Wedding Shower? - Clinton Township,MI

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Hi D.,

Congratulations! I don't think it would be out of line to have a shower, but ultimately whether or not you have one is about whether you'll be happy with the decision. My husband and I lived together and already had a baby by the time we got married, so I personally just didn't feel right having a shower (plus nothing bores me more than showers...). We also didn't register for the wedding. Guests were MORE than generous at the wedding, most giving cash. It all worked out in the end anyway.

I don't think anyone would look at you badly for having a shower (especially because so many people live together before they marry now). What matters most is whether you feel comfortable with it.

Have fun!
A.

I recently went to a wedding shower that was a gift card shower. Maybe that would be an idea. But anyway you should absolutely have a shower.

I don't have any idea what is considered "appropriate", but I just wanted to let you know that I recently attended a wedding shower for a couple that had been living together for about 11 years. In my opinion, it doesn't matter that you technically have everything you *need*. Maybe your towels or pots and pans are worn out. If the people that love you would like to give you a gift to celebrate the fact that you're getting married, why should you be penalized because you've already lived together for a number of years? Best of luck! Congratulations!

Go ahead and have a shower!!!

It is appropriate to have a shower thrown for you, not to throw one for yourself. And yes, you can register.

It doesn't mattter. My co-worker just got married and her and her fiance had been living together so they had lots of stuff already. She had like 4 bridal showers and got lots of new stuff off her registry. You deserve your new stuff together and not what you each brought into the home. Congratulations!!!

If this is your first marriage, then you should have a shower!

D.; well, since the honeymoon is supposed to be the first time you guys have slept together and time to get to know each other a bit more, are you still having a honeymoon? i would think since the rules of life have all ready been broken who is to say what is proper any more ? i say its ok to have a wedding shower, but be balanced in it, like go and register somewhere, so others know what you do need ? hand me downs are part of ilfe, and its good to get new items every now and then, and have old ones replaced, but sometimes we dont want to replace grandmas old tea pot or whatever, so i would do a registry, for those that do want to get yah a gift, just enjoy life and be balanced, some may feel that way , and have other views, there are traditions that we follow, and just do them without thinking, if you have freinds who are giving you the shower, why not, if none of your friends feel you need it, and they all dont want to come if you have one, then i would say no, dont do it, but i doubt very much they all are saying it, still if you have one, invite those who dont think you dont need one and just have a good time together, and dont expect much in the way of gifts or money, just be balanced in your thinking, and have a good day , D. s

D.,

I think it is appropriate to have one and I'm assuming that by people asking questions you mean that they are offering to host a shower for you? You aren't supposed to host your own shower, someone is supposed to offer to host it for you, either a relative or maybe your maid of honor? My sister and my mother hosted mine. I was in a similar situation as you that we were living together already. We registered for things that we wanted to upgrade on...for example we planned to use our wedding money to buy new bedroom furniture and thus we registered for new sheets etc. Kitchen stuff is up to you, if you like your current dishes then you are under no obligation to replace them. I went to a shower once where the couple had registered at REI for camping equipment etc. because they are both teachers and they spend most of their summer off camping. I also just recently had a shower in which they wanted just lowes or home depot giftcards because they had all their houseware (like you) and they wanted to use the giftcards to do backyard landscaping type stuff to their house. Another idea that I've heard of, just google 'honeymoon registry', there is a way for people to give the gift of money through a website that will inevitably pay for a honeymoon of your choice. I don't know anyone that has done it but I guess its a new thing.

good luck and congrats!

K.

Absolutely you should have a shower and register for anything you want. Sometimes people go together and get a higher priced gift so I say put anything and everything on the list. My nephew just told me that his friends bought him and his wife an X-Box and they didn't ask for it but several of them went together to get it for them, they now can play DVD's and games in the same place. When it comes down to it you have to do what makes you happy and not worry about what others think. You should have a wedding that makes you happy and gifts that you need and want and will use. My daughter just got married and they had to go back and put more things on the registry so be sure to put a ton of things all different price ranges too. Congratulations!
K.

Its certainly sweet of people to want to honor your decision to get married with gifts.

From my experience one doesn't get everything they register for anyway, so since you have most of the stuff you need you can limit your registry to some nice extras like fine china, silverware and stuff like that - assuming you don't have that already.

We got about half of our china, but getting the other half was expensive, and people gave us tons of stuff that they thought was pretty, but wasn't our taste and certainly not something we wanted. It was irritating to get stuff like that that we couldn't return and didn't want, and would've rather had them get stuff off of our registry, but that's the nature of gift receiving/giving.

Anyway all of that to say, if your registry is small and of stuff you really want, then you're likely to get most or all of it. If you really don't need/want anything that one might register for, then think of something that people could give money towards instead, maybe a home improvement project or some bedroom furniture...? People are wanting to give towards the home that you are establishing, even though you've lived together already.

Congrats! I say if you want one, do it...but if you don't want one, don't do it. Personally, if this is the first wedding for both of you, why not? Register for fun things, there is no rule that says you have to register for the things you already have. Plus if your host lists the stores you like on the invite, it's likely you'll get gift cards you can combine into a bigger purchase instead of a bunch of cards from a bunch of different stores.

Let people 'shower' you...you deserve it!

You deserve a bridal shower, I am sure you have been to many and given many gifts. It's your turn.

I say relax and enjoy it. Your friend and family are obviously very happy for you and want to show it. You can register for stuff that you already have, if are ready to not be using hand me downs then go ahead and ask for a new toaster or whatever. I am sure that there is an etiquette list somewhere on the web for when you are the recipient of a shower and how to register, but just give lots of choices about the cost. Don't do everything for 20 or don't do everything for high cost. It's okay to register for fine china and silver too. That's kind of the traditional thing. Congratulations!!

i think it's totally appropriate to have a shower! you only get married once! your friends and family want to celebrate with you...and want to have parties and give you nice things...let them!

now i wouldn't go overboard! i've seen some really (in my opinion) tacky registries...like $400 stainless steel garbage cans and $50 cookie sheets or place settings that cost hundreds...also, people don't want to buy you movies or video games - stuff to set up your house!

that's my 2 cents...congrats:)

For a first marriage a shower is appropriate. Don't overdo and upgrade what you have. Your marriage is an "upgrade" from living together. Go for it!

Congratulations! I think if someone want to throw you a shower by all means you should have a shower! Maybe you can replace your hand-me-downs with new things...I like the idea of registering for people to contribute to your honeymoon too. Best wishes!

You should totally have a shower. You can register at Home Depot to get some things you might need. Also some of the photographers have an option to have people get a gift that goes towards your photograpers bill. I am sure after 5 years there are things that you are ready to replace.

a shower is a good thing. make sure you take the time to register, because you WILL get gifts , so you might as well get something you have picked out.

I say go for it... A shower will give you and your family new start. You are a first time bride and you deserve all the trills and frills. Congratulations

it is VERY approriate to have a shower! Plus it's fun to be able to register for all new stuff!
Believe me - no one will think its weird for u to have one..u are getting married - its EXPECTED!
Good luck.

It's totally appropriate to have a shower! Now you can register for items that fit your combined styles and donate all the stuff you were handed down that were someone else's style. Have fun! I loved registering. :o) Congratulations!

I was in the exact same situation as you. The thing is, people WANT to do this, it is part of their traditions. If someone is uncomfortable, with it, they won't come. The thing about a bridal shower, is someone 'gives' it for you, you don't arrange or ask for it. I had a household set up, but I actually had 3 bridal showers because people wanted to give them to me, and they all knew that I was living with my fiance. They also encouraged me to pick out plate patterns, etc. So, go ahead and enjoy all of the things that a bride can, including a gift registry, this is coming from their heart. You can also have a themed shower, such as things for only one room, or games, or outdoor items. If someone wants to give you a shower, this is coming from their heart and it makes them feel good to be able to do this for you. My guess, is they have been waiting 6 years to do this!

Congrats!!! My husband & I were in the same situation....we lived together prior to getting married and I felt having a shower was not the right thing to do. In hind sight, kind of wish we would have to get all new stuff ;) BUT, people like my grandma insisted that I register for items to allow people who did not want to give money at the reception to have the chance to buy a gift. Worked out well for us. No shower, but still some actual gifts.
I have heard a LOT of people lately registering at places like AAA or a travel agency for a Honeymoon. Those that already live together, but plan to take a trip after the wedding. Love the idea. Your guests can get gift cards towards the purchase of your trip or buy you an excursion (sky diving, tours, etc.). Just another option. No matter what, you should do what you want...it's your special time!!!!

Good luck!

Have a shower! You two deserve it. Replace the stuff you USE with newer stuff that you have been using as hand me downs. Or go for stuff like spa treatments, get aways, etc. Good luck and congrats!

Well originally I was going to agree with "no", but since they are used hand-me-downs....YES!

I am in a very similar situation, we have been together for 5 yrs, living together for 3 prior to that though we both lived on our own. I had a lot of new stuff that I brought into the relationship. SO I doubt I will be having a shower, I don't know what I'd ask for.

However,,,,You deserve to have your own stuff. Go, together and register...enjoy! It is such a great feeling when you finally get rid of the hand-me-downs!

Congratulations! It is absolutely appropriate, and as said before, don't feel bad about asking for newer versions of old things you already have! Plus, there are definate "alternatives" to register for. Let your fiance get in the game - I've seen couples register for things at Home Depot because they wanted to fix up their house and yard. Enjoy the day!

Yes, of course have a shower! Register for fun stuff, or newer versions of things you already have. Congrats!

I think its appropriate to register for the things you do need. If you don't need towels, sheets, place settings, silverware, etc then register for other things, more fun things that people getting newly married often don't have the luxury of registering for. A hammock for the back yard, some patio or deck items, if you have a dog or pet maybe something for them. I think its also a good idea to include some bigger ticket items for people who want to "go in" together on a gift, like maybe some electronics or small appliances for the kitchen that you wouldn't otherwise get (if I had it to do overagain I would get that cool kitchen mixer item that stands on your countertop and comes in cool different colors). Another idea is to register for activities for your honeymoon. I had a girlfriend who was going to Hawaii for her honeymoon and for her registry, you could pick activities for them to do on their honeymoon and your money went toward those things. There were all different dollar levels to choose from and the activities were divided up (100 dollar activity required 4 $25 donations). Something different to consider. People will want to help celebrate your special event and you might as well give them some guidance as to what is the most helpful thing for you - otherwise, people tend to "go it alone" and God only knows what you'll end up with then!! LOL