you had a child over for a playdate (say you told the child's mom you would have her over from 9-1--because you planned to take both girls to an outdoor concert) and your child starting acting bratty, not sharing and then said "I don't want X here anymore" and sat on the couch and pouted within the first 30 mins of the playdate?
**Note--it was not my child who acted this way. In this case my daughter was the guest.
**Both girls are 4.5 years old.
My friend called me up after half an hour and asked me to come get my daughter. She was very honest about what happened and said my daughter was behaving great. She knew we had taken our younger daughter to the Farmer's Market in the bike trailer, she drove my daughter to us and dropped her off. I supported her decision but I thought it was little odd--like half an hour was a pretty quick time for this all to have happened and it didn't give the girls time to get over it and get along again. It is probably not how I would have handled it but I was wondering what the other mamas think. My daughter was obviously disappointed.
This is not a friendship breaker, I was just surprised and a little caught off guard. I just thought it happened so FAST and that as someone pointed out, little girls moods change quickly and I felt like she didn't give her daughter a chance to "get over it" before she called me. I would have waited longer or at least asked if the parents could swing by on their way back from the Farmer's Market instead of going so far as to bring their daughter to them while they were out. It's not as if something serious happened (according to her) and I know my daughter was not the one who misbehaved--because she has at this woman's home and she has always been quite up front with me about it, even texting me immediately after the incidents happen. Anyway, I was just curious what others thought. I agree, her house, her kid, her call. I guess I felt it was a rather extreme, hasty reaction to what is pretty typical 4 year old behavior. Feel free to keep posting your opinion. This is just something I am curious about to see what others in this situation would typically do.
My child would sit in time-out for acting that way, be told that that is not how we behave ever, but especially when we have guests over and that they are hurting their guest's feelings. Then I would ask the guest what she would like to do and play with her until my child was out of time-out and had decided to be nice.
HhhhmmmmmmI really don’t even know which side to take on this one because I can understand both. You said it is probably not the way you would have handled it which is fine. You do things your way, she does things her way. Neither is right or wrong. As parents we do what we feel is best.
Your comment was that you found it “odd” ….
Unfortunately the only way you will get a sense of what her reasoning was, is just to come out and ask about that day. She must be a good friend if you feel comfortable enough leaving your daughter with her for several hours, and should feel comfortable enough to just ask.
Sorry that’s all I’ve got since I’ve never been in a situation like this =-)
I think, whatever her reason, it's her right to bring your daughter back to you when she wants. You weren't paying her to babysit. It was her parenting choice.
You never know what she left out. Maybe your daughter did something and she didn't feel comfortable telling you. Maybe she was punishing her daughter by making your daughter leave.
I don't see why she had any obligation to the agreed time if it was just a playdate.. if her daughter didn't feel like playing and it just wasn't happening, she could have just decided it was a bad idea. Who knows?
Just something to think about :)
My best friends son was over on Saturday and my son was really good until the end of the day, when he got really quiet. I knew he was done having our guest over at his house, but he didn't say anything and never pouted about it, but I could tell. Now, if he had acted differently, the way the child you are talking about did, I would let him know that we need to be polite to our guests, and try to get both of them involved in an activity that they would enjoy. I would never, ever, call my best friend to come get her son, because mine was acting like a brat! If I were the parent, I would be embarressed that my child acted like that, and the fact that she let her get away with it is the worst! I think the parent handled it wrong and taught her child that she will get her way in situations she doesn't like. Reality check will come soon enough, and the parent will have to suffer the consequences of not handling the situation properly.
I have been in the situation where my son was acting badly to a friend at our house on a playdate. My son was sent to his room til he was ready to apologize, and I played the Wii game with his buddy (the O. my son didn't want to share in the first place).
I have canceled O. playdate when my son was misbehaving before the playdate and I told him if he didn't XYZ, his buddy was not coming over. The other mom totally understood and supported my decision.
Where you there when that happened?
If so, I would have stayed a little longer...ignore the little brat (never encourage this kind of behaviour by giving it attention) play with my kid or/and engage with the other mother. Again the key here is to ignore the brat. When she'll get out of it, invite her to join and play. At this age these behavior don't last long if an action is triggered and engages both kids. Leave your daughter only if you feel that she is comfortable.
My guess is, this has nothing to do with you child, probably something that was triggered earlier on, and your kid became the "tool" in the middle of the conflict. Something you might want to make sure your child understands--nothing to do with her.
That said, you won't be able to protect her from this kind of behavior, that's part of learning life and people.
I totally agree with Missy
Wow. I would be completely flabbergasted. Not mad, really, as much as gobsmacked. You would drive my daughter all the way to the farmer's market, punish her by making her leave and punish my other daughter by denying her time with me because YOUR daughter was rude and, obviously, embarassed you? And you don't think that by making my daughter leave you were ultimately giving your daughter what she wanted because she plainly stated that she didn't want my daughter there? Wow. Gobsmacked.
I mean, I can see the other side. The mom was obviously mortified or she wouldn't have done it. And I'm sure her intentions were good because she didn't want your daughter's feelings hurt by her daughters naughty behavior.
I think my response would be, "Well, you are obviously tired because I can't imagine why else you would be behaving in such a rude way. So, for today, we will skip the concert, you can go lay down and rest for awhile and I will play with our guest. Maybe when you wake up you will feel better." Naptime wouldn't have to be a real naptime, just as long as it took for my daughter to feel "rested up" enough to be kind to her friend.
Wow.
L.
hmm, I get what you are saying, but since she didn't already know you were at the farmers market then i feel like she did need to follow through on what she started when she found out and at least she was nice about bringing your daughter to you. So i guess i can't blame her, does this girl act like that at your house??
I wouldn't have sent the kid home so quickly. If it truly was that her kid was acting out then I would have sent my dghtr to her room for a cool down & then made the decision after that. But I would have called to say we are no longer going to the concert & give you the option of picking your dghtr up earlier otherwise she should have kept your dghtr because childcare is different. I agree with Dawn B & Jessica, but a playdate is different than trading childcare & I would do what Jessica says as far as a playdate is concerned.
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This just recently happened to me but it was my children who was acting up. We were about 15 mins into the playdate and my two kids started fighting, yelling at each other, and then literally throwing a temper tantrum with kicking legs an all. I was mortified (I can't recall my children ever doing this at a playdate... so it was a first for me) I just looked at the mom and apologized and said their behavior is unacceptable and that we would have to cut our play date short. I didn't think it was acceptable for them to be acting that way and didn't think a simple time out was appropriate and then reward them of their playdate on top of that. I felt they needed to understand that they would not get to play with their friends if they were not going to behave nicely and appropriately. So, I think in your situation, even though awkward, I would have done the same. Hope it goes better next playdate! Good luck!
