What Is the Best Age Gap Between Children and Why?

Hi J.,

I have 3 kids. The oldest is 3 years older than the next. The last 2 are 1 1/2 years apart. Here is my 2 cents. At 1 1/2 years, you are still doing diapers or pullups for 2 kids. This is difficult on you. Also, at 1 1/2 years old, they still need a lot of attention. Those things said, they do fight because they like the same toys and still want a lot of attention but they are also good friends. When their older sister is playing with a cousin or doing her homework or reading, they can play together without too much chaos.

With the 3 year gap, initially there was a little jealousy, but it ended quickly. There is not much fighting, but there is some frustration with the little kid factor. The down side is that they are not friends like the other 2 are. I only had to change diapers for one child and the older one would help some, but they don't play together very often. Also, when the second one came, my 3 year old was pretty spoiled and did not want to share her space, her parents, her toys (even the baby ones that she no longer played with), or her old clothes. However, a sibling was just what she needed.

I love my kids and would not change what we did even if I could. We got the kids we were suppose to have at the time we were suppose to have them.

I am a firm believer that God is in control of that. We get what we can handle and need.

D.

I don't know that there is one right answer to that question. My girls are only 13 months apart and even though I didn't plan it that way, now I can't imagine it any differently. They get along so beautifully, I feel blessed. I think it depends a great deal on the children: personality and gender especially. Whenever you and your husband feel the time is right, it probably is.

My kids are almost 10 years apart and it works great! They love each other; play together, help each other, share problems, despite all that difference in age. Yes, younger is helping older one with homework - checking him for a test, reads to him, helping with coloring or choosing a right format for the project. My older one is a great babysitter, when need it, and now he is driving my "baby" everywhere. AND when he'll go to college, this year, I still have a little one to enjoy!

Mine are almost 3 years apart. But really I think the right answer is, whenever you think you are ready! =) I couldn't even THINK of having another for the first year and a half because my daughter just...wouldn't...sleep! Hence I wouldn't even try for another until my first baby was 2 years old. Happily, by the time our second was born, our first was off to preschool making friends of her own and ready to be a little more independent of us, so she was not jealous of her baby sister. Now they are almost 4 and 6.5, and they play together pretty well. They are a constant source of entertainment, that's for sure! My husband and I are really loving being parents at this point. So, for us, 3 years apart turned out to be perfect. But, I could see the argument for having them closer together too. Let us know what you decide! =)

J.,

I have four children. The first two (boy then girl) are two years apart and that worked wonderfully for them and us. Eight years after the second child our third (boy) was born; two years later the fourth (girl).

They have always gotten along. While most do not believe it my children have never fought. They have always been very patient with each other and have a tremendous amount of respect for one another.

They are all pretty much adults now and still help and support each other. In fact, several things have occurred that I was not privy to until after the fact. The kids called each other and took care of the problem among themselves.

We lead by example. So if you and your husband show the best example of how a relationship is to function the bonding and respect for each other will come to them naturally.

Whatever you and your husband decide will be best for your family. Good luck!!
CM

great question! I am in the same boat. my son is 22 months and i have heard 3 years apart is great but also hard since they tend to fight a lot...but i am thinking 4 years is better...

There's no right answer. There are pros and cons to all of it. How about -- when you feel like doing it?

My daughters are 3 years apart and have always gotten along great. My son is 6 years younger that my youngest daughter. The girls have a hard time with him. Some things I noticed with the large age gap:
Starting all over, needed new everything. We had gotten to where the girls were very independent and we can hop in the car and go. The little one gets dragged to all the older kids activities. The good parts are the girls can be very helpful with him. He adores his sisters and wants to do everything they do, I get time with him alone while they are at school. I love all my kids and god gave them to me when he thought was best(we tried for 4 years to get pregnant with my son) although maybe not when I would have chosen but I would never change anything.