My son started 1st grade this year after being home schooled last year. He is really doing well academically, has brought home all A's, and says he really likes school. My concern though, is I don't know if he has made any friends. I ask him daily who he sat with at lunch, who he played with at recess, and he usually says he doesn't remember who he sat with at lunch and he played with everybody at recess. He has yet to say he talks or plays with any one person specifically. Also, when I pick him up after school, he is usually just looking out for our car and not playing or talking with the other kids in his line. Is this normal for 1st grade? I've asked him point blank if he has friends and he says "I guess so.". He also mentioned that one little boy in his class told him he wasn't his friend, but that little boy turned out to be the class trouble maker so I didn't make a big deal out of that.
Should I be worried that he isn't fitting in? I know it's only been five weeks since school started but I can't help but worry about my little boy.
Thanks all!
My son is like that all the time, but he does have friends to play with. The details of who he played with and when just aren't that important to him. I'm lucky if he remembers which specials class he went to that day and what he ate for lunch! LOL.
Good Morning T., My son is also in the 1st grade and I completely understand the friend issue. I have been very fortunate that my son has always made friends but I have pushed it. We just recently moved to the Houston area and unfortunately we are starting over even with making friends. It has only been a couple of weeks so this is what I did. First, He & I walk after homework everyday. I have met several other kids and parents with this process. Also, the neighborhood we moved to had a Neighbors night out at the club house so we went. Lots of kids were there with their parents. We even set up a few play dates. Now I will not allow my son to go by himself only because I don't know them well enough at this point and I am over protective. Also see if there is a park close to where you live or check on the boy scouts. I just put my son in and there are 40 kids in his troop. I hope this helps and before you know it he will have lots of friends to play with.
I could have written this - it is my daughter exactly and she is in first grade as well. I worry in the same way. It's natural to want your child to fit in and make friends. All kids are different so who's to say what's normal. I don't know about your son, but my daughter is quiet and somewhat shy so she does best with kids one-on-one. She isn't able to insert herself into a group of kids so she will stand back and just watch. I've been encouraging her to "just join in" and not to wait for kids to come to her. The bottom line is that your son is happy and likes school. I think some of the issues come from us as parents when we project our feelings into the situation. My daughter's situation is much more upsetting to me than to her - she isn't bothered by it at all. As long as they are learning and love school they will be fine.
It was second grade before my older daughter made any real friends.
My 4th Graders has friends, but is still hasn't found a "best friend."
I would stay involved at this age. Try to find out if there's anyone he'd like to set up a playdate with after school.. something short and sweet, like a trip to the park for an hour or so. Then build to longer playdates. If you get a school directory, you can see who's in his class that you might already be familiar with, or that may live in your neighborhood.
I would definitely ask the teacher if he gets along with the other students or engages with others regularly. You need to find out if he is lacking in social skills or what the situation may be. Also, ask the teacher if there is another student in the class that might be a good fit as a friend for your son. If so, set up play dates with that other child. Help initiate time he can spend around kids his age...park, cub scouts, etc. It's your job to help facilitate this. Some kids don't make friends easily and need some guidance.
T. if this is really bothering you then contact the teacher. She should be able to answer your questions. In the same breath though this is exactly how little boys are. I have a first grader and I'm lucky if he can tell me what he had for lunch. He never remembers any of the kids names and as far as what he did in school, well forget it!! It is very frustrating for moms as we like to share our daily information but not so for little boys!!! Good luck!
Updated
T. if this is really bothering you then contact the teacher. She should be able to answer your questions. In the same breath though this is exactly how little boys are. I have a first grader and I'm lucky if he can tell me what he had for lunch. He never remembers any of the kids names and as far as what he did in school, well forget it!! It is very frustrating for moms as we like to share our daily information but not so for little boys!!! Good luck!
Is this upsetting him or you? It doesn't sound as though he is bothered by this, so I wouldn't worry about it. How does he do socially when you are at the neighbors or relatives?
I would encourage you to email his teacher. Teachers can usually be the best resource in finding out how your child is interacting. My bet is that if he is making all A's, is happy to go to school and gets good rest that he is just fine.
Good luck,
DH
Maybe ask his teacher. She spends all this time with him. :)
Ask the teacher, but also give it more time. I think my daughter started talking about specific friends later in the school year, and asking if "so and so" could come over for a play date. Do you encourage play dates by inviting friends with kids his age over to play? Also, the comment about another child saying that he wasn't his friend, kids say that all the time if they are arguing about something or not getting their way. My daughter will tell me someone is not her friend one minute, then wants to have them over to her house the next day. Does he play with other children at the local park? or is he more shy around children he doesn't know? If you go to church, does he have friends there that he likes to play with? The more you can observe your child with other kids, you'll get the answers you are looking for. Get him involved in sports activities or whatever he is interested in to meet other kids (scouts, etc.). BTW, my daughter will tell me the same kind of answers when I ask her who she played with: "everyone", I found out being around other kids that some give more details about school than others. I found out alot about my daughter talking to other parents who would tell me what their kids were saying about mine. I'm sure he's still adjusting to the school environment as well, but always talk to the teacher about any concerns you have.
Try scheduling some play dates or meet with another family or two at the park. I bet after doing some things with some of his classmates after school that he will be more likely to be friends with those kids in school too. My son is in 1st grade as well and the kids he sees at cub scouts or in his saturday morning basketball seem to be the ones he plays with most often at school. We invite school mates of his over here for play dates as well.
