What Should I Do?

I have an anxious child myself, and frankly once she has had a bad experience with a teacher, that's it. I think you should go in, explain there is a personality difference and you feel he would learn better from another teacher. You can prevent the situation from being personal while getting your child what he needs.
PS- these days I think teachers think any child with a learning difference has ADD.

Hi R., This is one of the harder parts of being a mom...at least for me because you have to deal with people in a diplomatic way with "just the facts". First, document everything...every time you make a phone call, everytime you pick him up...everything. Second,and this can be hard, contact the teacher in a non-confrontational way and describe how "he" is feeling...not you did this and he did that...just this is how my son is perceiving the situation. Tell her that you and her together should be able to sit down and come up with some way to help him...does he have a learning support teacher? Call this teacher in on the meeting too...guidance counselor? Call her in on the meeting too. Remember, it doesn't matter what you adults feel about each other or who did what to whom...what matters is this child is suffering and everyone needs to get on the same page and figure out how to help him. Also remember, your son is watching how you handle this...he will remember how you treat other people, how you treat him and how you allow others to treat you....helping your child navigate the world is not easy...but you can do it...and your efforts will shine forth through your child....good luck!

It is awful that a teacher can make your son feel so badly and she needs to be aware of it. I am sure she does not have bad intentions but she needs to know. The term "ADD" is thrown around very loosely these days and these stigmas stick and influence what children think they are capable of. My brother truly has ADD and even when it is diagnosed and treated it can pigeonhole a child and give them am excuse not to try.

You should have a conference with the teacher and the principal. This definitely should not be taken lightly. Your actions can really strengthen your communication with your son. He will see that you care and you are listening to him.
In the future hw will be more apt to talk with you even if there is not resolution to the problem.

You are such a caring parent.

Don't let them stereotype your son (espeacially since he does not even have a diagnosis of ADD).

I hope you get some resolution.

Hi R.

I am truly saddened by what you are going through with your son. I am an elementary school vice principal in NJ and this is unacceptable. I encourage you to start with addressing the teacher with whom this occurred. It is my guess that the call to the school was forwarded to her and she is non responsive. Call before school when you know she is there without children and speak with her or set up a meeting. You can request an administrator be present, which will be in your best interest. If speaking to her alone does not goes well, then you need to be sure to proceed to the administration. Just as a FYI--it is not permissable/legal for a teacher to make a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD for any reason. Also, even if a student has ADD or ADHD, it is the parents right whether or not that information is released to the school unless the IEP or 504 plan is based on that. Depending on how large your sons school is and the availability of programs, I also would seek to have his teacher changed if nothing is resolved soon. Be sure to document what your son is telling you with dates as well as the attempts at contact and contact you may have with the school. It is also important to remember when a child is anxious or upset by something, their perception of events can be off. While I have not doubt that the labeling of ADD was said to him, anything that occurs from here on out will be negative in connection with her until it is resolved.

Hi R., If I were you I would go straight to the school and have a conference with the principal and the teacher in question! (Frankly I don't even know if I would make an appointment in advance either!) And believe me it would not be a happy meeting! That teacher has no right what so ever to lable your son in any way!! How DARE she not only assume that your son has ADD, but to actually SAY IT to him! Not only is that irresponsible, it is just cruel. You have the right to file a complaint about the Reasourse Room teacher with the principal, the head of elementray/special education director, and the superintendant of your school district. Do not let this situation continue. Take the time to jot down some notes before you go into the school, I have found that when it comes to fighting for my children I get upset and forget issues in the heat of the moment. Notes help me make sure that I cover EVERY point I feel is important. Don't let them try to rattle you with their "education speak" or make you feel "stupid". He is your child and you have every right to demand and expect that he is treated with respect and caring in school.

I too have a 5th grader with an IEP, and I had to confront many school officals to get her tested to make sure she gets what she needs. On the other end of the spectrum I have a gifted child that was in an out-of-control class room one year. The teacher was constantly yelling and screaming at 3 children that were disruptive all the time...as a result my child and a couple of her friends were comming home upset and stressed out everyday. Which caused problems at home, after talking to a couple of other Mom's we went to the school and had an inprompt to meeting with the principal (she didn't like it) and the situation was addressed and resolved.

You really have to be your son's advocate. If you have called and not even gotten a call back after a day GO!! Don't let them snowball you or make you feel that you are the problem. If your son is upset enough to make himself sick...then that is enough for you to go to that school and make them fix the situation. Stay STRONG! Let me know how it all works out! Best wishes

I agree with the posting to look into the IU..Intermediate Unit in your area. My son is labeled ADHD, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, OCD, and anxiety. Baasically he is a stuborn, strongwilled, bullheaded, intelligent, energetic perfectionist! He had a hard tome with teachers treating him like he was stupid because of his behavior. Eventually he ended up in an IU program that helps him learn how to handle situations properly and get the education catered to his academic level. Alsi it is theraputic so they do reconmend treatmeny plans as well as behavioral modification. It is a team effort. Parents, teachers, therapist, IU staff. It is a wonderful program. All it takes is a teacher that clashes with your childs personality to make them hate school. The school is required to give your child an education based on their special needs. I would definately request/demand an IEP meeting. There you can discuss his needs and wether or not they are being met in his current classroom/teacher. It is not a fun path. You made need an advocate depending on your school. But the IU is a great resource even to contact for advice.

When my daughter was in 4th grade, she had a teacher that made her so uncomfortable that she would come home angry and crying. I decided to call a meeting not only with the teacher but the principal and school board so that my daughter could be heard and not just the teacher. It was a very interesting meeting to say the least. The teacher of course defended himself but my daughter was heard and action was taken.

I am the mother of a 10-year-old boy who is diagnosed with High functioning Autism. In second grade the school said he had maturity issues. You need to bring up these classroom issues with his case manager and the director of special services for your school. He should not have to continue going to a classroom that has such a negative effect on him. Always send responses in writing so you have documented proof for all correspondence. No matter what his diagnoses is, with an IEP he has legal rights to be treated as a child with special needs. If the school still does nothing contact the Director of Special Services for your county. You can also contact the state and see if they have free Advocates. Most advocates are lawyers and are well versed in dealing with the school system. It is sometimes a full time job making sure the school is doing the right thing, but he is worth it! I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

I am so sorry to hear your son has to go through this. You need to stick by your son and get a response.
If I were you I would go to the school and demand to talk to someone. I would not take no for an answer. I would bomb them with letters, calls and walk ins, until someone gets the message.
This kind of behavior from a teacher is uncalled for and it needs to be addressed and stopped.
I feel for you and your son, because my daughter is 6 and has had issues with her Kindergarten teacher (she has told my daughter somethings that have belittled her and she has treated my daughter different than everyone else), because she has a hard time sitting still and focusing.
You must stand up for your son, becuase if you don't he will be the one that ends up hurt by all of this. Sometimes you have to choose your battles with a school, but this is one of those battles that you need to fight.

You're a great mom for sticking by your child. A teacher should never make a child feel bad, and whether she intended it that way or not, this is a really serious issue that needs attention. A Resource Room teacher should be especially sensitive to her students.

I have to agree with the other advice: call, call, call, and then call the school board members. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably plop myself in the principal's office and wait to be seen, appt or no. Be persistent, and make no apologies for it: your child needs to feel secure in order to learn, and he's obviously very upset right now.

I agree with both responces but I would go one step above the phone calls & letters and talk to these people in person face to face. Don't make an apointment just go and talk to them and demand a change. Go once a week until something is done. Good Luck

I don't know what to tell you. Some of the teachers these days just don't care. I live in PA and my son is cyber schooled. I don't think Nj has a cyber program yet. You should write your legislators and ask for them to push to get them there. www.k12.com will give you more info on that. I would homeschool him if I were you. The biggest thing with that is finding someone who can sign his papers at the end of the year. Otherwise it is easier than you would think. Teachers can ruin a childs natural yearning to learn new things and turn them against school entirely. You should do something before it's too late. Odviously something is wrong, and I don't think it's with your son, but more the school. He sure doesn't need to go through that. Good luck. You and your son have my sympathy, I know it's rough.

one thing, get the emil addresses of the people you call and send emails along with calling, this creates a paper trail that can backup your claims later.

Also, I would contact the State Board of Education, get a case manager, and contact local Parent Educator Associations to see what your rights are.

I would email the principal, director of special ed., guidance counselor, and superintendant and also anyone from the State Department of Education demanding that this staff have no further contact with your child, effective immediately. Let them know you are consulting with an educational lawyer (even if you aren't) and if this does not happen, you are prepared to go to the necessary lengths.

I am assuming this is public school, and frankly I have found them to be defensive and difficult at times. It took me 2 months at one point, to get my daughter in to a different class that made all the difference in the world to her development. That was 6th grade. But I had to go to the principal and even threatened to go over her head if it wasn't solved immediately. If I had not done that she would have been in lower math all the way through middle school.

But, I also didn't do some things for my son that I now believe in hindsight, that I should have, and I think that he had a more difficult time in high school because of it.

My children are now 20 and 24, I've been through the system and I can tell you in that hindsight, that I wish I had even been more assertive earlier in a couple of instances. It would have been better for them emotionally if I had stuck up for them instead of the teacher, or because of my concern to "make waves".

With how your son feels and is behaving it's a pivotal point that could very well impact him longer than you think. Don't worry about his teacher's feelings; only your son's. If he is experiencing that level of anxiety he NEEDS YOU to be his advocate.

You need to DEMAND what you want. Call and request an appt with that resource teacher. That resource teacher has no right to label your son. Don't let him accept the label she's pushing on him. And let her see that you will not put up with it. Absolutely insist that she does not label your son again. She should have to look him in the eye and tell him he is not stupid; he is not ADD, so your son can see that and regain his confidence.

In fact, if she is truly a good well-meaning teacher, she may not even realize how she hurt him and will want to help with damage control. If she doesn't, then maybe you should get him away from her anyway.

Ask for a separate appt with the IEP counselor, so you clearly understand what the IEP report says and means for your son's development program. And if you don't get satisfaction, go to the principal or even beyond.

Children are 'tracked' very early, so handle it now or it will follow him for his entire public school career. If he needs more support than the puplic school can provide, then put him in a private school. Many have scholarships if finances are an issue.

My son has just been accepted to law school and my daughter goes to excellent private college too, and I believe that early intervention along the way helped so much.

I hope you heed my advice. Good luck!

If it were my son? Demand his teacher be changed (because no amount of "meetings" or "talks" with the administration and teacher can completely assure you that her behavior towards your son would change) ..OR move him to another school. I'm a single mother also right now and my son depends on me to protect him...yours also-do whatever you need to for the good of your son and don't look back. I swear that some people in the field of taking care of and teaching children don't seem to even LIKE children.
Good luck!

Hi R.; I am raising a grandson who is ADD/ADHD, ODD, etc. He is in an IU Life Skills class. He was first started in an Emotional Support class. That was ok for about three years but after Psychological testing at the school he was found to have an IQ of 40 and was getting frustrated at trying to learn when He could not. The decision was then made to put him in Life Skills and he has been doing GREAT!!!!! The problem that you are having should be directed to the IU in your area, not the school. When my grandson was in first grade he had a horrible teacher. You see,in Pa. the Teachers for a "special" class are from the IU, not the school area. They are specially trained teachers for the kids specific problems. My grandson is in the Dover area School district and his teachers come from Lincoln Intermediate Unit. NO TEACHER should EVER belittle a child or discuss his problems with him. You shold contact your IU immediatelyand report this teacher. They will help you. The reason your child is making himself sick is his only defense to get away from this very unprofessional teacher. Also the IU can provide Psychological testing to find out exactly where your Child should be. DO THIS NOW!!!!!
Good Luck, V. S

go to the counsler and ask for an -instructional support team for behavior- take him to a theripist who can determine wht is actually going on and if the theripist determines that he has add/adhd go with their advice

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the principal and lay it all out. Express your concerns that you don't want her labeling him right to his face...that he is showing signs of anxiety (throwing up, etc.).

As a Learning Support teacher, stories like this make me LIVID. I would expect to be called on the carpet for something like this! But I would talk to the teacher first and explain your views on this.

I hope you will post an update letting us know what happened. Good luck.

Go to the head of the special education program and cc the pricipal and assistant super and super of the school district. The more noise you make the quicker you will see results. If you dont see results then contact the school board and attend some board meetings. You can tell them that the environment is not meeting his needs stated in his IEP. I used to be a teacher before becoming a SAHM with three children and one is a special child similar to yours.

School principal, school counselor, school psychogist - keep calling every day until you get a meeting with them. Try your school board members if you can't get a response.

Since this is affecting his schoolwork I think calling the school is warranted. I would start with the teacher and move up the chain of command as neccessary. If this teacher is not a district employee but rather an employee of the local intermediate unit, a call to them would be appropriate. I would put some things is writing so you have details about the treatment your son is experiencing. What words did the teacher say to him? What things does he feel she does to make him feel "stupid" and "uncomfortable"? What were his grades and attendance like before this incident? How does he do in other classes? What days did you have to pick him up from school? Good luck!

I would ask to come observe him in class. I think you can see his behavior and tell a lot about the teacher's behavior. I would also ask to meet with the administrator and the teacher. I am a school teacher and a mother of 3.

First of all, school is supposed to be a safe place for children. Not one full of anxiety and feeling inadequate. As hard as it may be, you need to fight for your son and his right to not be made to feel like something is wrong with him. If he has an IEP you should call his case worker at his school. Document ever avenue you try from case worker, to administration. If no one does anything you need to contact the superintendent of schools and the board of education. If they do nothing call the local news and just ask for your interview to be annonymous to protect your son. Special Education teachers have the hardest job in the world, but they are supposed to nurture these children and help them succeed not beat them down daily and make them hate school. Good luck.

I believe there is a student advocate at each school (I could be mistaken). Also, there is a school psychologist. I'm not sure who else helped to prepare his IEP. I would start with those folks. Call and tell them it is a matter of some urgency since it is affecting his attendance. If you can't get a call back or helpful response from them and the principal is not calling back, call the Superintendent. Tell him it is a matter of some urgency and you are not getting a response from the others you have contacted and leave their names.

My gut says that if he were my child, I would be asking to have him reassigned to a different teacher. I wouldn't want that woman anywhere near my child. I would, also, write a formal complaint regarding her to the school. No child should be told something like that by his teacher especially not in front of his peers. I can see how this could damage his self esteem and cause him anxiety about being around this woman.

Good luck. I know this isn't a lot of help but I hope it helps a little.

Is the school nurse involved in his IEP? It is her responsibility to address situations where a child becomes physically ill due to school related anxiety. She usually has to contact the parent,psychologist, administrator, and teacher when this is a problem. By virtue of her RN/school nurse certificate she is required to be the student's advocate when faced with health issues that stem from school.

I am a teacher and I am very sorry that your sons teacher is making him feel this way. Call the school again and ask to speak to the principal. If you keep leaving messages, keep calling:-) Ask, no, tell, the principal that you want a meeting between you, your son, the principal and the teacher. After your son explains how he is feeling, have him leave the room and continue to have the meeting with the teacher and the principal. Hope this helps!

That is absolutely horrible of that teacher. I would proceed with the letter. One hard thing about the situation is that in the administration's eyes it's her word against your son's.

Regardless, I would try to at least get that teacher away from your son permanently.

Good Luck!

I'm an elementary school guidance counselor...number one- reinforce to him that he is (his name)- and not ADD. Too often we label children and it sticks with them. Writing a letter is a good idea- but the bottom line is that he needs to feel comfortable going to school. Does your school have a guidance counselor? It sounds like he needs to work through his anxiety. Going home every time that he attempts to face it will not help. The Resource Room is there to aid him in areas that he struggles, so the teacher should be made aware of how he feels and hopefully she will care enough to do what she can to make him more comfortable and not feeling "stupid". Communication is the best medicine.

I have had numerous problems at my childrens school and had finally had enough. The best way I have found to handle the problem is make it public. Go to your childs pto meetings when there are teachers principals and other parents present then bring up your concerns.The administration will not be able to ignore you and I guarantee that you are not the only parent having problems. Do not let them talk down to you or your son .Remember your tax dollars pay their salaries and that makes you the boss. It worked for me and now other parents come to me to be a metiator between them and the principal.I am also on our school improvment council now.

Hi R.,

I'm sorry this has taken place. As a mother of 3 and a teacher myself, it is terribly disheartening to hear the such. I suggest being in touch with the counselor and setting up a meeting with the teacher, your child, and an administrator all at the same time. Hope everything gets resolved fast!!

Sincerely,

M.

R., I feel for you because I had similar experience within our school district. Be persistant and stand by your child. Through all of this he will be the one to suffer at the hands of the school so I agree with another response that was given as far as connecting with the school board and even supperintendant for help. Call every day if you have to. Remember "No Child Left Behind". That's what the district blows it's horn about.

Talk to the superintendant, don't give up. Fight for your child, cuz no one else will.

The advice you received was excellent. As a teacher in PA, I wanted to let you know something. If any of the school administration suggests your son needs meds, that is illegal. In PA, only a dr. or other health professional can recommend medicine. My union rep informed me of this during conference time. Granted that was 10 yrs. ago, but I don't think the law has changed. I just wanted to let you know that, b/c meds should only be prescribed as a last resort, in my opinion.

Hi R., I am a Mom and educator with a child who has learning disabilities. ADD and ADHD are medical diagnosis. A educator is not allowed to through those words around lightly and this teacher's actions are unacceptable. My advise to you is to send the letter as quickly as possible. If ADD is a concern then they should be referring you not diagnosing your son. In addition in your letter you should ask them for documentation they have which brought them to this conclusion and for a meeting. If it has become a issue they should have observations etc. Since your child has a IEP it is your right to call a meeting of his team which may include administration or not but you can request that they are there as well. This might be the best route to go since it obviously affecting your son physically and emotionally.

R.,
I am a Special Education teacher so I hope I can help. First of all she can not diagnose him as ADD as she is not a medical professional. Second of all they should npt be sending him home repeatedly for throwing up if it is an emotional response. I would call a team meeting to discuss the IEP and your concern. It is your right to call the meeting and it must be attended by a special education teacher, administrator/psychologist, regular education teacher. Request that your school Social Worker or psychologist be present.
As wrong as they are, your child is there at school everyday. You want to first try to approach it as being part of a team and solving problems. Make them aware that you are on top of what is going on so they know not to take advantage, but at the same time show that you are willing to help in any way.
The bottom line is that the teacher is wrong, yes. We all know it and I bet she does too. The question is hwo can you get your child the best services. IF they don't follow through or do what is decided take it to the next step. Review your parental rights book and also see if you can take a friend/fmaily member with some experience as an advocate. That way you don't feel alone.
Hope things work out for the best. Please contact me if you need any further advice.

R., does your son have a Student Advocate assigned to him? That's what I would try, it is disgraceful that the teacher has stigmatized your son classroom. That is inexcusable! 10 Year olds have enough stress these days without the teacher adding to it! Give you boy a hug for me. I am also the mom of a 10 yo boy.

Go to the school board. If you don't get the answer that you want then go higher. The higher you go the more the under people we get in trouble. But then they should have addressed the issuse first, instead of ingoring the issue. Best of luck

Hi R.. My daughter was just diagnosed with ADHD. She is a vry active 6 year old. I would love the chance to talk to other moms about how they handle things such as behavior problems and just excess hyperactivity.

The resource room teacher was way out of line. She should be reprimanded. Some teachers expect boys to behave like girls when they are totally different! Since you have not heard back from the "administration," call the superintendent's office and ask that he/she call you back withn a day, since you are aready waiting. Sadly, it is necessary to fight for any children with any special needs, so be prepared. If he has an IEP, know yor rights about this. You must agree to what is in there. They do not have a right to give you a "canned" IEP. Insist upon what it is that you want in it. It should certainly include geting your child out of reach of the resource room teacher who was so inappropriate. I wish you and your son well.

What that teacher said was wrong and if your son is feeling uncomfortable in the class there could be more going on, like more things being said then what you have told us in your request. Make sure that the letter you have prepared goes to the teacher and his or her bosses. And be sure to let them know that if this behavior does not stop, it is obviously affecting your son, you will keep going higher and higher and to whom ever you may have to to make this stop. I am not saying that you should run in screaming or making crazy threats but this can be said reasonably. Good luck with this and I hope this horrible behavior stops. Teachers are supposed to set the example not be the problem.

I am an 8th grade learning support teacher and I am appalled at the "teacher's" behavior! First of all his teacher is not certified to diagnose ADD, so she has no business saying that to your child (or anyone else).

Before you send the letter, call the teacher and ask to speak to her about the situation. If she does not get back to you, call her again (2 days later) and tell her that you are requesting a meeting with an administrator present. Just make sure you don't sound accusatory (even though you may feel it). Try to approach this as you see a problem and what to work together toward a solution - just think of the old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar.

Also ask your child specific questions about how she makes him feel "Stupid", write them down, and take them to the meeting with you. She may not realize what she is doing and how it is effects him (hard to believe, but possible true).

I hope this helps, and I wish you well =O}