What Should I Pay My Babysitter Here? Please Give Me a Reality Check...

No, you don't pay for her to be gone for this. It was one thing for her to have a week's paid vacation. But another for you to pay double.

Honestly, I doubt she expects to be paid for this. Don't even bring it up. If she asks where her payment while she was gone, look shocked (well, you should be shocked) and tell her that you paid a ton of money for last minute emergency care. Tell you love her, but you can't pay double for unexpected time off.

Truthfully, I'd rethink working with anyone who expected it.

Dawn

I agree with the others. This time off should be unpaid. Going forward, you two need to get a contract in writing. I'm sorry things have been so stressful for both of you lately.

I think she should take this time unpaid. you already give her one week vacation if I dont have time to use and take any additional time off of work it is unpaid.

I don't think you owe her 10 days of bereavement pay. Now would be a very difficult time to have this talk, but she exhausted her paid leave. Now, she is free to go, of course, but you have to pay a replacement. I would send flowers, wish her the best, and ask if she has any friends that would be willing to sub for her so she doesn't miss out on being paid while she's gone. Let her know that you support her need to go, but have exhausted all your paid leave and wont be able to pay for childcare twice. In the nicest way possible, of course. I think it's more than fair.

First, I agree with T. that you should be kind, give her some space, send flowers or whatever. But I worked at a private preschool AND did in-home childcare for a few years. My opinion: NO you do NOT need to pay her for time off. When my mother, who worked at the same hardware store for 10 years, needed to take a leave of absence to care for her mother who was sent home to die, she did just that: a leave of absence, meaning she did not get paid, but they did not hire someone in her place. My brother and I stayed home and paid all the bills, took care of the livestock, etc and would visit grandma on weekends. She passed away after 4 weeks. When I was providing in-home childcare, I gave as much notice as possible (like 3 months) that we would be going out of town a week, but then I also gave them the number of a friend who also had a home daycare as an option, knowing that I would NOT be paid and she would agree to the price they usually pay me---it'd be weird for her to pay me to not work AND pay someone else to watch the children (they could do whatever they wanted, but I wanted to assist if they needed help finding someone to watch their children). It didn't happen that they needed my friend----3 months notice was ample time for us to plan our vacation at the same time they planned theirs, and it worked out perfectly.
If YOU suddenly decide with no notice that you want to go on vacation or want to skip work, you should pay her. But if she is not going to work, she doesn't need to be paid, in my opinion. If someone wants benefits, then they need to work a job elsewhere, that provides benefits. The only time this would be ok is if she's a nanny and has all of this stuff in a contract that you discussed, read, and signed before starting childcare with her. Then, it's your choice to be in this situation.

It is an unfortunate situation that her brother is dying and she should of course be there for him. BUT, you shoud NOT be paying her while she is away. You are not a company that offers those types of benefits. The money you are paying her should go to the temp place that your daughter will be at. So it should not cost you any more money aside from the difference in cost between the two places. It is a tough time for her family, but your family should not assume a financial hardship becuase of her situation.

You have no obligation to pay her for time not worked. In the future perhaps you could work out a set number of paid vacation/sick days for the year and let her take them when she chooses, but with the limit. Make her a part of the decision making process but be realistic about what you can afford too!

I agree with the others that in the absence of a written contract (which you need to do, btw, to protect yourself and her so that these things don't get dicey), you technically own her nothing. That said, as a corporate employee my companies have always offered 3 days paid time off for bereavement for the death of an immediate family member, so that might offer you a guideline if you want to offer some kind of compassionate benefit. When my brother died, I took 2 paid days off (the day of the wake and the day of the funeral) but didn't have to travel. My sister who had to fly up from Florida also took two days off from work, unpaid - she came up the day of the wake and went back the day after the funeral - and my other sister flew in from out of state and stayed only one night. She is self-employed and also didn't get paid for her time lost.

Anyway...you don't have to offer her any paid time off but if you do want to offer something, 3 days would the maximum that would be appropriate, not a week and a half.

After this is over, do consider a written contract that stipulates x number of vacation days, y number of sick days, z number of bereavement days and the amount of notice that you need for things like vacation.

okay - whew - there is a lot going on here.

It almost sounds like you are still paying her for taking time off that is NOT in your contract? Like you are paying for care she is NOT giving?

What does your contract state? Sorry - just saw that you don't have a contract in place. That would be one of the first things I do for 2012, get a contract in place.

If she is a business, then it would behoove her to have a back-up plan for emergencies such as this so her clients will NOT be compromised.

I'm sorry that your husband is sick.
I'm sorry that you can't take time off work.

As for me? I would NOT be paying her for time she is NOT watching my child because of a family emergency. While I'm sorry she is losing her brother...she needs to have a back up plan for her clients.

I would have my kids going to the same place as well. As most places usually have a family discount.

Bottom line? What would be fair is for her to have a back up plan for you and her other clients. I would NOT pay her for care NOT received due to the family emergency.

First, in regard to what to pay her-- you have no contract and she's not providing care for you. There are some simple answers:
1. Nothing. No care, no payment.
2. An advance/loan that she pays back over time, with written terms/conditions.

I don't mean to sound harsh-- I've been in your caregiver's shoes myself. Years ago I had kidney stones and then *surprise* during the ER visit, I discovered I was pregnant. And less than a few weeks later, I miscarried. I missed two blocks of two weeks work and really put this family in a bind-- so glad that they had a second nanny (I worked three days, she worked two ) who was able to help them out. I knew that, no matter how bad my circumstances, this was time that I would not receive payment for-- they had to pay the other nanny.

All that said, I think if your caregiver is expecting to be paid, she's expecting a lot. An advance would be nice/kind of you, so long as she's on track to work it off in some way.

And definitely get it all on paper for the future. You need that contract or agreement and so does she. Sorry you are all having such a rough time-- I truly hope you are able to secure good child care while she's gone and that your husband's health improves.

I agree with Hazel W. You are not her employer. You don't owe her sick days or vacation other than what is agreed upon. If she goes beyond what is agreed upon (1 week is what I've heard or around here for Daycare and sounds liek what was agreed upon in your situation) she shouldn't get paid.

I'd get this in writing. Both of you are going through stressful life events and I wish your families the best.

Wow - only one week paid leave an entire year? That's brutal. I don't know other decent full time jobs that provide that little. People get sick. People need to go to the dentist, to DMV etc. You can go through 5 days very quickly and have virtually no actual vacation time. Since that's the case, then I do think you should pay her while she's away. I'd sit down and figure out a total number of paid days off type thing. I'm not sure we'd pay our nanny for extra bereavement days bc she already gets 5 paid sick days and 6 vacation days plus all the days we go away and pay her. For 2011 she got about 25 or 30 paid vacation/sick days. That doesn't include holidays. She gets 2 paid days at Christmas etc. In your case, I think the 1 week paid for a whole year need to be re-examined. Don't your and your husbands jobs give you more than that? You don't get any paid sick time? I do believe in free market - if there are lots of daycare providers out there who don't expect much paid time off, then you can switch. But seems brutal to expect someone to only get 5 paid days off in an entire year.

You should not have to pay her anything. This is not your doing and you are having to pay others to do her job. Do you have a contract? If so, I would look at the contract. If not, I would not offer her any payment for the week and if she says something, let her know that if you do pay her, you will consider that her one week paid vacation and you will not be paying her for a vacation later in the year. I know you don't want t burn bridges and hopefully this won't, but right is right. If she were employed outside her home, she would not be getting paid for this time unless she used her vacation time. There should be no difference here.

No brainer to me and I'm usually in the camp of paying caregivers for time off. No - you do not need to pay her for these weeks. Did you pay her for the extra time she took in August? I wouldn't think so. She can't expect you to pay for double childcare. And you have a lot going on too! Hopefully she's sympathetic to you as well. I wouldn't bring it up at all. If she asks for money, look crestfallen and say since you had to pay for your son elsewhere and with all that's been going on in your family too, you didn't think she would want to be paid for extra time off. If she says she does, then say you assume then this is her paid vacation for the year 2012? It should be! Hang in there. I bet she doesn't expect to be paid. That would be crazy.

Umm...I guess I am confused. You would be paying her to go and see her dying brother? The time that she is there? That doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't pay her anything since you are going to have to pay someone else to watch your kids. No sense in you getting a double whammy.
I am not really going to address the rest of your post since I don't think it has much bearing on this case. Just like you would not get paid to take an unexpected leave of absence I don't think she should either....even though it must be awful that she is losing her brother.
L.

First question I have is are you claiming your daycare expenses on your taxes? Second how much are you paying? If you are claiming then your siter is entitled to at least 1 week pd vaction and to be pd when you go on vacation. She should also be given all major holidays pd. Do you realize how much she has to pay in taxes if your claiming. If your paying her less $30. a day and she provides meals and snacks then after taxes she's barley making minumum wage. As far as back up that's your responsibility as a parent. How many hours a day is your child with her. You say you've had her for 5 years, and if this is your only isuses your pretty lucky. Has she given you a price increase in 5 years I bet you've been given a raise or two in that time. I'm not trying to be mean but I'm on the other end of the situation, I wan't even able to attend either of my Grandmothers funerals because of people complaining and threating to quit. How would you feel if when your husband was ill your job said to bad that causes us to lose money if your off. Did you find a replacemnt for your husband or yourself when he was ill. Please sit down and talk things out with her. If she's primarly been an asset to your family you don't want to lose her good child care with someone who you can trust and your child loves is VERY hard to find. No you shouldn't have to pay for the time she NEEDS to take off she's already had her vacation for the year. But please don't make her feel quilty for this life event. How many times has she gone that extra mile for you? If so give her a break.

Tell her that in the new year, paid time off needs some sort of accrual. So no paid time off yet. Make it cut and dry and tell her that you simply don't have it. She will have to make due (just like you have to).

Now, as inconvenient as this is, you must give her space to grieve with her family. Especially since you won't be paying her.

Also, going forward, if she gets two weeks off tell her that she can't take the first week until after May or June and the following week later in the year. If she gets one week, tell her to take it after May so that she can accrue some time. This is especially helpful with a new sitter.

I would only pay for the time she is caring for my child. Cut and dry.

honestly, typical bereevment is 3-5 days pay ... go from there, if you feel compelled to pay her offer her 3 days at half pay if money is really tight.

I would not pay her anything at all while she is gone. I don't get paid vacations when I close down for any reason. I do get 1 or 2 paid days off per year at either Christmas or Thanksgiving, but only if it falls on a day they would ordinarily be with me. I do have my parents pay me when they are gone for any reason. I figure they must pay me for 52 weeks per year since I'm open 52 weeks per year. But, they prorate for the odd day I take off once in a very great while.

I honestly believe that daycare providers are expecting way too much from parents these days.

I think you are more than fair to pay her 3 days bereavement. Also I think you need to stick to the ONE week paid vacation. ONLY. And get something in writing. I know you love her and trust her (and that is hard to find in a babysitter) BUT.... you are totally getting taken advantage of :(

I don't think you owe her anything more. It is sad that she is losing her brother, but it's not fair that you are in a bind like this, either.

She needs a contract, in black & white, and I would also discuss with her why she doesn't have a back up plan for situations like this. I would make sure she had a backup caregiver in the future & if she didn't make that happen, I would highly consider finding more reliable childcare.

If you had your child at a center, you would not be dealing with this. You would not be paying if the center was closed, and you would not be paying for anyone's vacation. For her to expect vacation, holiday & sick pay from her customers is ridiculous considering she is not working a traditional job for a large company, in which you get those types of benefits.

Geez, I'm surprised she's not trying to get y'all to pay her freaking medical benefits, too.

Time to put your foot down. Enough is enough.

It sounds like you have treated her very well over the years and she gets more benefits than I do, lol. I am currently employed as a contractual employee, no paid time off, no benefits whatsoever. I have 2 kids under the age of 4 so if one of them is sick I have to stay home from work, not get paid for it, and still pay for daycare. When they close for holidays I still have to pay which I am fine with. The hardest part is when we go on vacation. They allow us to take 2 weeks off per year with half price tuition. Drives me insane to pay someone to not take care of my kids. Especially since when I take a vacation I am not getting paid. Anyhow, if it were me I would stick to the original agreed upon terms. That is thoughtful of you to include bereavement time and I think that 3 days is enough for paid time off. I understand not wanting to burn bridges but it sounds like she has been gradually taking advantage of you. I know you are not being heartless. We all go through these difficult times and I hope that she is grateful to have an employer like you.

We use a home daycare as well. She has a back-up in case she is sick. Your sitter should have a back up as well. You shouldn't have to take off work because she has an emergency. I think FL requires you to have a back up in order to be licensed.

When you pick up your daughter tonight, ask her if she will expect to be paid next week? If yes, will this be considered her yearly paid vacation?

As for how long she is going for, your point of view is a bit close minded. True she may not get there in time to say goodbye, but she might. Then it takes a few days to arrange the funeral, have the funeral. You don't know what legalities will need to be done before she returns, moving of things, etc. So while I understand that you are upset, she too is upset and you need to let her have her time. You can't control the grieving process. She'll need time after the funeral to get herself together. Yes you are inconvienenced, but this will effect the rest of her life.

No, you are not required to pay her for time away above whatever sick/personal days that your contract allows for. When she says that she occasionally needs to take a sick day, that does not mean that you are required to pay. Be sure that you have a contract that says what time off you are required to pay. If she is a private nanny, there should be some paid time off. If she's a home daycare provider who watches several kids, then no paid vacation/sick days are necessary. You should not be paying double daycare because she has family issues.

You know, I feel sympathetic for her that her brother is dying. That's tough, and obviously not her fault. However, you should not be on the hook for paying her for the time she is taking off. You are having to use your own vacation time (unplanned, so you can't even plan to do something fun with your vacation time), and/or you're having to pay another day care provider. She cannot expect to be paid during this time. Sorry, but she doesn't work for a big company, she's self-employed. My husband is self-employed and he does risk losing clients when he takes time off, as well as he isn't being paid during that time. There are benefits to being self-employed, as well as risks. She has to take the good with the bad.

Our daycare provider has been in business for 20 years, and we do have a contract with her. It reads that if *we* take a vacation, we pay her for that week. However, when *she* takes a vacation, it is unpaid (because obviously we have to pay another provider during that time). Also, she has another daycare provider as a backup to her in case she ever has to take a sick day. So yes, she gets sick days, but they do not affect us. I think that's what a good daycare provider does if they want to stay in business - let's face it, if you were to take your kids to a daycare center instead of a self-employed provider, you would never have to worry about vacations or sick days. I think you're being extremely accommodating to her, and I would support that since she has been a good daycare provider up until now, but I would absolutely not be paying for her time off, period.

I agree with Kristina M. For the majority of full-time jobs, bereavement pay is 3-5 days. Generally 3 days, is when an employee has not been there long. The five days are usually given to long-term employers. IF she is YOUR employee, she is technically owed bereavement pay.)

Keep in mind, you aren't really "letting things go." She didn't CAUSE or ASK for a family member to die. That's a very cold way to look at it. Letting things go, is talking on cellphones, not cleaning, things like that. Don't you think if she was able, she would pay for the next flight, to say good bye? I think so. I think it's unfair to say she is EITHER unwilling, or not able. Let's be real, she's not able. Pay for what she is owed as your employee (again, IF she is you personal employee. 3-5 days, your call) and leave it at that. And, draft up a contract, ASAP. You kind of shot yourself in the foot without a contract, unfortunately.

I hope with her return, things get less stressed and complicated for your family, and less costly.

If she hasn't even brought it up, I seriously doubt she expects any pay. I wonder if you aren't really worried over nothing, at this point. (I can see how you are concerned, obviously.) I would be shocked for anyone in her position, to even ask.

I know you are asking about how much to pay a sitter, but I want to first address the family issues your daycare is having.

IMO, your daycare lady is an extended family member to you and if not you, your children. They probably spend more awake time with her than you during the week. Therefore, her family issues are now your issues too. Try not to be too upset. Imagine if you had to go tell your employer you had to fly out to be with your family because someone was dying. Hopefully they wouldn't be too put out and would tell you to do what you need to do and they would make things work back at the job. Same thing. I understand it is all sudden and difficult for you, but things will work out somehow. I know, I have been there a few times. It is all part of life.

As for the extended stay, perhaps she wants to be with her family and parents as a support after such a hard battle with life. It is exhausting!

So what to pay the sitter. Talk to your sitter and explain you pay the daycare $x.00 and see if she will do it for that amount. It is likely she will take all factors into consideration and do it for you. Maybe you can send her a nice birthday gift or pay her extra later when your expenses aren't so tight.

Remember to breath...you don't need to go into the hospital with chest pains too. Problems are pretty much a daily or weekly factor around here. You just tackle them one at a time.

Smile with the sitter and vent to us...that's why we are all here.

Best wishes.

You shouldn't pay her a dime!!!!!! This is not you telling her you are taking the kids, she is telling you she can't keep them. She doesn't work, she doesn't get paid. You agreed to the one paid week. She is now asking for extra time off. If you exceed your allowed time off from work, you have to take it without pay. She is taking extra time off, it should be without pay. Especially since she doesn't have a back up and it is costing you extra money already. I wouldn't give her a single red cent.

NO, do not pay her for the bereavement time off. She should never expect it. You have to pay for other arrangements. I used to do home daycare and the parents did not pay me for days I was sick (very rare).
To acknowledge the death of her brother, buy a Publix giftcard for $50,a nice card, and call it a day. People cannot expect you to be a bottomless pit of money.........just my 2 cents.

My first gut reaction is that it is time to go with a real company that provides daycare. You would not have anymore of these shenanigans. Still, I get it that you really, really seem to like having her take care of your kids. Since your daughter is starting school next year you may be able to tough it out. However, you need to sit down with her and have a serious talk that spells out what and when you will pay her for time not worked. She really seems to be taking advantage.

what is your contract saying? anything beyond her time off agreed to does not get paid. and i would not feel badly.
can you find a new sitter? or is this truly a unique situation that will resolve itself.

I do in-home childcare and if I take a day off, I DO NOT GET PAID!! If I need to take a week off, I eat the cost. I don't expect my clients to have to not only pay me, but someone else as well. That's not fair.
Now, some parents choose to pay me anyway, which is really nice, but not at all expected.

I would talk to her, she must know that you have to hire someone else for at least the time she is gone. I would enroll little one is a different child care facility. He will get used to different people and make new friends.

If he lingers she is going to want to stay there and be with him. Even after the funeral she may have responsibilities that need her attention.

Taking a child to an individual is nice but when they are not available that puts a kink in everything. That is what is nice about a facility, they always have staff and are always there, they don't take vacation days and if you take off you pay them regardless so they can pay their staff and other bills. If this is her only source of income she will still find someone, after the crisis is over and she is settled back down.

Someone said you are not her employer. I think that is right, you are a client of hers. If a person does not provide service, they are not paid for their services. That is what I think it should be. You say she was paid for 1 week vacation but then you did two. (How did that happen?? you knew she was off but you still paid her that week?) My daughter tries to trick me into things sometimes but I catch on to what she is doing. Maybe she is realizing that she can push you and get more from you, that she knows she is not entitled becuase you can't say "No".

Another factor I think is, just like everyone with budget, you save for lean times. It sounds like she is not saving her one month or two month salary to cover expenses so when she does go away she needs more money from you, or else she is left high and dry and cant pay her bills. It is not your fault that she cant budget her money.

Retalking the terms of your "service contract" and signing one is definately neeeded. Im not saying what she deserves. I never paid in home sitters, havent paid for daycare in a long time. My thoughts about this is only what is expected. If it was one week and she pushed you for more then that is wrong. If it is five weeks and she pushed you for more then that is wrong.
If you have no contract, then there are no "bereavement days". Good daycare is hard to come by and you must have a great relationship with her and care for her, i commend you. Becuase you care for her, I have a feeling you will give her days for that.
At my work, I was given more perks than raise in pay. So becuase you are so lenient with her, that rewards her say, lack of raises if that is true. But really if she is self employed and her rates go up, she should initiate that, not you. I dont go to walmart and say "I know this is 4.69 but Im willing to pay 8.00 because this is a great store", ok maybe walmart is a bad example of that haha.