What to Do About Teen Daughter....

What are the consequences of her behavior? I found with mine, that unless there were some, they didn't care...why should they? #1 a laptop is a priviledge not a right. The computer would be taken, and AFTER chores are done each day, she can have it for an hour, or whatever you decide. The job thing...mixed feelings on that one. I found that when my kids had a job it promoted an attitude all it's own, and I didn't like it!!! And then some of my 6 kids got jobs and best thing that ever happened. The lazy ones, became selfish when they got jobs and listened LESS. The hard workers got jobs and became more responsible thaneven before. At her age they aren't going to talk to you much. You are their worst nightmare come true! in some cases. I know your work schedule probably isn' negotiable, but does give a teen tooooooo much freedom. Is there an adult you could invite to play mini-mom in the evenings while you are gone? I have a live in person in need of lodging who has helped a bit with monitoring the freedoms my children seem to take in my working absence. It is harder to put rules in place when there is no-one to enforce them. That is the beginning of the problem right there. My kids are good when they KNOW I CAN and WILL enforce what I say. Days I'm gone....R U kidding????? doesn't happen. Good luck.

hi
just wanted to let you know I hag to support myself at 16 and beyond and when I was looking about 12-15 yrs ago most would hire me if my mom signed and helped me get a work release. i believe you get it through the health department and its called a work permit i believe. Also if she likes horse she may be able to work somewhere cleaning stalls or whatnot. good luck roberta

I would take away the laptop and give her specific responsibilities around the house. By completing the responsibilities, she earns laptop credits, which are specified by you (example: 1 hour per credit, 1 credit awarded for vacuuming the whole house). At first she'll hate it and say you're not being fair, but eventually she'll figure out that she can't just be a couch rat and should contribute more than grief to the family. She probably thinks that she is an adult because she, like every other 17 year old, knows everything. While she is a graduate, she is by no means an adult (as clearly indicated by her actions).

Our 13 (almost 14) year old seems to think that she is adult enough to ignore our phone calls. We gave her the cell phone 2 years ago because we would call and leave messages on her mother's home phone and cell phone with regularity with no return calls and then she would claim that she didn't know that we were calling. You can see where this is going. The short end of it is that we are sick of her not answering the phone that we gave her (and pay for every month) for the express purpose of being able to talk to her, so we will be taking it away for a month with the stipulation that she MUST call us back within a few hours when we call her home phone. This will be interesting, but it's all about boundaries and respect.

I hope that she straightens up, since I still remember how selfish I was at 17 and how incredibly wise and capable I believed I was. I didn't really stop being selfish until I was about 25, which was about the age my hubby and I decided we were ready to start our family. Best of luck to you, K.!

She may be graduated but she is still under 18 and lives in your house. Time to set the rules!

As mom to 5 girls the oldest 23, you have to get tough. Could be she is unsure of herself or what to do, could be she just flat does not want to do anything- she needs a shove in the right direction and what she does after that is all on her.
One thing I will tell you is check into World of War Craft Widows etc.. This is serious addiction issues with gaming. People are devoting their whole being into this game. Giving up jobs, marriages, and blowing off their kids- It is crazy. This is not just stuff I have read- My husband is a gamer- just different game. These games/ communities etc.. are like a drug or alcohol to the gamers.
I feel for you, you are in a very tough spot- just remember that you have your life to live and your Almost) adult daughter has to live hers. I would wait til she is actually 18 to force the issue. She may be out of school and think she is an adult, but legally you are still responsible for her actions til she is 18.

No real words of wisdom here, (sorry,) just a few words of encouragement. We have 4 teenagers in the house right now and are dealing with a lot of the same issues... attitude...feelings of entitlement without actually doing the work...wanting to be treated with all the respect that comes with adulthood and wanting adult privileges without treating others with that same respect or having adult responsibilities...okay, so this isn't sounding very encouraging after all! LOL I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that some of this is just normal adolescent behavior that will be outgrown. It is still a very egocentric age where they honestly don't think too far past their own noses. I was a very compliant teenager and a lot more grateful than most of my friends, but I still had no comprehension of how much my parents did for me. I still got annoyed at having to clean my room without even thinking about the fact that my Mom had cleaned the rest of the house, or got annoyed with the meals that my Mom prepared for us without being grateful for the fact that she had prepared them at all. Ay-ay-ay! Well take heart, we are all in this together, anyway. We are on the home stretch, Mama! I think God put the teen years in between the younger years so that we could bear to let them go at all. Once they near the end of adolescence, both parent and teen are ready for some space! Blessings to you and yours! :)