What Is Your Opinion, Can This Work?

I didn't read the other answers... but I say NO for 2 reasons.

1. You say he is financially irresponsible... which means that if HE doesn't come up with his share of the rent, either you pay it for him or you are screwed just as much as he is. Or you wind up with the entire grocery bill... Utilities, etc. If you are going to share a lease with someone, no matter who it is, you NEED to be able to depend on them financially.

2. What about if/when you (or he) starts dating again? Even if you guys are OK with it... Imagine how confusing that would be for the kids!

I think your intentions are good but I have a feeling this is going to fail miserably.

For starters, you admit he is financially irresponsible. Is he going to leave you high and dry when it comes to splitting the rent?

Also, do you really want to be bringing dates to your place or him bringing dates to your place? Awkward for you and confusing for the kids.

It's my general opinion that when a couple decide to split up, the sooner that you can make a clean break of the relationship, the better. However, if both you and your ex are both in agreement that your relationship has run it's course and the two of you can behave civilly and like rational adults with each other while living under the same roof, I can see how this may be beneficial for all of you and especially your 3-year old son.

Definitely talk to your ex and hammer out all of the details on how you will handle finances, child care, dating (when that becomes an issues), etc. Also, one thing you may consider is that although the two of you are not ready to jump into the dating pool just yet, you may end up doing that sooner rather than later. What happens if your ex meets someone that he feels that he wants to move in with or maybe he just wants his own bachelor pad and you still need him to live with you to cover the expense of the house? Will you have to move to another more affordable house? What if this ends up happening within the next year or two? Can you afford the expense and emotional upheavel of having to move once again?

Just something for you to consider.

Wow, B., this is a big decision to make.

You have a lot of good intentions, and all in the right places. Personally, I would tread very carefully if you decide to go forward with this venture. By carefully, I mean written contracts and agreements with your ex-partner.

Here are some potential problems, though, that I see on the horizon:

1. You will be in some state of emotional limbo for the duration of this arrangement. He's not 'there' and he's not 'gone' either. No room to grieve a failed relationship, which in my opinion merits grieving. This can also be very ambiguous for the kids, and not give them room to grieve, either.

2. "He is financially irresponsible, I could not depend on him from week to week let alone from month to month." This should be a big red flag. He's let you down even within the space of an invested relationship, and you know this guy better than we do. You are better off with a living arrangement you can afford solo. This way, if he decides to invest his money elsewhere than rent and bills, you aren't left in a bind. Ditto should he decide to move in with a girlfriend who is wild about World of Warcraft and the idea of being a step-mom. (They're out there!)

3. This isn't really helping *him* to grow up to be a good role-model to his family. He needs to man up and be truly responsible. If you aren't married and getting divorced, please seek a separate decree of child support as soon as you are able. His children deserve it, you deserve it, and HE deserves the opportunity to grow up. Otherwise, you are just prolonging the enabling and codependence. Maybe it's time for him to attend some financial counseling?

4. When do *you* get to move on with your life and stop taking care of this man? What if you meet someone terrific, who's the whole package, and then how hard will it be to move your ex from his cozy little nest within your home? He'll have it made too easy. There's no motivation for him to leave. And if he decides he wants to date... well, you've already stated how you feel about that.

5.Protect the amicable relationship you do have with him now. I think I would have a problem having a roommate with these traits. Do you think you will still feel so benevolently after watching him waste his time and blow his money while you are working your butt off? You mention being in a better place financially, but you are the only person working toward that goal, from what you describe.

I think you can really love somone as a person (not romantically) and want what's best for them, and let them know that it's time they began to take care of themselves as well as doing their part in the responsibilities of having children. This arrangement sounds like it primarily benefits him by allowing things to be the same-old, same-old. As for your youngest, while I haven't worked with kids with autism, children tend to like things pretty solidly clear. I would ask a professional (if he's in an early intervention program, or even the person who performed his evaluation) what might be a good way to help your son to understand this. Staying together, too, may give more hope than you'd like to your daughter. I think he could be a great dad, but this is not the kind of relationship you really want to keep modeling for any of your kids, right?

Sorry it's such a toughie... Hang in there!
H.

If you can live under the same roof civilly, and neither of you plan on bringing "dates" over it could probably work. You two really, really need to talk about it several times and make sure you can do it. Lots of parents sleep in separate bedrooms even when they arent having marital problems so that in itself doesnt even have to be an issue.
The only thing that would concern me would be that you two wouldnt be showing affection to each other so your children would be slighted there. Not seeing mom and dad hug or kiss would teach them that they dont need that in a relationship either.
In this day and age with the economy the way it is tho, I can see why you would want to share a place with someone that loves your kids as much as you do. I hope it works for you if you do go that route.
Being able to stay in the same home with an ex means that you dont totally hate each other and maybe in time you would work things out.... ya just never know :)

My friend, has a couple of friends, that do that.
It works for them. Both live in the same home. Co-living. Whatever you want to call it.
Like you, they are amicable with their Ex's and visa versa. They are not 'drama' people or immature nor resentful nor bad. They are mature adults, who DO get along well, as "friends." Their ending their marriage was mutual and amicable.

The kids, are aware, that their parents are "divorced."
But again, in these 2 cases, it does work for them. And the kids have both parents still. And, they do not have to be shuttled around back and forth... every other day or week, just to stay at the other parent's house for visitation, AND the kids can stay at their current school, and have their same friends. The bottom line being, their Kids' 'lives' are not uprooted. But stable.

For another couple, the Mom lives across the street, down a ways down the street. That works for them. "She" wanted her privacy... per her dating life.

Thats a really complicated situation!
Although financially it makes sense, I would not recommend living with your ex. There are so many complications you won't even get till its happening. It can also be very hard on kids to be living with both of you, but not together. I'm sure you've heard of people that say they wish their parents would have gotten a divorce, what they mean is they wish their parents weren't both around them arguing, being negative etc.

It'll be better for you and for your kids if you find your own place.
This could just get really messy.

" I could not depend on him from week to week let alone from month to month." You have your answer here...

You don't mention if your son w/ autism has been getting any intervention but if he's left home all day w/ someone like this then he will be loosing ground everyday. I'm not sure but if you're divorced, and don't earn much money then you will probably qualify money/services pertaining to day care.

This is not a good situation for your children - if you've made the decision to leave him then you need to do just that. Find a smaller place if it is a $$ issue. Call your school system and see where they direct you re: services for your 3 YO and after school care for your 10 YO. Good luck.

Well, a couple of things

What is it that you were REALLY unhappy about in the first place? If this has been resolved by the divorce then OK. If not, don't you think the same things will make you unhappy again?

You both need to really ask yourself how you are going to take it when the other starts dating and perhaps gets serious. If you are TRULY ok with this and would not act anything other than mature and respectable towards eachother's sig other than OK.

If you really do get along and can be friends then OK.

Honestly-if he is good to the kids and they love him it does seem ideal to have him around. If you do this I would have a long talk and put eachothers expectations for behavior and financial obligations in writing.

Here's the thing I think about...what message are you sending to your kids about relationships. This is a biggie to me. Kids learn how to deal with people in all kinds of relationships by watching their parents. This situation could be confusing on many levels to all of your children in different ways. Personally I would have a hard time with this one, but ultimately you have to decide what is best for your family and if the pros outweight the cons.

I think I would have to say No. I think this is teaching a lesson to the children to settle with something that isn't working. You are doing this on your own. You said he isn't something that is financially responsible so let him worry about him and you get your own place and continue doing it on your own. It doesn't have to be just weekends with his schedule. He will have to work at it a little too. If he comes to your house or the children are at his when he wakes for the day it can also workout.
You have been accepting the situation for awhile now it is time to stop and worry about just you and the children.
You are a strong woman! Beleive in yourself!
Best Wishes

I actually knew a couple who divorced when their children were young, yet continued to live together in the same house for the remainder of their lives. They sent separate Christmas cards to us, and we to them! It always struck me as a little strange - perhaps at first they did it to give their children some stability, but they continued the arrangement long after the "kids" had moved out and started their own families. Maybe it was purely for financial reasons, but it seemed to work for them. If it were me, on the other hand, I'm not sure if I could continue to live with a person who had been such a source of unhappiness to me, regardless of how good a father he is. It just doesn't seem healthy to me. I think it's great that you have what seems to be a civil relationship with your ex - this will clearly be a benefit to the children, but as far as continuing to live together, based on the reasons you gave, I would have to vote "no".