When Can a Child Go into a Public Bathroom by Himself?

My son is 8 and for the most part he still uses the ladies room. Exception is when it is a private restroom. I have never had anyone comment on his age. It is a safety issue, and his safety comes first.

Hi,
I only allow my 6 year old to go into public bathrooms by himself if they are individual and even then I stay by the door - NO WAY is he going into a men's room by himself. When he can wipe his own bum and not get his zipper stuck then I will consider it - til then he comes with me! I wouldn't bring him into the women's locker room at the Y - the bathroom is different.

Five is way too young to go in a public mens room by himself, I think. My son is almost 8 and he still comes with me.

My son isn't even two yet, but i often wonder the same thing. It seems like you answered your own question though. If he still needs your help, he's not old enough. What if he was to go in by himself, THEN needed your help..? Uh-oh... Ignore that comment. She obviously doesn't have young kids... Just make sure hes being respectful of the other ladies privacy, and i'm sure they wouldn't mind either.

Hi S.,

Totally agree with you. Firstly, you can't trust anyone these days and secondly being there to assist is quite natural. Don't really know myself what the appropriate age is (my daughter is 4) but I would go into any public restroom with your son for as long as you can. A lot of places have family restrooms but if you don't have that option do what you feel is right.

Y.

I moved to this area from waaaay Down East in 1969. We went to the cinema in Westbrook one Friday night.
The next night a five year old boy was murdered in the men's rest room of that cinema.
That was 40 years ago, yes?
That employee was way out of line. Perhaps a call to the manager would be a good thing.
I would not let a little boy use the men's room alone until they were nine or ten years old and then I would stand outside the door to be at hand ( and within ear range) and after checking inside first to see who was there.
Do not apologize for keeping your child as safe as you can, that IS your job.
Take him to ladies and if women have problem with it, tough. They can suck it up.
And I have five sons...I took them all to ladies until they were around ten, and I took them to men's and waited outside for them until the oldest was old enough to care for his little brother(s).
As a mother, do what you have to do to keep them safe honey.
Never mind the remarks and looks. Who cares? If anything, God forbid, were to happen to one of your little ones, would you not regret not brushing off looks/remarks in exchange for the child's wellbeing?

Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

When you feel comfortable having him go by himself that is when you should let him go, until then don't bother what anybody else thinks. Its your kid not thiers and with all the bad things and people and bathroom problems that can arise its your choice.

You handled that situation beautifully at 6 flags. You absolutely should not allow your 5 year old to go to the bathroom by himself. There are too many sickos out there. And in a big crowded place like that I most definitely would take my 5 year old to the bathroom with me boy or girl. And honestly I don't know why women get upset about it. I'm guessing it's the ones who don't have children of their own, but really there are doors on the stalls of the bathroom. What's the boy going to see. It's not like you're going to allow him to lay on the floor and peek under the door. My husband ends up in a bit of a precarious situation with our daughters if he's alone with them and taking them to the bathroom of course because of the urinals. I'm not sure if he's ever had any issues there. My girls are 10 and 7 and I would not allow either of them to go to the bathroom by themselves even. Unless we are in a not very crowded place and I'm sure that either there's only one bathroom or there's no one else in the bathroom I will not allow them alone. And even then I stand outside the door and don't let anyone go in until my child is finished. I've just heard too many scary stories of children left alone in the bathroom and getting molested or killed and I'm not going to let my child be one of them. It's a tough situation, but your son is way too young to be allowed to go to the bathroom himself for even just logistics reasons in that he has difficulty still as this is probably a relatively new skill for him. I honestly don't understand how any woman can get upset about that. I've heard it time and time again though. And if they want to allow their 5 year old to use the bathroom in a public place by himself that's up to them, but they are the ones that are going to be sorry when something happens to their child.

6 flags irks me. I went there 2 years ago and was nursing my son and an employee came over and told me I ought to be doing that in the bathroom. I simply looked at him and said "would you eat in those bathrooms?" I still in overly crowded places will take my 7 year old to the women's bathroom I'd rather be safe then sorry besides your son is 5 what if he needed you. I babysit a 5 year old and when he's done in the bathroom often needs help w/ a button or snap that he can't get and sometimes places like that have high sinks or ones that are set further back and kids can't quite reach them. Just ignore the looks and rude employees.

My children are now teens. up until they were about 8 or 9 they came into the ladies room if it were a crowded place and their dad was not there with us! That employee was off base insinuating that your son should not be in the ladies room with you.
When my sons began to go into the men's room unattended I went as far as checking the men's room first. I yelled in, I walked in, then I stood outside and would yell in 'how are you doing?' if it was taking longer than I expected for them to piddle and get out...usually they were in awe about the auto sink or soap!

I agree, my son is 10 and just now will not go into the ladies room with us. I allow him to go alone into the men's room but I also check the room first, or call into and if he is taking too long will go right after him. My 6 year old son can go with him if the 10 year old is with us otherwise he comes with me to the ladies room. I never have to apologize for it. You may also find a lot of place now have "family" bathrooms which are great, everyone can go in to together and come out together!

You totally did the right thing and should always trust your instinct when it comes to the safety of your child.

I wonder if they might have a "family restroom" at places like that. It is the kind that is one room, no stalls, often with a baby changing station, too (even though you don't need that). It might not be at every restroom location, but you could ask or check the map and possibly plan to use that one, if convenient. I'm not sure if they have one there, but I have seen it in other places.

Hi there,

First of all, I think that employee was out of line. With the way things are today, you have every right to bring him into the bathroom with you. My son is now 8 years old and will go into the men's room by himself, but I always check to see who is in there and I stay right outside the door and talk to him sometimes. If we are somewhere that I'm not familiar with or don't feel comfortable, I will still make him come into the women's room with me.

Good luck!

A.

Here's a new twist for you. My son is now 6. I agree with the other posts that I would not allow him to go to the men's room by himself. However, my son realizes there is a men's and women's bathroom and wants to use the men's/boy's room so I go with him. This may startle some but I found two amazing things. We walk in and I announce my son is 6 and into being a guy. We walk straight to a stall and he pees or poops. I generally say a loud thank-you as we exit (he does wash his hands and I do too). The two things I discovered are that not once (really not once) have I had a man get upset. They have all been understanding and have said no problem. The second is that men's rooms are cleaner and better smelling than I would have ever thought. Often better than the women's. Who knew? So here's another option for you.

I know you've received a ton of responses, but I wanted to thank you for posting this. I too have been thinking about this question more as my son approaches 6 in a week. I can't believe that an employee said that to you!! I, like you, am uncomfortable sending my son into a men's room alone and will continue to take him in the ladies room until I feel it's safe. Luckily, I have never heard or seen any women displaying their disapproval. If they ever do, I'll remind them that there are stalls for a reason! Thanks!

No way should a 5 year old go to the bathroom alone in a place as big as Six Flags. If you are just at McDonalds and are right outside, that's a different story, but an amusement park is way too large a venue to let them go in alone. I see boys a lot older than 5 in the womens' bathroom. That employee is uneducated and I doubt she is a parent herself.

S.,

My youngest son is 10, I do not let him alone. I do not care what anyone says. If its a single bathroom he can go with me outside the door. I have even blocked a door from a man trying to go, I told him he would have to wait until my son was done. I am very protective about this, I saw on TV about a little boy 12 years old got hurt while his Aunt was waiting for him. I will not let him go alone. Your a good mom, dont change!

PAH-LEESE! There are still certain restrooms that I won't let my TEN year old go in alone. That 6 Flags employee is off her rocker. You were absolutely right in taking your son in with you. There are always stalls in the ladies room, so it's not like his presence in there would cause any embarrassment to anyone. If I were in a ladies room and saw a mother come in with her young son, I would completely understand. No questions asked. Keep going with your gut.

I can't say what's a good age. I guess it would depend on the maturity of the child. I do know 5 is still way to young. I'd say try and use family restrooms when available until he gets a little older.

I never let my five year old son use a public bathroom alone unless I know it is empty or if is single bathroom.
He comes with me into the women's bathroom often and if someone approached me about it, I would react the same way you did with the 6 Flags employee.

I have a son who just turned 6 a couple weeks ago, he knows there is a men's and woman's bathroom and also knows if daddy is not with us he looks for the picture of the woman and does not hesitate to go right in with me. I will allow him to go in a seperate stall and he knows which stall I am in if we both have to go. If it is busy, when he is done he stands in front of my stall so I can see his shoes and I know he is ok until I am done or if possible we use the handicap stall together. If it is not busy then he keeps his door locked until I tell him I am ready and we both exit the stalls together. It took us 8 years of trying before he came to us and I am not about to take any chances of loosing him. You did the right thing, as is noted by all the posts you got, there is not a mother out there that would disagree with what you did.

Hi S.,

I just wanted to say good for you on continuing to take your son into the bathroom with you. My boys are 7 and 5 & if i'm with them anywhere, and they need to use the bathroom, we ALL go into the women's room. Not a big deal at all. If we're at a restaurant w/o my husband (b/c whenever he's around they all go in the mens room) & I know my 7 yr old has to just pee - i'll wait outside the mens room door while he's in there. But my almost 5 yr old still needs assistance too - so don't feel bad about that AT ALL!!!

I think i'd feel ok w/my son being about 10yrs old going into a mens room alone but i'd still wait right outside the door! lol you're doing the right thing for sure AND you know what? that staff member obviously doesn't have kids .... so don't sweat it!

I have an 8 yr old who still sometimes comes into the woman's room with me. But when he was 5 yrs old he was still coming into the woman's a lot with me usually only went to the men's room if his brothers' were with us. So I don't feel you are off the boat at all. I had a lady at a Arena tell him he was going into the wrong bathroom when he came in looking for me...I came out and said he was looking for his mom because I was taking too long obviously. But I feel anything below the age of 8 is too young to go to the public bathroom by theirselves...and OH yes you can walk into the Men's room if you need to. I have walked into the men's room before when they were taking too long in there. I simply KNOCK on the door and announce "there is a MOM coming in" LOL.

I always take my son into the LAdies room with me. He just recently started asking to go to the men's room on his own and he is 7yrs old. I don't trust people. So I stand right outside the door the entire time he is in there. I would say continue taking him in the Ladies room until you are comfortable with him goign by himself in the men's room and then make sure you discuss the things that bad people amy dop and have a plan in case something happens.

At five years old my son would definitely be coming into any public restroom with me. Depending on where we are , I sometimes have my nine year old comes into the restroom with me (i.e. Kohls he can go into the mens room but I am waiting outside, the rest stop on the Maine turnpike no way). If however, my almost 13 year old son is with us then they can go in together but have to stay together on threat of life, limb and lifetime allowance! We also have a code word for when we travel as an additional safety precaution just in case. Just ignore those looks and comments and walk in boldly.

Hi S., well first of all our kids safety comes first! I don't care what anyone thinks. I do ask this question myself often and in the past year or so have let my son go into the mend room by himself. He has asked to do this cuz he doesn't want to go in the girls room. He is almost 9 and depending on the situation ( where we are the type of crowd there my own instinct and comfort level) I will still take him in with me. Hey if Dad is there by all means I send him but I won't hesitate to take him. I do believe that all to quickly he will not be able to come in with me as he develops and changes. But certainly I do not think you should have to be concerned just yet with your 5 yr old. Every parent is different so ultimately it's your comfort level and instincts telling you if he's safe!! Good luck parenting is quite a job but I love it!
M.

I JUST started sending my 8 year old in by himself. I stand right outside the bathroom and if he is taking a little long I will just open the door a bit and ask if he's okay. I still go in with my 6 year old and 3 year old. I am just too scared to send them in alone. You just don't know who may be in there. I know that is an awful thought, but I would so much rather get looks than risk that. If anyone were to make a comment then I would just let them know that I would be happy to send them in to the men's room if they would personally go in and check for sexual predators. That should keep them quiet :)

My son will be six in august and I still take him to the women's room with me. Especially in a busy place like six flags. At times I let him go by himself when I can be right outside the door and the place is not busy. He goes at the YMCA by himself or at a restaurant if no one else is inside. I feel the same about safety. Kidnapping and other things happen all the time. NOT taking any chances.

I'd say you did it exactly right--I'd have said something similar. There is no official age of "okay" but I'd say it's when he is big enough that walking into the ladies room would actually be interesting to him. :) I think safety is WAY more important that someone else's opinion. I brought my 11 yr old in with me until he was about 9. For the last couple of years, I'd stick my head into the bathroom first and make sure it wasn't overly full so that I could duck him in without making too many other people overly uncomfortable. At first, I would make him do a quick look into the men's room and make sure it was empty and then come out and give me a nod. There was almost never anyone in them which made me more comfortable. Even now, I will tell him he has "60 seconds" to pee before I "come in after him." My oldest children are very aware of basic saftey instructions (drop/scream/etc.) which helps too. He would be mortified if I ever set foot into the men's room after him so he hurries. I have sanitary hand lotion I usually make him use after as well since I know his hand washing probably wasn't its best. In the end though, if I still felt that for any reason it wasn't a safe bet for him to go into the men's room, I'd poke my head into the women's and bring him in there when it was empty. As long as you try to be understanding of the women who will be startled seeing a male in the restroom and do your best to be discrete, I strongly vote to stick with your own comfort about your child's saftey. Good luck!

Hi S., Its C. H - mother of 5, 1 boy and 4 straight girls. For the longest time, my son went into the bathroom with us until he was at least 10 years old and he started to tell me that he could go to the Men's room by himself. One major concern you should be aware of is timing. He would get finished soooo much faster than we would, I would often come out of the bathroom with the girls only to find out he had wandered off. It took about another year to get him to learn how to wait at the door and yell into the Women's bathroom that he was done and waiting for us. I also trained him to come right back out if he didn't think it was ok for him to go. Then I used the handy blindfold that I kept in my bag to keep him with us. Hope this helps. Smiles...C.

One quick response b/c you've received tons. My son is 9 and I FINALLY let him go alone, but sometimes I wait outside and I call in and check so often it's aburd. It embarrasses him and I don't care! If my husband is there he goes with him.

Other thought: I can't BELIEVE a restroom attendant said something to you about bringing a 5-year old with you to the Ladies'. Must have been a young person or someone who has no idea of children at all. I am in awe of the ignorance of some people!!!! Had it been me I would have thought that person was kidding!

Hi Sarah,

I think that women are particularly sensitive to what they perceive as judgmental or critical comments. Somehow, deep inside many of us may feel that we're not doing a good job, and everyone else is a better mother than we are. I'm trying to stop the endless conversation in which I argue in my mind with a person who's not there. So, I'm trying hard to do as Mellodie Beatty says, "Stop it. Stop it Now." She's funny, but smart. We're the only ones who can control what we think, say, and how we react to people.

The employee's reaction was not anything more than her own reaction. It's less than nothing- nothing to lose your self-confidence over. A lot of people say things or do things that could aggravate you or make you feel guilty or "wrong," but I'm trying not to take them personally. You're doing the right thing.

I had nightmares for a looooong time in which I was lost in a sea of people. A couple of scenarios are possible, but it's most likely that my dad and I were at a Cleve. Indians baseball game when I was five or six; my dad was all consumed by the game, and he let me go by myself to the bathroom. Scary.

S.,

Do not let that employee make you doubt yourself! I have heard of children having terrible encounters in public bathrooms. Unfortunately sometimes people seek out places like that to approach children. You are doing the right thing! I do not let my 7 year old go alone and I am not sure when I will, definitely not for a while! I hope that this has helped! It is not like any women are having their privacy violated. He is simply using a stall! :) C.

I dont think your off...My son is soon to be 7 and til recently i would never have let him go in the mens room alone. Now if we are not in a crowded place i'll let him go in and tell him if he feels uncomfortable to yell for me as loud as possible...this is in restaurants...I dont think at an amusement park i would let him yet.....if it were me i would have told that employee shame on them for not having a family restroom!

OMG! Sounds to me that this other woman inthe bathroom has the problem not you. You are absolutely right not allowing your son to use a public restroom alone at 5! I did not allow my older son to use the restrooms alone until he was honestly closer to 9 or 10. I have 4 and 5 year old boys now as well and I would never allow them in the bathroom alone. My 5 year old will say is this the men's room and I tell him it is for men under 4 feet tall! There are so many safety concerns. I think you need to do what you feel is right and I completely agree that 5 is entirely too young to do this. Just tell people to mind their own business!

I only allow my son (who will be 6 on Tuesday) when it is a small bathroom..like at certain restuarants and such. I would never let him go into one at the Mall or one that is very busy. I always stand right outside the dorr and talk to him.."are you OK?"..."How are you doing in there?"...ect.
I would NEVER give a parent a hard time for bringing there opposite sex child into a restroom with them. I think that at about age 8, i would have to start thinking it to be inappropriate. One thing to look for is a "family bathroom". Then there isnt an issue at all. You do what is best for the saftey of your children though..and dont worry about people that apparently have no clue!