What to Do for Boys Just Not Ready for Boy Scouts?

Updated on June 13, 2012
T.C. asks from Round Rock, TX
8 answers

This will be my son's 4th year in cub scouts, and I'm not sure what to do if he isn't ready for Boy Scouts. He frequently asks when he can quit, and so far my answer has been that he needs to make it to the end of cub scouts, and then decide if he wants to go on to boy scouts. I can't imagine that he's going to suddenly be mature enough in 6 months(or that as a family we can commit enough time to do it right.) We've started asking other parents of similar boys(those from several different packs with kids who have Aspergers, ADHD, ODD, PDD-NOS, etc.) what their plans are, and none of them are sure either. Do we still have to choose a scout troop so the crossing over ceremony goes smoothly, and then later just not join again?

My son participates well in individual sports and crafts. But he won't participate in any team sports, and has a kicking screaming fit if asked to do any writing. Another boy participates well in sports, but refuses to do any crafts. Another starts every activity by saying he won't do it, and has trouble with anything where they have to take turns. I was shocked by one of the kids at the opposite end of the spectrum, who was complaining that he didn't want to do scouts because he'd rather be with his girlfriend.

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for the advice. I guess I should have worded my question differently, as I was really looking for advice on how to handle the transition from cub scouts to....nothing. Similar to the dilemma that my high school had when printing the future college next to each name in the graduation program, and there was one person who wasn't going on to college. How does it affect the actual crossing over ceremony?
I would be happy if he decides not to continue to boy scouts and focuses on schoolwork instead. But I DO NOT plan to have my son drop out of scouts yet. Structure is supposed to be good for him. It is way better than what he wants to do, which is stay in his room and play computer games all day. I think he is ok as long as he knows there is only 1/2 year left of it. He does enjoy the activities(while doing them), and this is his only contact with other kids outside of school. There are only 4 other kids left in his den, and the den leader is very good at making the meetings interesting and getting each kid to participate. He does get bored at the large pack meetings, but many kids bring a book to read or play games on their phones, as long as they aren't disruptive.

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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

I am both a cub scout and a girl scout leader, and I firmly believe if a child doesn't want to be there, they shouldn't be. Why are you insisting he complete cub scouts? If he wants to quit, why can't he? It's not for everyone, and from a leader's perspective, I certainly don't want children to come if they're only there because their parents insist. They don't usually contribute to the group in positive ways and it's sad to see them forced into something they don't want to do. And being that he's done it for 4 years, it's not like he's not given it a fair chance. Just my opinion.

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A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I agree with Veronica, although cub scouts is a great program and my son is involved as a Webelo 2 as well. When it comes to renewal of dues in the fall every year we ask our son if he still wants to participate. I would never force any of this on him as he in return can make everyone miserable.
This is not for everyone and 4 years is a long enough trial. If he does not want to continue in the fall then dont sign him up.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Ditto Veronica P. It should be something he wants, not you.
I led cub scouts for three years and girl scouts for eleven years. Having kids in the troop who don't want to be there puts a strain on the leaders, the parent helpers and the other scouts. Why do that?

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Why the bleep would you force your child to participate? If he does well with something like sports or crafts then target in on that with a SHORT few week/class program and go from there.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

If the child consistently says he wants to quit.. why not let him quit.

My daughter tried soccer.. was horrible at it.. hated it.. she finished the season.. but we did not sign up for next year.

in our school scouts are a school year thing.. so at the end of the school year would be a wonderful time to stop. and not go back next year.. it is not for everyone.. find an activity that he enjoys..

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It sounds like he doesn't want to do it, so I would just let him quit. I think after 4 years he is making a pretty informed decision.

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I am all for if you start something you finish it. But I would draw the line at the this one. I would have had my kids finish the year with cub scouts, then we would not return in the fall if that is not what they child wants.

He committed to this year but is saying he doesn't want to commit to next...that is ok. If he starts in the fall and wants to quit midway through then no we would still finish the year. Don't make him start in the fall and continue unless it's what he wants to do.

ETA: I had two girls in my GS troop quit mid year. Talk about annoying, the troop had already spent money on getting books, badges, pins, etc. Don't do that to the other kids by having him start in the first place.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

You say this "will be" his fourth year -- are you referring to his starting this fourth year in the fall? Why? If Cub Scouts breaks for the summer, take advantage of that natural break to end the activity. He doesn't want to be there. He HAS stuck with it for three years, and completed them, despite clearly not wanting to be there. So your point of "we have to finish our commitments" was made every single year, three times over. Will he really gain something by doing another entire year of Cub Scouts when he doesn't want to be there? Isn't that unfair to him and to the rest of the boys in the group who do want to be there?

He does well in individual sports, right? Have him do those. Find short-term (four or six or eight week) classes in those sports. Community centers and recreation centers run by your county or city very likely have these all summer and in the school year too. Team sports is not a requirement for being a child, though in many areas, team sports seems to be expected of all kids. Don't fall into that trap.. Let him do what gives him a sense of accomplishment, not what frustrates him. He likes crafts, so find craft classes - again, short term commitments because of his maturity issues, no year-long classes. Or do your own craft sessions at home and invite his friends who also are interested.

Save the "You have to finish this" fight for schoolwork, where it matters most. With activities outside school, give him the chance to do what interests him and don't push him to do the kinds of group activities you already know frustrate him. As for the other boys - I'm not sure how they come into the picture here at all.

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