Weaning a Toddler - Sacramento,CA

Have you tried sippy cups? I did breast feed and bottle feed formulas when I couldn't produce. It wasn't a problem for me, but for some mothers it is. My son never cried when I weaned him completely. Try something new, maybe that will change his mind.

I can SOOOOO sympathize with you. My husband works nights and the nighttime feedings were the ones my boys loved. Weaning them at 2 years old was something I was ready to do; I was pregnant with my second when I weaned my first and it was so painful to nurse that I couldn't take it anymore. With the second one, I wanted to get pregnant with our third and hadn't ovulated or had a period since he had been born. And, doing it completely on my own at night sucked, but we're all still here! For my older son, I gradually stopped the daytime nursing (alas, no more naps!) and to stop the nighttime one, I did it cold-turkey. I had talked to him, explained it, etc. But really, how much could I prepare a 2 year old? I tried books, music, and finally stories helped him and he still, at 5, loves stories before bed. The first night with him was tough, the second night was harder, the third night eased up and by night number four he was fine. If I'd had someone else here it probably would have been much easier, so if you have someone at home to help out, that would probably be much easier than doing it on your own, especially with an older one at home. For the second one, I tried the cold-turkey and it didn't cut it, he was up screaming all night and I couldn't take it on my own, so I did the lemon juice thing. He loved the lemon juice. I sprinkled on pepper and he hasn't tried to nurse since! That was in July! It was very strange to have lemon juice and pepper on my bosoms, but it worked and it made more sense to him than the cold-turkey method. I think I just wanted it to be a little less traumatic for him than my older one and than my first attempt, mostly because, like you, I have an older one at home and I didn't think it was really fair to subject any of us to never-ending crying! The thing with my younger one, which is soooo amazing, is that he was sleeping with us, nursing throughout the night and when I stopped the nursing with him, he whined for a bit and then fell right asleep, in his OWN bed, and slept 14 hours straight! I am not kidding you! It was a non-nursing miracle for us! He's still in his own bed and he sleeps through the night 6 out of 7 nights a week, so weaning him had many different advantages for our family. At any rate, do what feels right for your family and your bosoms and best of luck!

Hi A.!

I weaned my daughter at age 3 1/2. I really wanted to do child-lead weaning but have come to realize that if you don't do it at age one, then many children, especially the strong willed ones may not self wean until around the age of 7 or 8!! With me however, I was starting to have some IBS issues and even after eliminating certain foods from my diet, I was really feeling the need to do a cleansing tea. It has a Chinese herb in it that you can't take if nursing. And for me - it was too hard on my heart to say no to her or "you're too old." I hate that and believe that many childen have sucking needs well into toddlerhood. So first, I would ask you to think - is it really worth it to you to not nurse at all or can you be okay with just a bed-time once a day feeding. Step back and examine your reasons. Is it truly making you uncomfortable or resentful or is it making someone else uncomfortabe, such as your husband, other family members, society etc. If you stil feel the need to wean and you have a soft heart like I do - then continue to try. In my case since there was going to be something in my milk that she could no longer have. I explained that to her. (Keep in mind that she was a year older than your son). Mommy's tummy hurts, I need to take a special tea to make it better but the tea will make you sick and it will get in my milk. So this is going to be our last week of mama mmmmm. We talked about it every night for a week and she knew how many more days until I was going to take it etc. We added other things to our night-time routine such as music and singing and snuggling to ease the transition. Then obviously on the day that I took the tea - I actually culdn't nurse her - she didn't love it but she did pretty good at understanding. So anyway, that was our experience. Good luck and remember - always wean with love!

I just weaned my 2 1/2 year old. I too thought this is going to be impossible he loves to nurse and I didn't want it to be a horrible experience for both of us, so this is what i did. I spent about a month telling him that he was a big boy and that it was time to stop "neh neh" (what he called it). I told him we were going to be stopping and that I loved nursing him and that the time has been special for us but that it was time for mama to stop and we would find something new to do together in place of it. As I told him this I stopped nursing in the AM first and got out of bed so he wouldn't expect it first thing and got him breakfast in bed. Now we are able to snuggle again without nursing in the mornings. Then I prepped him again by saying we were going to start a bottle at nap time and told him this while I was nursing him at naptime and how it was special but it was time to transition to a bottle ... and when I did I had no problem...actually he asked for the bottle one day at nap time and that was it. Then I started doing the same thing for bedtime. He started nursing on one side and then asking for a bottle and would say bottle yeah? So I began giving him a bottle and after two days we were done...it's so hard for me to believe and I cried because I didn't think it would go so quickly and easily and I it was such a special time for us. But now he drink his bottle and cuddles in my lap while I read to him and he really enjoys that.

Also you can order some Sage tea or tincture from Pam Caldwell at Herblore www.herblore.com or 877-808-5815 (toll free). Sage helps dry up your milk or reduce it in the case of overproduction. Another mom told me she had a friend use it and it worked great. So I am taking this just to make sure I don't get plugged ducts, etc since I'm done. It may help dry up your milk and then your son may become less interested in nursing...just another suggestion.

Good luck...hope it's a smooth transition for you. I certainly didn't want to go cold turkey either but wanted it to be a pleasant transition.

KW

Hi A.,
There is a lot of good advice on this page. I wanted to encourage you to contact a La Leche League Leader in your area. If they are far from you then a phone call is still a good way to get the verbal encouragement you need.
Weaning is a difficult and personal decision, and from the testimonies on this page - there are many different ways and outcomes.
One piece of advice I took from a LLL meeting is when we make a decision to change something (i.e. nursing, routine, etc) to be certain. A child can detect if we are not absolutely sure and they pick up on our uncertainty (sp?). I thought that advice was helpful. So good luck- as for me I know I will be going through this soon enough.
By the way - KUDOS to all the moms nursing toddlers!!!! Yay!

Well maybe you can't wait until he is three, but I have had a couple friends who, on their childs 3rd birthday, ended the nursing. They first explained many times in the 6 months ahead of time that when they turned three, that meant they were officially a kid, and kids don't nurse, only babies do (point this out about your childs friends). Talk to him alot about it until he can agree. Try to help him look forward to becoming a big kid.

Also, if he doesnt feel pressure for a while to stop, he won;t have the anxiety and power stuggle stuff going on, just get him used to the idea that it is coming.

Also, the majority of children will self wean by the time they are three, especially if they see it is something that is a big step to becoming a "big kid."

Also, untilt hen, try to work down to only one or two feedings a day. Usually a bedtime is the last nursing to go. Maybe if you can slowly work to one feeding it wont bother you as much either.

I weaned my daughter about 3 weeks ago. All I did was put vinegar (she loves sucking on lemeons, so that wouldn't haev worked) on my nipples one night before I put her to sleep. Normally she would nurse, then I'd sing to her, then put her to sleep.

That night I told her I had an "ouchie" on my "chi-chi" so there was no more milk. She tried to nurse (actually twice, she didn't mind the red wine vinegar, so I had to put Balsamic on them) didn't like the flavor, and I told her again that I had an "ouchie." She kissed my nipple, and hasn't asked for it since. Oddly enough, she also gave up her binkie the same night, and hasn't wanted either to sleep.

Good Luck! I think you need to just try what you are comfortable with, and mix and match approaches until something works. I thought my daughter would have been hysterical, but she took it amazingly well. I think she was ready to give it up too, and just needed a little push in that direction.

A.,
You might check your local library for "How Weaning Happens" or "Nursing Toddler". They both will give you a lot of insight into compassionate weaning and to why toddlers nurse. Also if check for a La Leche League Leader in you area, you can go to www.llli.org or check your phone book or call the local hospital and ask in Labor and Delivery. LLL Leaders have to do a lot of reading and have talked to mamy women with all sorts of breastfeeding issues so have a wealth of experience to lean on. That said, I have weaned two kids and am nursing two. With my older two they weaned with gentle encouragement from me and slowly adding restrictions like to start we stop nursing in public places and retreat to the car, then maybe we nurse only at home, then perhaps only in a special chair or bed. Also around age two I introduce me ending the nursing session. I use either singing a song or counting to ten and when I am done the session is over. Sometimes I sing or count fast and sometimes slow but it allows me to end the session and my child to prepare for it. We also talk about how as you grow up you don't need to nurse anymore and one day they will be all done. There is the philosophy of don't offer, don't refuse that many mothers employ. I also knew a mom who only offered, always refused as she wanted to be in control of the times. IMO cold-turkey is hard for you and your child. Both my oldest were older than 2.5 when they weaned and world-wide the average age for weaning is about 3.5/4 so that means considering many Western babies are weaned at birth or by 6 months that also in some cultures kids nurse well past 4 years. I say this only so that if you are wanting to wean because you think this is when it should happen that it is within the range of societal norms world-wdie to wean anywhere from birth to about age 7 (or maybe older).

my son was 22 months when I weened him and we did it cold turkey...he did throw a few tantrums but it didnt last long just a few days and he was fine. good luck!!

I'm not sure if this will work for you, but I gave my kids a special treat if they went the whole day without nursing. And if they went a week, they got a bigger treat, and by the end of the month we had a "big boy" party. It worked wonders! Good luck!

Dear A.,
I had difficulty with one of my kids. My husband and I went away for our anniversary for two nights. When I came back, I just told her it was all gone. Kept this up for 3-4 days and then she hardly asked. It took about a week and a half and she quit asking. Good luck.
Stac

Hi A. -

Well - I'm not sure if this is the best solution, but it worked for me. I also nursed my daughter for 2.5 years. How I did it was I went on vacation for 2 weeks. She didn't expect her dad or her grandmother to nurse her, so she didn't put up a fuss. When I came back, I didn't have any more milk. I let her snuggle with me whenever she wanted, but simply told her there was no more milk - she was a little frustrated with me for about 1 day, then was fine-!

Good luck -

Hi,
I weaned my son around that time as well and was really dreading
it because he was still very attached to breastfeeding to fall asleep.
The first night I sat in bed with him and read him
book after book (through the crying) until he was so tired that
he fell asleep without nursing. From then on I told him that
my breasts "didn't have any milk anymore, oh well" and just shrugged my shoulders. We had to read for quite a long time
at night to get to sleep, but it really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whenever the issue would come up, I would
just say, "there's no milk", "not working", etc and really not let it become a big deal, just another broken toy.
I had him go cold turkey because given his personality, if
I let him nurse even once, we would have been back to square one.
Good luck.
S.

Hi A.,
I nursed my son until he was almost three and I understand how hard it can be. There are some good books out there - usually available through La Leche League about child centered weaning etc.
I found that we were able to put it off during the day by saying that we would have time to nurse at night time. He was pretty good about that as long as I was consistent with the bed time routine. Once we got down to just one nursing I started cutting that one shorter. This took a lot of patience for me. I would let him nurse for a while and then I would say. "Ok. Let's take a break. I'm going to count slowly to 50 (or 100)." Then I would count slowly and he would usually fall asleep. If he was still awake I would nurse again for a short period of time and do it all over again. I know it sounds like a crazy routine - but it worked for us.
Also, my son spontaneously developed a replacement ritual. Instead of nursing, he would request a "tummy cuddle". He would lift up his shirt to reveal his tummy. Then he would pull up my shirt (just over my tummy)and lie down on me - tummy to tummy. I think this provided the same skin-to-skin contact that was satisfying during nursing. He is now 5 and once in a blue moon he still asks for a tummy cuddle at bedtime.
Good luck.
-C.

Hi A.,

As I see it you have two choices. One is to convince and/or enforce weaning on him, the other is to let him decided when he's ready to give up the breast. One entails a struggle, one doesn't. When I reflect back on the times that I tried to enforce independence according to my desire or time table - whether it be potty training or nursing - it was always a disaster. It drove a wedge between me and my child, which made both of us very unhappy. And, with both potty training and nursing, shortly afterwards my child decided for themselves that they were ready, and that was it! I think that's key. Let them make the call. It tells them you're there for them ALWAYS, and that you have faith in their abilities to make these very important choices. That's empowering and it fosters true independence.
How fondly I look back on those amazing, indescribable, but all too short years before my children took off into the world. Treasure the NOW.
Best to you!
T.

I've read so many responses with good advice. My question is "Why?". I just want to share with you that I did research and discovered that the average world wide weaning age is 5 years old So my next question was When do children stop benefiting from breastfeeding? I found it was ironically age 5. So I decided to nurse him until he was five or he quit himself. I ended up nursing him until he was 4 1/2 years old. Like you said, it was mainly comfort and upon waking and sleeping. But it was a decision I would not change. I was forced to wean my second son at 15 mos. for personal reasons. I have always regretted that. But I intend to nurse my third son who is now 10 mos. old like I did my first son. Unless you must, I would encourage you to not push the issue just yet. They are only babies once and it's still beneficial. Take care!
K. R

I have the same prob. as you. My little girl will be 2 in 1 week adn she still doesn't want to give it up. Like yours, it's just a soothing thing and she's fine with g-parents or dad. I don't really have any advice, I just know how it feels to get pressure from others around me. I don't even talk about it to anyone anymore. I figure she'll stop eventually. The lemon juice thing doesn't sound bad, though, at least it wont hurt her. Maybe I'll try that sometime.
U can e-mail me if u want...

Hi A.,

I weaned both of my daughters at 2.5 and had really different experiences. #1 went smooth. However, my younger daughter is much more strong willed. I did not use lemon juice but I did tell het it hurt when she nursed now and she understood that she did not want to give mommy owies. That worked when we went to bed, but not when she woke up in the middle of the night. I wish I had a magic answer, but all I can say is be patient and loving and in time she will get it. It will not take as long as you probably think it will. What I definatley would not do is give in. Once you start make that commitment, otherwise it will be harder for both of you. Do not be suprised if a few weeks later, she wakes up and asks. It is normal and does not continue. Good Luck.

C.

Hi A.,
I'm responding b/c I'd like some advice too. I'm in the exact same boat as you and am trying to wean my 2.5 yr old son and am feeling very lost and discouraged. I heard/read that 2.5 can be a natural age for child-lead weaning but I am not experiencing that. So, I'd love to know what you learn about this and how it goes for you. I'm at the point where I have a cut-off date and we'll do cold turkey if I can't slowly wean him before. We are currently on a 3x day schedule (first thing in the a.m., before nap and before bedtime) but can't get below that. He does it just for comfort and only asks if I'm there. So, I basically just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and I will hopefully learn from this too. Thanks for posting on this!

take care,
J.

Hi A.,
I nursed all three of my kids for between two and two and a half years each, actively participated in local la leche league meetings and thouroughly enjoyed the breastfeeding experience.
Having said that...
Nursing is a relationship, and there are two of you involved. If you are ready to wean, please don't feel guilty about it, you have already made it past the age of two which so great! But I know it's hard when your child is crying and climbing on you and trying to get at your breasts.
Rather than quitting cold turkey (which can be hard on both your child and your breasts!) I suggest you cut down to one long, special nursing per day. For us, it was in the morning. After a few weeks, I simply stopped, saying: there's no more mama milk! Let's get up and make pancakes (or whatever.) My oldest one and youngest one didn't give me much trouble, but my middle girl did have a harder time. She cried and cried, and it really broke my heart, but after two awful mornings, it was over and we went on with our lives. Nothing about our relationship changed, she was still (and still is!) a silly and compassionate girl.
As an aside:
Now that my kids are older (ages 9 to 15) I can see that the reward thing really backfires. When kids are rewarded for every "good" thing they do, they come to expect it all the time. So be careful of that slippery slope...
Best of luck to both you and your little guy :)

I just wanted to say that you're not alone! I have been scouring the web looking for advice on this exact same issue. My daughter will be 2.5 in a month, and while we have been talking about giving up the "nanas" since she was almost 2, she just looks at me like I'm crazy and screams when I actually try to keep her from nursing when she really wants to. She nurses to sleep, still, only when I'm around. If her dad or her grandma have her, then she'll just conk out without me. We only nurse to sleep, and then two or three times in the night.

I'm reading the advice here eagerly. Thank you for posting your question, I have a feeling you'll be helping more than just yourself!

Hi A.,

You might try phasing it out. First address the comfort reasons (your a big boy now, let try some big boy ways to soothe yourself), then after that has had a few weeks to settle out, plan to be away for bedtime (nap time as well, I guess) for several days in a row, then just let him know that the milk is all gone.

I weaned my daughter at around 3. I had only been nursing her at bedtime since she turned 1, so it was a bit simpler for me to do this. I'd felt ready to wean for a few months, but didn't want to push the issue since she was very likely to be my only child. My daughter actually gave me the perfect opportunity. She was feeling independant for a couple of nights, and chose to skip the bedtime nursing. I was out of the house the next couple of nights, and on the 5th night, she asked for "Mommy milky", but I told her it was all gone. She accepted this without any suspicions. She asked one more evening, and let it drop after that.

It'll really depend on how independent your son is feeling. Build up his sense of independance, and indicate that it's getting close to the time for it to stop (i.e. that it doesn't last forever), and that the two of you can build different ways to maintain your bond.

Good luck!
L.

A.,I happened to have a cotton dress with a turtleneck and my son couldn't get to my breast, so after a few nights, he gave up. J.