My 13 yro daughter had two dogs, a boxer and a lab, but they ran off on July, 2012. She lost weight (I didn't take her to a Dr. because it wasn't a lot) and her behaviour grades at school went down. Now, it will be almost a year and we went to a pet store (I wasn't planning to buy her a dog). She fell in love with a dalmatian dog, and she wanted to take her home. I prefer adopting dogs than buying, so I told her no, but she has some money and she said she would buy the dog.
Now in the house (it was yesterday) she cries too much and says she wants to buy the dog, but she (the dog) will run off too. We are about to move to another state and a friend offered me a dog. What should I do?
She is a very unsettled and sensitive girl, so I'm afraid she will lose more weight (now she has a critical weight) and won't make friends in her new school.
Talk to her about how the dogs got out and were able to run off and what can be done to prevent that from happening again. If she feels like she has a plan in place, she should feel better, almost empowered, to take on another dog.
I would not buy the dog at the pet store, and if she wants to know why I would teach her about puppy mills and the importance of adopting animals rather then buying them from breeders, but that is JMO
You guys don't sound responsible enough to own any dog. How do the dogs keep "running off"? Don't we keep them on leashes when they are taken out? Or a securely fenced-in area? I can understand one dog accidentally slipping the leash or jumping a fence, but you sound pretty sure that any dog you get will run away, so that tells me you guys are not bothering to keep them under control.
If a dog/puppy is purchased, there is more than just the cost of the animal - there is vet care too, getting the shots, keeping it on heartworm and flea/tick meds, getting it spayed/neutered, taking care of medical issues as they come up, buying food and toys, etc. Is your daughter somehow going to pay for all that too? How much money does she really have at 13? Even at that age, in the end the parents needs to be responsible for a pet's care. Legally, a child under 18 cannot make medical decisions for a pet - I've had young teenagers show up in clinics I've worked at with a pet in tow, saying they are there for vaccines, or need something looked at, or whatever, and we've said, not without a parent here. At least you know that getting a puppy from a pet store is never a good idea. And Dalmations don't have the best temperaments. No matter what your daughter is going through, she still needs parents who will set limits and put their foot down on what they will and will not allow.
Getting another dog is not going to solve your problems. She sounds like she is at risk for depression and anorexia. Rather than spending the money on a dog, how about you get her evaluated by her pediatrician and have her start seeing a counselor? She needs psychological help, not another dog.
You don't need new pets when you are in the process of moving.
Get your daughter to a psychologist and find a good dr in the area to which you are moving.
If she's lost so much weight, she needs to be treated for an eating disorder.
Anorexia (or bulimia) can be pretty serious.
Making friends are the least of her problems.
Get her some help.
Why did the others run away? Have you searched for the runaway dogs? Why were they not enclosed in a safe area?
To repeat what another poster said.... Pets are not toys you just dispose of when you are tired of them. It is a huge responsibility you accept when you get a pet.
Even if you give in and allow your daughter to buy the dog, you will end up being the one to care for it plus..... you already said it will run away.
On top of that, you are moving soon. There is no stability in your household for a dog. You do not need to be getting a dog.
I don't know your daughter but it sounds like she is playing you to get what she wants by "scaring" you with threats regarding her health?
Why are you so scared that she will lose more weight and not make friends? If you are so concerned about her and feel she is depressed, you should have her checked out by a Dr. Maybe she needs some counseling.
Where is dad?
Communicate with her.... LISTEN to her. Remember, YOU are the parent.
I have a feeling we are not getting the entire story here. Best wishes to you.
What are you doing allowing a 13 year old to "have" dogs? That's too much responsibility that belongs to the adults in the family.
Wait on adopting any more dogs until you get your daughter into therapy to deal with the traumatic loss of her other beloved pets. And maybe some family therapy too. She sounds depressed, and you're not coping with it or helping her cope with it. She's not a small baby that you can stop her crying with a stuffed animal. That's not fair to the dogs that ran away/were stolen/killed by cars/lost and the dog/s that it could happen to again. Deal with the loss that's already occurred and help your daughter learn to deal with loss appropriately.
How did two dogs manage to run off at the same time, never to be seen again?
Animals are not toys and your 13 year old's issues can't be fixed with a puppy. She needs a therapist, not presents.
By your description your child seriously needs to see a psychiatrist so she can get some antidepressants. She may not need to see anyone for therapy but she does seem to be depressed.
I would not allow her to have the dog, her money or not. You know a 13 yr old can't pay the vet bills.
I would take her to see a therapist. I would consider a rescue dog vs a puppy mill dog (that may have its own issues re: inbreeding). She's justified in mourning the loss of her pets, but may be fixated on that because it's more painful to admit she's depressed, hasn't a lot of friends, is losing weight...it's more than the dogs. You need to find out what is going on.
I think a dog would serve as a Band-Aid for the underlying issues. The weight loss and grades are a symptom of something deeper. Perhaps anxiety about the move, or grief over the loss of her dogs.
As others suggested, I would enlist a psychologist for a few sessions. Thirteen is a very difficult age, Hormones. Body changes and ensuing body image issues, etc. Throw a pending move on top of that and wow.
So yes, intervention would do justice to nip this in the bud.
Good luck and God speed.
If you can't keep a dog contained you shouldn't have one, and your daughter is old enough to understand that.
And please don't let her get a dog just to make her "happy" that's a terrible idea. She needs to see a doctor about her weight loss and perhaps a therapist if she has emotional problems that are contributing to that.
Getting a dog should be a FAMILY decision, made after you are moved and settled in your new home.
Do not get a dog. You aren't settled.
It's not fair to your family and it isn't fair to the dog.
Once you get settled, if the dog that your friend wants to give you is still available, then you could consider that.
You could challenge your daughter to bring her grades up, keep her weight up and adjust to the new school with the reward being a dog in 6 months or more if you really want a dog in your family.
I am sorry for what your daughter is going through but please have some compassion for the prospective dogs that you would be bringing into this mess. They are not disposable toys. You don't have the best track record. If she needs something to take her mind off of her troubles how about a hamster? You guys could build some really neat cages that you could easily transport to a new home.
It sounds like she needs professional help. Once things are stabilized on that front, and you are settled in the new state - only then would I consider a dog. And that's a big IF.
Please don't let any more dogs run off. You guys should read up on what happens to stray dogs. It's heart-breaking. God forbid one of these dogs ends up as a bait dog.
I hope I don't sound harsh. But please don't make this situation worse.
I'd wait until you're settled before getting a dog.
I hear a lot of parents saying about the dog belonging to their child and that the dog is the child's responsiblity. My view is that as long at that child is living in your house with that pet, it is your responsibility too. Animals are not material objects. You can't just put them away in a closet and forget about them. They have personality. A dog is a family member. They are pack/social animals just like us. I can understand your daughter loves the dalmation, but it seems like you're always going after large dogs. (Lab and boxer) Large dogs take a lot of training and attention to get them to the point they won't run off. Maybe a large dog just isn't right for your family. Also, you really need to neuter the dog, especially males if you want a dog that is more likely to hang around and be calmer. When a male dog gets a sent of a female in heat, there is no turning that dog back no matter how much you've trained him. I'd say to tell your daughter you know she's fallen in love with that dog, but you would really like her to look at other dogs first. Then take her to see smaller dogs. I didn't let my son take the first dog he layed his eyes on at the SPCA. I had him take that dog for a walk and then take another dog that I felt looked more laid back out for a walk. Guess which one came home? The laid back dog, because he was easier to walk on a leash. There's the other thing...You've got to set things up, so the dog stands less of a chance of getting loose. I know this would sound pretty rediculous, if you knew how laid back our dog is, but....My dog is always on a leash when I take him out. I even have a harness for longer walks. Then we have a gate up on all our porches, so that if someone opens up the door and the dog or cat goes out, we they can't go anywhere except the porch. (It slows them down.) Our dog has one speed...slow, but you never know if they see something they want to chase how fast they can go. I think I have the only dog that I have to drag when I take him for a walk. He just likes to go out, do his business, and go back to bed! As for your daughter not eating....I hope you have a good psychologist you're taking her to. It really sounds like she needs a hobby that she can turn to when she's not happy. Good luck.
I think if you are sure you want to get a dog, and keep it for its lifespan (which will be after your daughter leaves home), and it is really important to your daughter, then you should let her get the dog she wants to get. Let her buy the dalmatian, if you have room for a large-ish dog.
Especially since your daughter is unsettled and sensitive, a companion animal might be good for her.
It's unusual for dogs to run off and get lost forever, so just tell your daughter it won't happen again. And then make sure the dog can't get out and get lost.
I do have to echo the other responses that I think it's unusual that your dogs ran off and were never found. If you get a pet, you need to care for it properly and be prepared to keep it for life.
Edited to add: After reading below, I think you probably should wait. I think pets are good for kids, but is a dog really the thing your daughter needs? Why is she losing weight? Anorexia, bulimia? Most kids want pets and then after the first week they don't pay any attention to them, and the parent is stuck with the bills and the work. HOWEVER, if your daughter is the rare kind of girl who really does pay a lot of attention to and spend time with her pet, it might be good for her. But she's beginning her teen years, and her interests are probably going to be all over the place for a while. Good luck.
