Wedding Anouncments but Not Invititation?

V.,

I want to make sure you understand up front that I'm giving you some things here to think about... playing devil's advocate. I'm not condemning your plans. Only you can decide what is right for you. My husband and I talked about having a smaller wedding, but so many people wanted to share the day with us, we expanded.

Unfortunately, if you go by the Emily Post (Miss Manners), anyone can attend a wedding ceremony. They just can't invite themselves to the reception that might follow. If you do decide to send an announcement, you don't mail them until the morning after the ceremony and the wording is different than an invitation, but don't get your feelings hurt if they choose not to attend an after party or bring gifts. A wedding announcement doesn't require a gift.

Now....
You want to have a small private ceremony, they feel like you are leaving them out of one of the most important days of your life. You say you're inviting 2 friends a piece. I know I'd have my feelings hurt if my family member invited some friends to their wedding but left me out. You might want to write out a list of pros and cons for allowing your family members to attend. Then, think about how you would feel if you were the one not invited. Since you're planning a reception after the fact, why not allow those who want to share to be there with you. There is also the thought that being invited to a reception without being invited to the wedding, means that you don't care enough about them to share the day with them, you just want the gifts. Now you know why there are so few small weddings!

Another option would be to quietly get married at the "rehearsal" and then, "renew your vows" later in the day for the others to share in. It could all be in the same day, therefore not confusing anyone with anniversary dates or long explanations.

Good luck in making your decision! There have been a lot of people who have been where you are right now and there are no "right" answers. Do what you think is best.

Congratulations!!

It is perfectly acceptable to send only announcements. Your mom is probably the one getting her feelings hurt because she wants the whole event attention too. Mother of the bride is so special on that day too. You are entitled to do it your way and people our age don't care anyway! no worries!!!!

My husband and I had the same issue. We just got married last October, after "dating" for seven years. We just wanted a small simple ceremony and we had family trying to bombard their way into our wedding. We did exactly what you suggested. We sent out wedding announcements, with a beautiful arrangment of some of our ceremony pics. We had our wedding date and location on them and then at the bottom we had it say RECEPTION CELEBRATION with the date and all the details. Our family didn't really seem to mind that they weren't able to attend the ceremony, once the party got started. Plus, we played the video of the ceremony for everyone at the reception so they didn't really miss anything. Just remember, your wedding day is about you and your future husband and you should do what makes the two of you happy. Good luck! I hope you find this helpful:)

Send announcements to those you don't want to come to the ceremony and enclose an invitation to the reception to be held at a later date. Pre-address and stamp the envelopes for this set and mail them out the day before the ceremony. Send invitations to the wedding to those you want to be there. This day is about you and your future husband. If people get bent out of shape they need to grow up and realize it's not about them but about you and your day. If they truly care about you and your fiance they will gladly come and celebrate with you at your reception.

They probally just want to share in the joy. this could run up the money! big time! what we did was went to tenn. with just our parents and siblings we had so much fun and it wasn't all the stress of tring to please everybody else. this is your day. you plan what would be special for ya'll

tell family members in the announcement that youre planning only stress only an intimate wedding but youd love to have them at the big shindig later. a form letter inserted in annoucements should do the job. if they get offended they probably would be that way no matter how you told them so heres to you. good luck!

Remember- it's YOUR wedding! This day is all about you and your husband and it should be exactly what you want, not what everybody else thinks it should be. Not to sound harsh, but if people get their feelings hurt...they'll get over it. They are family and they aren't going to disown you. You may be surprised at how understanding and supportive people really are and how their feelings won't be hurt at all. I have seen several people send out invitations that announce their wedding and invite them to a post-wedding celebration and it can be done very tastefully! There are web sites that can show you how to "word" the invitations for a situation like that! Anyway, good luck and congratulations!!

I was a wedding planner for 5 years and I would say to spread the news by word of mouth and assure everyone that they will be invited to the big celebration. Sometimes when you send out announcements people think they are invitations and will RSVP and then you have a whole nother problem on your hands.

You can send the invitations to the big celebration 6-8 weeks before the event so that people will know that they are invited to that. That may help as well.

I still have connections on invitations and such if you need any help designing one.

It is your day so plan it ur way. However I think i do understand that your family is a little hurt that they r not being invited to the actual ceremony. Just put urself in their shoes, if your niece, your cousin, your aunt etc... were getting married, wouldn't u like to share that day w/ them??

It is YOUR wedding. No one has the right to invite themselves to it. I would send out the invitations now to the later celebration, and make it clear that you want a small, intimate wedding. Your extended family can take their vacation for the later party.

I, too, wanted a very small, private wedding ceremony. That meant not inviting the 50 million family members and friends on both sides. We explained to everyone that we loved them, and wised everyone could share this memorable day with us, but we were only able to have a small, very private ceremony at the time, but planned on having a reception later where everyone would be invited. We explained that due to finances and time restraints, a larger wedding just wasn't possible (we didn't out and out say that we didn't want them there! Because we did, but didn't, if that makes sense!!) We started planning a bigger wedding, and I seriously had meltdown! I couldn't do it! So we went back to a small wedding! If people got their feelings hurt, they didn't say, but I told my now husband, ya know, that's there problem. Not to be mean, but it wasn't THEIR day, it was ours, to do with however we wanted. We sent out invitations after the wedding to the "Reception Celebrating Our Marriage" Everyone knew we had gotten married, some just didn't know when. People were thrilled to come to the reception, and understood completely our desires to keep it very small and intimate. We did end up having a few more people come than originally planned (to the wedding), but it was still a very small ceremony, and it was so much more relaxing. I wouldn't have done it any other way.
You can't worry about making everyone happy on your day. There is always going to be someone that is unhappy, but it should not be you or your fiance. I kept telling my husband that when we were planning. Everyone was telling us how we needed to do what, and acting all offended if we didn't do it their way, but again, this was OUR day! We wanted it to be special, and it was. Many people we loved did not come to our ceremony, because when you start to invite one, you think of another, who asks about another, and the list keeps growing. We had to just invite those closest.
Send out announcements for your post wedding celebration. With ours we included a picture from our wedding that had our names and date of wedding on it. All you have to write is that you were married and you want to invite these people to come celebrate your marriage with you! People were too happy for us when they got our invitations to be angry they weren't invited. Start a website, and on there, explain a couple of times that the ceremony itself is private, but the reception/party is open to all your loved ones!

You could send them an invitation to the reception/post wedding celebration, you could also send them a save the date for the reception, or you could send them an announcement telling them about your wedding (but they might take that as an invitation). Here is a website I can recommend to go to and look at the invitations that they have www.igotdrastic.cceasy.com Good luck hope this helps you a little bit.

I am about to get remarried this coming March and you can try what I did. For convenience and for budget purposes, I purchased a wedding invitation kit from Walmart. You can get just the invitations and customize them to say whatever you want on them. You just print them out on your printer. I think I paid only $15 for a box of 40 (also having a small wedding) but this would allow you to word them any way you wanted. Just an idea for you...congrats on your wedding!

Maybe you could send an invite out to the party you were talking about. Make it some type of typed out letter to the effect of, "My fiance and I have decided to have a small wedding with family only (explain if you want). We know, however, that many people want to share in our happiness so we are looking forward to throwing a party on ??/??/?? and would love for you to attend"