What to Do? - Temecula,CA

Be honest and strong and tell them. Allow them to understand that you are in need of thier help and support because you have to have a plan to go forward.

Be Blessed

I went through this at 17 also, and it's hard, no question about it. If you and your boyfriend ask to speak to your parents, they will pretty much figure it out without saying the words. (I actually made my boyfriend/husband do it.) They took it better than I thought. More disappointed than mad. Then you have to make plans for the future---wedding? adoption? school? jobs? daycare? insurance? You went from child to adult in the blink of an eye. Only you and your boyfriend can make most of these decisions, but your parents can be a great emotional support system, not to mention financial help. Swallow that lump in your throat, and trust them. They want what's best for you.

Yes you have to tell them, they will love you no matter what. If they react negatively , do not get mad at them, remember they might have had other plans for you and expected grandchildren much, much later.
However give them time to digest everything and show them that you can be responsible. you are an adult now, you will have a child depending on you and she/he will look up to you and your boyfriend for love, advice, strenght and guidance.
Congrats on your baby!

Look up the closest Planned Parenthood to you. They will be up front and honest with you, unlike some other "pregnancy counseling" centers. You don't have to have a parent to go there at your age for a check up. They can help you decide how to tell your folks, give you an idea of exactly how far along you are, etc. They operate on a sliding scale, so you will probably be able to go for free or almost nothing.

If your boyfriend is living with your family (and even if he wasn't) and you plan to keep the baby, you need to both sit down with them and tell them. They may be shocked and upset at first, but they'll have to come to reality eventually. Hopefully your mother will make your father understand that he is in no way helping the situation by kicking you out!

Your boyfriend, parents and you then need to sit down and chart out a plan for healthcare, living arrangements, finishing school, if you had college plans and how those will play out, working and child care, etc. You are a grown up now with the most adult responsibility there is, so stop thinking of yourself as a child. Google and go to the library to read pregnancy and childbirth manuals so you'll be prepared and know how to be as healthy as possible as well as to get info on how to be a good mother. Good luck!

First of all, take a breather and relax. You are not the first and not the last 17 year old to be nervous about telling her parents about an unplanned pregnancy. I'm not sure how you are feeling about this but congratulations on you little one!

I would talk with your boyfriend - I assume he's on board with this and excited and ready to take on the role of dad and caretaker?

Make your parents dinner and tell them that you have something you want them to know. Explain that you two love each other and are having a baby. Express that you understand that they may be unhappy and not excited, but this will pass.

Do you and your boyfriend have jobs? Will you or he be getting one? I think one of you should! I assume you are both in HS? Make sure to complete it and get your diploma, no matter what.

Talk with your parents are their medical coverage. You should be covered for all visits before the baby and may be covered for the delivery - but they will need to check.

Start making plans for after the birth of the baby. Will you and your boyfriend want to move out? Or live with your parents? Do not expect them to be a free babysitter or always available (not that you will do this - just saying!)

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and get to a doctor as soon as possible. Take prenantal vitamins, do not drink too much caffeine, no alcohol (or cigarettes) but I'm sure you already know this!

Unfortunately, with someone your age, more than likely your parents will end up having to help support you for a while - both financially and emotionally. It will help if both you and your BF show some degree of responsibility by taking the initiative and doing things for yourself, like going to Planned Parenthood. It sounds like your parents are already pretty supportive if they've allowed your BF to stay there, so they'll need to know that although their trust was violated, that you both still have good intentions as young adults, and new parents to be. If you don't think you can talk to them face to face, it might help to write them a letter, and in it invite Mom or both to be a part of this new phase of your life by accompanying you to at least your first appointment. Best of luck to you.

LoONEy,

This is a lot to deal with at your age, but I think it's great that you are thinking about the baby and want to make sure you see a doctor as soon as possible.

Do you have Planned Parenthood in your area? If you do, you can make an appointment to see a doctor or a nurse practitioner there to have the baby checked and get prenatal care. Your parents would not have to go with you or even give permission for you to see the doctor, and Planned Parenthood usually will cover most if not all of the cost for the visit -- ask them about it when you call for the appointment. They will not tell your parents -- there are strict rules about doctor-patient confidentiality. They probably also have counselors who can help you tell your parents or help you figure out how to tell them. Also, you shouldn't need your parents permission to see your family doctor, and he/she is also bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, so you could go see him/her without your parents' knowledge or consent.

Tonya C. is WRONG about Planned Parenthood. They do not promote abortion. They merely present all of your options, including keeping the baby, adoption, and abortion. If you are not interested in having an abortion, they will not push you. It is ridiculous to assume they make most of their money off of abortion. Prenatal care generates far more income for a clinic than abortion. It is a great organization that is focused on women's health.

If you fear that your dad may become physically abusive when he finds out, talk to the doctor/nurse about that.

If your mom is more supportive, then it might be better to talk to her first and ask her not to tell your dad just yet, or ask her to tell your dad for you, maybe when you aren't home, so that if he has a negative reaction, your mom can calm him down. You might be surprised at how supportive your parents both might be in this situation. Also, you will probably begin to show the pregnancy soon (if you haven't already), and it will become more and more difficult to hide from your parents.

Take care of yourself and your baby and good luck!

Do you have a Planned Parent Hood in your area? I would look up that office. I know its Hard - but the sooner you tell them (this is Not just going to go away) the sooner you can stop 'stressing' yourself and your baby out over it. Mistakes happen...... You must tell, and I'm sure your Father will over react at fist, you have to see that being understandable, but then after he talks to your mom, you and your BF and you get things in order everything will work out just fine! Your not the first 17 year old to come home and tell her parents shes PG ! Please dont wait any longer !!!!!!!!

I would go to a planned parenthood to get checked out or make an appointment with a doc. Your parents shouldn't have to go with you for this. Can you get your mom aside and talk to her to tell her? Maybe she can help with your dad? I can see them kicking the boyfriend out, but hopefully they will remember that this is their grandchild and need to support you to do the best for the baby.

You can talk to some supportive counselors who will give you plenty of non-judgmental resources and support for you and your family, as well as to plan for your future. I would certainly speak to your mother first. You can be checked by any family doctor, planned parenthood may be a good place to visit.

https://www.itsaboutlove.org

I'm an adoptive mom of a 4 year old girl and a 15 month old boy. My little boy's birth mother was 17 and didn't tell her parents. She woke them up at 3:00 in the morning in labor. The ambulance didn't make it in time and her father ended up delivering the baby. He was two months early but surprisingly healthy. The entire time leading up to it they knew something was wrong and even asked her if she was pregnant. I think keeping the secret is harder and more painful than telling them. Some friends of hers convinced her that her parents would throw her out - not in a million years would they have done that. It also would have been better for the baby. She would have had medical care and perhaps would not have delivered early. If you want to discuss the possibility of adoption I would be happy to talk to you. You have choices and this is not the end of the world. You'll be okay. ;-)

First off, are you sure your parents have to go? The doctor is not allowed to even verify to anyone that you are even a patient. Doctors can not tell your parents anything without your consent or they lose their license.
Now for the telling them part...just do it. I had to tell my parents and I just walked into the kitchen where they were sitting watching TV and said...I'm pregnant. Then I didn't say anything else and let them roll it around in their heads. You don't need to defend your self or your actions. It's too late now anyway and you have to move forward and prepare to be a mom. This is the situation so deal. If your parents have a hard time with it they need to work that out in their own heads. They won't kick you out. Everybody thinks they will and 1 in 100 actually get kicked out but usually not for long. You are an adult! You can do this! You can be a really awesome mom no matter how old you are when your child is born. Before you talk to your parents get it in your head that you are going to do this and you are ready. You're as ready as you'll ever be anyway because nobody is ready I don't care what they say!! Take a moment to decide that you are going to be a wonderful, kind, and happy mother. You are going to parent this child to grow up to be a wonderful, kind, and happy adult.

I don't know how to help you tell you parents, but I just wanted to tell you that you sound very sensible and I wish the best for you and your baby. I'm sure your dad will be upset at first, but I hope you can all work it out. Take advantage again of this great website, and I hope someone else has a better answer than I do. Good luck, and love your baby with all your heart. If your boyfriend and you are committed to each other and a good common future together, get married soon, and have a fun celebration later.
Best wishes to you all.

Go tell your Mom. She can help you get the care that you and your baby need. Sending you lots of well-wishes.

You have to tell your parents sooner than later, after all, you live at home and they are going to notice very, very soon. You also need to see a dr for your health and the health of your baby. Go to Planned Parenthood and talk to a counselor. If you are really concerned about your dad's reaction, perhaps the counselor could be present when you and your boyfriend tell your parents (perhaps his parents should also be in on the meeting). You do have options, but not telling your parents isn't one of them.

Can you go to a Planned Parenthood near you to get a check up on how things are going with the baby without your parents? Seems to me that might be an option. I can imagine how scared and nervous you are right now but you have options...i.e. adoption, etc. You also talk with a counselor/nurse at Planned Parenthood about your options/choices and then discuss with your boyfriend first ~ However, that said, I would suggest you and your boyfriend pick a neutral location and meet both of your parents there and just be honest. Sounds like the expected reaction of your mom and your dad might balance each other out. If your mom is more supportive she might be able to calm you dad ~ but in this case the truth is best, and in a neutral location your dad can't go too off the deep end because there will be lots of other people (strangers) around...
Have you given thought to what YOU want to do about the baby? Raising a child is no easy job...especially if you are still in high school, without a job, etc. Don't get me wrong, it CAN be done if you have a good support system, but it is a lifetime commitment ~ you need to sit down and make a list of Pros and Cons about what having a baby right now would be like...give as much thought and preparation to the issue before you sit down with your parents so you can show them you are being responsible about this ~ be honest with yourself, and with them and I bet the meeting won't be nearly as bad as you are imagining in your head.
Good luck to you (all) I know this is not easy.
Blessings.

Tell them. You'll probably be surprised by the reaction. You need to get to the Dr's.

Your mom will likely be upset and cry at first (unless she's like my mother-most are not) and talk to you like the adult you must become to be a mother. Your dad... You mom may end up 'handling' for you... And your dad will likely do 1 of 2 things...

Option 1- Kick your boyfriend out on his @ss and make sure he knows your every move from now on... Or...

Option 2- Make sure your boyfriend becomes a man and takes care of his upcoming family. Also making sure you and he stay on the straight and narrow.

Your dad will sulk and maybe even cry by himself thinking he went wrong somewhere and your mom will have to reassure him that you're old enough to make decisions and that they did nothing wrong. She'll likely have to reassure him that you'll do fine especially with help and guidance from them.

My mom's reaction to me getting pregnant at 29 while going through a divorce (and my ex's reaction wasn't even bad) was automatically to ask me when she wanted me to have her take me to the clinic for an abortion. That's the type of reaction I not only fully expected from MY mother, but it's the worst type of reaction to an adult completely on their own. I told her to blow it out her @ss. I am remarried to my son's father. My ex completely understood why I could never make a decision like my mother asked me to. He was more understanding then a few people in my family... And it made our divorce more difficult because in MI, it's assumed that the husband (soon to be ex) is the father unless able to prove otherwise... We did... He'd had a vasectomy years before when our daughter was only 4mos old. She's 7 now and was 4 when we divorced.

But... I'm pretty sure your parents will be far nicer than mine. Most are nothing like my parents.

Keep us posted! Good luck!

Tell your parents and do not go to planned parenthood an abortion will harm your life. There are places to go for counsel that is better for a pro life support. This may bring you and your parents closer. Allow this to humble you and the boy must move out. You dont want it to happen again until you are married. God bless and trust the one who made you and is forming this child inside you. There is a family who will want this baby if that is what you decide. My cousin I love so much and she was adopted. Can't imagine her not in this family.

You need to tell your mom. The first reaction might be kind of bad, but after she thinks about it for a little while she'll come to her senses and realize her baby is having her grandbaby and she will do whatever it takes to see you through this. Your b/f needs to man up and be prepared to talk to your parents as well so he can explain to them how he is going to provide for your child. Just remember, if it starts out bad don't get all upset about it. (You need to act mature.) You are shocked yourself, so you hafta expect that they will be too. After they sleep on the news a night or two things will get better. You need to get it out in the open because you don't need to be bottled up with the stress all by yourself.... so do it asap, you will feel better. You need to go to the doc so be responsible, tell your mom, and get the ball rolling. Congratulations, I hope and pray it all goes well for you.

Don't let fear make your choices. Tell your parents and do the responsible thing. If not for yourself, do it for your baby.

It is what it is. You are not the first 17 year old to get pregnant. Don't stress. Take one day at a time and do the best job you can to eat well, drink plenty of water and exercise.

I always joke with people that 18 is the best physical age to have a baby and 45 is the best mental age to have baby, because by then you usually have your stuff together.

That being said, you AND your boyfriend should tell your parents together. If you are going be adults and have a baby, you need to act like it, as well. Realize that your parents may be caught off guard and react. It's ok. You won't completely understand it until you are a parent. Explain to them, that you want to get some prenatal care, so you wanted to tell them, so that you can get the care, but also, to allow them to be part of their grandchild's life.

I was married and 27 when I got pregnant. My mom screamed, and not a happy one. My dad's reaction was even less favorable. Some parents are never really ready to hear that news. LOL They still saw me as an 8 year old and did not see themselves old enough to be grandparents. This is a huge transition for everyone. Don't take thier reactions personally.

I have a friend who got pregnant at 16, the first time she had sex. She was pushed into marrying him and it didn't work out, although they are still great friends. Her daugher is now 21 and in college. My friend found someone about 7 years ago and married him - and they have 3 kids ranging from 4 years old to 9 moths old. Life works out how it's suppose to. Make good decisions by following your heart - so you have no regerets.

So, how to tell your parents? Maybe NOT blurt out, "So, I'm pregnant." Maybe when you are all in a room together, say, "Hey mom and dad. I'm pretty stressed about something and I need to talk to you." Once they stop, then say, "I need one of you to go with me to sign the paperwork, so that I can get some prenatal care."

Hang in there sweetie.

Hello, Sweetie, this is not the end of the world. Your parents might be upset at first, but they will get over it. A baby is nothing to stay angry about and hopefully, they will accept your situation. You are right about getting into see a doctor. It is important to your health as well as your baby's.
Good luck with your precious little baby.
K. K.

Sweetheart, you just need to be honest with them and tell them you made a poor choice and a mistake. They will handle it the way they handle it. You will need to hear it all and go forward from there. They just don't want to see you start off on a long, hard road and you will need to ask them for support for the decisions that lie ahead.
Good luck!

I looked online and found a clinic that looks like a great option, right in Temecula. Here is their website: http://www.birthchoicetemecula.com/. Everything is free and confidential. Contact them and see how they can help.

Good luck!

Go to your local planned parenthood. This is a confidential matter and the doctor will not need to see your parents. They will keep your confidence and not tell your parents. They will do an ultrasound to tell you how far along you are. If you are worried about the insurance part, if you don't have your insurance through your parents, they can help you with medi-cal at planned parenthood. (Little known fact - planned parenthood delivers WAY more babies than they abort) It sounds like you are keeping the baby so you will need to tell your parents soon! I wouldn't wait until you are obviously showing - then your mom may hold a resentment that you were keeping secrets. I wish you the best of luck - a baby is a blessing - you have options and I hope you have some support - we're here for you if nothing else! :)

You are going to have to tell your parents singlely or jointly but you have to tell them. They are going to be upset because they had visions of you going off and becoming something other than a mom at 17. I won't go into the boyfriend living at your home or the talk about sex and what happens because somewhere something went "wrong" and you are pregnant.

You are going to grow up in warp speed from a child to a mother in the next 7 months. Many of your friends will leave you like a hot potato because of your pending chlidbirth so don't get bummed out on that.

A plan of action is called for the help you survive the changes and what you will do with your life and your future. Will you go on to college? Will you get married? Will you put the child up for adoption? Will you live out on your own? Where do you see yourself in five years? All these questions will help you draw up a roadmap of your life.

I answer this this way because my son called and told me he was going to be a father at 24. When I asked when the baby would be born he told me in about three months. Wow what a shock, I had three months to get ready and to get over the hurt and surprise. Today that baby is now 13 and is the most special thing in my life. In fact I told him the other week just how special he was and why and we both cried. It was a rocky road in the beginning with my son and the mother of my grandson. (Another long saga for another day.)

It is now not all about you or your boyfriend but about the baby. Please do seek medical attention and get on prenatal vitamins. Eat healthy foods and a very lilttle junk food, exercise regularly even if it just walking around the block and get plenty of rest. Get books from the library and read up on pregnancy and childbirth and prepare yourself.

May you have a safe delivery and a healthy baby. I hope that your parents come around and look toward the future and enjoy their grandchild.

The other S.

PS Planned Parenthood can be a good place to go. There are people there that are not all for abortion.

This is tough and I am sorry you are going through it....I went through the same thing at your age. Like some of the other moms have suggested, since you mom is more understanding maybe you should sit her down and talk to her first and she could help you tell your dad.Be prepared for them to be upset and hurt and try to remember that even though you are having a baby you are still their baby and they will be concerned for you and your future. No matter how scary it is, you got into this situation so you have to be a grown up and tell them so that you can get to the Dr. Also try having some plans about your future and what you want to do before you talk to your mom so she sees that you are being mature and have thought everything through.You never know your parents may surprise you and be more supportive than you think. I always tell my daughter that I may not agree with all of her decisions but that is no reason not to tell me something because I am always here to help her and I will love her no matter what.

I would approach it with your mom first, since she's more supportive and, frankly, pregnancy is a woman thing. I'd also try and come up with a plan in case you get kicked out. There are many decisions and preparations you and your boyfriend need to make, and the sticking point will come sooner than you know.

I was also 17 when I found out I was pregnant (now 35). My mom and I had a terrible relationship and I never told her until I was hospitalized for pneumonia when I was 5 months along. I understand your struggles. It is not going to be easy, but you have to tell your parents. If I were you, I would talk to your boyfriend about you and him BOTH sitting down with your parents. I know you are scared, but what is more scary is not getting the proper medical care that you and the baby need to stay healthy. I am sure your parents will be disappointed, but down the road it will all work out honey. I am living proof that it WILL be ok. My mom DID kick me out. I went to go live with my grandmother and then the father's parents until I finished school. Knowing that I had another life to take care of kept me going each day. Every time I wanted to give up I just fought harder for the baby..knowing that I was the only one who was responsible for this other life. I made it and so can you. There are programs that can help you, and I am sure there are other people you can talk to for support. If you need to talk, you can e mail me off the boards. Best of luck...it's time to woman up and get that baby some medical attention. I am friends with some birthing coaches and doulas if you need advice.

I was also 17 when i found out I was pregnant with my daughter who is now a year and a half. I was scared to tell my mom, but it's something you have to do sooner and later and sometimes sooner is best. I would suggest sitting down and tell your mom first if your worried about your dad's reaction. They WILL be upset any parent of a teen who is pregnant gets upset but hopefully they will understand that things happen, and your being responsible and trying to be upfront with them. I wish you all the best of the luck and your in for a long exciting road! But enjoy it.