I have been dating my BF for approx 2yrs now. During that two years he has refused to meet my ex-husband who I have one child with. Ex husband pays child support and has never verbally or physcially hurt me or my daughter. Now that my BF and I have a child I think he would get the idea of a father wanting to know what other men will be in her life. But he still won't meet him. Isn't that a bit childish?. My ex husband was willing to meet the BF but then I opened my big mouth and told my ex that my BF had a ...anger managment issue. I had to disclose this info to the ex husband b/c he asked why he had't been introduced to him. Now my ex husband is a bit afraid of the BF...can't say I blame him. Although, BF is now reformed...so he says.
Today for the first time they were at my place picking up their kids. My BF walked in my house w/attitude b/c ex-husband was in living room waiting for his child. Then he did not even go and introduce himself. The ex husband had no idea that BF had even come in the house to get his child.
Also, my dauther has asked me why my BF wont' meet her dad. I honestly have no good answer for her at this point.
What a mess. But is it me or is my BF being a bit immature here?
I did speak w/the BF last night to clarify exactly why he had an attitude when he left my house yesterday. He said he was upset b/c me and my ex-husband were in the house with most of the lights out....I tried to explain that it was 6am in the morning and both children were asleep and I did not want to wake them. I tried explaining that I was running around the house getting ready for work(running late as usual) and that ex-husband was in the TV room the whole time. So, lights were on but only those that I needed to prepare for the day.
My BF has serious trust issues and it is not going to get better. I can see that .Thank you all for the insightful comments. I appreciate it.
Sorry, but if someone was having a lot of contact with my child, you bet I would insist on meeting them. If someone told me that person had 'anger issues' I would be that much more insistent.
I didn't set up a meeting. When my daughter's dad came to pick her up and BF happened to be there, I said to BF, "Fred, this is my daughter's dad, Barney. Barney, this is Fred." They said "Hi, nice to meet you," dad took daughter for their weekend, and life went on as usual.
Why did you have a child with the BF if he has anger management issues. It sounds like you have seen some of this with him. If it is your home you need to tell your BF and the ex will be there from time to time to pick up his child. He is expected to be respectful and not cause any issues.
You need to rethink this relationship.
Why doesn't anyone see the elephant in the room. There are so many problems here not meeting your ex is the least of them.
You date this guy who you have a child with who will not live with you, meet your ex, pretty much does not seem a part of your life or your child but you are concerned because he won't meet your ex?
How much support does the "boyfriend" pay to you for raising his child? I am only wondering because it doesn't sound like a relationship it sounds like you are both avoiding the finality of it. Just kinda wondering if he is just trying to get out of supporting his child by keeping everything informal.
Alright looked at some of your past questions. Please take the man to court and get court ordered support. You are being used, who cares if he won't meet your ex.
Very immature, I can't imagine being with a man like that, sorry :(
well personally if my BF wouldn't meet my EX there would be alot of questioning going on in my head and would see it as a red flad. Obviously the BF has a problem and needs either get over it or get out.
OK - reality check for you.
In your own words, your BF has anger management issues, has "attitude", does not respect your daughter's father. So by default, BF does not respect YOU, nor will he respect your daughter.
I speak from experience here as the child of a mother who put HERSELF and the MEN in her life first - PUT YOUR FAMILY FIRST. Your daughter will love you for life if you show her that you put her before the men in your life. If not, you can lose her - and believe me, it can happen. My bio-mother is NOT my emotional mother any longer because she put herself first consistently. That hurts.
This "man" is not acting like a man. You CANNOT change him. He is not willing to change. You WILL cause a world of hurt for yourself and your daughter if you stay with him.
Stop ignoring the reality of the situation and show BF the door.
I would tell him that my expectation is that he will be polite to my daughter's father, or he will be an "ex" as well.
PS: If you and your children are in any danger whatsoever from this BF, then I would go to a woman's shelter immediately.
Your boyfriend sounds like a twit. Is this a lasting thing? Because from reading your previous posts, it sounds like he is sometimes an ex bf and sometimes a bf. I think you both need counseling if he is to remain a bf and not an ex. Personally I wouldn't put up with someone acting like that.
Wow! Sorry. I certainly don't know you or your boyfriend or your life....but I'm gonna shoot from the hip here...
Is he being "a bit immature"? No--he's being a big baby.
He needs to grow up and realize that you had a life before you met him. You have a child who has a father (that seems like from what you've described) that wears adult sized, big boy pants.
Your BF? Not so much.
For me this would be a HUGE red flag from continuing this relationship in any way, shape or form.
It will most likely lead to parenting issues between you & your ex because this dud just can't accept the fact that he's not the only O. in your life.
Are you intending to marry this guy? I hope not.
Why are you letting your daughter get close to a man who is such a poor role model?
Now she can experience him leaving or (worse) have the rest of her life affected by choices and decisions made by a man child.
Back it up and READ what you've written.
Very immature and maybe harboring guilt? I'd ask for a good reason why all the adults in your childs life cant just get along. This will only get worse if you dont get it fixed asap.
Yes this is a mess. I wouldn't continue in a relationship with a man who was this immature. Your daughter is being very observant which is what children do. Set the example of the kind of relationship you would like to see her in. She more than likely will pattern her life after the things she learns from you by teaching and by the example you are setting.
Model what you want for her and for yourself.
It's too late now, but I think that a BF should meet the ex before he meets the kids. As a parent they have the right to know who will be around their kids before they are around their kids. Your BF is being way more than immature and you need to reevaluate who he is and if he's really reformed. If I was your ex, I'd be more than a bit concerned about my child being around someone who can be so unreasonable.
I would think it would be important for the ex to meet the man that is a big part of his child's life. Your BF needs to man up and do what is best for the child, which is meeting and being civil to the father. It is well past time for him to stop acting like a child and to start acting like a step father if this relationship is truly long term.
I'm just sorry your daughter has such a loser for a father. Why are you even with him?
Time for counseling for you and your boyfriend. I doubt it will get any better without it, K..
I hope he'll be willing to go with you...
Dawn
immature and it can't be good for you or the kids to have this stress
Your BF is being seriously immature. I also wouldn't have someone who has anger issues around my child...especially if he wouldn't meet my child's father, but that's just me.
You said that your BF came in to pick up his child while your ex was picking up his daughter. Are you not living together? If you're not living together than it wouldn't be that big of deal. But the moment things get serious and you either move in together or decide to get married, then you need to make sure the BF meets the ex...and if he doesn't, then it's a no go.
my ex met my bf a few times and my bf is not THAT involved in my daughters life yet, only been with him 10 months and he hasn't slept over or anything, and he still has limited time with my daughter, J. for her prtection, in case things end...i'd want to meet someone who was going to be arnd my child, your bf doesnt seem healthy.
