What Do I Do About My Baby Not Going to Sleep Without Being Held?

Hi! I am sorry to hear about that! I did the same thing and it took a little while for my son to get the hang of going to bed alone, but he finally did and what a blesing it has been. He cried for about 1 1/2 weeks and now he does not cry at all! Good luck, its tuff but it will get better!!! T.

Hi C., my husband and i just had a baby too, and i would do the same thing with him, and now he cries when i just lay him in his crib, my husband said to leave him cry, i did for a while, and i broke my heart everytime. i would just let him cry for 10 or 15 minutes at a time and then i would go in there, i would rub his head and tummy and talk to him until he stops crying, and he would go to sleep, after about a week of him crying himself to sleep he is so much better, he goes right to sleep when i put him in there, its hard to listen to them cry, but it works.

I know exactly what you are going through. My baby and I are going through the same problem... except she is 11 months old now! I've been cuddling with her and sleeping with her on the couch for a while now. I used to think it was our quality time while the older kids were at school and my hubby was at work, but now it seems that she needs it or else she can't sleep.

I heard the age 6 months holds alot of window of opportunities as far as switching them to something new, like sleeping on their own, drinking from a sippy cup, or getting off the pacifier. What I would do...should have done... is maybe put her down when she gets sleepy. Let her cry for about 5 minutes then go to her, comfort her, then put her back down. For the first day, just go to her after 5 minutes. Then the next day try going to her maybe after 7 minutes... then the next day after that 10 minutes. I read this in an article.
I purchased a pack and play for my daughter. I haven't timed myself, but I noticed the first day was worse than the days that followed. It gets better. I am also like you in that I really can't stand to hear my daughter cry. It breaks my heart. I feel like its my job to go to her and do what it takes so that she doesn't cry. For that, I read in another article.....try and talk to family or friends on the phone while you are trying to wait the 5 minutes. In the article the woman talked to her Father in law who was also a pediatrician, and she said it really helped when she was trying to let her baby cry it out. When I first heard this article, I was thinking to myself "that's nuts, how do you carry on a conversation with a crying baby in the background?" I can see how this would make it easier for the mom though. Just let the other person you talk to know that you need them for the support. :)
I wish all the best to you.
R. T.

I too had to break my son of this habit. I got into a routine of holding him to put him to sleep. Now I hold him for a few minutes before bedtime and then put him down. He cries. I fight every fiber within myself to not pick him up. I tried just patting him on the back or rubbing his belly. Most of the time it works, sometimes though he still gets so upset that I can't handle it anymore and I have to pick him up. I just rub his back or his belly and talk softly to him. Telling him that mommy is right there. After a few minutes, he usually falls to sleep. Try that. It's hard not to pick the baby up when you KNOW all they want to is be cuddled but for your own sanity, maybe your DD just hearing your voice and feeling your touch will work until she gets accustomed to going to sleep on her own.

There are two books I recommend. Nighttime Parenting by Dr. William Sears, and The no-cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I, personally, dont agree with letting them cry it out. I agree that it doesnt teach them anything. The baby can lose trust that his caregiver will respond when he cries, so why cry at all? He loses self-esteem as well. "I must not be worthy for someone to come when I call.." There are definitely more effective and positive approaches to getting a baby to sleep and not damaging like letting them cry it out. Good luck and I hope you find these books as instrumental as I did!!

Hi Chastity,

My husband insisted we try the "cry it out" method. I went in to sooth him every 10 minutes without picking him up, just like they say. He screamed for 3 hours and then NEVER went back into his crib again. He got hysterical at the sight of it. He moved into a toddler bed a few days later (he slept with us in between). You know your child best. Even the best advice doesn't work for everyone. You may need to start out slowly, maybe standing by the crib and rubbing her back, then progress to sitting in the room humming, and so forth until she just goes in.

Good luck!

I think your hubby may be right. It is one of the hardest things you will have to do, but I only had to do it 3 times with my daughter (she is 8 mo now), and from then on, she has been the best little sleeper. I put her in her crib at 8pm after her last bottle, and she grabs her paci or plops her thumb in her mouth, I give her a kiss good night,and within minutes she is asleep. Every night is not exactly the same, she may whine a little for about 30 seconds, then she just goes to sleep, or talks to her self for a while.
The 1st couple times I tried the "cry it out method", I layed in bed and cried myself, but it really did work out best in the long run. I let her cry for 20 minutes, then would go in her room and NOT pick her up, did not give eye contact, but rubbed her head or belly for a few minutes, then walked away again. Eventually the crying gets less and less, but the key is to not pick her up. Make it as boring as possible. Good luck!!

If she just started waking up then it might be something else going on. Possibly teething and if you had to change times the other day, don't forget her little clock is probably still an hour behind!! I know my 10 month old is still adjusting!! But if it is really affecting the both of you (you and your daughter) then try putting her to bed when she starts looking sleepy. Rubbing her eyes, yawning.....and try to go back to what you were doing before you started holding her while she slept. I've always read that you should put them to sleep while they are still awake so they learn to self sooth so to speak (if they wake up in the night, they find the binki or fingers and go back to sleep). But if she starts crying after you put her down, let her fuss for about 5 mins and see what happens. If she gets louder and more distressed then go in there and rub her back or head, hum or sing to her, just to let her know you are there but try not to pick her up. As time goes on, streach out that 5 mins for 7, then 10. For some reason my son screams when I lay him down at night for the past week now. I don't know if he is over tired or is afraid he is going to miss something. But if I leave him alone he will be sound asleep withing 5 to 10 mins. Sometimes he falls asleep on his bedtime bottle and won't wake up at all. But the longer you keep holding her, the harder it is going to be to break the cycle of it all. I finially convinced my sister about this with her 4 month old cause when the grandparents would babysit for her, they would be stuck either listening to a screaming baby or on the couch holding a sleeping baby!!

Babies are strange little beings and all we can do is give them all our love and try to give them the world!!!

Good luck to you guys

S.

HI C.! I went through this with my son, now 15 months. When he was born he would not sleep in his bassinet only on me for the first month. The second month he would only sleep in his car seat and the third month on the couch, with me sleeping on the floor. I was always exhausted. I realized the couch cushions fit snug in his crib so I put two in there and he would sleep but not through the night. After a few months of still no sleep nights, I finally broke down and just layed him down when he was barely awake. He screamed and fussed and I was in tears, but after ten minutes he fell asleep. Its heart wrenching and it didnt help my husband took the baby monitors out of our bedroom so I couldnt hear my son in the middle of the night and if I did my husband would hold me until our son went back to sleep. And you know what, he did. He was 10 months before I got a full night sleep.
I enjoy rocking and cuddling with my son when he falls asleep, but now we only do it for one of his naps and he happily goes to bed when he is ready and doesnt fuss. Ignoring her will not hurt if you know she is safe and you know she does not need anything else. But you also need some sleep. Good luck. ~Jenn

There are a lot of books and theories about getting your child to sleep. I don't think there is any one right answer; you have to do what works for you and your child. Some recommend the "cry it out" method, some don't. But it sounds like you are ready to make a change, so I would do some reading and pick a method that you think will work. All may be hard at first. We liked Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. THat does involve some "crying it out." I know of another book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution," which may be better for you. Good luck!

If your instinct is telling you to pick her up, then pick her up. She's only six months old.

Babies love routine. You've gotten yourself into a bedtime routine whether you realized it or not. If you don't want to continue to lay with her until she falls asleep, then start implementing a new routine. Do what feels right to you. Don't feel you need to let her cry just because some one else thinks she needs to. There are other ways to get a baby to sleep than to let them cry themselves to sleep.

I had this problem with my son. My pediatrician had made a suggestion to me, and it did work! She suggested that he may be waking when I put him down because he felt that I was not there. Before I would get him settled and cuddle with him, I would change my shirt. I would take my "old" shirt, which had my "scent" on it and place it between him and me and swaddle him in his blanket (my shirt and all). When he would fall asleep I would lay him down with the shirt and blanket(giving him the sense that I was still there). Sometimes that need that added sense of security. It really helped! Good Luck!

You really shouldn't let her cry. She needs you and wants you and letting her cry is kinda telling her that you don't want to deal with her. I couldn't let my son cry and he is now 1 and I only let him cry if he is throwing a timp. My son has to be on me while he is a sleep and when I put him down sometimes he will stay a sleep and alot of times he wont do I have to start all over and this is still going on till this day. But now he is starting to fight his sleep. Lets hope your little girl doesn't. I hope you have some luck...

start little by little...Lay with her on the couch if you enjoy that and as you see her getting tired, take her to her bed. Don't just leave her there, but hold her hand or rub her back to let her know that you are there. If she still screams for awhile, pick her up, calm her and try again. Let her cry longer each time but stay there with her. As she learns to calm herself without you laying with her you can slowly work your way out of the room for longer periods each night. This is the time to do it!!! Don't put it off til she's a year or it'll be even harder. You may have a few nights of crying to sleep but it will be worth it for the both of you. Just let her know you are there!

Hi, Chastity,

This is the biggest issue for moms! We've all been there. Don't feel pressured to do anything that doesn't feel right to you, and remember that they do eventually grow out of this phase! In the meantime, I'd recommend a book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's the only sleep book that doesn't make you feel guilty for screwing up your baby no matter what you do. :) Good luck!

W.

what your husband suggested is right. it will be hard at first but it is the best thing to do. it isnt going to hurt her to cry herself to sleep. believe me i have 3 girls and i had to do the same thing and it isnt easy to let her cry but it is the best thing to do.

My son is 3 &1/2 months and I already had to break him of this habit. He would either fall asleep while being held or fall asleep when I was breastfeeding him, then he would wake up during the transit to his crib. He would wake up and cry and woudn't stop until he was picked back up again. I started to put him in his crib when he seemed drowsy before he fell asleep. When you put her to sleep when she is completely asleep if she wakes she expects to go back to sleep under the same conditions (you holding her) When I put my son to sleep when he was drowsy he would fall asleep on his own, but I had to be standing over his crib for a few minutes. Then I slowly moved to his the couch by his crib, until eventually I didn't even need to be there for him to fall asleep. I also let him sleep in the bed with me during his daytime naps, but I don't hold him and he just likes me being that close. This gives him some time during the day to be with mommy. Now, I can put him to bed at night when he is wide awake, and he will fall asleep without crying and will sleep for almost 8 hours a night without waking up. Good luck to you, I hope this helps.