What Happened to My Toddler?! Why's He Acting This Way?!

You can be happy about a change but it's still a change and especially at that age, change is hard! It sounds like he truly does love his little sister (yay!) but that doesn't mean, he's not affected by how different life is now. A new baby is a hard change on adults even when they're in love with the new addition so why should it be any different for a toddler? He's just trying to control what he can and he himself may not know why he feels the way he does. Just give him some extra loving and some patience and things should settle down soon :)

It isn't him, it is you. Let me explain, you just had a child, you are tired, sore, preoccupied....pick your poison. You are reacting to him differently and he is reacting to that.

I say this because the more you try to fix the problem the more you are deviating from the norm. The more things change, the more he is reacting to.

He just needs to figure out where the new norm is and everything will be fine. Just like you are finding a new norm, it takes time.
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Sorry but I have four kids, I am well aware the effect childbirth has on a mom. You are not reacting the same, you think you are but you are not. Your husband is too polite or scared to say anything, the newborn thinks this is all normal, your son on the other hand is waving the BS flag.

Let the poor thing get used to his new life because you claiming nothing has changed is just silly, you went through childbirth and you brought a new child home, things are not the same!

He is going to continue to control what he can until he feels he understands his place in his new world.

You do nothing, except exercise patience, and reassure him. Think about this, your child has been on the earth for 23 months. He has NO idea how to really understand change, or articulate why he is confused. He can't tell himself that this is all new, it will calm down and be normal soon. He simply doesn't understand the newness. He can't understand if you tell him, either. His life is changing, and that can be very difficult even for adults. Just give him time and don't stress about him to much. You are likely tired, hormonal, and dealing with this shift yourself. You would be surprised how differently you are treating your son, without even noticing. (I don't mean you are treating him badly, there is just no way for everything to be the same right now.) Just be supportive, and realize these things take time.

OK... he may love the baby, but the baby is getting "his" attention. And if he is getting attention by acting out - he will keep doing it. It's not that he doesn't want the baby or doesn't care about her, but there is still going to be things that need to be adjusted by all.

I have 2 sets of kids (out of 6 kids) that are about 15 months apart... my kids are 18, 8, 7, 5, 2 and 1. So, I have gone through this a few times - lol. All my kids love eachother, but all of them had to get use to mommy paying attention to another baby - well except the 1 yr old cause she is my last. Anyways... your son see that when the baby cries or whines, you go to her to take care of her - so now he doing it to get you to come to him and take care of him. Naps at 2 are hard to begin with... but he may have more issues cause he want to be with you more since the baby gets so much of your attention. You need to find sometime in the day when baby is sleeping and do something one on one with your son... even if it is playing blocks or coloring together for 15 min. Try to also read a book or talk to him during one or two of the feeding times of the baby each day... he will see it as us time, instead of mommy baby time. Meaning mommy has more time for me again... and maybe less fussiness.

I know he didn't seem different in the hospital, but he most likely didn't understand that the baby was going to be there ALL the time when mommy came home. It is a big adjustment for everyone when you bring home a new baby... the new balance takes time.

As to eating... if the only way you can get him to eat is from a to-go cup - so be it. If the only way you can get him to drink is from mommy's hospital cup - so be it. In time he will want to sit with you for dinner again... just make it seem like so much fun to sit at the table & eat. At two they learn by following what everyone else is doing... so make it a point to keep doing the behaivors you want him to follow. Also, if he is acting in a way you don't like - TRY not to pay attention to him. Wait till he is acting in a way that you want to see and then tell him his is being such a good boy by ______. Let him see/hear that you are proud of him... he will continue those actions once he figures out that they are the ones he gets your attention from.

I hope things calm down a bit & everyone adjusts quickly to your new addition... also try to get daddy to sit down and play with your son one on one a little as well. That way you son understand that just because there is a new baby he is still loved.

Congratz on your need little one!

Your DS doesn't eat, sleep or drink because those are the only things that he is in control of in a world that has just been turned upside down by the arrival of a sibling. He doesn't need to show jealousy in order to experience emotional upset. Sometimes joy is just as upsetting as jealousy.

I would suggest that his last two weeks involved a lot of change: you being gone, having a new sibling, visiting you in the hospital and bringing home his baby sister. He is no longer the center of your attention, he now has to share the spotlight. All of his behaviors are attention getting - he will take a while to adjust.

It is unlikely that he will starve himself to death. Keep offering food and drink, keep putting him down for his regular sleep times with his regular routines and wait this one out. Don't chase him to feed him, don't get upset if he doesn't fall asleep (you can ask him to play quietly in his room for 30 minutes if he isn't sleepy).
Get a babysitter for him for a few hours every now and then to give yourself some rest.
Good luck.

Schedule schmedule!
Get a comfy cushion for the kitchen and nurse her in there when son is eating if she is hungry when he's set to eat. You CAN feed them at the same time. Make his foods and prep them to be able to be warmed up if she needs to eat when it's his mealtime, and Nurse right there in the kitchen. You can't be shy either, just nurse in front of him, and let him know he went through that too.

I nursed on demand, and even though I only have the one, when I had my nephew over, I paid him just as much attention during lunchtime(He didn't realise he was jealous, so I worked harder to make that feeling go away). He acted just as you described, so I can relate.
He just noticed his cousin needed to eat more often, and that I was still there to hang out with him.
I would nurse and read, nurse and sing, nurse and play go fish if he wanted time with me.

Once they were both of playing age, I was chopped liver.

Do NOT let him roam around during meal times(I learned this the hard way), but put him in his chair, and every time he leaves it, have Daddy pick him up and bring him back until everyone else has finished dinner.

Naptime too. Put him back in there. I'm a single Mother(have been since my son was 16 months old), so it was me having to learn all this, and prepare for when and if I find Mr. Right to settle down and have another.

You also will need to rebuild your bond with him. Give Daddy some baby time and pump some milk for him to feed, and give him the cloth diaper burp rag and the baby bag to change the poo diapers. It's buddy time.

You might think you are fine, but your body NEEDS rest, even if the constant adrenaline rush of new baby is keeping you going on little. You have to force yourself to rest more, and have daddy help when able. Tkae care Mama!

Agree or disagree, as always, it's...

Just my 2cp.

Okay, he's completely normal. That's incredibly frustrating but it's true. He was "fine" in the hospital because it was a new place. But now that he realizes the baby is here to stay, his "normal" is no longer normal. A lot of kids verbalize it by telling their parents to send the baby back or to put it back in Mommy's tummy, others just completely pretend to be in love but are freaked out about the changes in their own lives.

He might adore her because he gets praised every time he is sweet to her and gentle with her. But she's feeding on demand, as she should be, so he has figured out that her demands/needs come first. He knows that crying gets her attention, and crying brings people into her room. Therefore, crying = her room + a place to be praised + a place to be where the action is.

So, if some things are different, then everything is different. He's not going to use the regular plates either because everything is different or because the baby doesn't, or both. She gets what she needs whenever she feels like it, and he's on a schedule and therefore "not special."

I understand the desire to keep him in his routine, but it's not working. He sees that your routine is different, so why shouldn't his be, you know? So you have to decide where you can be flexible and where you cannot. If YOU can, try to eat what he eats and when he eats. Make it YOUR special time with him. If possible, make the baby wait (or have someone else deal with her) and let him get what he needs when he wants it. I know you can't always do that, but if you can label things as your special time with him, or the big boy time, and even on occasion make reference to the fact that the baby is demanding/frustrating/exhausting but won't always be, it might help.

Also, he's in a new role - big brother - so he may think that all the old routines and foods are for little boys and not for the good big bro he has become.

Hang in there. It's very difficult but it just takes time to get into some new routines. And as I said, her very presence and your relationship with her makes things all new - so all old bets are off.

If she can give him presents for Chanukah or Christmas, that would be good. Having her GIVE rather than just TAKE might help. Otherwise, it's just a question of time. I'm sorry there's not much of a better answer!

Virtually any behavior can be understood as a strategy to meet a need. It's just that new little people often choose crummy strategies. Your son sounds hungrier for attention than for food, and by refusing to eat, he can sure get attention, even if that comes in the form of exasperation or anger from the longed-for parent. I've never known a mommy who doesn't desperately need to "fix" her child going hungry.

The fact that he'll drink from your hospital bottle underlines his "need." When you were in the hospital, YOU and the baby got extra care and attention, including visits from your son. He possibly believes/hopes that if HE "connects" to your hospital experience, maybe the important people in his world will come to him. Kids this young are very concrete in their thinking.

People of all ages frequently have mixed emotions about big, life-changing events. There is nothing that keeps us from loving and hating the same person/situation at the same time. Toddlers have little chance of dealing with these confused emotions without adult help – they have no experience, and no perspective about how feelings can change, grow, or fade over time. And the parts of the brain that will eventually help them understand and choose other behavior are only beginning to come online. He's got years of maturity and practice before he'll become a reliable master of his own emotions (and I know more than a few adults who have yet to manage it).

Your son is exhibiting signs of emotional distress. Change (and this one is HUGE), is probably more so for young children, who have no choice in what happens. I agree with other posters that he's controlling those few things in his life that he can. (This commonly happens with adolescents, too, when they are reaching for greater autonomy.)

Time will help with some of this new behavior if your own reactions are calm and loving. And any way you can find to make special one-on-one time with your son will probably help most. If you can work it into your schedule and your budget, hiring a mom's helper for a few hours a week specifically for the purpose of giving you more relaxed time with your little boy might be a good idea. For him, for you, for the whole family.

Congratulations on your new arrival!

Perhaps being sleep deprived and postpartum hormonal has made this a little harder for you to see.
Between becoming a big brother and closing in on the terrible twos I think this behavior is to be expected.
By acting up - he's getting attention from you - and away from baby sister.
New babies are attention magnets.
Whereas before people would ask about him, he's the equivalent of chopped liver right now.
He might love her, but he also resents her taking his place as baby of the family - and at 2, he's got some big feelings that even HE hasn't figured out yet - it's no wonder YOU are having a hard time trying to figure him out.
You just brought her home not even a week ago and adjustments are being made every which way around.
I'd give it a good 8 week settling in period - maybe a month more - and by then a new normal should be in place.
Every so often - hand the newest baby over to Dad and take some one on one time with your son.
Dad should be spending time with him too.
He's still your baby too, and two (and three) are just difficult ages.
When they are the hardest to love is when they need the loving the most.

He can totally adore his little sibling and be jealous at the same time. Or feel like someone else is getting attention or is now the baby of the family or feel like he was not enough for you that you had to have another. It will take time. I think just keep things normal, normal schedule and routine, and normal playtime with friends or whatever activities he does. Over time he will settle down. It takes a few months for their brain to truly realize this little sibling is there to stay and this is the new reality. Then there will come a time that having a sister is all he remembers and it will all be good. Also, keep in mind he is always changing. My easy going 1 and a half year old became a headstrong 2 year old and a really really headstrong 3 year old. My youngest is 3 now and I forgot how impossible they can be at times. She used to be so much easier! Her brother did the same thing. He is 8 now and for his really strong personality he did not start getting easier till 1st grade...then he finally started maturing in many ways.

Unfortunately you just have to deal. This is a phase and he is trying to get your attention...regardless if it is negative or not. Perhaps he is refusing to eat because he sees that he is getting a reaction and more attention focused on him. If you are real worried I would just ask your pediatrician. Chances are they will say if he is hungry he will eat. I am alaways amazed at how little my DS (who is 3) needs to eat for the amount of engery he burns through.

This is just a big change for him. He loves his new sister but he still needs his attention from his parents. Good luck.

When you feed on demand that doesn't mean the second the baby is hungry but you can continue to take care of your son and then get the baby. I don't mean let the baby cry and cry either but don't make him think baby is #1 and he is way down on the list. I would put his food in the same thing you put it in before the baby and if he won't eat it then put it away until next meal. He'll be eating fine in a few days. Continue to teach him what you expect, play with him, etc., etc. but right now you need rest and tell him that 'mommy needs to take a nap' or ' you can help mommy by' doing whatever you need and he should learn soon that he is loved still and a big brother who can help you and still be your little boy. I would not take him in to see the baby at night. Tell him he needs to sleep and he can see her in the morning. He needs to sleep through the night. It's a process and I remember how 'big' the youngest one seemed when I brought home a baby and how they did act a bit more babyish themselves sometimes so hold him on your lap, read to him, let him know he's still very special and loved. Rest when you can.