What Can I Do for Greiving Neighbors? Warning- This Is Sad.

Meals are a nice thing - in 1 serving containers.

Also, you might want to make a meal a week for about a month.

Also, offer to help with the lawn and housework.

It's really nice of you to offer.

this is very sad.....I've been there...don't want to EVER do that again...

If there is going to be a funeral - bring something to the house to help out...ask them if you can do something to help them while they are at the funeral...I don't know how close you are to these people....

I know for the most - I wanted to be left alone...to be held when I felt like I couldn't breath another moment....to be handed a tissue and not be told "there, there dear - it will get better"...I'm crying as I type this...as it brings back the rush of emotions...it never really heals...it's an emptiness that is there...

just let them know you will be there..

There isn't much you can do. A dear friend of mine went through this and there is very little you can do to ease that pain, but you can do things to help them take some "mental time off". I highly doubt that there will be an obituary, but the hospital social worker will strongly encourage them to have a memorial service and burial. Please make every effort to attend those- find a sitter and go. It will be terrible b/c there is NOTHING worse than burying a child, especially when you know that you get to go home and hug yours. It broke my heart and I cried for weeks... and I was just a friend, it wasn't my child.

Things you can do (or your husband can do)
- Mow the lawn
- Weed the planting beds
- FOOD (they will not want to cook), but make sure it's "freezable"
- If you are running to the store, call and offer to pick up small items like milk and eggs if they need it
- Depending on how close you are, offer to be the contact person for the funeral home. When my nephew died (2), I was the contact person for the arrangements. I was genuinely shocked by how many little details needed to be addressed (quickly) and I didn't want my in-laws phone ringing 100 times a day.
- If you are not overly close, organize the neighbors to make a donation of either cash (funerals are very expensive) or gift cards to local take out restaurants so that they don't have to worry about eating/cooking for a while

MOST IMPORTANT:
Don't forget them. I know this sounds strange, but the world will be at their feet for 2 or 3 weeks and then people go back to living their lives. My neighbor (who is an amazing friend) still asks me periodically how we are doing (we lost my nephew and my FIL within 18 months of eachother). It's a small thing to do, but she makes a point of doing it and it reminds us that other people remember that we are still so very sad on random days and for random reasons.

I was adopting a daughter in June. She was stillborn.
It sucks worse than anything. It's just horrible. No one knows what to do or what to say. I guarantee your neighbors have no clue what to do or say either. It was hard to talk to people. But knowing they were there for me was amazing. Friends sent me cards and letters, and that was amazing.
I had a friend buy me a Willow Creek angel holding a baby. That one little thing has helped me so much. Another friend bought me a garden stone that says "I am praying for you". Every time I see it, I know I have a precious guardian angel up there.
Do NOT say things like "Well, maybe the baby would have been sick" or "It was God's plan". I agree with someone below who said to always refer to the child by name. Acknowledge the child. Know that this will be a process.

My niece was a full term stillborn. They never knew why. One thing that my sister-in-law still has now 15 years later is a gold baby ring that she wears around her neck on a chain. She also gifts a baby ring to anyone she knows that loses a baby. They also received some Dreamsicle figurines which meant a lot to her as well. Also, please remember them on mother/father's day. It is the worst day for someone who has lost a child. Send a Thinking of You card or something to let them know they aren't forgotten on these holidays.

I lost my 3 year old son a few years. I would definately donate if you can. I couldn't cook or do anything. Make some meals that can be frozen. I didn't cook for myself for 3 months. I got alot of donations and it really helped me. Although my experience was a little different, I still think they would benefit from what I mentioned. Just let them know that you are there for them.

when our daughter died, there were many offers of comfort....ranging from our neighbor staying at the house during the memorial service - to keep the food hot, to keep the house safe, & to redirect family/friends to the actual service - to other friends running errands, picking up our son from school, etc.

We live in a small town....& it was heartwarming to be on the receiving end of so many kind & thoughtful comments/actions. One of my best memories is of our circle of friends & how they worked with the florist we all use. Each family sent 1 pink rose bouquet - all in matching vases. This grouping of matched bouquets encircled the photo we had framed of our daughter & was placed at the altar. It was such a simplistic, beautiful tribute! For me, it was amazing how such a simple gesture (on the part of the families & the florist) made such a difference. It's been 18 years & I still have the vases.....

We also appreciated the gift of a tree to plant in our daughter's memory. The tree came with a book telling the story of how memory planting can help heal a family. Very sweet, very perfect for us.

Something else which really helped us.....was the other families with young babies finding alternate care for during the memorial service & wake. At the time, I simply did not realize how much I was dreading seeing those other babies...until I realized that the parents were there alone & had taken the time/effort to make the day more peaceful for us. Huge effort on their part.....& thoroughly appreciated by us. Being with other babies was very difficult for me for months.....

As for the obit/donation info, we chose to donate as "Gift of Body" for the research facility associated with the hospital. Our daughter had a very rare heart/pulmonary condition.....we were unable to donate organs (due to the type of surgery/meds used)....so this was our very next best choice. We caught a lot of flack/static from family/friends with traditional mindsets, but for us...it was important to try to help the next family down the line. Our donation requests were for the research facility....& the American Heart Association. If the family does not designate a donation, what about March of Dimes?

Hope all this info helps you, Molly. I know this is hitting so close to home for you....& your newest baby. Life can seem so fragile at times. Oh, & we used Childrens & Wash Univ.....they have excellent resources for grief counseling. Peace.....

How about having a tree planted in memory of "baby & last name"? I found a seed planting sympathy kit at an online florist and sent to my SIL when she lost her pregnancy and she loved it, or a donation.

Maybe you could make them a meal or mow their lawn? I'm sure they would appreciate any and all support.

My good friend lost their son, he lived for only a few minutes, but they held him for hours and took pictures. It was heartbreaking. I agree with everything Krista P said. I just wanted to add one thing, if you are close to your neighbor's brother and wife. Several of my friends friends went together and got her a bracelet. This was when the Italian charms were still a hit and we each purchased her one or two that were relevant. His birthstone. An angel. One that said In Honor of My Son, etc... you get the picture. Something like that is nice and personal. A good website that I have purchased from before is Myforeverchild.com.
My heart breaks for them.

Always refer to the baby by name - I think it's important to always acknowledge the baby was a real person. Even if they later have another baby, the loss of this one will stay with them forever.

Email, call, send a note or visit after everything is over. My dear friend lost a baby at 10 days of age to severe chromosome abnormality and CF more than 6 months ago. I still contact her a couple times a month to show I care. She so appreciates the fact that I remember her especially on significant dates such as the baby's birthday and date of death. I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm praying for them this morning.

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I agree with the others. It will be the little things. Chores, food, etc. that will mean the most.

As for the baby, this happened to a co-worker of mine. When she delivered right before Thanksgiving, the cord was wrapped ... its been months, and my heart still breaks for her. She has an older child, so I try to keep the focus on him and no talk about my second much. Let her/them take the lead on the grieving. At the same time they won't want people around 24/7....

Is there going to be a meal or reception at your neighbor's house?
If it is then offer to stay at the house and be the hostess, make sure all the drinks are replenished, all hot foods are cooked and served, all appetizers are ready. Maybe a couple of the neighbors can go together and help. Clean up afterwards.

If not, a card with a heartfelt message is always appropriate.

No good for sure. If you're close to your neighbors brother stand by her. Visit her as much as you can for mental support. She needs to know that these things happen and that she will get pregnant again. A friend of mine was carrying twins and lost one upon delivery. She has since had her second child too. Life is strange. With time she'll heal, but push her to get up, go for walks together, coffee, etc. I like my friends a lot and have supported me through my tough times too. Wish her well.

omgoodness... I am sure their pain is higher knowing how rare that issue is during a pregnancy. I would find a quiet time to ask the neighbor if his family will be opening a charity donation for an organization or if the family needs anything help (like cooking a dinner or two) for the grieving Mother and Father...

When a close friend of mine's baby died a few hours after birth, they started a charity donation for March of Dimes - just a thought.

Do you know the brother and his wife? Are you close friends with your neighbor? Unless you are, the right thing to do is perhaps send a card or letter of condolence, and don't intrude into their grief.

If you are, then offer to help with food and anything they need that you could provide. Just be there for your friends.

Blessings....

Prayers and hugs to you all!

As a mother who has lost a baby (not to miscarriage but to SIDS) take your cue from the parents. Don't ignore the fact that she had a baby, let her talk about the baby. Don't forget that when the funeral is over and everyone goes home she will still need a friend. If it was their first child, she is still a mother. Ask the baby's name. Just be there to help her grieve, but know that it is ok to smile again with her when she wants to do that too. Make a donation to a local SHARE group. You can most likely fine them in the local phone book, and get her involved in a SHARE group, introduce her to one, they do wonders to have others to talk to. At Christmas time there is an Angel of Hope Statue in St Charles, in Blanchette Park where the local SIDS and SHARE groups have a memorial for babies lost, it is very nice. Everyone brings a white flower. It goes with the book The Christmas Box which would be a great gift in a couple weeks.

L. D
St Charles

I had a friend lose a baby and the biggest thing was acknowledging it. Don't be afraid to say, I am sorry. What do you need.