When Is It Time for Another Little One....

Updated on September 13, 2007
L.H. asks from San Antonio, TX
21 answers

I was just wondering what other mothers think when it comes to spacing out their children. I am not thinking about it right now nor in the very near future. But some moms have told me that I should start planning another. My son is only 11 months old and he is a handful so I dont see myself with another one yet. Ive heard by some moms that space them real close together and they say its ok. I would just like to hear from moms that have children spaced closely and vice versa.......

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V.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Everyone has diffrent ops' on his but mine are 18 months apart. i think that they will be closer this way because of age and stuff. However in retro spect after having a second child and more knowledge prolly would have waited an extra year. The beginings can be hard. The sleep less night, trying to cornate nap time, feedings and diapers oh my. however now both are 3 and five things are much easier now....also when kids are closer together you can go through the child proofing only once instead of twice.

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S.S.

answers from Wichita Falls on

I've found 2 1/2 years apart to be perfect. I know some people space 5 years apart to avoid daycare for two... but my spacing just kind of happened.

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J.R.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi L.,
I lacked the maturity to have my kids in my twenties, so I waited and had my first child when I had just turned 36. When he had just turned 4 months I became pregnant again, so my little ones are exactly 1 yr. and 18 days apart! It practically is like having twins...they do everything together including getting sick and I potty trained them at the same time.
I wouldn't have it any other way...they are best friends and although it is a lot of work there is never a dull moment.
Just pray for wisdom regarding when to have another one...there is never a bad time...kids are great!!!

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L.L.

answers from Killeen on

My kiddos are 15 months apart. My daughter is 4 yrs and my son is 3 yrs old. I think that having them this close is wonderful. We didn't plan them being this close, my daughter was 6 months old and my husband and I were contemplating when to have another one. We decided to let it happen if it happened. I was still nursing and didn't know how it worked if you could be prego and still nurse at the same time. Next thing I knew, I was asking the dr this question because it was happening! (And in case your wondering, you can nurse while being prego. I continued until my daughter was 10 months old. And the only reason I stopped was because she had teeth and decided to bite while she nursed!) But I love having the kids this close in age. They are constantly playing with each other. It's like having a little friend playmate over all the time! They take care of each other (my daughter is very nurturing towards her brother) and they pretty much go thru the same stages at the same time. The only draw back that we have encountered so far are having two kiddos in diapers at the same time....a tad expensive, but easier to potty train them both at the same time! I really enjoy them this close. I have one onlder brother and we are 3 yrs apart. He had his friends and I had mine, pretty much stayed away from each other. Because these guys are so close in age, they have the same friends.....all in all, I think it is a good idea. At least so far we haven't had anything come up where I thought to myself, "why did we do this?" Good luck with your decision and whether you decide to wait or go for it now....you won't regret it. Children are special and being a mom is the best gift in the world! :-)

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A.C.

answers from Amarillo on

I would just be what's comfortable for you. I have a 12 yr old and a 16mth old, soon to be 17 on the 20th of this month, and one on the way. We had thought they should be about 2 years spaced out, so I would get pregnant at about 1 yr and 3 months. I decided to just do it. Sometimes I think what have I done, will I be able to handle it? I'm sure everything will be fine for me.

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J.A.

answers from Amarillo on

My kids are 5 years apart (13 and 8) and I wouldn't have done it any other way. In fact my hubby and I are thinking about adding one more to the mix. My favorite part about having a large gap between them are

1. Each child had all the attention and nurturing of an only child, my daughter was already in all day kindergarten when I brought my son home from the hospital

2. I have been to EVERY school party, field trip, sports event, etc with each of my kids, I did not have to make them take turns having Mom present

3. My oldest was very helpful (and still is) with my younger child, she was already old enough to hold the bottle, get a diaper, mix formula, etc.

4. They don't fight over anything, they are far enough apart to have seperate interests in everything.

The only downfall I see is that we have to invite friends over, they don't have a sibling close enough in age to play with all the time, they play great together but only in things they have a common interest in (riding bikes, jumping on trampoline, PS2) but I think this would be true even if they were 1 year apart, they are just separate people with different interests.

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P.B.

answers from El Paso on

My first word of advice would be to ignore the women who are telling you to start planning another! Only you will know when you are ready- and your family will be great whether they are close in age, far apart or no more kids at all!!! There are pros and cons for all of the above, and what is a pro to one person will be a con for another person- so you just wait until you feel ready for another.

I have a friend with kids that are 6, 5, 3 and 2 and another friend who has an 8 and a 3 year old- and they are all happy, well adjusted kids and moms and families! Good luck to you!

P.

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S.V.

answers from El Paso on

Well I am almost 30yrs old and I have 4 wonderful children. I am one of those moms that have my children space closely in age. My oldest is almost daughter is almost 8yrs and my second daughter is 6yrs and my son is 5yrs and then my youngest son is 3yrs. It is nice that they are close in age so they always have someone to play with. Yes sometimes they fight like every other brother and sister does. But they like that they have someone always around to play with. They know that they are not the only child and that they always cant get everything they want. So good luck to you in your future. I hope this was a little helpful for you.

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D.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi L..
We have a 9yr old Daughter; a 6 yr old son; and a 3 yr old son. We're the kind of couple that says, "if God wants us to have another, then so be it" and we now have three amazing children all three yrs apart. They get along very well and are very big on "taking care" of each other. Our Daughter is such a "mommy", too. She'll even allow her Brothers to play with her and her friends in her room. The boys tell everyone that they are "best buds". It's so cute to just watch them together.
We didn't think about this in the beginning but came to realize that we're pretty lucky because financially, it's going to be "not so bad" when they hit highschool and alllll their activities. My two oldest are very active right now with Soccer, Football, Basketball, Baseball and Softball. It's very expensive to be involved in extracurricular activities and since they are three yrs apart, we'll have time to recoup after the first child's expenses when they reach highschool, such as sports, clubs, cars, prom(s), etc. and we'll only have to worry about one child at a time beginning college. Whew!
If you're actually going to try and plan your next pregnancy, just think of the things that are most important to you and not to those that are saying you should have another now. There are benefits to both; having them close together and spread out because either way, you and your Family will be Blessed with the sweetest Angels!!
Take Care and don't worry!!
D.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.T.

answers from Lubbock on

When to have another child is completely up to you and your husband and when you feel you are ready. One thing people always have plenty to give is advice. I had people ask me as soon as my son was born when we are going to have #2. I wanted to say, "I just gave birth to #1, what more do you want!" I am currently pregnant with #2, my kids will be 3 yrs. apart. That is what my husband and I felt comfortable with. Some people want more or less of a gap. You will know when the time is right for you. You are raising your child/children not anyone else.

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C.B.

answers from Odessa on

i think you should have another when you and your husband are ready. everyone is different. everyone has different lives. you are still young and can wait a couple of years if you want. dont' feel pressured to have one right away. i have 2 boys 20mo apart and i love it, but if we have any more we are going to wait several years. it is hard to get used to having 2 kids so close together, so if you are not ready for that, then take your time. There's no hurry! Good luck!

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R.M.

answers from Dallas on

I have three small children that are closely spaced. When my third child was born, my oldest was still two. We planned on haveing the first two close together because my brother and I were close in age and were also very close as we grew up. I wanted that for my children as well. My oldest is now 4 and her little sister is 2 and a half. I love to watch them together--they are already best friends, and I am glad that they have each other. We did not plan to have our youngest at the time that we did. He came a few years before we had planned, but he is the soft spot in my heart and the girls adore him. I wouldn't go back and change our situation for the world.

But, that being said, it can be overwhelming to deal with. I'm ashamed to admit, that there are days (not many :)) that my children watch cartoons all day long so that I can get a break! And my husband is very helpful with the kids and around the house, so that takes away a lot of stress. On the whole, I wish I did better on an everyday basis, but my kids are happy and healthy, and I would definitely do it all over again. They won't always be young and require as much of my attention as they do now.

The bottom line is that this decision is between you and your husband. When you are both ready, then you will have your next child and it's not really up to your friends to make that choice for you. Whatever you decide is what will be right for you and your family, and if you are happy with the way things are, that's all that matters.

God Bless!

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J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

My oldest two are all within years of each other. My oldest two are 11 months apart, and the middle two are 6 months apart. (We're a his, hers and ours family)

When they were little, there were times when it was frustrating. I started raising my oldest two when they were 1 and 2. I potty trained all three of them at once. Which at the time was horrible, but now that I look back, I wouldn't have done it any other way. On the other hand, they were always playing with each other. For hours on end, they would play. I could get housework done without a problem! Plus, they were all best friends (and still are). You better believe anyone messes with one of them, and they're messing with all of them.

Now, my youngest is four years younger than the third child. When she was little, the kids wanted to help with her, but then the newness wore off, and they didn't want to deal with her again until she was about 2 or so and could run around and play with them. Now she can go upstairs and play with them so it's not so bad.

I enjoy having my kids closer together. I'm finding it difficult to finish school when one is still at home at all day, expecting to be entertained. Next year, they'll all be in school.

Something just dawned on me...I'll have three teens learning to drive all within 18 months of each other...my insurance is going to sky rocket!

It's all about personal preference. There are pros and cons to each. Good Luck!

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R.F.

answers from Abilene on

My daughters are 1 year 1 week a part and they are the best of friends. They do everything together. When I started to potty train my oldest I didnt think that my youngest was quite ready but she saw sissy doing it and wanted to do it also. But its all a matter of personal opinion on how close you should have your kids. People tell me Im crazy for having them so close but I dont think so. Dont let anyone pressure you into having another one before you are ready.

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J.M.

answers from Corpus Christi on

I have two who are fairly close together - one is 8 months and one just turned 3. They are very close already...my son plays with his sister, and sings songs to calm her when she cries. My daughter's first word was Ba-ba...meaning not "bottle", but "Brother". Wonderful, to be sure, but GEESH it was hard chasing an active 2-year old while in my third trimester and right after having a baby. Even now, there are days where the two of them are nearly overwhelming.

My oldest child is 15 - an age that comes with problems of its own :) But he is old enough to change diapers, to play gently with little ones, or to cook a light meal for all of us to enjoy. There are days when his help is invaluable, and the two youngest simply idolize him.

So which is better? I don't know...which do you prefer? Do you want a helpful older sibling to watch after your "someday baby", or do you want two tiny ones to raise together? It is partially up to you...and I say "partially", because although MY plan for spacing my children was to have them all 4-5 years apart, you see what happened! When people ask you about the next baby, I would simply say, "It'll happen when it's time"...even if you decide not to have any more, this statement will be true. Good luck!

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A.C.

answers from Albuquerque on

HI,
I have two boys spaced 15 months and 3 days apart, Oh my gosh, its harder when your pregnant and have to run after a one year old. lol. I think they will be close when they get a little older, but for the moment they fight like crazy and they are only 7 1/2 months and 23 months LOL.

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D.Q.

answers from San Antonio on

I have a 5 month old boy and a 3 1/2 year old girl. For us 3 years apart was perfect! My daughter helps me with the baby so much and she just loves him. She plays with him really well and he adores her. She is big enough to entertain herself while I feed him and put him to sleep. She also big enough to understand when I ask her to wait a little while when I am tending to her brother. I would think having kids 2 or less years apart would be very difficult. At the end of the day do what you think is best for you and your family. Some Moms have more patience then others so having kids close together is no problem.

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J.P.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Well, here's my kiddo timeline.........first born - waited 4 yrs-2nd born - waited 15monts - hello #3 - 14months later another pregnancy, lost that pregnancy - waited another year then baby #4. That puts me with a 9 yr old, 4 1/2, 3 1/2, and 10 month old. I have to say that waiting has it's benefits as the oldest child is invaluable help with all of the siblings, the baby especially. Even the middle two help out with the baby. The middle two where challenging as the oldest wasn't but 4 and 5 as they were small. I wouldn't do things any differently though. I've made it through all scenarios with them and I'm still here to tell you about it. What it boils down to............it is what you are comfortable with and when you are ready. Kids adjust to their siblings whether you have them back to back or years apart. Out of my 5 pregnancies, we have 4 happy healthy and beautiful children. My husband and I couldn't be happier. Do what's right for you and everything else should fall into place. After I lost my pregnancy my husband suggested trying again rather quickly. It took me and my heart a whole year of healing before I was ready. Everything worked out great though. God is good!
Good luck to you.

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L.B.

answers from El Paso on

My children are just 19 days shy of two years apart. So far I am still enjoying this span apart, even though my son is only 1 month old!:) Growing up, my siblings and I were all two years away from the next kid and I liked it. My mom said it was always 2 in diapers but once we were out of diapers she loved it. I also haven't got my daughter potty trained yet but we are working on it. Iknow several families that have their kids 2 years apart and they all seem to enjoy it.

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C.T.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi, L..

I have a little girl who turned two in July and gave birth to a new baby in August (thus, my girls are 25 months apart.) So far, I'm happy with the spacing of my girls. My husband and I decided to have our kids two years apart b/c that way our oldest wouldn't have much memory of life as an only child. I have noticed that with other families with siblings 3 or older, there can be a lot of jealousy. At this point, my toddler has adjusted pretty well to the new baby and we're pleased with our timing. Hope this answers your question!

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K.B.

answers from El Paso on

I got pregnant with #2 when my #1 was 2 mo. Yup, they are 1 yr apart. I am not gona lie when I say it has been so exhausting. But on the other hand things get easier as time goes by. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's as if I get over the same hurdles with both of them at the same it. People always mistake them for twins. I love to think that they will always be in the same school and they'll probably have the same friends in high school. I know you'll decide what is right for your family. =]

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