What Do I Do???? - Pocatello,ID

I think 3 is one of the hardest ages... My youngest son turns 4 soon... and I'm counting down the days! I think 3s are harder than 2s since they have stronger opinions AND the dexterity to try to get their way. My 3 year old can be the sweetest kid in the world one minute and totally antagonistic to his brother the next. 3 year olds also know how to be subtle in their attacks, making the child who responds seem like the problem.

With that said, I suggest having your son pick his favorite 1-2 toys that he doesn't want to share for any reason and have those put away when your nephew is there. Or have toys that are sharing toys -- for both of them to use -- that are separate from your son's toys, and the only time they get used are when your nephew is there. Both of the boys are at "mine" ages, and your son has the advantage of being on his own turf. If you've just started, give it time, at least 2-3 weeks. Adjustment is hard and both boys are learning the new rules and boundaries, both with stuff and with your attention. The rule at my house has been that if a toys is fought over, it goes away... OR they (or you) can decide who gets it first and set a timer for 10 minutes. When the timer goes off, the other child gets to play with it for 10 minutes. Make sure they no that NO ONE gets to play with it if they fight over it, and they'll figure that out quickly.

It is probably a combination of circumstances that is causing this behavior. Your oldest probably doesn't have to share very often AND your nephew probably thinks he should get what he wants wherever he is.

I recommend talking to your son about sharing and encouraging him during their play time. I also recommend talking to your sister about your nephews actions and how it is affecting his ability to act correctly around others. Be consistent in your efforts to right this situation and it will turn around. I have been through this with my nephew and sons and the situation righted itself within a few weeks. My nephew was still spoiled by his mom, but he knew my limitations and understood that his actions would not be allowed by me. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

Set some rules and remain consistent. Talk over the rules with your nephews parents so that they will be aware of them and then tell them to your nephew in language he understands. Then tell them to your son. Sometimes it helps to write them down -- that way you aren't forgetting them.
I know of some kids who get away with everything at home, but their grandmother will not put up with it. It took them all a bit to understand that behavior like that is not tolerated at grandma's, but now they will behave for her. Consistency is the key.

It helped my son share his toys when we had him choose a toy the other child could play with, instead of letting him tell the other kid he couldn't play with the toys he chose.

Maybe between you and the nephews parents you can get some toys designated for "daycare only." That way your son doesn't have to share his toys and the nephew can feel he has something at your house.

Kids who are turkeys at home are often very disciplined at school - because the teacher has good discipline actions. Be consistent and tell him at your house, this is the way it is.

Set expectations for every activity - "We're going to sit at the table until everyone is finished...". Have them "shake out" their energy. Catch them being good - focus and give attention on positives instead of negatives. This reinforces good behavior.

Their attention spans are very short at this age, so change up activities often. Get them involved in projects, or set up centers for them to switch every 10 or 15 minutes. What works one day may not the next, so be prepared. Make sure they are helping clean up - it can be fun and take up time.

In time, they will get to be more independent and be able to play alone for longer periods of time, but you have to mold it and teach them.

Good luck!