What do you say to someone who tells you they are going through/just had a miscarriage? I was speaking with a woman this morning that came into my office and she told me she was going through one. I don't know her very well, and I was caught off guard. I basically said that I was sorry for her lost, and that we'll be thinking about her ("we'll" as in us in the office), and good luck in the future..? I was really blindsided because all I did was ask her how she was doing, then BAM!
Is there a better way I could have handled this?
Phew, so glad to know I didn't step over any boundries that could have been mistaken or anything. I felt really bad and sad for her, but I truly wish her the best. Thanks for letting me know that I didn't say anything I shouldn't have.
After having had 4 miscarriages myself I will say that you did fine and I think it is great that you were concerned enough to ask us ladies how you did too. That shows a lot of compassion which may also be why she chose you to "dump" on also.
Just offer your condolences as you would for the end of any llife--like you did.
You can always asks if she needs anything. And let her know if she'd like to talk, you'd be there to listen.
Just as you'd never say "It's for the best" or "God's way of letting you know there was 'something' wrong with the person" those responses aren't appropriate for a miscarriage either.
I think you handled it well.
Miscarriage is very, very common. More than most people think.
If you know of any of her friends who have experienced it, maybe they could offer their experiences and feelings about it....
You handled it the best you could.
"I'm sorry for your loss" is about all anyone can say.
You said and did all that you really could.
I have found the best way to handle it is to say "I'm so sorry for your loss." And then leave it. If you were close, there might be an opportunity to talk more with her. But since she was a woman coming into your office, it sounds like she is a passing acquaintence. Next time you see her, you could tell her you've been thinking of her and ask after her, but not in a pointed "And how are YOU?" way. I think you handled it fine.
I think you handled it fine. I think a genuine, "I'm so sorry" is always appropriate. Nothing more really needs to be said.
ooh man...as someone who has lost three babies, the best thing you can say is I'm sorry for your loss...
If you know her well, then I would send her a plant...i DEFINITELY did NOT want flowers as they just die and I had just lost a baby...funky I know but when you are grieving and something else dies, it just kinda sends you into another funk...as least it did for me.
No what you mean. Been in many situations like that.:)
I went through some ministery training and it was so true when they said that people don't usually think of what you did not say and maybe should have, but they will think often of what you did say that you should not have.
When I miscarried, it was so true....the people who shared my sorrow with merely their eyes touched me and the ones that thought they had to say something profound.....well, a few I still remember their words, where I was, etc.....it has stuck with me and in a negative way.
You did perfect.......when you see her again, don't be afraid to ask if she is doing better today (no details or even relating to the miscarriage) but she will remember you have taken note that she was having a rough time the last time you saw her.......just that little bit will let her know you DID indeed think about her and her family.
My guess, since she just blurted it out, she is obviously hurting and just needs someone to talk to.
There is no good way to discuss a miscarriage. What you said was fine. As bad as it sounds women usually have Miscarriages because something was genetically wrong with the baby. Depending on how far along she was its possible that she has felt the baby moving inside of her.
I had a miscarriage at 5 months. My baby was moving around some and it was devestating when I lost him. No matter how far along she was, she is most likely Devastated and angry.
There is no good way to talk about it.
You handled it just fine-expressing sorry at her loss is what people need to hear and may bring some comfort to her. Thanks for being concerned enough about your co-worker to write for advice.
If she needs additional support from someone who has been there, there is a Dallas Ft. Worth based group www.mend.org (mommies enduring neonatal death, but also offers support to dads too) It is for parents (and family members) who have endured a miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death. They meet locally and also have a very informative newsletter. Grief has a lot of different stages and people pass through them at different times.
