What Would You Do? My Son Is Afraid to Be Alone Outside! (Updated)

I agree that this will take a long while for him to get over.
Try to be out with him as much as possible.
Get him a set of walkie talkies so he can get used to talking with you when you are out of direct sight even inside the house.
Being locked outside alone must have been terrifying for him and he was in total despair not knowing what to do.
Can he have a key (just for around the house) that he can wear on his wrist or around his neck that he can use when he's in the back yard? That way he can know that even if the door accidentally locks he still has a way to get inside.

Well, your little boy is not going to meet your needs in this matter, so you'll have to meet his.

You could do things outdoors as a family. Your husband could go along with your boy's desires, dubbing him a valued assistant and saying, "All right, you watch me take the trash out and see if I do it before you can count to..." You could get your son to help Daddy with some of the things he does, both in and out of the house; when he grows more confident in this, perhaps they could each take a chore and meet when both chores are done (or when a timer goes off.) You could arrange outdoor play dates with his friends at your house and at his friends' houses.

You could possibly (depends on the boy!) ask him, "What would be the worst thing about being outside by yourself?" If he says it's because he's afraid someone could get him, you could teach him the plan for what to do if a stranger comes into the yard. If he's afraid of being locked out, show him how a lock works (he might find it interesting) and give him a back door key to carry in his pocket.

You could also ask advice from a counselor on this matter. Yes, several months is a long time, but then your boy has had a VERY bad scare.

Your son had, what would be called, a traumatic experience, it is something he will NEVER forget....it shaped him...

Now, how to get past it? Baby steps - months or not - having been locked out of the house - NOT KNOWING (or remembering) where the parent was - then getting read the riot act? man - that would traumatize me as well.

You need to let him know that it IS OKAY to play in the backyard by himself. It will be like letting him sleep alone again - being right there at first, then the next time, a little bit further away, then the next day just a bit further away, etc. Then one day - you will say - I need to go inside and go potty and walk inside, do your thing and come back. This will take time. It's something that has made an indelible mark on his psyche.

In addition to all the great responses so far, has your husband talked to your son and APOLOGIZED for over-reacting? Because he did overreact. Who yells at a child sitting on a swing crying without first trying to figure out why they are upset?
Granted, son should have let someone know he was going outside, BUT it wasn't b/c he didn't try. He thought Dad WAS outside... how could he tell him "Hey Dad I'm going outside" if (in his mind) Dad is ALREADY outside... without going outside to tell him? Then, horrors, he was locked out.
If Dad hasn't, he needs to have a talk with him and tell him that he's sorry he overreacted before getting the full story on what happened.
At least, that's my opinion.
Edited to add (since your update): It doesn't mean that Dad is in any way a bad Dad. I'm sure he was VERY scared. I know I would have been. But our kids need to know that we parents can make mistakes in judgment, too. And saying to your son, "hey... I goofed" can go a LONG way to making it "okay" for them to make mistakes, too. I don't mean intentional "mistakes", lol... but afraid to not be perfect.

I would start by having playdates in the back yard with another child & occasionally going in to the house for just a minute & right back out. Maybe if he has a friend with him he might do better. Keep doing this slowly until he feels safe again. Also maybe hide a key somewhere in the back yard & show him where it is & how to unlock the door if he ever gets locked out again.

If it is as much trouble as it sounds, trying doing something that will re-assure him he can always find you, get back inside, etc. My first thought, is that we put code door locks on our doors ($80 at Home Depot). Install that and teach him the code to open it. My 3 year old knows how to work ours.
2nd - get a set of (GOOD) walkie-talkies (Max $40). Promise him that you guys will keep it with you at all times if you take a shower, take the trash out, or are cleaning while he plays in the back yard.

He is insecure still because a situation that has always presented itself as "OK" was suddenly NOT one day, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. So, simply reassuring him it will be ok again isn't good enough to him. He needs an extra step to give him control over the situation. If neither of the above, brainstorm w/ him what WOULD make him comfortable again aside from having mommy and daddy at his side 24/7.

When I was trying to get my daughter to be a bit more independant, I worked for a LONG time (yr+) with her. I would take her across the street to play with her friend and she'd FREAK even if I went into the neighbor's house to use the restroom... WITH the adult neighbor (friend's mom) with her! So, we did baby steps. First step was to not have her clung to me. Then it was to let her friend's mom play with the girls while I stood back and watched. Then it was going in to the neighbor's house to use the restroom without her going in with me. Then it was going across the street in my own home to get some popcicles and come right back. Then it was going into my house to use the restroom and take a few minutes extra. Then it was walking her to her friend's and letting the other mom watch the girls while I did a load of laundry. Then it was watching her cross the street to play with her friends in the friends backyard where one of the mom's kept an eye on them from the back porch or patio. And so on...

Now @ almost 8, my daughter will ride around the block on her bike, checking in with me every go around or go into the backyard with her little brother and play for hours without having the need for me to be right there with her. Not that I'm not or my husband's not always available, but she wouldn't have done that before our long, drawn out process of this independance training.

I was an extremely independant kid (and adult). I never had a moment of panic like that, but I can only imagine how horrifying that would be to a 5yr old... And getting scolded for it while already feeling punished by panic... That's got to suck.

Your poor son, AND husband! I'm sure it was traumatic for both of them.

Since you say that it has been months, I would tell him that he WILL be going outside to play for a few minutes and tell him that you will watch out the window. I had to do this with my kids, and they didn't have an incident to make them fearful, so don't feel too bad about what happened.

I don't agree with the poster that said that he will remember it forever and his life will be shaped by the incident. Kids are resilliant and have an amazing capacity to get over their fears.

Give him the push that he needs to be more independent. Set a timer and let him know that he can come back in when it goes off. Even if he just sits outside......that's a start!
Good luck!

Ah poor kid had a shock. I'm sure he will grow out. Give him some time. It would be upsetting for anyone to not be able to find his dad and then getting stuck outside.

I think this is something that you will need to have some patience with... He obviously felt abandoned and kids that young have a difficult time making sense of what happened .. they just know they felt something painful and don't want to experience it again, Therefore, they will do what it takes to feel safe. In your son's case.. stay in the home or play outside WITH an adult present... You are looking at this as one incident as one singular event rather than the overall emotional markings of your son felt having been left alone. For a child, feeling left and then powerless (As he could NOT get back inside the home) are so scary.....
I think if anything, allow your son to discuss what happened as much as he needs to.. perhaps his tapping into how he feels will allow him to process some of those scary feelings. Additionally, when or IF he does speak about how he feels, do validate what he is saying so that he doesn't end up thinking he was wrong for feeling as he does.. You don't want shame to set in.. this will pass, but again, you'll need to be patient with the little guy...

best to you

One idea is maybe to get him a walkie-talkie to help him transition to being on his own again in the back yard.

Hide a key outside-show your son where it is-see if that will help.

Put a key outside somewhere and teach him how to open the door.

Stay with him, bring a book outside or plant a garden.

Gradually he will let you out of his sight.

OPen the screen door and be in the kitchen and have him play on the back porch.

Have him do things like take out a bag of trash to the outside garbage. At first you go with him, then stand by the door and watch, or the mail do the same thing

He's only 5. Give him a couple years. My daughter is 16, and had a trauma at 5 very similar. We never dwelled on it but she is definitely more of a homebody and still goes where I go. Her umbilical cord is about 3 feet long.

He's 5, I don't even let my 5 year old outside without me or someone else. Deal with it, he'll get over it eventually.