"When Can I Start Talking to My Daughter About Menstrual Periods"

My daughter is five and knows that I have periods. I've already told her what causes them, and she couldn't care much less, but does know about them. I think there is no "too young" for those sorts of things. It creates a bond between the two of you that will hopefully overflow into other areas of her life where some moms only get to wish their daughters would include them in.

H.,
I have been a youth leader to jr high and high school students consistently for the past 10 years, and I hear the same concerns. Many parents feel uncomfortable talking to their children about their bodies, so you are not alone. I have heard it so much that a few years ago (when I lived in VA) I lead a retreat for mothers and daughters (girls 5th to 7th grade), and we followed a curriculum offered by focus on the family called "Preparing for Adolescence-how to survive the coming years of change". They offer a parent guide book and CD's with 8 sessions. That way you can talk to your daughter or if you feel nervous about talking you can listen to the CD's together and then talk about the information. It covers so much and helps guide you as a parent to talk to your son or daughter about the changes that will be taking place... physically, emotionally, socially, and it covers their struggle for independence. They suggest that you take your child on a weekend trip, listen to the cd's and have open dialogue with your child. You should also plan something fun to do, like a special spa weekend, go to the American girls doll store in Chicago (if your daughter is into that), or whatever she thinks would be fun. Unfortunately most parents did not feel they could pull a weekend like this off, which is why I planned a weekend mother/daughter retreat. I have often wondered if moms on mamasource would be interested in this. I tried to plan one here through my church but they do not see the value in it. Oh, one more resource for you... Dr. Kevin Leman has material out called "Running the rapids- guiding teenagers through the turbulent waters of adolescence" I have not read this one but I have read "A chicken’s guide to talking turkey to your kids about sex" by Dr. Kevin Leman and that is a really good one! When your daughter is a few years older I recommend a book called "And the bride wore white" By Dannah Gresh. This is also great material to talk to your daughter about purity, not just sexually but purity in all areas of her life. I have lead two retreats with this material and I am going back to VA next month to lead another retreat for 6th-8th grade girls and their mothers. I wish I knew if people in this area would be interested in this because I would be willing to do it here if I thought we could get 8 moms and daughters. There is the coziest B&B off i-70 that would be the perfect place to do it. I hope this is helpful. R.'

This is a normal part of life and can be approached without getting into a lengthy discussion about sex and babies. Just show her the feminine hygiene product you use and tell her what it is for. For example:

These are pads. I use these every month and one day when you are older you will use them too. Only girls use them because only girls have periods. Periods are what we call menstrual cycles. A periodis when a girl's bottom bleeds for a few days. It doesn't hurt except maybe a little tummy ache and no one knows I am bleeding but me, so there is no need to worry or feel embarrassed. If you start to bleed I want you to come and tell me. I am going to show you how to use these pads right now even though you don't have a period yet because if you are at school or I am not home you will know what to do until I get there. If you are at school go see the nurse, or if you are at a friend or family members house go find the mom in charge and ask for help. They will call me and I will help you.

It can be that simple. You don't have to mention babies or sex and if she asks you can tell her the parts you want her to know.

I started my period when I was 9 years old. I was a young 9. It was atleast 8 months or so before I turned 10. My mother NEVER saw it coming, and why would she? The average starts at 11 or 12. I was so confused and I had no idea what was going on. And from what my mother tells me, she was devestated as well. Obviously had she known, she wouldn't taken the time to explain what might be coming soon. I think for you, the best would be to describe what goes on with a child who is at the age, and after that, urge her to talk to her friends who have already experiencd it. I kept it a secret and felt very different. I was scared. My best friend came to me at 12 telling me she started, and all I could say it well I've been doing that for 3 years. She was shocked. And didn't understand why I kept it a secret.

There are a number a books available. Pictures and all. She should indeed hear it from you first, and hopefully for you, it will be a few years before it happens!

I have an 11 and 8 yo daughters. Since my 11 yo started when she was 9 yo (I was almost 17 yo when I started) I have already talked to my 8 yo. I just did not want her to start and have no clue what was going on.
I had a friend in HS who was 9 yo when she started and she called 911 b/c she thought that she was dying. I kid you not!!!

How I started the talk, an "Always" commercial came on TV and I asked my 8 yo if she knew what they were for and we started for there.

Hi H.,

i would start talking to her about it. My daughter started hers when she was 10.she will be 11 this mounth. You will be surprised of what your daughter already knows about this. I would just tell her this is part of life of a woman that starts as a young lady. Take her to the store with you to pick up her first pack of pads.let me tell you if u havent shopped for pads in a while.!!!!! Surprise!!!! They have alot to pick from.
It would be great for you to start the talk before someone else does. You wont know if they are telling her the correct info or not. Most schools show the girls and girls only a movie about this. My daughter had this movie in her class lastweek. For her this movie was about 4 months 2 late. So i would advise to sit down and have a nice mom daughter talk.
Good luck

Talk to her NOW!! It is never too early. In fact, most Drs. say talk to females about their bodies and the differences between mommy's body and their's from a very young age. She is also learning more from her friends then I think you are willing to admit! Go to the library- they have wonderful books on becoming teenagers, and their changing bodies.

I don't have any personal tips to give you, my daughter's not even 2 yet. But, I would think that your library or ped. would be the best first places to start. You could probably google menstraul periods & find books that give you the info you want. I love the library, free info! :) Then, if I find something that I "really" love, I can buy it. But, you can usually check out a book for about 4 weeks, then renew as needed.

Good for you for thinking ahead and wanting to be prepared! My mom never sat me down and explained the change that girls go thru during puberty...let alone having a period. I just had to deal with it on my own...surprise! I will definitely not go that route with my daughter! I would go to the library and look thru their excellent resource materials and just tell her simply about what she is going to be experiencing. Take her to the store and let her pick out her feminine care products so that she won't feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Good luck with your daughter ;)

H.,
Definitely talk to her about it now, I'm sure she knows more than you realize, maybe not the right stuff though. I started talking to my 11 yr. old about it 2 or 3 yrs. ago. She has not started yet and I thank goodness everyday for that. But, I figure it is going to happen soon 'cause it seems the girls are starting a lot sooner these days.
You can keep the answers simple they don't want a bunch of complicated answers anyway, just let her know that it will be happening to her in the next few years and that if she has any questions that you will be there to answer them!
Hope this helps...have a good day! :)

D. R.

i told my lil sister bout it when she was coming home talking bout her friends and they have there so she might already know some thing but you want to make sure there right because i know her friends already let here know som things

H.: Well, speaking with a voice of experience - I have 6 children and 4 of them are girls! Anyway, what I want to tell you is, if you have a "gut" instinct that she needs a talking to, then do it. If you feel strongly about something, you need to step out on faith and "do it." If she sees that your passionate about that - about anything, she'll address it with importance also. Our children are mirrors of our experiences. Let her know about your life with a period -and what to watch out for, be aware of, etc. Let her know that it's a grand experience - one to be enjoyed - going into womanhood. She'll thank you for it later!

M. G.

I would start talkng to her now about it, for the simple fact she can start at any time, and u do not want her left out inthe cold.

I am always surprised by this question in this day and age-you should have already talked to her about it long ago --but it is never too late--talk to her now! You don't want her to be that girl who thinks she has some strange disease or calls 911! And it is important to talk to her about sex--she is already hearing about it(unless you keep her totoally isolated fromthe world) probably some weird untrue things. So make sure she knows the facts--no more than is approprieate for her age of course. There are lots of good books out there that could assist you in this--go to the library or book store and look at them to find one that fits with her maturity level.

I have custody of my 14 year old niece, and we sat down a couple of years ago and had a nice chat about becoming a woman and what to expect. She had a class in school on it and came home with questions, so I knew it was time to tell her. Plus she was worried because several of her friends had already started.

It actually made us closer because we had time with just the two of us and we kind of laughed about the different stories I could tell her about when I was in school and that started happening.

Because she was worried about starting and not being prepared, I had her always carry a pad with her in her purse or backpack. And you know what? It sure came in handy when she started at school. And she knew exactly what to do so she wasn't embarrassed or concerned. She just came home and later I saw a wrapper in the waste basket and asked if she started.

She told me she had, when it happened and how she just asked the teacher for a bathroom pass, and she handled it! The power of open communication with your kids strikes again!

R.