Do you think it is okay to wear your wedding set from your husband most of the time but occasionally wear your mother's set instead? I have been hoping my dad will give me my mom's wedding set eventually (she died a year and a half ago and he is engaged to my future step-mom). I was planning on wearing it from time to time on my left hand. IMO, the design of her wedding set does not lend itself to being a right-hand ring. My grandmother wears her set from my grandpa sometimes, and other times she wears his mother's set. I thought this was normal until . . . Last night at dinner, I told my husband that I thought my dad might bring my mom's rings when he visited last weekend. DH asked if I planned to wear them. I said yes, but only sometimes. I told him I wanted to switch them out with mine on occasion. He gave me the craziest look!!! I said, "What?" He said, "I think that is very disrespectful of me to not wear the ones I gave you." I was shocked. I had no idea he would feel this way. He said he had NEVER heard of such. I told him that if he thought it disrespectul that I would NOT do it. No way would I want his feelings hurt.
So, I told him I would ask you mamas. What are your thoughts on the switching out the rings? Like I said, I will not do it if he doesn't like it. I simply want to know if you have heard of a woman doing this and do you think it is disrespectful. Ask your husbands, too--if you don't mind.
Thank you!!!
Thank you all for your responses!! I love my rings and love my husband and would never do anything that hurt his feelings. The only woman I knew growing up that had more than one special wedding set was my grandmother, and she switched them out with my grandpa's mother's rings. I guess that means more because they are still "tied" to him. Anyway, now I know that it is not a normal thing to do. Wasn't going to disrespect my husband anyway.
My mom has been wearing both her set, and my grandmother's set on the same finger for the past 15 years. Yes, her finger is long enough to accomodate both sets.
I would not switch them--just wear them together. It is more about the memories than a fashion statement (if you are concerned about it looking odd).
Hi jessica-
When my grandma died, my mom received her rings. The wedding band is slender with small individually set diamonds ALL the way around (they don't even make them like that anymore due to risk of loosing stones). She wears the small band on her left hand ON TOP of the set from my dad. The HUGE diamond engagement ring she wore only when 'out' at parties...and on her right hand...Most folks thought it was a 'cocktail' ring!! lol
Best Luck!
michele/cat
My mom has two different wedding sets. She has the original that is much more modest, with a smaller diamond and her wedding band. She also has her "upgrade", which she got about 10-15 years into the marriage. It is a much larger center stone and setting. She switches them out periodically. If she's travelling, she wears her smaller set, but she usually wears the larger one when she is home.
She inherited my great aunt's wedding set (who was like a second mom to her) and she had it reset and made into a right hand ring. She alternates that ring with an anniversary band from my dad.
I would either wear your mothers set on the other hand, or put them on a chain and make them a necklace.
You married your husband, not your mom ;)
A ring is a ring. Switching it doesn't invalidate your marriage.
i'm glad you explained that you grew up seeing grandma do this.
I have never heard of it and personally would NOT switch them, My wedding ring is super super symbolic to me of my husbands love and sacrifice for me, To take it off or switch it out would hurt him and in my eyes lessen his lovely gift to me.
Could you some how have your mom's ring made into a necklace??
I would not switch them. I would just wear my mothers' set on my right hand. My sister-in-law does this as does my best friend. I too, think it's disrepectful to remove your wedding set that your husband gave you. Just my opinion.
Your husband obviously has taken great pride in what he chose to represent your wedding. It is a very delicate issue and I would have probably asked how he felt, but my credits to you, he asked you first.
As you state...I wouldn't do it since it hurts his feelings.
I guess I am lucky my mom died before we were married. When you put my engagement and wedding ring together it has my mother's set embedded in it. Not sure if that makes sense but my rings are my mother's rings with more diamonds added. My husband and I designed it to be able to do this. He thinks it is cool that I have something old and new altogether.
I don't think I would have liked having just my mom's set. I don't know why but it feels like when you are a kid and play dress up. It isn't my ring, what I wear is my ring, it symbolizes my marriage not my parents.
I think wearing it on your right hand makes more sense but them maybe we all see things differently, ya know?
Gotta agree with the others - I would not make the switch.
My rings are very symbolic to me and my husband really went out of his way to make sure that the ring he chose would be one that I would like to wear forever, so yes, it would hurt his feelings if I switched.
You are so sweet to consider your husband's feelings! I do like the idea of having your mom's rings made into a different piece of jewelery. Let us know what you decide to do!
I wear my grandmother's wedding rings on my right hand occasionally. Never would put it on my left, because in my opinion, the rings my husband gave me are what I said my vows with, not my grandmother's set. I think it would definitely bother my husband too if I did.
I think if it upsets your husband, but you still want to wear them, you're going to have to wear them on your right and get over the idea that they don't look like "right hand rings". In your case, it would be disrespecting your husband, but to other men, it might not bother them. Keep him happy!
my mom wears her mom's on her right hand. I just asked her and her words were " I didn't want it to go in place of the one my husband gave me that I have worn for 35 years" I think it is ok to have your husband upgrade your ring but it should be initiated by him. Over the hot summer my fingers swell and I cant wear my wedding rings. I wear another ring that my hubby bought me so I don't have on nothing at all. he is ok with this. My aunt goes and upgrades her wedding ring like 1 time per year. Her husband comes home and she has a new ring! I don't know about that one!
I know people who do this and I never thought anything of it. They wear rings that have nothing to do with ANYBODY'S marriage on their wedding ring finger from time to time.
They're just rings.
If you take your rings off to scrub greasy dishes, are you suddenly unmarried?
If you wear an heirloom ring, are you "married" to the man who bought it 70 years ago?
Of course not!
When my aunt passed away, my cousin was given her mom's wedding rings. She has a gorgeous set of her own, but she often wears her mom's set. It's not done as an insult to her husband, it makes her feel closer to her mom who she misses terribly.
I don't think anything of it. That's just me.
I have my aunt's engagement ring and I wear it on my ring finger when I wear it because it's the only finger it fits. I could have it sized to fit another finger, but I don't feel right altering it in any way. I love it just the way it is.
Maybe your husband won't feel that you are being disrespectful to him if you explain that it's a way to feel closer to your mom. It's only been a year and a half since you lost her. (I'm sorry for your loss, by the way). You don't love her rings more than your own, you're not trying to replace anything or toss your own wedding rings aside.
I would hope that he can find a way not to take it so personally, especially right after you receive the rings. Getting them out and wearing them once in a while shouldn't be an insult to him unless he insists on taking it that way.
Best wishes.
The only person I know that switches out rings on her left hand is my MIL. FIL gave her a yellow gold set. She decided that she wears a lot of silver and wanted it all to coordinate. So she found a white gold version that is VERY similar to the yellow gold version. She will switch out depending on what the outfit needs....
Otherwise I have never heard of someone switching out for a parents set. I can see where hubby's feelings are hurt. Could you wear the rings on a necklace? Save the rings and pass it to your son or nephew?
Would you have to wear the set together? Maybe together they don't look right on the right hand but alone just one would look nice?
I didn't ask hubby his opinion. I KNOW he would be upset. I wear my set 24/7. Don't take them off period. When I've HAD to take them off for pregnancy/surgery he keeps watching my hand to see that its back in place as soon as possible.
your husband is right on this one. Save it for your son or have it remade into something else.
I wear my grandmother's wedding band along with my wedding set. I would never replace my wedding set for anything else. The only time I've seen this is celebrities and I don't understand it. Why can't you wear it on your right hand? So what if it looks like a wedding set, it's not your wedding set. My husband would be upset if I wanted to replace the set he got me. He values the symbolism of that set.
I've never heard of it and wouldn't even desire switching out the set that my husband gave me.
My husband would be hurt if I didn't wear the set he gave me. It's a symbol of our commitment to each other and I wouldn't feel right not wearing it either. If I got my moms rings I'd wear it on my right hand, regardless of the style. Who cares what other people think, ous wear it to remember my mom and her committed marriage to my dad. :)
I've never heard of it. I feel naked when I don't have mine on.
I have a nicer set than most of the ladies in my family, and I don't think I'd swtich them out, but I'd try to find something else to do with them. If you can't wear it on your right hand, can you put it on a necklace? Can you resize then to wear on your middle finger? Can you have it remade into something that you can wear on your right hand?
Though I do agree with the other mom's that it doesn't validate you marriage to have the ring on, it's just important for ME for my husband and myself to wear the rings we exchanged 7 years ago.
I wear both my grandmother's ring or my husband's grandma's ring at the moment. My wedding ring is a little small right now and until I lose some weight. I think it is OK to switch it out, but that is just my opinion. Good luck with your decision.
I don't see a problem with it (my husband and I don't even always wear our rings, he didn't for over a year when his ring didn't fit and we couldn't afford to buy him a new one) but if your husband has issues, you probably shouldn't do it. I like the other suggestions of wearing them with yours, if you have fingers that can accommodate that.
I think it would only be appropriate if you were to do a vow renewal with that ring set. Honestly, I think your mother's set is best kept in a special place until you are ready to pass it down to your daughter or son (for his wife). Now, please keep in mind that if you pass this down you do it with the demand of a pre nup and that the ring stays in YOUR family no matter what. Just my advice.
I have heard of people wearing wedding set on their right hands, but never in place of their own wedding set. My husband would react the same way. He is very traditional when it comes to stuff like this and wouldn't like me wearing another ring on my wedding finger.
Both my husband and I sometimes don't wear our rings at all. I think it would be fine. It is only a piece of jewelry and does in my opinion NOT signify my love or commitment. If it were up to me I would never wear rings, I hate the feeling on my fingers and take off all my jewelry (including tiny ear studs) as soon as I get home from work.
I've never heard of doing that.
I wouldn't wear the rings. There is no right or wrong here. There is just your husbands feelings to consider. Why cause a problem? Why hurt his feelings? Life is short. Be happy. The wonderful mamas below had some great alternate suggestions for you. JMHO
