to take control of the situation, and what ever you decide to do, stick to it.
And this is a promise, it will get worse before it gets better. He will see that you are not responding to his training, and he will have to up the temper tantrum to get what he wants. But you can't give in.
It sounds like you want this to stop, so you have to be consistant.
Good luck.
My advice, after weaning 2 boys, is to just stop letting him nurse, cold turkey. At 20 months he understands what is going on. 2 year olds are very smart. He knows he is in control of the situation right now.
Tell him, "Sweetie, mommy is not going to nurse you anymore, you are a big boy now". Then stick to your guns. YOu have to set the boundaries, and do not give in!
Initially, he may put up a fight. If he tries to nurse in the bed, be consistent and tell him, "if you are going to do that, MOmmy is going to lay you down in your own bed." Then do it. He'll catch on pretty quickly.
Just stick to your guns! It will be beneficial to him, especially when he sees that he can no longer control or manipulate mommy.
Hi S., I tend to agree with Jodee. Though I can tell you I'm facing the same decision here with my 16 month old and will be facing the same problem. He is in No WAY ready to wean. That said, my son nurses more for comfort than nourishment which is what I suspect your son is doing too. And he sleeps with us at night which is one reason I don't think it's fair to wean him completely. It sure is easier to start nursing in bed, but I know it's going ot be harder to wean when they're in bed with us :) At least in my case.
I like the idea of humming / stroking his face to sleep idea. I'll certainly keep that in mind when we decide for sure to wean.
Good luck, keep us posted!
When he asks to nurse, try to distract him with something else. Maybe get an interesting new toy, don't show it to him until he's really insisting to nurse. Then offer a sippy cup and take a few minutes to look at the *new* toy with him. It doesn't even have to be a toy, or anything new...just something unique to him.
Also, try to remember it won't go on forever. I have 5 kids. One boy was like yours. He nursed until his 3rd b-day, but only before and after bed.
Sounds like he needs something comforting. We use a "security" blanket--just a little square blankie about 12" by 12". My 5 mo. old breastfeeds and she is sleeping through the night. You have to let them cry it out for about 3 nights and they figure out--mommy isn't coming--they learn to self-sooth and put themselves back to sleep. It's so cute, we'll go in there and our little girl has blankie all cuddled up to her. Give him something to love on! :) Sure you may have to give up sleeping and it may break your heart to listen to him scream for a few nights, but it's so worth it. It's called the "extinction" method... I learned about it in the book "Healthy Sleeping Habits: Happy Baby".
"Nursing" means to comfort. It's not necessarily breastfeeding. That being said, he's clearly nursing for comfort and not food. You are the expert on your child. What do you think he needs now? What do you think he can handle? Keep in mind the coping resources he has. I have many (friends, taking a walk or drive, praying, reading exc). Babies and toddlers have us. Some babies and toddlers have sucking or a blanket/toy. That's not much. How much do you think he needs you, and what do you think you can do to meet your need for sleep and his need for love and reassurance?
I know I"m super late posting, but I thought that this info was applicaple to many parenting situations, not just night nursing.
You have created a monster. You should speak to your child's pediatrician asap. This is not a situation that is fostering independence for your child and mental well-being for yourself. It may be painful process but you need to be the parent. It seems that two things need to be done: get him into his own bed and stop nursing. If wakes up at night,comfort him in another way besides offering the breast. Rock him or play soft music. He will eventually learn to comfort himself back to sleep. Offering the breast is the easy way out, but you have to be stronger (or more stubborn) than your baby. I have a five month old and I don't nurse her in the middle of the night unless I am sure she is truly hungry. Your child does not have any nutritional need to nurse. You will be doing his "psyche" a favor by teaching him to be independent and comfort himself, knowing that you are there when he needs you. Good luck and be strong.
Hi, S..
I had a similar situation with my now 2 1/2 yr old boy. He sleeps in bed with us which made nursing so much easier for me and his daddy when I went back to work. We started weaning at 12 months by cutting down on the number of feedings. At 14 months, we cut down to only nursing before bed. At 16 months, when I tried to cut out the before bed feeding he started nursing on and off throughout the night with me sleeping happily. Same thing - no letdown, me knowing he's not getting much milk. At that point, I decided that it was probably a habit/comfort issue. BTW - my son NEVER took to the pacifier or blankie/plush toy for security. I started wearing a higher neck tshirt to bed and when he would try to nurse I would comfort him with singing or humming and gently run my fingers down his face - or - try to snuggle him up to daddy. After a few nights, he started to look for my fingers stroking his face to the point where he (even still) will grab my hand and put it to his face. I think that little comfort replaced the comfort of nursing. Something to try. My little guy still very forcefully tries to nuzzle and buries his face into my breasts when he's really tired. It took awhile to get him out of the habit of putting his hands down OR up my shirt. (Embarrassing when you're sitting in church or in a restaurant! HA!)
I tried letting him cry it out one night but just couldn't do it. Good luck! I sympathize. I actually think it was harder for me to let go of nursing than it was for my son, even though I thought I was ready. Let us know what works!
I don't know much about breast feeding cause I bottle fed all my girls, but have you tried a pacifier? That helps with the sucking urge. They aren't made for shutting a kid up like most moms think they are to help with that sucking urge that babies have. They don't really want to nurse or want a bottle they just want to suck on something. I'm sorry but that is the only advise I have. I hope it helps and I wish you luck. I also have a 20 month and I could not imagine her wanting to nurse. One more thing, if you try and break him from sleeping with you that might help. That way when he wakes up at night the urge to nurse on you isn't there.
