Weight Issues - Palmdale,CA

Hi D.,

Yes, I am larger than my fiance'.(by about 30lbs!) It is very uncomfortable to know that I am bigger than him. But I try to be gentle with myself about it. I have been working out a lot since I had my first child and it really takes time to lose the weight. Having a baby is hard work and it took my body 9mos to get big- it hasn't come off so easily for me. I will tell you that I have gotten a whole lot more confident with my size, shape and weight after I increased my exercise. That really helped. Now I feel confident in being intimate with my fiance' and I don't worry about the number. I worry about how I feel and how I look. Hope that helps. Remember-- you are beautiful at any size!

I'm a lot bigger than my husband, Kevin. I'm just glad I'm not taller, than I'd feel even more awkward. Even when I was just a size 14 I was bigger than the guys I dated (most of them), but not because I was more atracted to thinner men. I was attracted to many chubby and big men. It's just how it happened. I sort have got used to being the bigger one. They guys I dated weren't chubby chasers either. They just saw past it and thought I was attractive either way. There was just one guy who was inexperienced in dating, and once his ego was boosted he dumped me for being fat, and Kevin (long before he was my husband) was furious when I told him. He said I was the most beautiful, sensual, sexy women he knew. I don't know why it took him so long to marry me then, but that's another story. I'm a size 30 now. My husband has known me through all those years of fat and fatter. I know he loves me just as I am. Even with all this love and acceptence I still feel self concious sometimes. Like when my belly shakes in love making, or it's hard for me to get up, or we can't enjoy an outing so much because my feet and back hurt really bad. I hate it when we're at the movies, and I sit taller than him even though he's actually taller. I especially feel odd if I initiate sex and he doesn't respond or turns me down. Even though he tells me it's nothing to do with me, I still feel like hiding my naked body after that.

Our culture is so weight obsessed! There are countries where women who look like our fashion models are pitied because they dont get enough to eat. I am 5'10" tall and weigh about 250 pounds. I am healthy, exercise every day, eat well and i proudly wear a size 20. My body has housed and fed 7 children, my arms have held hundreds more. I have used my body to pick up and hold animals and old people and books and laundry. I am Mother Earth, bountiful and proud. Look at your body as God's landscape. Nothing He does is small or puny. Know that you are strong and beautiful. Enjoy all the texture and movement of your beautiful, God-given form.

I'm not a large woman but I had to respond. Big can be beautiful, absolutely. But too big can have severe health consequences that can certainly affect more than your self confidence. Surely your husband loves you regardless of size, but take care of you, and be healthy!

I am not bigger than my husband but I do know this. Men love their ladies no matter what size as long as you are loving them right. Treating them like a man. Being a wife, lover and friend. Of course there is always the exception. But girl if your man finds you hot then to him you are hot. Please believe him. Remember that it has to also come from you. You don't have to be a size 5 to be hot. It's all about attitude. Put on something sexy and see how quick you feel differently about yourself. Oh yeah not to mention the fact that it will likely not last on to long once your man sees you in it.

Dear D..
I know you already got responses on this.
I have never been bigger than a boyfriend or husband, but that's who they have chosen to be with since me.
My ex-husband told me he would divorce me if I got fat. I divorced him, am still tiny, and he likes bigger women. I think if men were honest, stick figure trophy chicks are just that to them. Women with curves and bodies are women.
One of my wonderful gay friends told me that no one wants to hold a bag of bones.
Don't worry about losing weight. Get fit. For yourself. Take up walking. It's good for your heart and lungs and sleep and getting your body engine going. Actually a brisk walk before eating dinner will raise your metabolism and burn more calories when you eat dinner than if you walk afterwards.
....My best friend is short and round. She is married to a tall, dark and gorgeous man. She is not ashamed of her body in any way. They have been together since they were both thin and it's just a natural progression that bodies change after kids, etc. She is about the most confident woman I know. And I respect her for that. She exercises, etc, but she is what she is and she is what he fell in love with and she doesn't worry.

Hi, I'm not bigger than my husband but am bigger than most women my age. I'm very self conscious when we got out swimming or to the beach, sometimes it feels as though everyone is looking at you, or making fun of you. There are times when I feel weird when we are having sex because I just wish I was a little smaller. Especially now that my stomach is scattered with the biggest stretch marks you've ever seen. It's all about how you see yourself and how comfortable are you with your husband.

I'm a beautiful and very intelligent woman who was
Vice President of a club at my college. I would like to tell you why I resigned. It may have been nothing, but principles and policy was in my mind. You see our President of the club did not think about his members. I wanted our members to be recognize because they worked so hard. Our T-Shirts acccording to the President was not ready. But when the game came our President decided to represent him self. So I send an email to all of our members in the club who was at the game and the members that was not their. And explained to them what our President wore, a T-Shirt, with his name on it as President, the club name, and his name on it. I was appalled because I didn't think that he was for his members. Please respond and tell me If I'm wrong or was right or give me some good advice.

I know just how you feel. Since the day I met my hubby, I have always been a bit bigger then him, now, I am 30lbs more then he is. He has put on about 35 since we got married LOL I have always been self concious about it, he on the other hand always says he loves me just the way I am. I on the other hand want to be thinner then him so I have since joined Weight Watchers and have lost 14 lbs :) Go Me. But no, you aren't alone. :)

I am heavier than my husband, and have been for the majority of our relationship. I was a 16/18 when we met, and now I'm a 26/28. He has always told me that he loved me for who I was, not what I looked like, and that most men want a woman to be soft and cuddly, not bony and hard. He's never asked me to lose weight, and he's never said a single thing to me about what I eat or anything.

That being said, my size is now starting to bother me. I get tired so fast, and if I chase after our 3 yr old a little bit, I'm huffing and puffing like I just ran a marathon. So, I've decided to cut back on everything. I found a spreadsheet template on the internet that calculates calories and fat when you enter the food you've eaten, etc. I adapted it a little to watch my cholesterol and carbs too.

I looked at Alli and I don't like the whole "anal explosion" issue. It's just not worth it to me. I thought, "That's all I need! To be fat and have pooped my pants in public!"

And after seeing ALL my friends yo-yo diet for the last 12 years with Atkins, Weight Watchers, Hoodia, Slimfast, etc. I deduced that what really seems to work, in the long term, is just common sense. Reduce your calorie & fat intake, increase your exercise, cut out the junk food.

So I'm going to start swimming every day. It's a low-impact way to get some exercise, and will be easier on my joints and my heart, until I get back into shape. Then, when I feel like I'm up for it, I'll start walking.

I'm not going to judge myself on how long it takes me, or how many pounds I lose every week. After all, I didn't get to be this size in a few weeks, and I'm not going to make it all go away in a few weeks. I'm just going to focus on changing my eating habits, increasing my exercise and stamina, and hopefully that will help change my body.

Hi D.,

I too am a lot bigger, 80 pounds, then my hubby and he needs to lose 80 pounds himself and is 12 years younger. I learned a lot from him about myself. He loves me because he thinks I'm beautiful, and funny, and smart, and capable, etc. I've been quite ill and almost died several times over these last 6 years; half our married life, yet he's my full time care giver. He has help me regain the ability to sit up and briefly walk again. He had a friend build me a portable computer stations that rolls up to my bed and I can work my new business from it. Hey, I had to retire 12 years too soon. Anyway, praise Good that you have a man that sees you for who you really are instead of some kind of trophy wife that usually feel like an object instead of a real person. You see I was one of those at one time in my life too.

I have tried a "ton" of things to lose weight, "yo-yoing" back and forth, which is really unhealthy and I wanted to share this with you.

I've lost 144 pounds with lots more to go but had plateaued and regained 60 pounds. I've lost that and I am now using Tony Horton's videos and his nutritional eating program and while I'm in a wheelchair I have been able to modify what ever he puts out there to do. He's intense. My hubby got all jazzed about Tony's Muscle Confussion Series of 12 different solid workouts. The reason our repeatitive workouts become less effective is that our bodies get use to doing the basic same routines and finds ways to conserve energy consumption; burning less fat. So Tony's came up with a way to keep the body guessing and allowing our work outs to really count. My hubby incouraged me to become a fitness coach for Beachbody. You may have seen their TV Infomercials on their exercise videos; Tony Horton and P90X or 10 Minute Trainer, Shaun T and his Hip Hop ABs or Charlene and Turbo Jam, plus a lot more. Anyway, if you'd like to check out what we have to offer in exercise videos, diet and nutrition, or overall support via, talk to the experts, blogs, community boards, and me :^D , check it out at:

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Good Luck & Good Health,
F. :^D
888-444-5595 24/7 Msg Ctr

I don't know how you are doing with LA weight loss but I could help you if you are burnt out on their program. I lost 105 pounds in 16 months and it was naturally. I'm still larger than my bf, but working on it.. have about 50 pounds to go. :)

Hi D.! I am not bigger than my hubby but I am not too far away from it. We have both gained weight since meeting but we are good! I spent a lot of time being self conscious and I would vocally put myself down in front of him. It affected our relationship quite a bit. Then I figured if I really wanted to change it then I would quit complaining and get out there. Well, I still haven't gotten out and exercised and I still enjoy my ice cream. I gained weight in pregnancy but I have a beautiful daughter because of it. My husband still loves me and now I just don't really think to much about what others think. I don't go out of my way to show my muffin top or anything but I don't hide myself. I find clothes that flatter my figure (as best as possible! LOL) and go on my way! I am 5'8 and 195lbs and I am healthy and happy! Good luck to you!

i am a bbw and although im single now, ive always been the 'bigger' (and taller) one in the relationship... most women are self conscious about thier bodies, even thin women... you have to keep in mind that not all men like thin women... if a guy doesnt want to be with me because of my size then thats his loss... theres plenty more out there for me to chose from

Hi D.,
I did weigh more than my husband up until 5 moths ago, when I decided I had to do something for myself and my health! I am a mom of two girls (ages 2 & 4..final answer, no more kids) who love to swim...which means I have to swim with them, in a bathing suit no less. :O) In August I started working with a nutritionist and later learned about a program called Isagenix. Both have changed my life! I've lost 35 lbs. in 5 months and my energy is amazing. My nutritionist believes in the program so much she now consults with people who join for free. If you're at all interested, check out the website and let me answer any questions for you. www.krabasco.isagenix.com
Best of Luck to you,
K. R

Hello D., I think I out weigh my husband by about 100lbs. It is something I am very self concious about. I am fairly tall for my age so it doesn't look like such a big difference but the scale tells otherwise. I try not to let it bother me since my husband never makes an issue about it.

I am shorter but bigger than my husband. I feel unattractive when it is time to have any sort of intimacy with him. When we first got together I was only 98lbs. and after having our son I gained so much weight that I am still 60 pounds overweight. He tries to make me feel good by saying that he doesn't care how much I weight, but all of his friends wives have had more than one child and are the same weight they were before they had children. He loves me no matter what...I just don't want him to see me too often naked. And the thought of having the lights on or it not being totally dark in intimate moments makes me sooo uncomfortable.