What's up with Cold MIL?

Does she perhaps have an undiagnosed hearing problem that should be addressed. That might make it hard to talk on the phone.

Just a thought.

Well I hate talking on the phone. Before the age of texting, IMing, and social media, I was pretty much reclusive. Maybe she'd prefer a different form of communication?

:)

Some people don't like talking on phones.

I'm with previous posters-- I have a sibling I can maybe get a five minute conversation out of. In person, she's more communicative.

Sounds like your husband is wondering what's up with mom-- maybe he needs to go visit her?

Oh, and I know that sometimes the reception between phones is bad, esp. now that everyone's using cell phones; it's REALLY hard for me to even hear the conversation. If she's experiencing this, she may just want to get off the phone. I cut those conversations short, too, because I just can't even understand the person on the other end. So, unless they both have landlines, this could be a problem for her...

Maybe she doesn't like talking on the phone? If not that reason.....

Why doesn't your husband ask in a casual not confrontational way.

Does she know how to send emails? Maybe she would rather do something of that sort?

So, he should just ask her why.
Its been going on for 2 years already.

I absolutely HATE talking on a phone. I have a slur and an old speech impediment that will crop up when I am tired or nervous. Makes it hard to hold a long conversation by phone. Not that I can't, I just dont like to do it. I also have a short attention span and kids that scream at me when I near a phone. You mom might not have anyone around, but it just could be that he always catches her at the exact moment that she is busy. Its happened to me before.
In the case that its she just is busy, next time ask her when is the best time to call when she can sit and talk. Sometimes that will snap em out of it. it gives them the opportunity to talk later and it alerts them to the fact they are not holding up their end of the conversation.
My dad is a man of few words when your sitting right next to him.
get him on the phone and he is a chatty kathy for hours. You just want to hang up on him...

Maybe she just hates talking on the phone, I know I do!
That's why I love FB, I keep in touch with so many people without having to have a phone to my ear all the time.
If it's hurting his feelings he should TELL her that, she likely has no clue.

1) My sister is introverted and HATES talking on the phone. We text or email, and then she shares easily. She just does not like talking over the phone. Skyping when she can see me is a little easier for her. But to her phones are for conveying quick facts, like "I am running late" but not for chatting. Maybe you MIL does not like talking on the phone either.
2) The other reason could be that she is losing her hearing and has a hard time understanding what is being said, and she may not be facing the fact yet that she is getting older and might need a hearing aid. I would visit in person and see if the situation is any different when you are face to face.
3) Finally, if this is a major change in personality, it could be that is suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's since personality changes are part of that disease.

He should take some time to go see her and stay a bit. She is probably trying to hide something either physical or mental from him.

We do the same when my crazy mil calls just to get off the phone from her!
I am thinking its not the same here but when people age they need someone to see about them.

My MIL has been that way for the last 7 years, since her granddaughter was born.

She calls the house phone while we are at work and leaves extremely long messages. Messages that leave you no reason to call her back because she has shared everything on the message.

She drives through a freeway that is 10 miles away from our house 4 times a year and may stop once. She is retired so it is not that she has to get back home and her only cat is with her.

She cuts any conversation off after she has said what she has to say. She will talk over you and I just stop talking and tell her, "Sorry, go ahead".

My daughter only talks to her on speaker. So it is always funny to listen to the two of them talk right over each other and neither of them stops to let the other one talk.

The kicker was I talked to her on Christmas morning and she had just told me that no one was coming up for Christmas it would just be her and her husband and I said well I am off this week, maybe my daughter and I will will visit for a few days, however we are going to the Polar Express on Wednesday and I am bringing a friend so we have to drive back in to town first. Her response was can you come Wednesday because we won't be here on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Really, 1 day and the day we already have tickets and plans for.

That just circles back around to calling the house while everyone is at work.

Because our volatile relationship, I have asked that my husband be home when she visits and the only way I will visit her is a hotel or they do have an apartment in their cabin I can stay in.

Anyway, there are plenty of people on here that have in law issues. Really, I think they lose their control and power as a parent and it upsets them. I have tried a lot of attempts to visit, tell her to stop by, call her, or whatever and she just always has an excuse or makes the visit impossible. Most of this started when I was pregnant and carried on to my daughters birthdays. She thinks I have too big of parties and I should mellow it out. On my daughter's second birthday, she caused HUGE drama with the rest of the family so that they all sat together and no one spoke to me. When I came home, she refused to speak to me and then told me off the next morning and left. When she told me off, nothing made sense, so I can't really understand why she was so upset.

The history, she divorced and left her kids while she went sailing the ocean with her then boyfriend, now husband. She never really had control of her kids, they were two boys and they got into a lot of trouble. My husband has apologized to her for everything he has done to her and she will change the subject. She has asked me why their relationship sucks and when I gave her my mild opinion, she snapped on me and told me he was an adult and could talk to her himself.

She has called me specifically to get information about the other brother and his girlfriends. She told me that the girlfriend (babies mom) is weird and different as she proceeded to tell me personal things about their relationship. After stopping her, I let her know that I actually like her. Now the brother has moved on to another girl and she recently called me and asked if I knew anything and then tells me. I stopped her and told her that I have never met this girl and she continued. I told her I didn't know anything about this stuff and she continued. Really, he is 43 years old!!

Oh and her mother is on her last days and she called my husband and said that she was so upset that her kids never really knew her mother. He told her they knew her and felt they had a good relationship, but she just kept crying.

So the bottom line is that I think my MIL has issues and needs some therapy. She has done some stuff in her past that haunts her now and she doesn't know how to let it go and move on. There are issues I never knew about because I was a guest in her home and she just made dinner and served cute little pastries like any other host. Don't ask how or why, but my pregnancy opened the door to this ugliness. Oh and of course, little things that have been said about me have circled back around to me.

Maybe there is something between the two of them that they need to work out. If it is anything like my situation, I learned to stay out of it.

I don't know if she's "cold" as you put it. Seems more socially awkward in her relationships. She seems to be making an effort (half-heartedly) to stay in touch. Maybe she is hiding something. This is so ironic because there are parents who just want their adult kids to call and say anything. My MIL actually grieves about not hearing from her 6 adult sons. Only my husband sees her every day. The other 5 don't visit, rarely will call. They just don't care or make an attempt to connect with her. You should encourage your hubby to ask her, why is she always cutting the conversations short when he calls to connect. That way you get it from the horses mouth. And since she's done this for 2 years, this just might be how she is.

It honestly just sounds like she's busy, not cold. My dad is not the best person to have a conversation with. He's exactly the same way as your MIL. I could talk to him on the phone exactly twice a year and still get cut short. He's much better to have a conversation with in person. Some people just dislike being on the phone and have actual phobias about it.

My grandmother actually dislikes being on the phone for the past few years because of her hearing aids. She still talks out of habit and she's stuck in the house due to her disabilities, but she really does hate being on the phone. It messes with her hearing aids really badly making them whine and hurting her ears. Sometimes she gets static. It's a nightmare for her. It's too bad she doesn't have a computer or I would e-mail her.

Doesn't it just amaze you when there are elderly parents out there who would chop off their pinkies to hear from their adult kids?

Like other moms said, maybe she has a good or benign reason. I hope so. I hope she's not being passive aggressive.

Does your husband have any ideas? Has she always been like this? I would just try to support him - yet not dwell on it and make it worse.

Depending on how old she is, it may just be habit. There was a time when phone calls out of town were a luxury and there was a hefty charge per minute. I remember even local calls were a cost so we had a system of letting the phone ring three times hanging up, calling again and doing the same when we needed to be picked up from an activity. Have you asked your husband if this is always the way she's been? You mention 2 years, so not certain if this is the case, just thought I'd through it out there.

I HATE talking on the phone. You can't imagine how happy I am in the age of texting, email and Skype (although sometimes when someone Skypes me, I'm like "Ugh, SO not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.") This pertains to family members, close friends, people I haven't talked to in a long time and I truly care about and would LOVE to catch up with, maybe over coffee, just not on the phone. I actually screen my calls, let it go to voicemail and if I *have* to, I'll call back. Or text back. Or email back. In any case, I can't wait to end a phone call.

Maybe your MIL is like me.