How do you plan a shower on a budget? How do you tell the person you are having the shower for, they are going overboard. My problem is I offered to give the shower, then I was told, what kind of shower, what the invitations were going to be and that someone else was going to do the invitations. Then I was dropped another thing to deal with when that person who offered to do invitations, didn't come through. So, I was sent the invitation by the bride to be and told we need to get "a particular" paper to put them on....I know you gals are thinking "say something"....and I normally would, that's my nature. However, I do love this sister-in-law to be, but I don't know her like my friends, that I chose for myself. It is a developed kind of love. And the other thing is, it is not on my side of the family (it's my husband), so there again, I'm afraid of causing bad feelings between brothers, brother & sister-in-law, so on and so forth... Please give this stressed out, but very outspoken person some idea of how to handle this. So that I don't make a mess of things
Thanks Ladies:) I will take your advise and make the decisions myself and tell her she has enough to worry about (in a nice way). You all are WONDERFUL....Glad I have all of you to turn too.....I'll keep you posted..
A.,
I think that being honest is the best solution. I would just tell her that you love the invitations, but ask her if there is any way that the two of you could find a more cost effective product. Just explain that you want to have a beautiful shower for her, but that you have a budget. Ask her if she knows of another friend or ask another sibling if they can help out! Dealing with family can be tricky. I sympathize with you!
Why does the invitations have to be on particular paper why not jusdt buy invistation in th store.I would just tell siste-in-law the truth.Tell her you need to stick to a budget and you doing the invistations was not part of the budget.Or maye ask her Mother and her sisters to help pay for the shower.Its not right for you to have to pay for the invistations cause someone else was going to do and now they arent
HI A.,
I agree with these ladies. You OFFERED to GIVE her a shower. No one tells you what to give them as a gift so she should know better than to "help" you plan it. She may not have ever been taught how to accept a gift. If she doesn't know better now then she needs to. She's starting a marriage and she needs to know how to be unselfish. If you don't feel comfortable telling her, enlist someone she will listen to. Do it the way you can afford or tell her you can't afford to give her the shower she has asked for. Don't worry about hurting her feelings. Honesty is always appreciated when given in love.
Regards,
M.
Hi A.:
The best thing to do is tell the bride-to-be don't worry about anything and you will take care of it. She needs to relax and enjoy the shower. This way you are moving her out of the way to do things the way you want and can afford. Don't ask her for advice. Giving showers are expensive. Put your number down for RSVP although most people don't RSVP so you should count on 60% of those invited to come.
Do you live in the Charleston area?
R.
Girl! showers on a budget can be just as cute and classy as showers not on a budget, but you have to be creative to think of things. so maybe future sis-in-law is not creative and she can't think outside the "it has to cost a lot to look nice" box. you can very, very kindly tell her you are on a budget and that you would love so much to throw her a shower, but if she can just give you a little freedom and trust, you will have a darling shower for her.
i can remind you that YOU offered HER the shower - she did not TELL you to give it! this would be like her coming to you with a $200 purse and saying THAT's what you would be giving her for christmas, wrapped in THIS paper, tied with THIS bow. she's being a little rude, and while we all know it's stressful to be a bride to be, you have more than every right to say something (albeit sweetly and tactfully).
but here are ideas...keep it around 15 attendees total, go to a swanky stationery store and buy cute invitations, but print them yourself (or hand write them if you can), decorate with grocery store bouquets of flowers - split them up, cut the stems, tie them with ribbons (WILSONS if you are in the greenville sc area), keep all other decorations simple or nonexistent, keep the time away from mealtime and you'll save on food - hit the Fresh Market if you have one around you and buy 3-5 hors douvres (spelling!) selections - bonne maman raspberry tarts are wonderful - and be fancy when you put them out to serve. choose your very best serving dishes, sprinkle the sweet treats with powdered sugar, and decorate the platters with fresh flowers (google them to make sure you're not using poisonous ones...pansies are great).
you can do this AND be classy AND be tactful AND not ruin future relations! :)
A., in today's electronic world it is so easy to create great invitations online (try www.bluemountain.com) and see the options of invitations and other cards. I've used them for house-warming events, bridal showers, Southern Living at Home shows, etc. And then reserve the 'special' paper invitations for those who do not have email. Make your own invitation, wording, etc. online, email it to yourself to see how it arrives, then you can go back and edit it before you send it on. Plus it has an RSVP link too! Don't stress over this! Remind her that with the price of gas and the economy, costs are a concern. If she can't relate to that...oh well! Have a great shower! And the refreshments can be done so easy and theme oriented! Online again for ideas...how did we live without this easy electronic access??? S.
I love Helen C's response - great! Here are some thoughts.
Maybe you could come up with the budget. Make sure you discuss this with your husband. He needs to be aware of the situation and on board with helping you deal with it. If he is not, you will come out looking like the bad guy. If he is not on board with the budget and wants you to blow it out, just cut the corners you can and do your best because nothing you do is probably going to do anything but make you the bad guy. If he is and you set a budget, initiate a conversation with those "helping", especially your bride to be. Tell her you want to do something very nice, so you want to know what is most important to her to make her day special. Prioritize with her - she will need to learn it someday. Be nice, but make sure you let her know you are topping out and don't want to cut on the day (for the food and the necessary special things) or things that mean alot to her. That way she will reign in the others given that she is a decent mannered woman. Just be confident in how special you want it to be, but also NOT apologetic. Be sure not to talk too much, let her respond alot so you get her tempurature for later. Remember how neurotic brides can be!
Also, as far a the day goes, you could do chicken salad sandwiches (it is not expensive to make in bulk really - use lots of grapes and celery, makes it yummy and less chicken) on crossiants (not any more expensive, but tend to dress it up). Don't buy soda's or individual drinks. Make sweet tea and lemonade and coffee. Serve in glass punch glasses or if you have crystal and china - pull it out and make use of those beauties. Do not buy paper if you can help it, that is a huge expense and does not have the same effect.
Flowers can be picked and if you don't have left over vases or canning jars, borrow or garage sale them. Ask everyone you know for the table clothes (we all have 1 or two formal ones). Hopefully the season will enable you to pick some (big ones like magnolias or gardenias are great).
Be sure you offer the bride game choices. That way they will be fun for her and the rest.
Best I have, good luck to you. J.
Try going to www.vistaprint.com
They are very affordable and have many designs to chose from.
Plus they will be professionally printed!
Last time I checked you could get 10 invitations for $5.99
then usually you can add more for just a little more $$
Just tell her your found another option, you realize she has a vision on how she wants her special day to be, but you are on a budget and would really like to give her the special cake (or whatever else) she is requesting.
Dealing with family can be tough, but she needs to realize she has not hired a professional wedding shower planner and this shower is costing her no $$. You might want to have a heart to heart talk with her over lunch. Bring a nice portfolio of all your cost saving ideas. Let her know, you have a budget, but have some great ideas to work around it and still have the shower of her dreams..just tweaked a little!
Hey A., you have to remember that YOU are giving the wedding shower. She really shouldn't have any input in the matter. My brother and his future wife, who I adore!, weren't planning a shower but their friend who just purchased a new big expensive home wanted to show off so they decided to offer the shower. All that was asked of my brother was the addresses for the invitation. There is no need for fancy paper. Not only that, the girl just threw a BBQ. Nothing fancy, no games, no pressure. Just everyone getting together. Just remember no matter what you say, that you mention... "I know you are stressed with getting a wedding planned, but"! This is your brother, he knows who you are and how you are. If it's an image or something that they're not looking for then they need to look elsewhere or not have one at all. You're being awesome for doing it! Good Luck!
Hi,
I've seen this before....., I would do this: I would say, Hi, ????? I mentioned the shower to some friends. They had great ideas.....They suggested a kitchen shower, garden shower, money tree, PJ shower, (the list can go on and on) Then say, this way you can have more than one shower. Others probably want to have a shower too.
If she isn't happy, say:
Oh gee.......I already mailed the invitations.......I will have the ????shower.....You WILL need EVERYTHING........
It will be FUN.........think how MUCH you'll get with more than one shower, and NO one will get their feelings hurt.
Stay safe, H. P.S. I had a money tree surprise shower for for a lady. That way she could buy what she wants....plus, I've seen this for 50th parties.....Anything else for a shower is a good way to go. Asking for price(y) items, causes people to shy away.....because, it's too expensive. And then there's the wedding.. (And you DID get input from friends)
I had an Around the Clock shower. You assign each lady a paticular time of day. Say you have 24 guests assign each one an hour of the day. With this you get a variety of gifts and you can find something expensive or inexpensive for every hour of the day.
As far as cost goes I would ask her if she has a friend that would like to help co-host the event. If you can get at least one other person helping with the cost at least it wouldn't be so pricey. Or maybe your MIL would be interested in co-hosting?
I'd have to agree with the others sounds like she's a very rude , spoiled person, and is used to getting everything she wants.
my suggestion would be to tell her its going to be a surprise and if she picks out everything then it won't be a surprise.
I would suggest she print them herself and use the excuse that you are not that comfortable trying to do this type thing on your computer or that your computer/printer is just not acting right. Ask her for suggestions of some of her friends/relatives to help with this as your time/money are limited. I experienced much the same with showers for my grandson's wife. I just told her what I would/could do and I did it and expected her friends/relatives to do the rest. My family is used to participating in the feeding for family functions so it was not that big a problem to involve her relatives too. None of us have a lot of excess money so I think they also know now how to pull off some nice things without one person having to bear all the work/expense. V.
Hi A.,
You sound like a super sweet, caring girl. I think I would call this soon to be family member and just be honest with her. Let her know that you love the idea of helping but it's beyond your budget. Give her the option of having another friend take over your position. She sounds like a girl who knows what she wants. There are certainly other ways you can help and still be involved.
Good luck with everything!!
Melissa
You could nicely say - "Traditionally the bride is surprised with the shower arrangements, but since you want a specific invitation, you'll have to make some other decisions. If we go with this invitation, do you want to give up ___ or ___, because the budget is limited." Enlist the help of your mother-in-law. Let her in on the situation and ask her advice on how best to handle things. Or ask her to give you names of people who can share with planning, preparation and expenses. What about the maid-of-honor? Other bridesmaids?
10 years from now will you laugh about this? If yes, then why waste time - laugh NOW!! Be yourself and save the stress for really important issues. Have fun and welcome her into the family. And LAUGH. Good luck.
Dawn
Weel she is going to be your sister in law and you do not want to start on the wrong foot but then again I think she is taking advantage of you If you are giving the shower it should be your responsibility to be the captain of this ship My suggestions is that you talk to her and said you are in a budget and that you hope she understands. Tell her you love her ideas but you also have yours that agree more with the budget you have to work with.
Just remember this is a shower... The bride to be gets to plan her wedding....if someone else is throwing the shower she does not get to dictate how that goes...just tactfully remind her of that because after all this is coming out of your pocket not hers. If she cared for you as you obviously cared for her she would understand with no hard feelings :)
Life is too short to stress out over things you can remedy with a conversation. Simply tell her to chill out and allow you to take over. Assure her that she is making things harder on herself by planning an event that you are perfectly able and willing to plan on your own. she may actually feel relieved--A-type personalities often take over because they feel they are expected to take over, so sometimes they just need the permission to NOT take over. Also, don't even mention the budget part, because then she'll fear that the party won't be up to her standareds, when we all know you can throw a very nice and even elaborate shower for next to nothing if you use your resources. Some people feel if it doesn't cost a lot, it isn't nice but I'm a teacher and a mother of four so I know better! I have thrown some really nice parties for pennies, I just had to be creative.
Good luck!
A., Be your wonderful, kind generous self but tell her the truth. When you agreed to do the shower you had not factored in the invitations ( on special paper etc). Ask her if she would be willing to compromise on something else ( menu, invitation paper, decorations etc)... What about an e-vite on line invitation or invitations that you print up from preexisiting blank cards? Micheal's, Hobby Lobby and Joanne's have beautiful blank invitations for computer input. You can normally get them on sale for 40-50% off. Michael's will take Joanne's coupons and vise versa. Hope it works for you. At least discuss it with her so that your good intentions dont go sour because of added cost to you.. God Bless
If she asked you to host the shower, then she should let you host it. Yes, it's that simple. Try politely telling the bride to be something like, "you have enough to worry about right now and that's why I'm putting this together for you. Besides, you shouldn't have to host your own shower because this is our gift to you." Unless she is a Bridezilla, she will probably be able to read between the lines. Good luck!
Have you talked to your husband about it? Are there others you can enlist to co-host and split some of this cost and planning time with you (i.e. your mother-in-law, or sisters-in-law or bridesmaids)? If not, it seems like you can either just grit your teeth and do what she wants, or just be honest and say "I know I agreed to host your shower, but your ideas just aren't going to fit into our budget. Can we talk about some other ideas". I have to say, she sounds like an incredibly rude person! I can remember giving a shower for my first friend to get married... we (other bridesmaids and I) were very young with little money and the bride's mother gave us this ENORMOUS list of people we HAD to invite with no offer of money to help with the cost. We ended up just biting the bullet because we didn't want to stress out the bride.
A.,
I would approach it by addressing the control/contribution issue, not the cost. Maybe you could say something like: I have these ideas for your shower, but it doesn't seem like I'm the one giving it if you feel like you have to tell me the specifics. This is something I would like to do for you as a welcoming gesture, but without me being able to contribute anything, it doesn't fell like it's actually coming from me.
I know how hard it is sometimes to "say something," and this way you're not being mean or bitter, but addressing the issue in a subtle/indirect way. If she pushes it, you could say: I WILL BE using these invitations that I have already chosen. I offered to give the shower, and I'm GOING TO use the ideas I have in mind for you. You may even have to offer to not give the shower -- If you don't want that kind of shower, I understand if you want me to step back from the giving/planning position, and be ready to follow through without any hard feelings.
Good luck! This may be what the bride needs to realize she's already railroading everyone around her and heading for a train wreck!
M.
You could have your husband talk to his brother about this, if that makes it easier for the bride. A shower is something the bride has done for her, and she should be happy however it turns out. The reception she can micro-manage herself.
As for planning on a budget, you can ask family members or close friends to help with the food. Serve water with sliced lemons and/or oranges in it. Have the shower at your home and add some balloons and a bouquet of flowers to brighten and add a festive look. It's supposed to be the thought that counts, and having fun with friends.
Well, first off -what she is doing is phenomenally rude and ill-mannered, but I understand not wanting to tick her off. I've been in this situation before -although it was with a few friends, but we finally (in a nice way) said that we had a certain budget we needed to follow, and we were sure she would be happy with the result. She should have others throwing her one or two (or more) showers, so she should be happy with what you provide. I would go ahead and use the invitations I wanted to use, and everything else. The only person who will look bad in the end if she chooses to be pissy about it is her. If she's not clued in enough to get that a)you don't dictate a party someone is giving you-you're just thankful and b) a SAHM with 2 kids probably doesn't have money running out of her ears, then perhaps someone in the family (like HER mom) should give her a hint.
