What Would You Say to My MIL?

If she brings it up, I would simply say 'I am sorry. It is always difficult to lose a pet'. She absolutely did the right thing. It is 100% wrong to re-home a dangerous animal.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a mom telling her son something in confidence. I do not share everything my parents tell me with DH. Nor do I expect him to share confidences his mother shares with him.

I would just go with what she says. She could be grieving deeply and she could be covering up so that she does not get judged. There will always be someone to say "well, you could have trained him" or some other route. If she chooses to tell you the whole story, great but if she goes with the rehoming then go with that.

"I'm so sorry you had to give up your dog. It must have been heartbreaking." If she asked your husband to keep it private, go along with that (unless he's been open about not keeping it private with you, which I'm assuming he hasn't).

"I'm so sorry-- I know you really loved him."

Circumstances really don't matter. Just acknowledge the loss. My sister's husband died from a fatal accident when he hit a tree driving home from work. Alcohol was involved; thank goodness he was the only one hurt. I have never mentioned my knowledge of this information to my sister. It's completely unnecessary, but if she did bring it up, that is exactly what I would say.

ETA: I should hope my in laws would trust my husband enough to confide in him, even if that meant keeping something from me. That's *their* relationship and I am not so insecure to feel threatened by that closeness. It's not a contest of who he loves/confides in more. I mean, husbands and wives do not have to tell each other *everything* that goes on. I keep many of my friends and family's confidences and I would hope for equal respect from others.

I would absolutely leave it at, "I'm so sorry about your dog, how sad. I hope you're doing all right." Is the issue here that she does not know that you know what really happened but thinks only your husband knows? This is such a sad thing overall -- sad that she had to have the dog put down and, yes, sad that she feels such guilt (or is so worried about judgment from others) that she is hiding the truth. I would not confront her or do some big reveal that you know she had the dog euthanized. It would not serve any purpose except to make her upset, make her upset and/or angry at your husband and at you, and ruin her visit.

it's a pity she's feeling the need to lie about it. but one can see just from some responses here why she would.
i'm pretty sure she won't bring it up. but if she does, just offer your sympathies and let it go. some things are worth bringing up into the light of day, but not everything. unless the *lie* impacts you or yours in some measurable fashion, it's hers to keep.
some dogs just can't be re-homed. it IS sad, but there are so many sweet loving dogs who can't get re-homed, it's also a shame when a dangerous dog takes one of the all-too-few spots.
i know a woman who put all 3 of her dogs down because she wanted to move in with a man who didn't want pets. she says 2 of them were old and near death anyway, as if that made it okay. i have a much harder time with that. i don't call her out, but i have to walk away if she snivels in front of me about how she misses them.
khairete
S.

So your husband told you his mom had to put their dog down. Is it really complicated what to say if she brings it up? "I am so sorry, are you okay"

"I'm sorry for your loss."

I'd probably plan to go in the direction she indicates. "I'm sorry" might be enough.

If her story starts cracking up and falling apart, I'd give her a big hug.

Only once have we had to put a dog down for behavioral reasons. We had rescued him (well, he showed up in the yard and just stayed) and he was determined to protect us from everything, including the neighbors' little girl. I just cried and cried. (My eyes are getting soggy just writing about it, and it's been years.) So if your MIL breaks down and cries, let her do it, and feel for her. Her made-up story is a broken-heart one more than it is a hide-the-truth one.

I'd say "I'm so sorry. It's not easy losing a pet. I hope he's happy in his new home.".
Nothing more need be said.
You might think putting it down was cruel but how easy do you think re-homing an 'out of control and proving dangerous' dog is?
In her way, she took responsibility and made sure the dog could not harm anyone.
She doesn't want to be judged and your Hubby probably should not have mentioned it to you if he wanted to be sensitive about her feelings.

B., So great that you are concerned for your MIL feelings about this.

Our society recently has made it very difficult sometimes to make the right decision regarding our pets. The boost of rescue groups & the "adopt a pet, save a life" campaigns have people believing that -every- dog must be saved, regardless of circumstances.

Facebook & other social media have made this even crazier - I have seen postings for dogs that have mauled children, and there are people commenting that the dogs should not be put down, but rehabilitated instead.

So when someone like your MIL makes a decision that is heartbreaking to begin with, but knows it is the right decision for her family, the dog, and anyone that might have been at risk, it becomes a very emotional issue. She knows she did the right thing, but to say so out loud is going to risk vilification, and possibly judgement from people who may think she took the "easy" way out & "cost a dog it's life".

Dana K. below has the exact response I would suggest giving. It acknowledges that regardless of the circumstances & the actual action taken (what you know happened, or what she may say instead), it was difficult for her & you are sorry for the hurt she is experiencing.

I hope the conversation (if it takes place) goes well. T. =-)

If the dog was out of control and possibly vicious or dangerous, most county laws are going to advocate that the animal be put down. Unfortunately, it is not a risk worth taking to play the wait and see game if an aggressive or unpredictable dog will bite, attack, maul, or provoke harm to a human or another animal. These animals are rarely able to be rehabilitated quick enough to make them acceptable pets and safe companions. It happens. Animals can suffer from mental problems, illnesses, and behavior issues just like people and a lot of times, this makes them dangerous. In these cases, the animal is put down. It is sad and never pleasant but true. My daughter is a Veterinary Nurse and also in college pursuing her DVM and she sees this from time to time. Your MIL sounds like she owned a dog like this and unless she is a professional dog trainer or rehabilitative veterinary behaviorist, she would not be safe with a dog like this. Sounds like she is feeling very guilty and sad because I'm sure she didn't anticipate having to put the dog down when she got it. Tread lightly. If she brings it up, acknowledge the loss and tell her that you understand how hard the decision must have been to put the dog down.

Ouch. What a hard situation to be in. I'm sorry that she does trust you enough (sorry - but that's the way I see it) to tell you herself.

What would I say? I'd say I'm sorry your dog is no longer with you. That leaves it open to her "smoke screen" of re-homed.

Allow her to bring up the subject. I wouldn't ask what she will do with her dog when she comes to visit this month, that would be rude, in my opinion. I don't think that's what you would do, I am saying that in advance.

Good luck!

What a sh***y situation. I absolutely hate seeing animals destroyed because the owners can't handle them... Aussies are pretty high-energy dogs and need an outlet for their herding instinct. Did she at least try to re-home or send it to an Aussie rescue first? If it was a younger dog, most rescues will try to take it and retrain it before allowing it to be put down. I actually used volunteer my home and time to foster and rehabilitate "problem" dogs when I was younger, and most of the time what the owner considered "out of control" was pure lack of training/recognizing the breed's specific needs.

Oh well, too late for any of that now. :/

Anyway, I really wouldn't say anything beyond "Sorry about the dog." I really wouldn't go into depth with it though. She likely is feeling sad and disappointed, and probably a bit guilty too... Having a dog put down really isn't an easy choice to make.

Just that you are so sorry the situation occurred. Tell your husband that you're not going to tell MIL that he told you the cover-up story - you don't want MIL to think he lies to you. But if she wants to avoid criticism from other people, that's up to her. Yes, there are people who say "you could have trained the dog" but there are also dogs who just snap - they are animals, after all. And you cannot keep a dangerous animal. But I'd let her take the lead, say you're sorry about Sparky and ask how she is doing. Then see how she responds - if she wants to talk, great. Reassure her that, on some level, Sparky wasn't happy with himself once he became aggressive. If she shuts you down or changes the subject, you'll know not to pursue it. So sorry you're all going through this.

Why would she bring it up? If she does, I would say, sorry about the dog and change the subject. I don't see why it has to be a long conversation. Good luck.

Sorry to hear that and change the subject. I mean she killed her dog... What else you going to say.

Say nothing unless she brings it up. It is important to keep your husband's confidentiality.

Why would she expect her son to keep a secret from his wife? Or wrose, keep her lie going?

If she brings it up, let her give you the details. Respond accordingly.

p.s. don't through hubby under the bus ;)

What would I say? Well I don't abide by lying, so I would ask her point blank why she is lying about it and not owning up to her choice, and why does she think my husband is going to keep secrets from me in the first place, which is in itself lying. Then I would tell her I was sorry that she had to make such a horrible choice and that I hope she is OK. But that is me and it's probably not your best course of action.