Jr will be 4 in a few months so I am starting to figure out the plan for his birthday party. I am trying to figure out the timing for everything but am not sure if I should include present opening time yet. Last year we waited until most of the kids left before he opened his presents as to not be rude to all the little ones who would have no understanding as to why they couldnt open or play with the toys. So this year, since he and his friends are a bit older I wasn't sure if we should include it at the end of the party or not. I don't want to be rude to the other children. Most kids will be 3 1/2 to 4 years old, with a one year old, a couple 2 yr olds and a 7 year old. Also, he's still at that "TRUTHFUL" age and i'm not sure if he gets duplicates, or things he doesn't like if he will say something out loud about it at the party.
Anyway, how old were your children when they started opening presents at the party (or other children you have gone to parties for if not your own kids)
edit - I was advised last year by multiple parents on this board not to do presents at the party with the whole group and it ended up working out well since it was just family and close friends. I also have yet to attend a little kids party (3 and under) where the presents are opened in front of the other kids so i think its the norm here. I also used to work at kids party places (chuck e cheese and some private companies) and know the kids never open there. We are planning to have this party at either a family restaurant (in a banquet room) or at the firehouse, and are hiring outside entertainment like a clown or something, so we will definitely have enough time at the venue. but its more a matter of being courteous to our guests than if the venue allows time for it.
thanks for all the responses!! wow....
just a little clarification, i find no reason to have any talk with jr about other kids playing with the presents. he is a good sharer. however it is more about me, I personally do NOT want to open the toys at the party. They are to be played with at home. I have never in my life been to a party at a venue that the toys come out of the packaging. What if you want to return something? Last year another child ripped open a toy we were going to return because he already had it and it was really frustrating. Her mother just laughed and acted like it was no big deal that her daughter opened something that wasn't hers. So, if we do open gifts they are going to be put to the side to be taken home. Also, Jr is my step-son so we will definitely be opening at the party so that we can figure out which toys go to moms and which go to dads. I still haven't decided if the classmate children will be around for it or not. I may just do it with the family and family friends with their kids, after the kids from his class have received goody bags and have all left. if there are stragglers, then whatever. I have time to think about it. I really appreciate the numerous responses
If I take the time to go out and pick a present for a child, I WANT TO SEE HIM OPEN IT! I dont care if its a duplicate or not.
My kids have always opened their presents at their parties. They also love to play with their toys with the other kids too. Sharing is caring! ;)
for us - it all depends on where we are....there are times when the place pushes you out the door at a specific time...
I typically do not open the presents at the "venue" - I have the kids over to the house and open them there...some people like it - some people don't...all of my friends? don't matter to them...
it does seem to be a trend, but we have always opened them and kids have always understood and thankfully for the most part there haven't been any embarrassing truthful incidents.
I play a game with my kids in the car, what would you say if someone geve you a new toy truck, THANK YOU! what would you say if some one gave you a smelly sock, THANK YOU ( and mommy would take care of it later ie exchange what ever)
do what you like, but i prefer small parties 4 friends for a 4 yo and opening gifts.
Honestly, I have never been to a birthday party (as a child or an adult) where the birthday person didn't open presents. Your question is very odd to me but maybe things are done differently in different regions, like weddings. I always have my kids open presents after the cake, but some of my friends do it before the cake. I like to do it after the cake because people usually don't seem to pay a whole lot of attention to the child opening presents, so I figure I'll let them eat the cake and then they can leave or just hang out since all the formalities are out of the way.
Someone asked this recently, and this was my response:
This is one of those topics that is so frustrating, because I am reading all about how the kids can't handle watching someone else open presents, they might get bored, they'd rather play...well, what about kids learning that sometimes it's all about SOMEONE ELSE and not ME! I think the presents should be opened, because someone picked it out...another good lesson, it's better to GIVE than to receive. People want to see the gift they bought opened. Also, someone mentioned that the toys might get opened and pieces lost....again, is there no control or expectations of the kids. someone can put the toys away after the wrapping is gone. when we have low expectations for our kids to learn these social lessons, they will meet them.
This was her update after the party:
After reading all the helpful responses, I had completely planned to not open presents at the party, but I would still ask the guests we could open their child's gift if they felt their child wanted to see my child do so. So, we were at the party and it got close to the end, and I felt like we needed to open gifts! It just didn't seem right to not do so and my mother-in-law suggested that we do so during the cake and ice cream. Well, it turned out beautifully!! My husband first brought the child who brought whichever gift we were opening up at the time and set him/her next to my son. Then I opened the gift for my son while he ate his cake and ice cream. Then, held up the gift and my husband took a picture of gift, son, and gift-giver (it helped to keep track of who gave what gift as I wrote thank you cards). A lot of the kids gathered around, and many would point to the gift excitedly and say, "I brought that one!" It was perfect. Wrote all the thank you cards that same evening. So glad for all your suggestions, and this turned out just the right way! :)
Well, it can take forever for 4 year olds to open presents. It can be difficult to keep kids happy while the birthday kid opens presents. I was just talking to my mom and I read your question. I asked her what age we opened them. She said 1rst grade (7 years old), because it didn't take so long. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've been to a party where a child younger then 6 opened the gifts.
I know people who don't allow their kids to open birthday presents at their party and they're much older (8 and 10). Their reasoning is that they don't want the focus to be on presents and getting stuff, that it should be about the joy of celebrating with friends and family. That's very nice.
However, I hate this. First of all, I love giving gifts and it brings me joy to see someone I love opening up something I spent time picking out. I miss out seeing the joy. It really takes something away from the whole experience. When you deny that experience, it really diminishes something, I think.
Also, I think there's a really valuable lesson for kids in learning how to be gracious even when you don't like the present you've received. They're going to have that experience for the rest of their lives and we as their parents should teach them how to act appropriately. At Xmas last year, my niece received lots of books and kept making rude comments like, "Oh, no, not another book." Yes, it was a little uncomfortable, but her dad sat her down and explained what the spirit of Xmas was all about and that she was being very hurtful by making those comments. She learned a great lesson that day.
For us not opening the presents at the party is the norm...not odd. I haven't held my childrens' parties at my house but at a certain venue, as someone else mentioned. Usually those parties are only 2 hours long, and there isn't enough time to open gifts. I think if you have enough time, it's fine. As you know, you'll have to explain to him that he might get duplicates or something he doesn't like but to just say "thank you" anyway.
We've always opened the presents during the party. We started having actual birthday parties at age 3, I think, or it could have been 4. We only invite about 4 or 5 kids to the party. This keeps everything, including present opening, workable.
We have always opened gifts. Our guest have said they love to watch them open the gifts and see the expressions. The way it works well is to serve cake and ice cream and while they are eating, you pass out their goody bag and they watch the child open the gifts. Its not hard and its fun. We write down what was given and thank the person. Also, we send a personal thank you to each person for coming and if they gave a gift.
M
Funny...nobody in our area opens presents at parties. Totally not done. Only a baby shower or something for an adult. Obviously when my family (parents, inlaws, aunts) come and bring presents for the kids bdays, we open then and there. But when you have a dozen kids running around, it is not fun for them to sit while the bday kid opens presents and basically it is not done. We did it at our daughter's 1st bday but not since then because it seemed to be the way it is...
We've never opened gifts at the party and we never will.
It's just not our style.
I've been to parties where gifts were opened with all the kids there and things were broken and pieces were lost almost immediately.
Hand everyone a goody bag as they leave and everyone is satisfied.
We always open gifts from day one on. We hate going to party's where they don't open gifts. I find it rude and uncaring. Actually if I know it's a party where they don't open gifts my kids get upset. They want their friends to see what they picked out. Plus they see what other friends like and then they might like the gift.
We always have opened presents, every year, in front of the guests that were nice enough to pay for a present for my child. And every party that we have been to at Chuck E Cheese or wherever, they have always opened the gifts. I don't think I've ever been to a party where it hasn't happened that way. I would be disappointed if I didn't get to see that happen!! Why wouldn't you allow the other kids to play with the toys your son got for his birthday? I think that is kinda rude on your part. As for any remarks your son may make regarding duplicates, or something he may not want, why not have a talk with him beforehand, and tell him what is expected when he opens the gifts? I'm sure if you are there with him, and making a big deal out of the gifts yourself, he will follow suit.
All I know is: opening presents at birthday parties... takes a TON of time.
I was at a party once for a kid, and it took OVER 1 hour... to open presents.
Meanwhile, EVERYONE was getting antsy and bored and the kids were getting restless... because it went on and on and on and on... and taking photos of each gift/with the kid, that they got, saying thank you, the Mom writing down what each kid gave so she can write thank you notes after.
It is a real... time consuming thing.
Hence, all the parties I go to or my kids, they do not open presents at the party. And, if a kid/family does not give extravagant gifts like some others may... it really creates a visual and noted.... mark, on the kids and families, and/or embarrassment.
And, kids always make comments like "oooohhhhh wow!" or "oh, just a book..." kind of thing. They don't self-censor.
Even if they are polite kids/families there.
I have been going to more and more parties where they don't open the presents during the party and open them after the guests leave. Doing it that was does leave more time for the kids to have fun and play games etc. It's not really all that fun for the children guests to watch as their friends gets all these neat things that they don't get and can't touch. It also saves yourself from the embarassing moments of your child innocently saying something like I already have this or I don't like this or something else about the present.
Don't open gifts at a party. It's boring for the kids and for the adults. Let your child have fun opening them at home when there is no pressure and no one's in a hurry.
We haven't done it yet, and have only seen two other parties do it (my son is 5 and daughter is almost 8--the 2 we saw it done at the kids were turning 5) When it was done, there were some "I want that!" from the kids giving the presents and some truthful comments from the person getting it, but nothing to much. We had my son open his presents with his relatives and he put one down and sighed, "I already have that one!" So I don't think he is really ready yet. I never understood why parents didn't open presents at the party until I had my own kids. Now I get it. A lot of the kids also have a hard time sitting still through the present opening. My personal opinion, wait until you get home.
We always opened presents during the party. Never had an issue with jealousy.
Our oldest is 3, we started opening presents at the party this year. Before that, he really didn't get it, so we took that time to hang out and enjoy the party. Now, he has been to enough birthday parties to know that as soon as cake is eaten it is present time haha!
For me it's not a question of age, but a matter of logistics and time.
Obviously if you invite 30 kids to chuck e cheese then opening gifts at the party isn't reasonable.
My kids' parties have always been somewhat small (6 to 12 kids) and usually at home, so yes, we open gifts at the party, it's a highlight!
My kids have been taught from day one to always be gracious and say thank you, that has never been a problem, their friends and parents know pretty much what they like.
I don't have much experience with the multi age/family/friend parties so I'm not sure how that works?
I say if it takes more than 15-20 minutes to open presents, then do it later, that includes adult parties and showers as well, now one wants to sit there that long going "oooh, ahhh" :(
how interesting! this would explain why my friend never had present opening time at her party (my other friend went and told me about it and was really confused why they didn't do it).
I'm not really sure what age. We've always done it. The kids that bring presents enjoy seeing their present opened by the kid receiving gifts. You can always follow up the present opening with gift bags for all the kids. So, while it's hard for them to watch and not get anything, they can then be excited to receive a gift bag with fun goodies in it afterwards. That's always worked well for us.
As for the bday kid being rude or not, that's a very valid concern. Kids don't always say the most considerate things. We always talked with our kids prior and made it very clear that they say "thank you" and to not say much else unless it's something that would make other people feel good. You can even role play it. Make it fun and exciting (so the child doesn't feel in trouble). If your child ends up not remembering to say thank you, I think as a parent, you can always thank each child as their present is opened and remind your own child to thank them.
We don't open gifts during the "kid" party... it takes a long time and they really just want to play. The "family party", however definitely invovles gift-opening b/c the family wants to see ihm open their presents.
It's tough to keep kids' attention for that long, especially when another child is getting gifts! I have also found that preschoolers are have so much fun just enjoying "their party" that it extends the whole day to have presents later, at home with a piece of leftover cake!
I think it's really your choice, but for our son's first birthday party with 50ish guest...about 20 of them kids ages 1-8...we opened them! Obviously my husband and I opened them, since our little guy wasn't able. The other kids actually sat really well and watched...did they touch some of the toys and even play with them...sure, but it was fine...toys are to play with. Now I do understand that your son is older and may be more vocal about saying he doesn't want the other kids to play with them. I think maybe I would have a heart to heart with your son...tell him it's his choice...he can open them with his friends and allow them to possibly play with them (share) or he can wait until after the party. Good luck...this is never an easy thing! :)
Open the gifts at home, but do make sure to send thank you cards. My granddaughter didn't open hers and she is 6, and no one thought anything of it.
If its taking too long to open gifts, then you may have invited too may guests. There is no law that says you have to invite the intire class. Who needs 30 kids at a party? They can learn to sit and watch and ooooh and awww about each one. We serve cake while the guest of honor opens gifts. It works out fine. As they are opened, we tape the card to the gift and stick them in a box of gift bag and set them aside. Ive had kids ask if they can play with the gifts,, and I just say "no not now". Not a problem. Id consider it rude if you didnt open the gift I made or picked out special for the birthday kid. Im nearing 60, and have always seen gifts opened at parties. This forum is the only place I have ever heard it done any other way.
Do not open the presents. Too many pitfalls.
If the party is out at a venue like Chuck E Cheese or the arcade or whatever and you only get an hour and a half of party time, I didnt waste any of that time opening gifts. If the party was at home, we always opened gifts. I think it is courteous to do so. Kids like to see their friend open the gift they picked for him/her. I didn't allow it to be chaos. The rule was that there were two chairs set up, so each gift the birthday kid opened, the giver could sit with him/her and I'd take their picture together and include the photo in the thank you card. It's a good way for kids to learn about giving and about receiving, about being gracious and using manners. Unless it's a guest's first time at a bday party, they should know that they don't get to open and play with the toys. If the parents are present, they should deal with their own kid if anyone gets upset during the gift opening and you could save it for the last activity so if anyone wants to take their kid and leave for that, they can
We didn't plan to open presents at my girls 4th birthday party this past May (on the advice of EVERYONE). However, about 20 minutes before all of the kids left, two of the party guests went into the other room, got their presents and handed them to my two girls to open immediately. I tried to distract the kids, but it didn't work. So, we ended up having all the kids go into the office and get their presents and then did sort of a free for all present opening. My girls opened most, but a few other kids helped, and everyone started playing immediately with the presents they could get out of the boxes. Surprisingly, it worked really well. My girls were so excited to see all the new things that they had no problem sharing. If there had only been one or two presents I'm sure we would have had problems, but with 10 kids, there was wrapping paper everywhere, kids squealing over new toys, and everyone had fun.
If you want to open presents, go for it... just don't make it a huge production where your child has to sit up front and carefully open one at a time while everyone else sits there awkwardly watching. I think many four year olds -- mine included -- would get impatient doing that.
