What Is up with My 4 Year Old???

K.:

If your 4 y.o never acted up this way before...then trust your gut instinct.
I work in a child care center with pre-k children and I'm going to be very honest with you. My son is in the same situation as your 4 year old. He's acutally in the same room as I am teaching. I know my son doesn't act up or be disrespectful but since going into this day care his attitude has changed.
The reason for this....my son is a follower. And it's probably how your 4 year old is too. If he's well behaved at home and someone else in day care he is following the steps of other children in the day care. I have considered and am looking for other day care services because the classroom that I teach in have a lot of children with behavioral problems. Its sad to say since I am a teacher in that room, but 26 kids with half of them with behavioral problems and only 3 teachers is WAY TOO MUCH!! But $$ is all management see.
But to be on the "sure" side.....ask the director for the video of when incidents happens or in fact tell them you want to see the whole tape. They will try to talk you out of it but don't let them be persistent and tell them you want to see the whole thing to see how exactly something happened. Management will only try to protect themselves so if something fishy is going on.
But I think just by doing viewing the tapes you will find out if it's other kids, teachers or maybe your son is telling you the truth.
I would love to know how it all turns out.
Please keep in touch!

My four year old granddaughter is very smart. When she was in preschool, they would move her up a few months early to the next class. Just before they would move her up, she would start having behavior problems. She was getting bored and would start acting up. That may be the problem with your child. Try giving him new things to do to stimulate his interest.

Hum.....sounds like a smart 4yr old!! I've got one of those but mine is 3!!! What kind of discipline is happening in class by the teacher when he misbehaves? Are they using Time outs or redirection or just letting him do what ever if he doesn't want to sit for carpet time??? The daycares where I live, use redirection or shadowing and for the parents that actually discipline, it is harder for them because it's hard for the young child to change gears from daycare to home so they still act the same way at home. You need to be on the same page as the daycare teacher as much as possible.

I agree with the other lady, watch the class tape. It will give you a lot better understanding of what your son is doing rather than hearing it from another grown up that may or may not have seen the whole thing and your 4yr olds version.

Good luck!

Sounds to me your son might be "bored" and as others have stated here could be "gifted". It is expensive to get the test done is my understanding and they will automatically test him when in the second grade. They will test sooner IF you request them to do so HOWEVER, IF you request it and he doesn't make it so to say then you have to wait another two years before being allowed to test again. I was also told by my own daughters teacher it is VERY difficult to get them in the gifted program in the first grade why?? who knows???? Can't answer that one. You might could check with your local county to see what their policy is on that because I am quite sure it is different for each county and I live in Paulding and I'm sorry I didn't look where you were located. That being said......
Don't stress about your son not sitting down with the other kids. Like I said before it sounds as if he might be bored...and you indicated that he was 4 so I am assuming he is in Pre-K. How hard would it be for you having no structured schedule to a point for the first four years of your life and to totally be thrown into something new where the day wasn't geared towards "playtime" but learning time. Sure they have playtime too in Pre-K but they are also preparing the kids. Not sayng the daycare or school he has been going to hasn't been teaching your son but they are trying to gear him up for school which they should be doing but it's going to take time for him to re-learn how he is supposed to act in school. I think that is why Montessori schools have gained popularity because they don't believe in sitting the child down at a table and making them sit for how many hours a day to teach them something.
I have twin girls and I thought that they would NEVER ever learn to sit at a desk and be taught - they are in the first grade now but last year I think the both of them only came home on "red" maybe twice through the entire year. My friend however her daughter came home every day just about with a note from the teacher about her behavior...wasn't listening, was playing, was talking, etc. your basics. Give your son a bit of a break -he's only 4 and don't stress too much about it because within time he WILL learn. I think the biggest issue might be boredom here although I am not an expert by any means - just a mom but as mom sometimes we know better because we know our children. I know you are just a concerned mommy and I hope anything I said didn't offend you but try to put yourself in a childs perspective on things. They are ALL about play but for the most part I think most kids thrive on the educational part of it all too but to expect a four year old to sit down in circle time with ALL those nice fun toys sitting out when he might be bored in the first place in my opinion is just too much to ask of the poor boy! Every child is different and learns differently too-I think this is his way of letting both you and his teacher the technique has got to change. Try rewarding him on his "good" days instead of concentrating taking things away from him when he does bad-positive reinforcement-took me a while to realize that with my twin girls and most times I had to remember that they were indeed only a certain age. I society puts too much stress on our kids nowadays-let kids be kids every once in awhile! :-) Good Luck my dear!

He is very young and maybe a little immature. He does not connect taking things away with the behaviors or need for change. Try rewarding good behaviors as you see them and talk to his teacher about the same. You might also volunteer at the school to talk to him about behaviors you see in other children at the school praising what you want him to do. Be consistent. Be patient. Structure him at home as he is at school.

Sounds like you may have a gifted child on your hands. My middle daughter has a 129 IQ and started Kindergarten a year early. She just turned 6 on friday and is in 1st grade. When she started Pre-K we had behavioral problems because she was bored! You may want to take him to be tested for giftedness (? if that is what you call it) and then study up about it. I have had to read lots of books on dealing with a very intellegent child (especially a strong willed child like mine). Good luck. Hope this helps :)

Sounds like you've got a smart child! My son too doesn't react to punishments--until I find the correct punishment for the action. I believe you're going to have to get creative. Lucky for me, my son loves to spend time with my husband and me so the worst punishment for him is time away from us. It depends on the crime as to how long he stays in his room, alone, but it seems to work well for us.

Another suggestion is to find another school for him. He may react differently to another teacher--mine sure has!

Good luck! The bright side is you have a smart child. On the negative side, you have a smart child. He will continue to challenge you!!!

Hi K., My son is 6 and in the first grade. We've been dealing with small behavior problems since Pre-K. He is not disruptive or mean but rather non attentive most of the time. Last month we took him to a psychologist to check for ADHD/ADD or any other issues that might be affecting his behavior. Needless to say he doesn't have ADHD/ADD but might be gifted. His teacher told us in a meeting that he's very smart in math and science and that most likely will test at a genius IQ level in those subjects in the next year. We knew he was smart but never guessed at that level. His maturity is what holds him back and causes the behavior issues along with being bored. His school can test now, but his teacher recommended we wait until next year so his maturity has a chance to catch up. Our pyschologist suggested some creative discipline since he is so smart and some added parenting techniques to help control him. He is an extremely hyper and active child (does not sit still and is always doodling on his papers). I would suggest, being that I've gone through your situation, to just do the best you can as a parent for now b/c boys don't mature as fast as girls and that may be the root of the problem. And if your still concerned make an appointment with a psychologist. He/She will be able to address any behavior problems and they also have the capability to test for gifted. Hope that helps & good luck!

Lots of good advice here. Yes, see if you can "watch tape" or silently observe -- is this him, is he "following" another's example, or is the teacher is not encouraging/discouraging enough?

If the teacher, perhaps you can place him in another class in this preK or in another center? KinderCare on the corner of E Piedmont and Sandy Plains Road, teacher Ms. Dominique, was awesome!

From my child's experience, it's the adults that make or break the educational experience. In PreK, Morgan's teacher directed her to more advanced levels of the same activities when she was bored. However, in Kindergarten, we had a real bad teacher, and Morgan went from loving school, to being bored, to saying she was being ignored by her teacher altogether. This year, we are fortunate in teacher again.

Take the "bad" moment and make it "good" -- teach your child that it doesn't matter what you say, what other people do, or what obstacles are encountered, lack of "good performance" is all that matters. Maybe your child learns this lesson early and shines brighter:)

What perception and environment is your child in -- that makes his reality. Dig deep and BEST OF LUCK:)

Hi K.,
You are describing the typical onset of Sensory Integration Disorder. I know you don't like to hear that, but that is just the facts. Your child needs you so much you cannot imagine, he needs to know you are there with him in a world filled with things he can no longer handle. You can reverse it (heal it/recover it) if you are willing to do what it takes as well.
Two books:
1) The sensory sensitive child
2) Healing the childhood epidemics - Kennth Bock, MD

Get an appointment with a fabulous OT and a floortime therapist (www.floortimeatlanta.com). If you don't want to use this group, which I highly recommend even if you have to file it back to your insurance, make sure you have a group that specializes in sensory sensitive children.

Don't wait. Don't give a darn about school, pull him out, keep him next to you. The future will depend on your ability to stay with him - tough or not and get him out of situations that he cannot handle. Little things like a tag or a flushing toilet can literally cause these children physical pain, while the adults that they need to know will protect them become enraged at their behavior, roll their eyes, or laugh at them.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I have lived it, I have (with the grace of God) recovered my now 10 year old. He will have a normal life. I see the children who did not get what my son got and it breaks my heart. Get help and get busy now.

Drop a note if you need to talk, be happy to. J.