Wearing Out Welcome at Parents' House?

Your parents sound awesome!

Just ask them, point blank: "You know, I'm so appreciative and grateful for you allowing us to stay here while we search for a home but I just want to be certain that we're not wearing out our welcome or inconveniencing you in any way. Please let me know if and when you want your space back!"

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If I felt like I was wearing out my welcome, I would go WAY overboard doing things around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, yard work, etc. AND I would be sure that my 17 month old (to the extent possible) wasn't causing issues with the daily household. (i.e., Dad watches the news at 8 pm---don't have the toddler running underfoot taking him toys to play. Have him in bed already).

If I felt like I had so worn out my welcome as to need to move out, then I would NOT just buy the best you could find at the moment if it wasn't what you are really looking for. I would find a place to rent. Even if it is an apartment. Then sign a short term renewable lease.

Why do you feel that your wearing out your welcome when it was your dad that invited you to stay longer? Talk to him about this concern. It may just be in your head and you're stressing yourself for nothing. Your dad sounds like a great guy, I'm sure he would never want you to feel pressured into finding a place that wouldn't soot you in the long run. The best way that people can get along is by communicating. If you don't talk to eachother misunderstandings occur. Talk to him

Wait! You don't want to live for years with the consequence of your "impatience." I put that in quotes because that word doesn't quite describe your situation, but you get the idea.

A thank you gift can go a long way. It doesn't have to cost much, just a token of your appreciation. And the more thought that goes into it, the better. Maybe you could make them a special dinner, or buy them a gift certificate for movie tickets, or arrange some other night out. Or maybe you know some other thing that they would really love.

I would take your Dad at his word. Ask what you can do to be helpful. And get out with the family a couple times a week to give everybody some space. A good frank open conversation that starts with "we all need to be honest and content communicate"(saying what you mean and meaning what you say- with no hinting), will be invaluable in a time like this. Then specifically ask the questions you are asking here.
Good luck
E.

Sit down with dad, both of them, or whoever is the most easy to deal with and ask them what they think. Hopefully they'll be honest.

That is your best bet, instead of trying to second guess based on advice from a bunch of people who are not living in that house with you, extending the hospitality, let alone are not your parents.

You'll probably be surprised to find out they enjoy having you all there. This doesn't sound like the type of situation where there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel...such as indefinite unemployment situations. Those are stressful to say the least. It sounds like you and dh are able to contribute to the household, and are actively looking to leave. I say things are probably fine...but it couldn't hurt to find out if there is something they need or want done differently.

I think the key with you is to stay on task with looking for the right house. But just be careful not to get too hung up on unrealistic goals or dreams about this house. I've known people to want perfection, only to pass on many otherwise good deals. Otherwise, take your father's advice and make sure you buy what makes you happy. You afterall will be paying for it for the next 15 to 30 years if you have a mortgage. So it's not a decision to make lightly either, just so you can get out of your parent's hair.

I like the suggestion to rent, but be careful. You might use up important funds for a down payment doing a move like this. If your realtor is falling short, don't hesitate to find another so you can get access to the right kind of homes, in the right price range, as soon as they come on the market. Are you preapproved for your loan? That makes things go much smoother and quicker- less chance of the deal falling through on your end.

I would just ask them directly. I bet the answer is no, you are not wearing out your welcome! They are your parents. Would you do this for your own child?

When my dad had just got out of the Army, he, my mom and I were waiting on my dad getting into the police academy. He asked his mother if we could live with them. She said only if he turned over his paycheck to her and she would give them an allowance! Horrible! My great uncle (my grandma's brother) and his family told my parents they could live with them for as long as they needed. He never asked them for a dime. Well, a few months later we were out of my uncles and in an apartment and a year later in our own house! Fast forward many years later, my brother had a situation that his wife left him and their one year old. He was devastated. He lived in another state than me and was a corrections officer working nights trying to raise a baby on his own without any family around. I told him, come live with me and my hubby. They did for about two years. I never asked him for a penny! We were just so happy to see him and my nephew all the time. He now has his own house and a great career! Fast forward several more years. My husband, kids and I moved across the country because he was offered an excellent executive job. We lived a good life and then the market crashed and he lost his job. We tried to make it, but couldn't. I called my dad (who had a huge house and land and on the land a two bedroom guest house. Plus he was recently divorced).he told me my family and I could come live with him. He never asked for a dime! When I pulled into the driveway the night we arrived he was standing there and hugged me and said "Welcome Home, Baby". He LOVED having me and my family there. He was so happy to have his granddaughters with him every day. They LOVED seeing him everyday. .Sadly at a VERY young age (66) he passed away 8 months later, very suddenly. Out of that tragedy, we were blessed with my husband receiving a job offer and we are now back on our feet.

My point is, your parents are giving you an opportunity and you are giving them the gift to enable them to see you and your family. Enjoy it. You never know when you just might need to help a family member out the way you were helped. You are teaching your child a valuable lesson in helping others.

God bless and good luck!

My friend did this and they are still trying to sell the house they are in now. They aren't unhappy with it, they just have the opportunity to build a newer, nicer, bigger home. Their home now is 2100 sq ft. and cost them avout $400k in 2006. So with the market falling, they can't even get $300k for it. But it has worked for them for this long and they were able to get on their own. I suggest doing what works for you guys. Talk to your parents and ask them if things are still good or if they prefer you to get out on your own. Can you speed up the house hunting process? Is there one you could take that you could do some renovations to? Wearing out your welcome is never good, BUT, parents will normally be honest with you. And I think if you just talk to them, it will all smooth over :).

I am in the same boat -- not my parents, not officially in laws yet either -- we have been here for over a year now and still can not find a place to buy/rent etc ... I am pretty sure the welcome is being worn out here but not sure what to do about it other than keep looking but I am not planning on buying or putting ourselves into a situation that will lead us right back into the basement.

Thank God for loving parents, but one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to get out of there! Don't need to go get a hotel, but KEEP ON looking. Don't get complacent with that. It's a good market to buy! :)

well my boyfriend me and our 2 yr old live with his parents and we are looking at apartments and are wanting to get out of here in july august at the latest. I would maybe offer to pay for a few bills if you are using the cable/satalte and electric and water depending on how much it is a month like 50/month / bill to help out more and if you arent buy groceries a week or two a month to help out that way as well

You don't want to ruin your relationship with them by over staying your welcome. But you also DO NOT want to settle for a house you don't love. If you really feel you need to move, rent for a little bit, you can probably sign a 6 month lease somewhere. But first I would have a honest talk with your parents and see if they are really feeling this way and what would work best for all of you. We lived with family and I know it is hard, but really having good communication is the best thing.

Worst case scenario (actually wearing out our welcome) I'd rent a month to month apt until the right house came along.

Prior to that, however, I'd suggest it to my parents as a viable option / no animus.

we lived with my parents for 6 months till we found a house, and our child was 1 year old at the time. I kind of felt that way a bit too, but I just kept myself busy making sure the house was always nice and clean, and I made sure to buy groceries and pay for part of the utilities. Your dad would not have extended the invite if he didn't mean it. He is probably enjoying the benefit of having his grandchild there too. I wouldn't leave - you are making memories too, for all of you. I'm sure your child loves all the extra attention too!!

I, too, would take your dad at his word. Buying a house is a long-term commitment and if you get less than what you wanted you're likely to regret it for a long time (especially when you see the "perfect" one come up and you can't get it).

If it makes you feel better, offer to pay a small amount of rent.

I've had family stay with me (much more short term) and the things that make me feel like they are wearing out their welcome is their always arguing with or nit-picking each other (around me or within earshot) and leaving their stuff everywhere and not carrying their weight with dishes, and providing food even though they are certainly doing their share of eating & dirtying dishes. That and when they want to poke their opinion into what is going on in my family (getting involved in disagreements with my husband or getting involved in discipline situations with my kids). I would say, as long as you avoid those pitfalls it should work okay until you find the right house.

Well you can talk to your parents directly about this. My parents would have LOVED it if I stayed with them so that they could spend time with their grandchild everyday. And you are helping too. Maybe you can take turns paying bills.

If not, can you consider renting an aprtment/town home for a while until you find a home to buy. The you don't have to depend on your parents.

What if you sat down with them and set up a contract, so you both know what might come. Maybe you decide that if you haven't found something in 6 months, you will either find an apartment or begin paying them a minimal rent (whatever they will agree on). And until then, offer to take on some more of their chores, like laundry or mowing the lawn ... something so you feel like you're contributing and they also see it. I'm sure they love having you there, but it's always nice to have everyone on the same page! Good luck finding a great home!