When Is a Child Old Enough to Be Unsupervised?

I guess I started to leave my 2 1/2 yo daughter unsupervised for short periods of time since the beginning of this winter, when she started sleeping in a toddler bed. She gets up too early for me, but she has learned to play nicely in her room until 7:30. Her door stays closed and we have a gate keeping her from the top of the stairs. I have also left her unsupervised in the living room. Again, there is a gate that keeps her confined to a smaller space and I feel the room is pretty safe. I always work the tv for her and I help her pick out what to wathc. If I absolutely needed to, she has been able to stay here alone for the length of one Disney movie (I really had to shovel the drive).

My oldest was 3 but he is an extraordinarily good boy and, while he can have plenty of attitude, I never really had to worry about him getting into things he shouldn't or trashing the house. It really depends on the child. I know children much older that I would never leave to their own devices if they were my responsibility. =)
If she is able to make responsible choices on her own and is capable of caring for herself (i.e. using the bathroom, getting a snack, knows the rules about answering the door and telephone) she is probably ready.

My kids were all around 3-4 at least to watch tv and get crackers. It is all I can do to get some extra sleep on the weekends.
Hope this helps
J.

Ok, I read of few responces, and in some cases I agree....let the kids watch tv, 1/2 hr or 2 at a time "wake me when the show is done, mommy just needs to reast her eyes" Been there done that. But I also know from experience that kids get curious and independent and can get into things. Some of those things can be as simple as eating all the fruit snacks or getting the sugar down to make Kool-aide because "they were thirsty and, didn't need my help, they were big enough" "and wanted to help". And in the process of helping out the 10'container that sugar is kept in is now empty and on the floor and they tried to clean it and did so with a wet rag and some water. When I got to it is was gooey and hard in some places. No harm done, really it was a tender moment (I still wonder if the sugar they ended up using is from the floor :) I do recall though leaving my kids with a trusted older relative on our 5th wedding aniversary and coming home to find that the 5 year old had cut the 3 year olds hair (they both HAD beautiful blond wavey/curly hair) and now they didn't. I was so irrate.But things happen and when I was done being vain that I realized NO ONES eyes GOT POKED out !!! Accidents happen I know, but If I laid my head done jsut cuz I needed 40 winks, and my child wanted a snack or her younger sibling did adn she is only 4,5,6, or even 7+. She goes to cut an apple cuz she know not to touch knives but has seen me do it a zillion times, she thinks she can do it. What might happen is what keeps me from 40 extra winks. Sorry but I know we tell our kids and they no NOT to do things, but actions speak louder than words.

Bless your heart and stay smart, and maybe just try getting to bed just 15 minutes earlier might help.

I like all the ideas that others have suggested. We have 2 levels at our house but our bedrooms are on the same floor as the living room so I can hear them if I am in my room. Down stairs we have another tv with a game system (and 18 year old big brothers room.)(there is also another bedroom that I made for my 10 year old but he still refuses to sleep down there )
I work on Saterdays (9:30 am) and big brother watches them. I will wake him up so he knows I left but he stays down there. The others know that they can't leave the house to play outside without telling him nor can they "cook" anything without him. There are some days they call me with something like "he is bothering me or he won't let me watch something" and I tell them to go tell big brother. They follow the rules. There has only been a few issues with this (like one of them going to a friends house (next door) and when I got home noone knew where he was and yes I panicked. Another time I had 1/4 inch of water on my kitchen floor and they were "sliding" across it. I told big brother that he had to watch them closer and "listen" for things. But anyway, if they could somehow stay on the same floor as you are and watch tv at 4 and 2 years old (or come in and be with you) I think it would be fine or one of you going down and sleeping on the couch but if you think she would feel like a big girl and would enjoy it then it would be fine. I know my 5 year old loves feeling "old" and doing things big people do. And it teaches him things (even though there are adults close by to help if he spills something or needs something he can't reach or God forbid - if there was real emergency.
Hope that helps

Hi there Brekka,

I really think it depends on the child. I know my oldest was capable of handling herself quite well for a short time when she turned 3. For example, I would have no issues telling her that I am going to take a shower and for her to play with her toys or watch tv. But it wasn't until she was older (like 5 or 6) that we allowed more than a short time. So I suppose school-age is a good time. But I wouldn't allow it to be 2 or 3 hours until maybe 9 or 10 years of age(when they can fend for themselves a bit with breakfast and you know they won't burn the house down).

As for my 3rd child, who will be 5 in July, I trust him enough for when I shower, or want to take a nap on the couch, or even if I run down stairs to check check the mail. But as far as sleeping in....I don't think so (not to mention he thinks if he's awake, then everyone else should be too).

So I guess my all-around answer is, if they can play outside by themselves for a while without you worrying about them, then you can probably trust you kids when they reach 9/10 years of age to allow you to sleep in for a bit.

B.

My daughter started around age3-4 .....

My daughter has always been mature and has never been the type to get into things. Always ask first. I would sometimes go tell her to go watch tv or go do this. I never had to worry she'd get into anything or go outside she's not that type of kid. She's an only child and I've taught her early on to be independant.

By age4-5 she started making herself a sandwhich and getting her own snacks of course asking first.

My daughter has NEVER watched anything innappropriate and she's not tempted too because she loves her cartoons anything else is boring to her. She isn't allowed to ever answer the phone or the door. My home is her home which is our home and she was taught early on to respect our home.

Just today I slept on the couch for 2 hours, while my daughter cleaned her room and watched tv in her room. I had a rough night sleeping last night so it's not typical for me to do that but she's just fine and dandy. I told her when I wake up from my nap if her room is clean I will take her out to do something fun tonight. I woke up and her room was spotless! She ONLY watches Disney Channel she isn't the least bit interested in any other channel on tv. Give her Hannah Montana and she's in heaven.

I taught mine to be very self sufficient and we have a chat before we ever let her be alone downstairs. The worst is she has an obsession with chapstick and pulled it out of the tube and rubbed it on like blush, and lipstick. But other than that she was fine. There was once she spilled a cup of juice on the couch and decided not to tell me until i sat in it for an hour. But she is great alone. I really think it is how you teach your children. If they are self sufficient and don't get into things I think they will be fine downstairs. Or put in their favorite DVD and they won't move. Ok no yelling at me but she is 4 and a perfect angel.

Brekka,

I guess I did not think about this one too much, I just used instinct. When you posted this question it made me think a little more. I guess my answer would be if YOU can handle it. If you can sleep in knowing your kid is OK it probably is. If you sit up in hot sweats and run down the stairs it probably isn't. Mine has been doing it since she has been potty trained because 1. I know she will get me if she needs me. 2. I know that my stove and toilet paper are already dealt with issues and 3. My mommy ears will hear any issues she might have. I would suggest trying a monitor by your child at first so if she does have issues you can hear her and also to make sure that she doesn't change the channel to HBO. A little independence is good for our kids, but hard for moms! Good Luck!

Brekka,

I would see how she does alone with you awake first. Have her go downstairs to play and leave her alone for maybe a 1/2 hour first, then check on her. Increase the time and check on her again. If she does fine, then you can feel confident to give herself (and you) some alone time.

L. :)

We only had a one story when ours were little so maybe that makes a difference but here is what we did.

Once our oldest was in a regular bed- about 20months yep that young. we put out grahm crackers and a couple of sippy cups of water. this was his favorite morning snack. we left that out on the coffee table and set the tv to his fav station and when he got up he went right out, turned it on and had his snack.

if he needed anything he would come tell us. otherwise we could sleep in peace and he felt very grown up to be "in charge of himself"

we did the same when our second son got to a regular bed. Like I said our tv was in living room and we had just one floor so I could hear everything.

hope that helps.

I have a 4 soon to be 5 yr old and she will get up (on weekends) and watch tv get her a snack that I have laid out nite before and I have the tv set on what I think she needs to watch. she will sit there and be quiet and let us sleep in. She know NOT to do certain things so just set down some rules and get some sleep. She sometimes will change the channel as shes figure out how to do that but its all good she finds different toons to watch.Now if ur child doesnt listen well and follow rules then I would say not to do it.wait till they can muster up the rules. Good luck and Happy sleeping.

What is She watching? If it is a DVD for kids fine. What time of the day? We let our now 7 year old watch morning shows before we get up on the weekends. We started letting her and She could do that around 5 years old. However do you have a V-Chip? If you do you will see about 1/3 to 1/2 of the television shows even at 7:00 PM are considered not suitable for children. Or how about "daytime" tv where probably 50% of the shows would be blocked. The point being as easy as watching a DVD on the TV the television program could also appear. It is simply horrible what is put on TV today. The Simpsons? on when our now 2nd grader comes home from School. A cartoon to watch with swearing, sarcasm, nudiety all the good things you would not want your child to imitate as 5 years old. Even if done in jest and well meaning what a child does not get the joke. That show should be on maybe at 9 PM not during primetime when young kids get Home. Where is the sanctity of home any more? What we did when we needed to nap is had our child join us in "nap time". Even if She did not nap she felt in control and content we were letting her participate. She would find some blocks or something to color better than passivily watching a DVD. (not that we did not try that too)

If she is 4 maybe you could go over rules with her to follow if she is watching cartoons while you are still in bed. For example, tell mom and dad that you are up. The only food you can get is a piece of fruit or a bowl of cereal, only watch channel's __, and the ones that always apply such as don't get into things you aren't supposed to and don't go outside. Give her a trial run. Let her get up and do her own thing while you listen from your room. If everything sounds good after a couple of tries she might be ready. Then you can get some extra snooze time without worrying.

Young children can be unsupervised for small periods of time-IN THE HOUSE, but especially NOT while you and hubby are napping or sleeping in "for a couple hours". I only felt comfortable napping or sleeping in when my children were doing the same thing.
Responsibility for any mishaps would be mine if I was sleeping in and something happened that I could have prevented-BY BEING AWAKE.
My daughter was also very mature for her age, but I would not have felt comfortable putting my responsibility in her hands at the age of four-leaving her in charge of her brother while Dad and I were sleeping in.
As they got older we let them have more time without us hovering in the room, and usually by 7 or 8 they can be doing what you are suggesting.
Kids move quickly, and are so curious that your 2 year old could get into something dangerous for him and your 4 year old won't have the maturity to prevent it or stop it from happening. Good luck!

Haven't had a chance to read any other advise so I apologize if I repeat. I have 3 children my oldest who is now 12 and my middle one that is 7 both would get up and wake me up and then go watch tv by themselves when they were 4. My youngest is almost 5 adn since she was 3 she would get up and watch tv but one of the other ones were usual up also. We also live in a ranch style home and our bedroom is next to the living room. It really depends on what you feel your child is ready for. Have her come "talk" to you when she gets up so then you know that she is up yet you can still rest longer! Good luck!

I don't think there is a specific age that a child can be alone in a room to watch tv, I think it depends solely on the child. If your daughter is one that you can trust to not do things she's isn't supposed to do, then I think she'd be alright to watch tv by herself now. If you worry that she might let temptation get the best of her, then I'd hold off a while longer. With my son, he would still come in our room to say good morning and let us know he was awake. Then I'd be sure to remind him that if he needs something to come get me. Sometimes this would only give me an extra thirty minutes of rest, other times it could be over an hour - either way, whatever extra you get is wonderful! You know your kids best, so only you can decide when you think they're ready to become more independent on going off on their own in the AM. You have nothing to lose by trying out - if she shows you that she's not ready, give it more time.

My Daughters are 6 and 8. I do allow them to watch TV while we are sleeping. They also use the toaster and waffles. They are only up about 45 minutes to 1 hour before i get up.

A four year old might wake up at any time during the night and go down stairs. Just try to have a safe house- dangerous items up high and not on shelves that can tip over. Since the two year old might follow the four year old, it will be a few years before you can sleep in.

Our 4 year old gets up very early. But I don't trust her with the TV yet. I even skip the previews on DVDs because I don't like her exposed to a lot of the commercial junk on there. But she has gotten addicted to "art" and will sit and color pictures for hours without supervision. So when she comes up to let us know she's awake and use the bathroom, I usually tell her who will be visiting that day, or what holiday is coming up or who is sick and needs a get-well card, etc. and she sets off to make some appropriate artwork. She only has super-safe stuff at her little activity table. Washable crayons, paper of all shapes and sizes, safety scissors, stickers, Color Wonder markers & Paper, tape, popscicle sticks, envelopes, coloring books, etc. No glue, sharp scissors, ink pens or real markers because I don't want to wake up to a mess... we keep that stuff put away for when mommy's around! I don't know if it's just her personality or just something she's gotten used to, but this really does occupy her for hours on end. Other things I've done are take books or toys out of "rotation" for a while and then set them out before I go to bed so she sees them when she wakes up and has "new" things to play with. As for the 2 year old, I think when my daughter was about 2 I would put rotating books in her bed after she fell asleep and then when she woke up she'd spend quite a bit of time browsing through them. After she switched to a big girl bed, we put a gate on the door to her room and she'd just play with toys or books until we came to get her. Hope that helps - I'm all for getting sleep when possible!!

Every child is different, and the degree to which you train them well will determine what you can let them do alone and at what age. My four year olds typically could watch a designated show or video w/o supervision, but we had a rule that they had to come to me for permission to watch a second, and if they did not obey, they lost TV privileges for the day. We usually slept in, if possible, and just left our bedroom door open to hear any major disruptions. As the kids get older, they are trained to take care of the youngers (get toast and juice, change diapers, etc.) so we could get a little extra rest. It is imperative that we teach our children to take care of each other, not just themselves. And no child should grow up thinking another will take care of him. If we allow that, we do a great disservice to them and to the community at large. As parents, we should be working our way out of a job!

SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 16 mos.

I am a mother of 3, I have a 5 1/2, 2 1/2, and a 7 month old. My 5 and 2 1/2 will often get up way before me. When they do, they come and check to see if I am awake. I hear them come in, but I keep my eyes closed. They will go back in the living room and turn on the tv to the sprout channel, or I will hear my 5 1/2 year old get pop tarts or make toast for himself and for his sister.. He will also get a cup out for both of them and get them selves water from the outside of the fridge..

My oldest is 5 and I think she's old enough and responsible enough to do it. I would be sure to lay down some rules though. No going into the kitchen and no opening the door if someone knocks on it. I could see my daughter doing that because she wouldn't want to wake us up.
I don't at all agree with letting them eat, especially the apple as a previous poster suggested. What if they choked on it? Would they be able to get upstairs to you and let you know?
I never allow my kids to eat unsupervised.
J.
Mom to 4 and soon one more through another adoption.

Since my oldest daughter was a little bit over three years old she has been able to go downstairs and watch TV. I get up with her and turn on a movie, get her some juice and dry cereal. She is happy to just watch her show. I always pick something around 30 minutes and each time the show finishes...she comes up and I start another one for her. This only happens on weekend morning for at most an hour.

I let mine roam the house as soon as they are old enough to come looking for me again if there is trouble- usually about 4 or 5 is when this starts. however, I would not trust the older one to watch the toddler even for a few minutes. toddlers are notoriously curious and can make a big mess really fast if left unsupervised. If you need time to sleep in, maybe see if you can arrange for family to take them for a Friday slumber party now and then. Or keep them up really late Friday night to see if they'll sleep in as well on Saturday.

I am a full time preschool teacher and mom of six kids ages 21 months- 13 years. and amazingly, still happily married.

My oldest has a routine if she wakes up earlier then we do. Get up go potty, get 1 apple as a prebrkfst snack, and turn on the TV in the living room quietly to watch a few cartoons. My then 2 yr old would just follow and of course come crawl to cuddle in bed anyway which she would end up catnapping with us. We would get another hr at most which for us was perfect.

So if you want to try this, get up with her when she does 1 or 2 mornings, show her how to work the remote, get her a light healthy prebrfst snack and and she should be fine for a lil bit. but Honestly at that age she will come in and ask if your getting up or whats going on. So you might not get as much sleeping in as you would like.

It all depends on your child. If you think she is mature enough to watch TV alone, test the waters and give her a chance but let her know if she needs something and she normally has you get it to wake you up. My daughter is 11 and has been doing this every once in a while for a couple years.

We let our kids watch a movie in a different room without us when they were about 4 or 5. Once we knew they weren't going to be putting everything into their mouths or climbing up on shelves or just plain trying to get into everything. You know your kids. And lets be honest, just how soundly do we mothers really sleep? If there is the slightest bit of odd noises or it's "too quiet" you are going to be running into the other room to see what's up.

C. H

She may have the tendency to watch things she shouldn't knowing that a parent is not around. Putting a DVD in and blocking channels in my families opinion is age 8 or 10 years old unsupervised.

I think I'd be putting my child at risk of getting into things that are harmful. I feel that the safety of my child is priority and I just don't think it's appropriate to have an hour or two of unsupervised time. It's just too risky in my opinion.

To be honest, many adults, let alone children, shouldn't be left totatlly unsupervised. But I definitely understand sleeping in... my kids wake up at 5AM everyday! This is what I do. I have a TV in my bedroom so on Saturdays when I wanna sleep in, I let my little people lie in bed with me. I pop in a DVD and set my alarm for 20mins. I keep the remote under my pillow and lock the bedroom door. If I need an extra 20mins, I set the alarm again. No, it's not 100% restful but I could never sleep anyway knowing my kids are running about the house. Also, you and hubby could rotate weekends on who gets to sleep in. Or let one sleep in and the other take a nap later in the day.