I'm bad because I don't feel the obligation to buy gifts for these occasions. I never ask for them, either. I think that you go to the wedding because you want to share in the moment. If you feel "moved" to give a gift--which is what makes it an actual "gift"--then you should do so. Otherwise, give the gift of your love and support for them. Adults should not expect others to finance their decisions--marriage, baby, etc. If someone wants to give a gift, that's wonderful, but it shouldn't be expected. That's rude.
If you must buy a baby gift, get something that they both can use, as was suggested...or just something that comes from your heart for each--individual baby quilts. Oftentimes, people put the cosmetic stuff on their wish lists, not considering all the little things that are really important to have. Then, everybody gets caught up in buying the most expensive or elaborate. Before buying a gift, I like to spend time with the family and see what's actually needed or really wanted. Example: For my friend's baby shower, I didn't buy anything on the list. I went and showered the mother with my love. Later on, I decided to buy one of those back-pack-looking things to carry the baby. I bought it for the father, and he absolutely loved it! This was their first girl (after two boys who are near the double digits), and it was special for him with his daughter.