What Are Your Thoughts on This?

$10K doesn't really go far in raising a kid.

But if the kids life is better off without him in it - go for it!!

Sad - but true.

I think it was a good decision. He didn't want to be a parent and was willing to pay her a lump sum in exchange for her accepting that. Since she is now married, has another child, and her husband adopted her son I don't see how her decision was wrong. Seems like it has all worked out for the best.

Well, I let my daughter's bio dad sign over his rights without paying me anything. She is much better off without him in her life. All he did was make empty promises and disappear every three years. It is much easier on her to not have the yo-yo life with him. My husband has adopted her and life is great!

Damn right I would accept that check.

Any person who doesn't want to be a parent SO BADLY that they'd offer to pay me off doesn't deserve to have that child in their life.

And now that sweet baby has a REAL family.

Just because someone provided genetic material to the equation does not make them a parent. I say good for her.

ETA: In retrospect, she should have asked for MORE! I'd have negotiated. Said "no way, try $30K." and see what he responded with. He'd have to know that paying child support would cost him even more than that!

But beggars can't be choosy...some ladies (like me) never see a dang cent from their exes.

Given her situation and his obvious desire not to participate in rearing his child, seems like a pretty nice agreement. I hope he made a copy of the check. And I hope she banked hers for her childs college education. Think of the interest 10k would draw in 18 years. Nice.

Abso-freakin'-lutely!

He probably wouldn't have paid a dime anyway, so at least now she has the money to put away for college for her son or make ends meet while she takes care of starting a career and building a life for both of them.

If he has terminated his rights, he can't come along later and pop in long enough to be a hero and then disappear and leave the boy in tatters.

The big fat check would be the bonus to not having the a$$hole around who didn't want to be a dad anyway, so that someone could come along that WOULD want the job.

Yup, I so would do it.

I terminated rights for free. I guess I'm a cheap date! I terminated because he got hooked on crack and became abusive, I left him got a restraining order and THEN found out I was pregnant! Yikes. So, I terminated and my new husband adopted her. We are all really happy with it. But, if that man wanted to give me a $10,000 check to get over his guilt, I would take it in a heart beat. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. I don't think it's right to look at it as she terminated for the money. I'm sure she terminated because he's a straight up loser and not the right dad for her son. The money is the least the guy could do.

i think i would do it too. assuming that the kind of person who would be willing to "buy" his freedom like that is probably not the kind of a**hole i want to force to spend time with his kid the rest of his childhood, not to mention collecting child support from someone who cares so little...yes, i'd think this is the perfect solution. poor kid. thank god she found someone to fill that role. although it will still be hard on the child later down the line...at least it will be easier than a childhood with a jerk like that for a father...

I'd do it for NO MONEY if i didn't want anything to do with the father, and i KNEW he didn't want anything to do with my child. ...even if that meant no child support. So, I wouldn't need the big check to convince me. That's just me. Having another stress/burden in my life GONE is worth WAY more than $10,000, so getting the check wouldn't be the incentive- knowing he's gone and out of my life forever would be.

(this is assuming that we are talking about a dead-beat crappy dad)

Heck... I gave my now husband his walking papers when I found out I was pregnant. As in, I wasn't giving him any say in the matter, I'd decided to keep the baby with no input from him whatsoever. (Our son was a 'miracle baby'... condoms, spermacide, and the pill religiously. We were being VERY careful. Man plans... god laughs.)

All I wanted from him was nothing. If he'd like to be a part of (in some capacity) he was welcome, if he wanted to wish me a good life and terminate his rights I was equally fine with that.

IMHO, terminating rights is the ONLY equal power men have over their bodies. They can be as careful as can be, and still get a woman pregnant. The woman can choose to terminate, the men can't.

HOWEVER... I have a pretty strict rules/timeline on my "termination a-ok" list. As in if you're married; it doesn't count, and if you change your mind once the mother can't change hers, it doesn't count.

If my then boyfriend had offered me a 10k check ALONG with the termination papers I was offering him... hey. Bonus. Fantastic.

If my HUSBAND, all these years later, decided to walk and wanted to write me a measly 10k check to terminate rights... he can stick that offer where the sun don't shine, and maybe pull his head out while he's at it.

How sad for the child.

I hope that she never tells the child about this...even as an adult, that would hurt.

Hell, if the guy wasn't worth having around, F&*$ it, give me the $10k....
But I wonder if that was really enough...think about the amount of money it takes to raise a child...clothes, diapers, school, toys etc all the way to age 18? Think it should be more.

If a man does not want his child, and another man loves that child as his own, absolutely!
This is the story of my own life, except I did not receive money.
My oldest child's father did not want the responsibility of a child, and when my daughter was 4, I married a man who has loved her as his own for the past 18 years.
She's 22 now, and is slightly curious about her real father, but has never tried to find him. She did find an older sister she has, and the sister does not have a relationship with the dad either.
My daughter never missed anything growing up because the man I married loves her with his whole heart.
He adopted her when she was 8, and it was totally with her consent because she loves him wholeheartedly too. =)

To accept the offer-absolutely! Raising a child is expensive. That check could be the difference between she and her husband affording an apartment in a bad area, or buying a house in a decent area. Ten thousand dollars really is a drop in the bucket for all of the costs of living. The man had ten thousand dollars to give, but didn't want to pay child support? Hmm....my guess is he's not hurting, and financially, he got a bargain. But the child also got a great deal-she got a daddy that loves her!

The cost of life is REALLY cheap these days, R..

If someone would stuff their baby in a trash can for a $5 rock of crack, I'm sure many would take the 10,000.

I have a friend who has been a single mom since her 17 year old was 3. She never received a dime from the father, and his life was such that no money from his was a better option for her than EVER having to deal with the man.

You just never know.

Being that both my husband and I have crappy ex's that have constantly put us and our kids thru HELL with all the B.S. they make us go thru for custody, parenting time, child support, court hearings, police calls, etc. I would GLADLY pay BOTH of them to walk the hell away from us and the kids. And I would GLADLY accept them to PAY us to allow them to walk away....HELL, they wouldn't even HAVE to pay...JUST GO....bye bye....

if hes that intent on notbeing involved its probably better than hounding him, this way he has a readl dad who cares and isnt constantly reminded of the other

Well if you knew my ex I would say it would be a win win never having to deal with him.....

YES my prayers would be answered!!!
I have asked my ex to please pay for a lawyer and then he will never have to see me again about my oldest!! Then he wouldn't have to share his name with my son any longer and my hubby is more than willing to adopt him. Since he hasnt seen, spoke to or even acknowledge my son... even though we have two more that he see's on a regular basis ( 50/50 custody) in over 4 years. I have even told him since its been so long since he has had contact for him that as soon as I have the money I'm taking him back to make him pay for child support. He just "doesn't care, you will never have the money and I dont think about him now so why change anything. Just because he has my last name doesn't make him a ( his last name) he will never be one. End of story."

This is the same man that wanted a divorce and before he filed for divorce asked me to adopt him because he is his son since he raised him from a baby. Had to find my son's bio dad since he has never seen him a day in his life. My son has had 2 "dad's" ( term used very lightly!!) abandon him in his short 15 years.

So yes I would gladly take the money and let my husband adopt my son since my son asked my husband if he was willing to do it and that way he will have a real dad who loves him ( talk about breaking my heart to hear those words come out of my son's mouth!!). and my husband gave him the biggest hug and told him he would be honored, but he doesn't need a piece of paper, he is already and will always be his real dad.

Doing this certainly made her life more simple. I suggest that this could be a reasonable way to resolve the issue of not only child support but dealing with a father who didn't want to be involved. Not knowing the people or circumstances involved I can't say if this was a reasonable decision or not. But I do say it's their right to make this decision. And I'll say it could be for the best. It's not my place to judge.

The boy now has a father. Yes, he'll have to someday deal with his feelings about his birth father abandoning him. But he'd still have to deal with feelings if he hadn't. In fact, I suggest he'd have more difficulty, emotionally, if his birth father had not signed away his rights and his mother had to deal with an uninterested father.

It's reasonable to plan for an adoption than to keep an unwanted child. Allowing your child to be adopted is a gift of love, no matter how it's done.

After SWH I think that she did make the right decision.

And.....if she had enough that she didn't need to use the money, putting it into a college fund would be great. But if she needed that money to provide for him now, that is what she needed to do. We don't suggest women put their child support into a savings acct. What makes this any different?

I see it as a win-win... well for the most part. I do feel for the boy, but hopefully he'll never feel like he wasn't wanted, but with the adoption by her husband he shouldn't.

If this guy was a jerk, then yes she did the right thing to protect and take care of her daughter. Her son now has a father, someone who wants to be 'dad' and I say she did the great, simple, easy way to take care of it and be rid of the guy.

TOUCHY topic......
I can see where people call this mom a gold digger, or immoral or WHATEVER.But if this Jack A$$ offers to pay her off so he doesn't have to be responsible for his own child.....story told. He'd be a miserable excuse, would never see the child anyway and just complicate his/her life. So for her to get an "out" from dealing with this guy? YES. Should he have to pay her HELL YES.
I guess the real question would be how she chooses to spend the money. No matter how you look at it though, HE is the jerk.

my sis went thru something similar: she did not push the child support thing. She let her ex...."get away with it". He saw his DD 3 times in 15 years. The ILs were just as bad. Thank goodness, my niece had all of us!

Anyway, fast forward to college: bum dad handed over 2 checks in the course of a year.....& it covered almost all of my niece's university years. It's been 5 years now since those checks....& he's dropped off the face of the earth. J/K, but it'd be nice if he paid for her Masters, too!

My niece is pretty well-rounded, despite what a jerk her bio & stepdad were.

It seems callous on the part of the bio dad to write a check and be done with his daughter, but from a practical working standpoint it sounds like it was the best thing for everyone. Now the daughter can be adopted by a someone wants to raise her instead of forced to have a relationship with a dad who doesn't. Plus it sounds like a real a bonus for mom that she won't have to deal with bio dad anymore.

Looking at it for the health of the child...I would wholeheartedly go for the payoff option. The boy now can have a hopefully stable life with a mother and father in the home and not have to "visit" daddy and be yo-yo'd back and forth between homes. Sounds like the bio daddy would have upset the boy's life in many ways...no shows...not keep up regular child support payments etc.

I don't think this mom was gold digging in any way. $10,000 buckaroos is such a small amount of money when you compare the true cost of raising a child. I would take that money and put it away for the boy's future education.

She was not smart to sleep with this man and make a baby...but she was smart to take his money and let him run. Good riddance and now make a good life for the boy...hope she learned a lesson and picked a good husband.

Good luck and best wishes!!

It sounds like he didn't really want to be a dad anyway, so she's actually lucky that he was willing to terminate parental rights. Freed the child up to be adopted by a man who sounds like he does want to be a dad. The fact that she got some money first, is just huge bonus! It's not that she "allowed" him to disappear; he was free to disappear whether she "allowed" it or not. Can you say "dead-beat dad"?

Hey, some men out there are probably better off disappearing to be honest. The $10,000 can go into a 529 for college and that might end up being more beneficial to the child than having a father around who doesn't give a rodent's posterior about them (or worse). Her choice, if she's happier this way and feels she doesn't need the child support instead, more power to her.

Read your SWH - if the guy didn't want to be a father and didn't want to pay child support anyway, then paying her the $10,000 was better than nothing. He didn't HAVE to give her that. If the father of my child was going to be a d-bag like that anyway, I'd take the money in a heartbeat - again, college fund!

There is more to terminating your parental rights than just being absolved of child support: the biological father will also have no rights to visitation or custody and it opens up the possibility of the child being adopted by your future spouse as in this case.
I think depending on the situation many women would be HAPPY if their child's bio-dad would be willing to do this, even without money exchanging hands - especially if bio-dad shows pretty much no interest in his child other than to make his ex's life difficult.
I think if I was in a situation where it was clear that the father wouldn't be around for the kiddo - I would gladly have him terminate his rights and not deal with any custody/visitation disputes down the road and forgo any money from child support.

to be honest it would totally depend on the situation- If the dad didnt really want anything to do with the child and just to walk away clean then fine- He cant come back later and disrupt the kids life. If it was the best thing for the baby then I cant really say it was wrong,

I think it was right. He didn't want the baby, didn't have any involvement with the baby and had no choice in whether the pregnancy was continued or terminated. Why should he have this long term obligation. The baby has a dad now (more than he did before), the mom has a lump sum payment and the boy can move on with his life without this hanging over his future. All good.

I found out I was pregnant with my daughter shortly after her dad and I broke up. I told him that I was pregnant, I had decided to have the baby, and the he could either be dad or not. If he didn't want to be a dad, I would ask nothing from him, and he would never see her. If he did want to be a dad, I would do all I could to let him see her as much as possible, but I would expect child support. He decided that he wanted to be a dad.

Maybe, but not for only $10 grand. Psh, maybe 2 or 3 mil.

(My kids get 32k a year child support)

:(

If my grandson's biological would go away forever, I'd be glad if he never paid a dime. My daughter wants the child support. But seriously, he's not a good person and I would rather he never have anything to do with us.

Well... if the dad wasn't really a dad and didn't want his rights then yes I would allow that. She got a pretty good freaking deal if that's the case, and the kid got a loving father who does want him.

It would be different if the bio dad wanted to be a part of the kids life and she coerced him to terminate his rights. If she hadn't cut this deal, she'd be taking him to court for child support and probably having a nightmare with custody and all that with a poor excuse of a father. She probably would have gotten less money and would likely have to pay lots of court costs too. Besides, the kid can know his birth father later if he wants to look him up.

First, I would not consider 10K a lot of money. Second, I would let the father disappear for free if I thought it would benefit my child. It seems like she did the right thing at the time, everything worked out for her and the child.
The thing is, you cannot force anyone to be a father. If a guy wanted to terminate his parental rights - he could've just gone to courts and kept at it until he got the termination, even without writing her a check. Yes, I think she did the right thing.

While I think it is incredibly sad that a child has a father who is willing to walk away, I think in some circumstances I would be thankful for that. I would think it might be better stability for a child to have one father who loves and nurtures him without the constant back and forth. It's all ugly, honestly. My brother's ex-wife is completely and totally out of the picture. She walked away when the baby was just a couple of months old. She has no parental rights at all. I'm so thankful for that because she would only bring chaos and confusion to my niece's life. She is bad, bad news. I would shudder at the thought of her getting time with my niece.
To respond to your SWH: Yes, I think she was right. If a man is willing to walk away from his child, that child would probably have been faced with so many disappointments of a "father" who didn't show up, who cancelled his visitations, who constantly reminded her that he didn't really want her. No thanks.

That equates to $556. /yr or $46 a month... He probably knew the mom would respond positively to a large payoff, and/or she needed the money and settled for it. If she had done the math, she'd have been better off filing for support.

I don't think she was wrong at all. A lot women don't have a choice and they certainly don't get a check. I know of a man that finally got around to having his rights terminated as a father when the child was nine years old. Prior to that, he hadn't paid one red cent in child support.

As much as these things happen I still cannot understand the mentality behind it. I couldn't image a day without my children but some parents treat their children with the same regard as a stray cat.

My gut reaction to this without a ton of thought (and without reading the other responses) is that he obviously didn't want anything to do with the kid if he was so eager to terminate his rights. Yes, that's horrible and awful for that poor kid. But the mother couldn't force the dad to want this kid, regardless of how she tried to force him to stay involved. She may have known that being rid of him would be the ultimate best thing for her son, and would allow a new husband to adopt him and raise him as his own, with no interference from the bio dad, who sounds like a real piece of work. At least this way, she got something out of it (which she'd ideally put away for her son,) and she doesn't have to fight the perpetual battle that so many women do by chasing down the dead beat dads to get their child support. Also, sometimes the constant paying of child support allows the bio dads to get a bug up their butt about something, and then try to use the child and the support payments to leverage some kind of control over the mother. I can totally see (and know people in my personal life) for whom the scenario you describe would actually be a best case scenario. The dad writes a check, then walks out of the picture forever. One friend, in particular... man I wish this was the case for her...

So I suppose that YES, under certain circumstances, I could see how this might be the best option (albeit of all bad options, probably,) but the best option available.

I think there's a lot of gray area here. I'm not comfortable judging her harshly on this one considering it takes a lot for most judges to allow a parent to willingly terminate parental rights and responsibilities. They normally don't allow it unless there's a serious situation occurring and there's a father figure willing to step in to take over and adopt the child.

Point being, it takes more than paying off the mother to agree and allow it. A judge has to find it acceptable and beneficial to the child.

It's really not so black and white, though.

I personally do not have a problem with it. If he does not want to be involved he is not going to be a good dad anyways.

What do you think about it? You didn't tell us your opinion

If he was an SOB who my kid would be better off NOT knowing, then yes. If he was decent and it would be better for my child to know him, then it'd be very wrong to be bought off.

If I had a baby with a man that turned out to be a complete jerk and didn't want to have anything to do with his own child then I would have paid him to leave us alone permanently, especially if I had a man who wanted to be my child's father. I absolutely would have taken the money and I would never apologize for it!
I am happy your friend found a stand-up man.
Also, I would not call $10,000 a big fat check. The cost to raise a child to 18 yo is estimated to be over $200,000.

It depends on the circumstances. I'd like to think I'd do the math, compare the lump sum w/ what he'd pay, total, in child support over the years. But even if it didn't add up, there might be extenuating circumstances -- say, the mom thought this payment could get her out of debt, which would put her in better shape going forward, or she could invest it for the little girl's education, or she was looking at years of legal hell getting him to pay child support. In terms of him terminating his parental rights, it sounds like he did that anyway. I mean, any guy who wants to do that doesn't deserve to be a dad.

Probably, but it would have to be more than 10k! LOL. No seriously, it all would depend, if I was able to financially support my child on my own, then I would consider it. Honestly, he isn't going to be apart of the child's life one way or another. Even though it seems really weird, but hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do right?

I allowed my son's father to disappear, not pay child support...for free. I should have got a big fat check! I often kick myself for not getting any money from him.
L.

yes......given that situation i certainly would. I wouldnt want a father that didnt want to be a father for my baby, and if all he was good for was money......why drag it out?

Sounds similar to my husbands Father...I know my mother in law made the right choice. His father calls about once a year and gives him the song and dance of "I'm sorry, I'm not good at this, can we meet to have dinner, I will try harder"...so on and so on.

So I think depending on the child and the father it can be the best thing to ever happen.

ETA: The man he calls dad is awesome! So it worked out in the end for my hubs!

Why not? Thousands of us have dads disappear and get nothing for it. Hopefully she used that money to benefit her child in some way (perhaps jump start college savings). You can't make a dad be involved, nor can you make someone pay child support. You can have visitation agreements and orders in place but if someone wants to disappear, he or she will simply disappear. This way she and the child benefit financially and aren't saddled with a relationship that neither of them want.

He got off cheap compared to his financial responsability over their 18 years of childhood. She did her child a favor by letting him off the hook. He is obviously too selfish to be a parent and would have disappointed his child terribly.

That jerk probably spared his son a lot of heartache and disappointment. Think of all the Fathers out there that breed a child, see them only a few days out of the month, and the child is always hoping and waiting and looking for a better relationship. It may be better if he's not in the picture at all. I'm glad she found someone to provide her son with (what sounds like) a good Father figure and a family.

I don't blame her a bit. It's too bad she got mixed up (had sex with!) such a d-bag!

Stories like this make me so proud of my husband and the way he takes care of his daughter and the relationship he maintains with her mom. He is a stand up guy.

He could have chosen to terminate his rights for free. I think that he actually helped her out with the check.
Besides, if he was that uninterested in being a father, she shouldn't want him in her child's life anyway.

Most people I know who want to adopt a child end up having to write a rather large check to get that child and get nothing in return. Therefore, if she loved this baby of theirs and he didn't and didn't want him...I think she did the right thing.
Now, this baby has a loving Mom and Dad and baby sister and hopefully both of his current parents can financially support the child without the biological father. Yes, I would do it! She won both ways, she got the biological father out of her life and married prince charming and she still has her son, who is assume is also loved and welcomed by her new husband. Good for her!

if the guy wanted to terminate his rights, he would not have been any kind of a father anyways, better to let the new man adopt.

For sure. I think everyone is much better off in the long run. He obviously
did not want to be involved so why force him. Glad it all worked out well
for her and sounds like everyone is happy.

I guess it would depend on if the father had stable incomes or not, if he did, I would still make him pay child support. If he had iffy jobs I would settle. it will cost a lot more then 10,000 to raise a kid and God forbid he has any medical issues.

My ex signed away his parental rights and doesn't have to pay child support...and I didn't ask for anything for it, nor did I pay him to do it.

My daughter was adopted by my current husband.

Personally, I think both parents are idiots. The father is so eager to get rid of this precious little boy and all the obligations and joys that come with him that he spent $10k to be done with him. The mother was so worried about money that she bought all rights to the little boy for $10k. Neither parent is stellar in my opinion.

And what happens if this little boy finds out that he was bought/sold for $10k. Because that's basically what it came down to. The mother sold something to the father and the father paid for it. I hope, for the boys self esteem, he never finds out.

I have a friend with a son who is 12. He has major diabilities. His bio father has seen him 3 times his entire life and his family has been the same. She has been in and out of court so many times to get him to pay and she actually offered him that out. He wouldn't take it, not sure why. She didn't even want a lump sum of money, she just wanted her husband to adopt her son so they could all share the same name, after all he is raising him as his own. So, if he doesn't exist in the child's life and he doesn't care to then why not. Once the child gets older if they want to look for their real father, fine. If the child is in a loving family that is all that should matter. Everyone's situation is unique.