What to Tell My Boys About Our Cats

You didn't mention whether or not the cats had to go because of the rules at the new place or not. Personally I can't understand why you would want to get rid of them unless you are moving to a one room shack. They are just cats. It's not like they're a large dog. But I guess at least you're trying to find them decent homes.

I would try the cats first in the apt. (assuming pets are allowed). Cats will adapt to the area you give them.
It might work out better than you imagine and the cats would be along to be a constant thing that still remains from the house.

Tell them that the cats need to have an outside to plan in and that they would be very unhappy in the new smaller place, so they must be given to someone who can make them happy. You can't lie to them and say that pets are not allowed in the new place, because they will see pets that and wonder why they had to give theirs up. Maybe you can find someone you know to take the cats and the boys could go and visit sometimes.

i have found that fibs, no matter how small, always come back to haunt you.
just tell them the truth, they will be upset, but explain to the that the kittens are going to live at a bigger place, where they will be able to run around.
you could get them something to ease the change, like a leapster, or a vsmile. my son loved both of these at this age.
when our dog died, we told my son the truth - he was about 4 at the time - he didnt even cry, which surprised me, he just asked a few questions and went on. children of that age forget very quickly especially if they are given something to take their mind of it.

they're old enough to be told that you can't take care of the cats anymore so you are giving them to someone who can care for them and love them. if you say they ran away and didn't come back, that will just make them scared of separations and when you later get another pet they might think that pet will run away too

I would definitely not tell them that they just didn't come back. I would say something close to the truth but put the decision elsewhere so they can't try to get you to change it.
Like, "they needed to be together and they needed a lot of space so they went to a family that had enough room for them. The vet said that that would be best for them. I HOPE we can get a kitty someday because I know how much you liked having them around. But they needed to be together as they are each other's best friend."
Then let it go.
If they cry comfort them without adding to the story. repeat as necessary. And hold out the possibility of having a cat in the future. Sympathize with their sorrow that they can't have the cats right now and how much they love them and miss them, etc. Help your 4 yr old make pictures of them in their new home. If you think he can go to the new house without a total meltdown to see that they are fine, do it. some kids can't handle it. I often over dramatized the kids' attachment to the animals and they handled it better than I.

S.,

I am a mom of 6 and have had quite a bit of experience with kids and pets. When we downsized from a house to an apartment I explained that we could not keep the dog, because he was just too big and needed to have a backyard where he could get exercise. (At that time, I only had 3 kids and they were all under the age of 5.) They understood and the people who took him allowed the kids to come visit him. This is an option if you give them to someone to keep you updated on the kittens progress if you deem it necessary depending on how the kids respond to the kittens leaving. This can be through visits or have them occasionally email you some kitty pics, so the boys see they are doing well.

Also, I "traded" so to speak. I allowed the kids to get some fish to have at the apartment and to care for. They were low maintainence and the kids didn't feel as if they were being deprived of an animal in the house. Not to mention they are a lot less work then a cat or dog :) I reassured them that when the time was right and we had more space they could get another dog. Now, we are up to 2 dogs, a cat, and the fish are still around!

I've found that we, as parents, often fret more over thier reaction and their reactions often surprise us. However, I would most definantly suggest being honest with them. The loss will not seem as great if they know the cats are safe and being cared for. I wish you best of luck!

J. F.
The M.O.M. Team
http://www.4MeAndMom.com

Be careful what message your boys will get from this. You'll basically be demonstrating that it's OK to drop the serious responsibility of taking care of a living creature just because it's convenient. I lived in an apartment that must have been smaller with cats. I don't understand why this would be a burden. All they need is a two bowls for food & water and a litter box.

Definitely the truth!

I find that telling them the truth is the best way to go. My kids remember EVERYTHING! And if you try the indoor/outdoor cat thing (this is what my kids would do) is wonder if every car that is passing by will hit their cat. I have 3 dogs, I had 4 and had to give one away, he was just way too hyper for us so I sat my kids down (7 and 9) and explained to them that Chevy (the do) was way too busy and rough for our family, and that I was going to find him a home with someone with a big yard where he can run and jump all he wants with out knocking people down. Well my 7 yr old was SO heart broken when Chevy found a home, but she cryed for a day, she was sad the next day, but at least she knew that Chevy went to a good home and is having fun and being taken car of and not on the streets like strays we see. Well anyway that is what worked for me. Only know what will work for your kids.

Hi S.,
I read some of the other responses and agree that if there's a way to keep the cats, that would be best. I think it would help your boys with the other changes going on in their lives right now. If not, please keep in mind (if you're thinking about getting a single, smaller pet to fill the void), that small animals are a lot of work. Cleaning a cage and changing the bedding weekly seems like a lot more work to me than scooping a litter pan every day, but that's my opinion.
Another thing to keep in mind (that I didn't see mentioned) is to keep the kitties together wherever they go. I'm sure they have bonded and it always breaks my heart when people don't think about the fact that animals can miss each other as well as their "people" too!
All in all, if you decide the kitties need to be elsewhere, please find them a wonderful home with people who will take them both. Let your boys know that they needed to go to a new home. Make sure they know it is a nice place and the cats will be happy and well cared for. Like others said, someone you know where your boys could visit would be great.
Bless you and yours in this time of change.

I would suggest the truth. I will never forget my mother telling me the cat ran away and then my dad accidentally telling me the story of how she died! Yikes. Truth is always best!

Maybe they could have a goldfish or a little something to replace the kitties? Even a stuffed animal? When my childhood dog passed away, my therapist said replacing somehow helps heal the pain. We did that recently when we lost one of our animals. The kid bounced back almost immediately...

We had to get rid of both of our dogs that we had for many many years when we moved down here. Our daughter had just turned 3years old and she took it fine. Yes, she was said, but she was also proud that she had done the right thing. I think that your boys will understand and be proud that they did what is right for the health and happiness of their cats.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for getting rid of the cats. You are clearly doing what is in the best interest of your children, yourself, and the cats.
I wish you luck and happiness in your new home. I am so glad that we made the switch from a house to an apartment. There is so much more time to spend as a family when you don't have to deal with the maintenance of a house.

I understand how you feel about taking the kittens with you but could you be sending the message that is it ok to find new homes for things when it is inconvient. When I was going through a divorce I had to find a temporary home for our dog. Eventhough we visited the dog everyday and the situatiuon was only temporary it broke my heart when I found out the the kids wondered which of them was going to be next. You said your boys were having a difficult time with all the changes. The kittens could help them adjust to their new lives.

I wouldn't tell them the apartment was too small. They might get it in their head it was too small for them too. Why not keep the cats. They aren't like dogs that you have to take out to walk. Or maybe they could get a small fish tank or a bird instead of cats.

I would not tell the that the new appartment is too small. I would be afraid they might assoicate the appt with being too small for any fun. I would do a parent fib and say there were little girls that realy had no toys because they were poor and they had a lot of cat food but no kittens. you know make it seem so nice that they boys would let there kittens go live with this other family or elderly person. You might see if a nursing home will take them the elderly neglected people really enjoy animals and perhaps your boys can visit? I dunno. Good luck.

Hi S.,
It is hard for little ones to give up their pets- but, you are on the right track- tell them honestly and they will understand- our new home will not have enough room for the pets and they need their space- to be able to roam and play outdoors some- if they went with you someone may hurt them so trying to find them a home where they will be loved and taken care of is good for the kittys- they will be sad, but glad that their pets will come to no harm. they will eventually get over their initial hurt and you will be telling them the truth- which is what counts. You might take some pictures of the children with their cats and let them put them on their bed stands or someplace where they can see them-
good luck and blessings

DEFINITELY tell the truth. My cat went missing for a couple of days and my girls were very upset and blamed me for his death. If they thought I had just given him to a nice family they wouldn't have worried about him so much.

My parents had to give my dog to the pound when hurricane Elisha destroyed our house and we moved into temp housing (they wouldn't let you have pets!) I had nightmares about that.

If they can be a part of the process of finding new homes for the kitties I think it would be much better.
S., mom to 5

I would tell them the truth and make sure you talk about how they are going to a good home. if they think that the cats went away and didn't come back, they may feel abandoned.

Please don't make up a fib ... it could haunt them for a long time and if they find out you lied to them they won't trust you on another issues. Are you sure you can't take them on, perhaps it will help the boys in the transition to a smaller apartment. Unfortunately many people take on pets and don't have a long term commitment, please try to make it work for the boys.

Honesty is always the best policy. It may be hard at first but they will accept it. cb

I have found that the truth is the best. That is the only way they will learn how to deal with disappointments. I know it is difficult. This way, though, you don't have to worry about the kids overhearing someone else ask about where the cats are...did they find a good home...etc. Kids are smart and they will know if they hear those things and then they will be really confused or angry that they were lied to. It's a big heartache for a child to deal with a loss, even if it's not a death, but they will adjust and be fine in the long run.

Tell the truth! If someone told me my cat "did not come back" I would be horrified (is it hurt somewhere, or sad or lonely). I would be much more comforted to know my cat had a new loving home. We had to give away our cat and 2 dogs when we found my son was allergic at age 3. My kids were sad, but understood that they were going to good homes.

i'm sorry, but what is there to keep up with? show a cat a litter box one time and it will go there forever. keep a bowl of food and water and thats it.cats are more low maitenance than any other animal. if the kids are having a hard time with moving keep the cats... it will help transition the kids. pets are very good for people. if you feel like you are having a bad day they know it and they will try to make you feel better.

The truth is ALWAYS the only way to handle situations. How can you teach them that honesty is a virtue if you lie to them? I'm always straight with my kids. They know that lies are one of the mortal sins in our house. They will be in a lot more trouble for lying than they will for the actual reason they were lying. And I teach them through example.

As to the kittens.. if you really can't keep them let the boys help you find a home for them. It might be cool if it can be someone in the family so they could still see the cats.

And if your work means you move a lot, I would try not to get pets like cats or dogs if you might not be able to take them with you. It's really not fair to the kids or the animals.

Just be careful with them and sensitive to the fact that this may be very difficult for them. Good luck.

The truth is always the best route in the long run. I don't want my kids to ever believe that I purposely lied to them. To build that trust starts with the small, not so important things. I in turn don't want them lying to me about something they don't think is too important and that a "fib" would be ok. Except in life or death situations, it's never ok to lie. They can handle the truth of this if you treat them as they if they can. But, if you treat them as if they can't handle all of this change easily, then they won't. They will follow your lead.

tell the truth. Let them meet the people you are giving them to and if you know them well ask if they can visit. Over time the boys will be okay with the kittens living away from them.

Don't tell them they didn't come home. Your boys will perceive it as either rejection (re: "Why didn't my kitty want to come back to me? Didn't I love it enough? Why did it want to live elsewhere?") or it will foster fear and mistrust of their community (re: "Why would someone take my kitty from me?).

I would try to be as honest as possible... Have them participate in finding a home for the cats, tell them they can visit, etc. Of course, at age 3 & 4, it isn't going to be easy and they probably will not understand completely--and might even resent you or act out afterward. You want to make sure they don't harbor resentment or anger about it, nor let their heartache be something that festers in regard to their self-confidence and emotional development... Losing a pet at this age is a big deal.

I would probably explain that the new apartment will not allow the kitties to live there... that the new apartment has rules and one of them is that pets are not allowed. Kids tend to understand the idea of "rules" without necessarily blaming any one person for it. (HOWEVER, if they see neighbors with cats, that could sink your boat...)

(Of course, I'm a big softie and would probably figure out some way to keep 1 or both.)

Please reconsider if you possibly can. Your boys are going through a lot of changes, and losing their pets on top of it may be too much. At that age they may get the idea that they could be "downsized" too. A litter box in the bathroom is a simple solution, and keeping kittens indoors. Cats calm down as they grow up, and they're usually easy to manage in an apartment. If you can't keep them both, consider keeping one. But please tell the truth whatever you do. I'm still haunted by a disappeared outdoor cat from my childhood.

Straightforward is the answer, and involving them, especially the older one, would help in the long run. Explain that growing cats need a safe, open environment to roam in, a yard with a fence, and easy access to the indoors (a cat door). Apartments can"t provide that. With the move, it's time to find a good home for the kittens, and you can look for someone who might allow the boys to stay in touch and occasionally observe how happy the kittens are in their new place.

Help them to have their feelings about it all expressed appropriately, through having paper, markers, or crayons around for them to make pictures. You don't have to direct them as to what art they create---they'll make just what they need. Ask them, "Tell me about your picture", or "What's happening in this picture?' and just listen without assessing or evaluating what they've created. I can send you an article on moving with children that addresses some of these issues, if you'll reply to me with your email address, S.. Go to the library and ask the youth librarian to help you locate books about moving, pet loss, and triumph over sadness.Read to your children, listen to them, and give them space to express themselves with you. good luck.

Tell them the truth! Another option if you can keep the kittens for a short time after you move and then find good homes for them, this may help the boys cope with living in a new place, especially the oldest if he's having a difficult time adjusting to the changes.

Tell them the truth. The pain of "the cats leaving them" will be harder. Just explain that since you are moving into a new house the cats are finding a new house too. Maybe you can suggest getting a caged pet for them instead like a fish or hamster.

Cats are pretty much self-sufficient, give them food, water & a litterbox, a some love they're happy but don't forget the scratching post if they still have claws. You may hafta teach your kids that if you keep them, they can no longer go outside because you now live in an apartment & it's different rules there. But if you really can't keep both, what about just one? But then they may fight over it. Having the kittens would teach them responsibility plus it'd give them something to play with too. If you absolutly cannot keep the kittens, just simply tell your kids that "because we're moving to a smaller home, the kittens won't be happy there & need to live in a larger home than what you're moving to. You'd like to keep living where you are but just can't right now." So what's wrong with telling them that?? NEVER ever fib to your kids. My parents lied to me all the time about stuff like that & other things too, I found out about it & it made things really bad, I hardly speak to my mother now & I've dis-owned my father completely for this & other reasons we won't discuss, even as an adult I consider my in-laws my family now. Kids, as well as adults, CAN handle the truth. They may get upset, they may try to talk you out of it but just simply telling them the TRUTH in a way they can accept & understand will be better for everyone, now & in the future. Just sit them down & simply explain to them in a kind & understanding way. I always say, hurt me with the truth because, yes, truth hurts but I can live with it & let it go after a few days but a lie stays with me forever, especially when I find out the truth later. Trust that your children are stronger than you think. Again they may get upset over it but if you lie to them (and yes, a fib is a lie no matter how you sugar coat it) you may forget how you said things later on & they'll "catch" you. Think about that also. Kids change all the time in their thinking, they accept truth & go on to something else especially when they're young like yours are. Telling the truth to them will also show that yes, truth hurts but they need to know that sometimes truth DOES hurt but telling the truth is always important & that lying is wrong. Would you want your kids to think it's okay to fib to you or anyone later on if they found out you lied? Lead by example, tell them the truth. When their friends ask where's your kittens, they have the truth to stand by them, "well, we moved here to a smaller home & couldn't keep them". Simple, what's wrong with that?.

Would it be possible to keep one of the cats? Then you could just tell the kiddos that your new home is going to be smaller so "kitty one" is going to live in a new home that is big enough for him/her and "kitty 2" will stay with you guys. I know saying goodbye to a beloved family pet will be tough but it maybe easier if you still have one pet at home. If you feel keeping even one is just too much in your new home, I am a fan of the truth. I think that kids feel more secure when you tell them what is going on and help them to deal with it. Plus you will never have to worry about spilling the beans later! Hang in there, I know this must be tough! If you do your best to keep your attitude positive this will be contagious for your boys ast well:)

Tell them the truth...if in fact you really can't take them with, which is a difficult thing. But you are being an incredible roll model by allowing your children to deal with the realities of life...with your help. The way I see it is your animals are family members...let your kids know that you have to find adoptive homes for them and why. Consider the idea of acquiring another type of pet...hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, turtles, frogs, fish...that would be easier to manage in an apartment!