A friend of mine is getting married in January. They are going /out of town - this is a not a destination wedding as no one has been invited to go - her family is not even going. So - she has registered at several local stores. My question is more of an etiquette query - since they are not having a wedding - is it appropriate to register for gifts? I could see doing that if they were holding a reception/wedding celebration when they get back - but really, when they are basically eloping?
Maybe I am just annoyed that none of us get to see them get married after watching the ups and downs and drama of the past 5 years. :P
Thank you all for your advice. :)
This is a girl I consider a "not Daughter" - my daughter that I didn't have to give birth too. She is like mine.
However, I found out about her marriage and her registry from her public Face Book posts even though we talk weekly. So, aside from the etiquette thing I think I am just hurt that she didn't tell me that they were getting married. That plus, I will admit here, that I think she is making a huge mistake marrying this guy - he literally just broke up with her again 4 weeks ago claiming he thought it would never work!!! Now they are getting married - no I have not asked her is she is PG. And, come on, we all know that for the cost of air fair, hotel, etc etc, that they could have a lovely small wedding in a local venue - but he wants to go to Vegas.
Because I love her like my own, I will buy her a wedding present. Since they both still live with their parents (and don't know where they will live after they are married!!!) they need household items. But I will probably put off any large gifts until they are settled into their own place.
Again thanks for your advice and for letting me vent - maybe it is better they run off and get married so we don't have to all watch....watching the marriage will be hard enough.
opps, sorry needed to read the question more closely. I think people can go ahead and register any time they want for anything they want, doesn't mean i have to buy them anything or that specific registry thing.
I think wedding gifts are on an "if you want to basis" If you love them and want to commenorate their union do it. if this is someone you aren't all that close with, then don't.
If they are not having a wedding or reception, it is tacky to registrar for gifts! There really is to reason you need to send one.
Isn't someone going to give this bride to be a wedding shower? How sad if not.
It's really up to you. They may have registered simply because a lot of family members were asking for gift ideas. It's hard to know. They may not have been greedy at all but just making things easier at the request of others.
My aunt got married at the courthouse a few years ago with no one else there. However, I felt like getting her a wedding gift, so I did.
I'd say if you're close and you feel like giving a gift of congratulations, do it. If not, you're not obligated.
Uh...they are getting married, so there IS a wedding...just a small O.. If she is your friend, wouldn't you naturally get her a gift? It doesn't HAVE t be off of her registry. And I don' think it is "tacky" to register. No O. is being forced to use t and many people appreciate getting something they know a couple needs/wants.
A good friend of mine got married in Hawaii a year ago. No one was invited..they actually planned the trip before deciding that they would finally get married while they were there (they were together 7 years). When they got back, my husband and I made plans to take them to a really nice restaurant for dinner to celebrate with them. When we picked them up, I also gave them a gift. They are our friends who just got married...of course I would give them a gift. If she was just an acquaintance/co-worker etc- I would not give a gift unless I was a guest at a wedding.
I think it's tacky that she registered. It is not proper etiquette. But putting that aside, if she's a really good friend, kind of has a good reason for not having a wedding at home, and has been generous with you in the past, I'd get her a gift. I likely wouldn't buy from the registry though versus get something I actually want to give her. And I likely wouldnt spend as much as if both my husband and I were going to a wedding. If you're not really close etc, I'd skip it.
I tend to think that wedding gifts are not so much about celebrating the wedding day as it is about celebrating their (hopefully lifelong) marriage. I usually send a gift, even if I am not invited to the wedding, if we are at least reasonably close. Doesn't have to be a big gift, just a token.
Technically, you aren't required to give her a gift if there is no wedding reception. Only if you want to give her a token of congrats for her marriage then by all means. I don't really get the whole registry thing when you know that you are eloping anyway. It would irk me, too.
It's not really very proper if they're having no party/reception or anything. However, it would be nice of people to get them something as a "congratulations" but they shouldn't expect anything since they're eloping!
We eloped. We didn't register for gifts because we had been living on our own for years and didn't need the classic wedding presents. People got us gifts anyway because, well, they loved us and wished us well (but several people asked where we were registered so they could get us something we wanted/needed). I don't think it is in poor taste to register but if they are asking for gifts then that is tacky. But by all means if you don't want to get a gift for the couple then don't.
If there is no celebration to attend I would not feel obligated to buy them a gift. I am not sure if that is the correct answer but that is what I would do. Good luck!
She may be having a shower. Most weddings I go to you give money so she may be planning (or hoping) for a shower. Or, she thought if people decide to give a gift, they have the registry to go to. If you are a good friend then give her something small. Its not really a big deal that she registered unless she was going around telling people and hinting that she wanted presents.
It's their special day, I don't think they should only get gifts only if they allow everyone to watch the wedding then get boozed up for free afterward. You don't have to get them something but if it's a good friend I think you should.
Is it appropriate to register? It's pretty much appropriate to register for anything these days. I make a Wish List for my kids birthday's b/c I get tired of keeping track of who asked what the kids needed and what I told one person. It's just there on the wish list if someone decides to get them something.
Maybe they are eloping b/c they can't afford to pay for a wedding and reception by themselves? I know my husband and I did that, we invited our close family and best friends but everyone had to pay their own way. It was our special day. The only people that truly mattered if they were there were him & I. Be happy for your friend :)
I'd be kind of annoyed, but then again, they are still getting married and if they did do a destination wedding and you couldn't go, you'd still want to get them something, right? They probably figured family and friends would want to buy them something even if they aren't having a reception so they probalby registered in order to get stuff they need. I'd say go ahead and buy them a gift.
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I'd be kind of annoyed, but then again, they are still getting married and if they did do a destination wedding and you couldn't go, you'd still want to get them something, right? They probably figured family and friends would want to buy them something even if they aren't having a reception so they probalby registered in order to get stuff they need. I'd say go ahead and buy them a gift.
I don't think the registering itself really matters. What matters is how you found out about it. If she told you without you having asked that she has a wedding registry when they are not having a wedding, that's tacky. If you asked or someone else told you, I think it's fine that she registered, because, as other people have mentioned, maybe her family asked her to or she is trying to keep track of what she needs. Also, most stores offer discounts to the couples if they complete their registries (e.g., buy what's left on the list after the wedding is done). Registering for gifts might be a way for her to get a discount on some needed items.
Either way, don't get her a gift if you don't want to. You're certainly not obligated.
